Tuesday, May 24, 2011
It's a new day...and I'm starting out much less agitated. No, nothings really changed, but I have a better grip today.
So far, LOL.
Killer dance class last night, the sweat was dripping! Good weigh in this a.m, down 2.7 pounds to 239.9.
This is sort of my sticky point...I get a tiny bit under 240 and my body puts up a fight to go lower. Just going to keep up the walking, the dance class, and tracking food (tho that's been poor this week so far!) and not. freak. out. about. the. numbers.
Monday, May 23, 2011
My Monday morning started out with my partner in crisis mode over money...and I'm finding myself agitated as h*ll.
Yep, Money is a big problem right now - there isn't enough of it, car in the shop and I can't pay for it....etc, etc, etc.
In the past - this is where I ate. I ate to soothe myself, I ate to comfort myself, I ate to avoid feeling.
Feeling the feelings ..... sucks. But I'm not going to cram food into my mouth anymore to avoid it. The pain of the weight and poor health is just as bad as the temporary feelings of fear and worry....and the weight lasts a lot longer.
I'm usually a "the glass is half full" kinda gal...and it gets me through. So here's my reminder of why the glass is half full:
- I have a job, and I get a paycheck. This is a temporary event.
- I have people who love me.
- I believe in myself - I can do this.
- The sun is shining.
So - I've vented here, I've cried my tears of worry and fear, and now I'll move on. I'll get down to work and be the best employee I can and I'll focus on eating healthy food only when I'm hungry and not as a drug to avoid pain.
If you also are an emotional eater, how have YOU changed your old habits of eating to avoid or comfort yourself?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
As I gained weight...I stopped looking at my body. I avoided mirrors and pretty much looked at myself from the chest up. After losing 15-20 pounds I realized my full, round, apple-shaped belly had "fallen".
Since beginning more exercise - pretty insanely slowly I might add - I haven't noticed much decrease in weight...but the belly is "evolving". Lower belly soft, flabby...now hangs down and touches the top of my thighs.
Dead sexy let me tell you, LOL.
The whole belly button thing sliding down that I mentioned yesterday...it makes sense, but it disturbs me just the same, lol...My upper arms are looser...and flap more.
These things are not what we imagine for ourselves when we begin to change our bodies. We imagine ourselves shrinking....and not leaving flaps of loose skin and flab waving in the wind!
But you know what, I'll take them. I'll take them as badges of honor....that I'm DOING this. That I'm making changes....
This week i walked three miles, did two 90 minute dance classes, and burned 650 calories. That's the best i've done in months. I also gave myself some incentive and signed up for "Heaven Can Wait" - a charity cancer walk in my city. And all this walking the last few weeks had an amazing benefit:
My partner, who has not walked anywhere willingly by herself in the 6 years she's been here....took a mile walk this week. Her own idea, she just did it.
I inspired someone I love to get up and do something. That really rocks.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Yesterday I had a break through.... a change in thinking that I think will incredible for my journey of gaining health.
It was a day. Short staffed at work, one of the docs dropped a huge project on me and expected it would get done in a snap, LOL, I had a massage which was actually painful because I was SO. FREAKIN. TIGHT....and when I walked out of the massage...found I'd left my lights on (it'd been raining) and my car was dead on a very busy downtown street...
That kinda day.
The breakthrough came when I was finally on my way home I thought to myself: "I've had a crappy day....I could just swing into DQ for some ice cream to make myself feel better.....eh, that's not a good idea. I need to lace up the shoes and walk the dog. Even if it's only 10 minutes...I really need the stress relief".
Boom! it hit me....this is the first time in my life I chose exercise to reduce my stress WILLINGLY. yep, i'd done it before...but it was grudging. Oh man, WAS it! I was pissy and felt sorry for myself when it happened.
Until last night, I have exercised SOLELY because I "should" or "I have to exercise because I'm trying to lose weight". Exercise has not been "fun" to me...it's been another chore in a long line of chores. I started realizing when I started the bellydance 'bootcamp' class again (the kick but 45 minute "warmup" of planks, push ups, crunches followed by 45 min of hard dancing class) that it was reducing my stress....but i didn't choose to do it for that.
To willingly choose exercise is a huge breakthrough for me. HUGE. I know, the shift there is small...but it's an internal shift i didn't think would ever happen for me...especially when there's a DQ on the way home, LOL!
Today's a new day....and I'm ready to see the end of this week. Happy thursday!
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