Friday, June 24, 2011
What a long, messed up week!
Boss A of 6 bosses doesn't like something..but the other bosses keep shooting him down on his ideas for change. so he comes to lil ol' ME and says "I'd like to see YOU take some leadership and write a (my) new protocol but don't say it's from me"...in other words 'here, take this stick and hit the hornets nest for me, will ya?"
At home, we have two women on separate hormone roller coasters. I think that speaks for itself...
Teens are enough work as it is...add in one with some bipolar or what have you and you have a third kinda roller coaster I won't recommend to anyone.
Crazy busy week, and fitting that exercise in has been a pain! but, I'll make it, I thnk I only need to burn less than 300 for the weekly goal...Day three of being honest and tracking my food. Always an eye opener!!
Mr Scale is still banished. I had a moment of longing...thinking hey, why not? but I resisted. He must learn to appreciate me and show a lil love for all this work I'm doing and I'm quite sure that leaving him in the closet a while longer will reinforce that for him.
Today is a half day at work, then a 2 hour drive to another city to perform with a dance buddy, then the 2 hour drive BACK. Can't say I don't know how to rock a Friday nite!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Well, Monday's here already! Saturday I had to work part of the day, Sunday I taught a dance class...so I haven't had a full day off in over two weeks and I'm beginning to feel it.....
But, nothing to do about it but continue to march forward!
Saturday I took a 30 minute walk to ensure I met my 1390 cal burned goal....and did something foolish. I threw on my shoes and went...with no socks. Let me preface that with, I don't often wear socks normally...but always do when i walk. half way through my route....my heels started burning, but there was nothing to do but continue on as i was now across the river from my car....So i have HUGE blisters on the backs of my heels.
Lesson learned, believe me.
I had a student criticize something after class yesterday, and I noticed I'm having a hard time shaking it. when i began planning for this session, I asked the students what they were interested in - gooey, fast, etc. I chose a cut of music that wasn't fast or slow, but had components of each in it as the responses had varied wildly. Well, apparently this student had wanted slow...and didn't feel she was getting it. Normally, I would like to think that a caustic comment wouldn't affect me and I could let it roll off me. Apparently, that's not the case because I kept worrying about it all night. I went from "oh she doesn't like what we're doing...maybe the others don't either. Maybe none of them like the new class material! Maybe i shouldn't have done that. Now they won't come back in the fall when I begin teaching again..."
Truly, just negative worry and ugly self talk! over one comment. I suspect I'm tired - back to the over two weeks without a real day off - and it's been an emotional weekend - my 2nd fathers day since dad died adn my partners 1st fathers day without her dad.
I need to Let. It. Go. and not allow myself to spiral down over it - or anything else for that matter. I determine my mood, right? not the scale! Not an unhappy comment from a student! Not finances or work stress....I am in control of my mood, and I say I'm going to shrug it off and move on. right? RIGHT.
I hope. sigh.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
yesterday, I was surprised and perplexed to receive a spark trophy for achieving 250 exercise minutes. I've only gotten trophies at the end of the month - you know, consistency, blah blah blah...
then it hit me. That's because i've never achieved 250 exercise minutes in one month before! I didn't know they gave those....because I've never worked out (of if I did I didn't track it) that much.
That lead me to look at my reports....and again I say, no wonder I haven't been losing weight! More often than not, i was burning half or less than the suggested 1390...just look....
I feel like doing a palm to the forhead "doh" kinda move every time I realize I was so far off the mark. As you can see, I've been working hard to hit that 1390 burned goal a week, and I'm darn proud of it too...as a spark friend commented earlier, it takes dedicated TIME to burn those calories and time is my most precious asset...i work full time and my bellydance stuff might as well be a second full time job, a special needs kid, a relationship....it's a lot of work to add in the fitness, but I feel better and I feel proud when I do it. And maybe, just maybe, the scale will begin to show it too.
typically, it takes a week to two weeks for effort to show on the scale for me so I'm interested to see that....but the feeling better part is worth it no matter what!
I'll leave you with a phrase that I never really understood until recently. now I understand ALL TOO WELL.
HOT FLASHES. I'm sitting here, fine as can be....then boom I'm sweating and feel like I'm in an oven. As i started with...who knew? UGH!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Glad to see the end of this week! I have to work a few hours Saturday, but it will be by myself for the most part and I really don't mind.
Summer has begun - both in the weather....and the calls to work. Calls that my son is acting up again, hitting his sister, screaming....It jacks my stress level up to 10 immediately. My concern for him is overwhelming, the way he treats his sister is unacceptable...and he won't (can't?) take any responsibility for his actions at this point. If it happens in anger - he does not remember it. This is part of the psychosis they tell me, and while in some ways it's a relief to hear that there's a reason...it doesn't solve the problems.
One day at a time, sometimes one call at a time, is the only way to handle it.
Working out has been okay this week, off schedule some and I don't do well without my usual routines. I need to burn about 400 more calories by Saturday night to make my goal...I am sure i will though. Food has not been all that bad, but not all that great either. Yesterday, there was an ice cream cake for the birthdays this month in the office. I thought, wow, i haven't had dessert in forever! i will have a small piece...
made me sick as a dog. I take it to mean I'm getting away from the garbage I used to eat and now it is making me sick when I do indulge. Everyone was talking about seconds today...I won't be joining them, LOL!
I've been weighing sporadically...Down 2 pounds, up a pound. down a pound, up two pounds. I weigh to remind myself that I weigh 250 pounds, because it would be easy to conveniently 'forget'. I'm doing well at not obsessing over the numbers - allowing the number to decide if i'm having a good day or a bad day. that's been successful. I'm pleased I'm making it to the amount of calories burned a week and realize how much less exercise i was doing before that revelation a couple weeks ago.
TGIF my sparkly friends...
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