Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I have probably the biggest show of my dance career in 108 days. It's something I've worked toward for the last six years - building credibility as an instructor, dancer, and troupe director.
And I weigh almost the most I've ever weighed.
I watched a video of my performance last weekend...and the belly. Whew, the belly.
So, this a.m. I'm looking at setting a plan for A) Increasing my stamina about 100 fold and B) Creating the best, most original and entertaining peice I can.
Notice I did not say I'm going to lose the belly in 100 days. That would freakin' awesome, but incredibly unrealistic.
I can, however, build the stamina. That is reasonable. I can set a very reasonable goal of 10 pounds. That's not a lot, but considering how I've been mucking around with the same 5 pounds for months, it would be satisfying to get down 10 and STAY THERE. Most of all I can show that I really am a very talented dancer and choreographer - regardless of my weight.
I'm scared. But the choice is stay home and wait till I lose weight, or live life today. I choose today.
Monday, June 27, 2011
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
Herm Albright quotes (1876 - 1944)
I'm trying very hard to be positive....or at least calm. Saying the serenity prayer, even if it is through gritted teeth!
Car blew a tire Saturday - no $ to fix till Thursday. The "temp" tire is not holding air well and must be babied until Thursday (hopefully it will last!), there is no money and i'm having to be pretty creative to make it to Thursday's payday all the way around, and my laptop apparently died this a.m. - with all the music I need for a huge, very important to me, bellydance project on it.
I'm typically able to see the positive, the glass is half full, it will all work out ....stuff, but really? Really?
You know when everything just keeps going wrong and you begin to feel sorry for yourself? That's where I'm at. Did some eating over it this weekend that I'm not proud of...but I'm back on the plan this a.m.
One. Thing. At. A. Time.....the serenity prayer.....walking (instead of eating) to relieve my stress...and it will all come out in the wash. Whew!
Friday, June 24, 2011
What a long, messed up week!
Boss A of 6 bosses doesn't like something..but the other bosses keep shooting him down on his ideas for change. so he comes to lil ol' ME and says "I'd like to see YOU take some leadership and write a (my) new protocol but don't say it's from me"...in other words 'here, take this stick and hit the hornets nest for me, will ya?"
At home, we have two women on separate hormone roller coasters. I think that speaks for itself...
Teens are enough work as it is...add in one with some bipolar or what have you and you have a third kinda roller coaster I won't recommend to anyone.
Crazy busy week, and fitting that exercise in has been a pain! but, I'll make it, I thnk I only need to burn less than 300 for the weekly goal...Day three of being honest and tracking my food. Always an eye opener!!
Mr Scale is still banished. I had a moment of longing...thinking hey, why not? but I resisted. He must learn to appreciate me and show a lil love for all this work I'm doing and I'm quite sure that leaving him in the closet a while longer will reinforce that for him.
Today is a half day at work, then a 2 hour drive to another city to perform with a dance buddy, then the 2 hour drive BACK. Can't say I don't know how to rock a Friday nite!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Well, Monday's here already! Saturday I had to work part of the day, Sunday I taught a dance class...so I haven't had a full day off in over two weeks and I'm beginning to feel it.....
But, nothing to do about it but continue to march forward!
Saturday I took a 30 minute walk to ensure I met my 1390 cal burned goal....and did something foolish. I threw on my shoes and went...with no socks. Let me preface that with, I don't often wear socks normally...but always do when i walk. half way through my route....my heels started burning, but there was nothing to do but continue on as i was now across the river from my car....So i have HUGE blisters on the backs of my heels.
Lesson learned, believe me.
I had a student criticize something after class yesterday, and I noticed I'm having a hard time shaking it. when i began planning for this session, I asked the students what they were interested in - gooey, fast, etc. I chose a cut of music that wasn't fast or slow, but had components of each in it as the responses had varied wildly. Well, apparently this student had wanted slow...and didn't feel she was getting it. Normally, I would like to think that a caustic comment wouldn't affect me and I could let it roll off me. Apparently, that's not the case because I kept worrying about it all night. I went from "oh she doesn't like what we're doing...maybe the others don't either. Maybe none of them like the new class material! Maybe i shouldn't have done that. Now they won't come back in the fall when I begin teaching again..."
Truly, just negative worry and ugly self talk! over one comment. I suspect I'm tired - back to the over two weeks without a real day off - and it's been an emotional weekend - my 2nd fathers day since dad died adn my partners 1st fathers day without her dad.
I need to Let. It. Go. and not allow myself to spiral down over it - or anything else for that matter. I determine my mood, right? not the scale! Not an unhappy comment from a student! Not finances or work stress....I am in control of my mood, and I say I'm going to shrug it off and move on. right? RIGHT.
I hope. sigh.
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