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108 Days...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I have probably the biggest show of my dance career in 108 days. It's something I've worked toward for the last six years - building credibility as an instructor, dancer, and troupe director.

And I weigh almost the most I've ever weighed.

I watched a video of my performance last weekend...and the belly. Whew, the belly.

So, this a.m. I'm looking at setting a plan for A) Increasing my stamina about 100 fold and B) Creating the best, most original and entertaining peice I can.

Notice I did not say I'm going to lose the belly in 100 days. That would freakin' awesome, but incredibly unrealistic.

I can, however, build the stamina. That is reasonable. I can set a very reasonable goal of 10 pounds. That's not a lot, but considering how I've been mucking around with the same 5 pounds for months, it would be satisfying to get down 10 and STAY THERE. Most of all I can show that I really am a very talented dancer and choreographer - regardless of my weight.

I'm scared. But the choice is stay home and wait till I lose weight, or live life today. I choose today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 6/28/2011 1:22PM

    You can do it! Totally realistic! :) Sounds like an exciting show!

Have a BEAUTIFUL day!

emoticon

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SINABUNN 6/28/2011 9:18AM

    You can do this!!! You're going to give it everything you have and you're gonna ROCK that show! Let fear be your motivator rather than the thing that holds you back. You're talented and gutsy and amazing... and after all the time and energy and blood, sweat and tears you've put into getting to where you are, it'd be a crime to stop now. Onward and upward!!

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Sayin' the Serenity Prayer....

Monday, June 27, 2011

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Herm Albright quotes (1876 - 1944)

I'm trying very hard to be positive....or at least calm. Saying the serenity prayer, even if it is through gritted teeth!

Car blew a tire Saturday - no $ to fix till Thursday. The "temp" tire is not holding air well and must be babied until Thursday (hopefully it will last!), there is no money and i'm having to be pretty creative to make it to Thursday's payday all the way around, and my laptop apparently died this a.m. - with all the music I need for a huge, very important to me, bellydance project on it.

I'm typically able to see the positive, the glass is half full, it will all work out ....stuff, but really? Really?

You know when everything just keeps going wrong and you begin to feel sorry for yourself? That's where I'm at. Did some eating over it this weekend that I'm not proud of...but I'm back on the plan this a.m.

One. Thing. At. A. Time.....the serenity prayer.....walking (instead of eating) to relieve my stress...and it will all come out in the wash. Whew!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUFFIT 6/27/2011 9:23AM

    This too shall pass!! Moni emoticon

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JOHNMARTINMILES 6/27/2011 9:19AM

    Some people see the glass as half full.
Some people see the glass as half empty.
An engineer knows that the glass is simply too big.

Hang in there!

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Finally Friday...

Friday, June 24, 2011

What a long, messed up week!

Boss A of 6 bosses doesn't like something..but the other bosses keep shooting him down on his ideas for change. so he comes to lil ol' ME and says "I'd like to see YOU take some leadership and write a (my) new protocol but don't say it's from me"...in other words 'here, take this stick and hit the hornets nest for me, will ya?"

At home, we have two women on separate hormone roller coasters. I think that speaks for itself...

Teens are enough work as it is...add in one with some bipolar or what have you and you have a third kinda roller coaster I won't recommend to anyone.

Crazy busy week, and fitting that exercise in has been a pain! but, I'll make it, I thnk I only need to burn less than 300 for the weekly goal...Day three of being honest and tracking my food. Always an eye opener!!

Mr Scale is still banished. I had a moment of longing...thinking hey, why not? but I resisted. He must learn to appreciate me and show a lil love for all this work I'm doing and I'm quite sure that leaving him in the closet a while longer will reinforce that for him.

Today is a half day at work, then a 2 hour drive to another city to perform with a dance buddy, then the 2 hour drive BACK. Can't say I don't know how to rock a Friday nite!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRYT55 6/25/2011 4:07PM

    Good thing the week is over.....I hope dancing last night helped to release some of the week's tension.

Good for you for resisting the scale!

I hope you can relax a bit this weekend..........I'm hoping that the teenagers and raging hormones (who ever they belong to) take a break so you can too!

Take care

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SINABUNN 6/24/2011 10:00AM

    Great thing about this week is that it's OVER! emoticon What I love is that you have all these stressors sitting on your shoulder... work issues, hormone issues, time issues, kid issues... all these handy-dandy excuses and not once did you use them to justify any kind of negativity. You still said "I'LL MAKE IT" and you're focused on taking this bull by the horns. emoticon Keep it up, kid!!!

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Mr. Scale is Banished

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

So...yesterday I commented on how I've been revving up the exercise minutes and I was hoping that soon the scales would begin to reflect that.

Nope. I stepped on before i got into my shower....and it was up 4 pounds.

I promptly burst into tears. My emotions have been all over the place, feelings hurt at absolutely nothing...and later in the day I realized this is probably a result of those menopausal hormone shifts. It could be the weight issue is connected or not, who knows.

what I do know is that if I'm working as hard as I am and the scales is going the wrong way? I'm not getting on them for awhile. I'm doing this for so many reasons - not just the weight. I want to live a long, healthy life, i want to be able to dance longer and better....I want to be here for my kids and grandkids in an active happy life.

Mr Scales can just go back in the closet for awhile. I spent yesterday on an emotional roller coaster - not only due to the scales, I just felt blue and whiny and frankly sorry for myself. I had a starbucks - first one in three weeks - and I didn't walk (truthfully because of the blisters from Saturday, LOL). I had my day of "vacation" from health pursuit...

And today I'm back on the plan. And part of the current plan is no weighing for a few weeks, maybe not for a month.

What do YOU do when you are working hard and the scales isn't cooperating? Enquiring minds wanna know!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRYT55 6/21/2011 7:45PM

    I weigh everyday and am sometimes so disappointed but I move forward knowing I am doing my best and that everything can't be measured what I weigh. I feel so much better all the time. I move more easily. I walk farther. My clothes fit better. I feel like I look better.......so on the days when Mr. Scale isn't giving me the number I want I look at all the other positive changes I've made.

I wonder if the moon was in a weird phase or something yesterday. Even with my daughters and grand-kids here I was still teary for most of the day.

Keep that scale in the closet for a while and keep doing your best!

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MRSLEENY 6/21/2011 1:06PM

    I so understand that darn scale! Last Friday, I got on my scale before my shower. I was going to weigh in at Weight Watchers and thought, I had lost at least 2lbs. OMG, I gained what looked like 2lbs! Talk about a meltdown. I had hiked hours and felt sooo good, I couldn't believe I gained! I made myself go to WW and weigh in and it was up .2. OK, much better than my scale, but the waterworks had started again and my poor leader got the brunt of it. It is funny now, but then I was whining and crying and saying it's not working, blah, blah. I calmed down enough to sit through the meeting and promised I would stay on track and keep going back.

I had eaten out a lot that week and still thought all my walking etc was going to help me drop the weight. I think all I did was call it even.

The next day I was much better and back on track. A good cry is good every now and then!! I think we women are sometimes too hard on ourselves. We need to take a breath and realize that we are not in a race and to just keep living a healthy lifestyle, track what we eat and the weight will come off. I need to track every day and if I look even 7 days ahead, I seem to lose all focus.

Good luck, you are doing great!!

Carlene

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IRISHBEANERGAL 6/21/2011 12:30PM

    When the scale doesn't move - and mine didn't for over 7 weeks, you grit your teeth and stick it out. Sure, I whined... A LOT. I thought about quitting. I cried because I wasn't going to get to my "Onederland" goal by my son's high school graduation. It COMPLETELY SUCKED.

BUT...

I stuck with it anyway. And I learned that I am a strong woman. And a healthy one too. A woman with determination in her heart and the spirit to move past the naysayers and the obstacles placed in my path. And I learned to reach out to everyone and anyone who would listen to me whine. And guess what? Most everyone on this site stood by me and listened... and kicked me in gear... I found new ways to measure my success besides the stupid scale. And eventually the stupid plateau passed.

Hang in there - post some new pictures... look for visual cues of your success. Have a friend take some silly pictures of you doing the things you CAN do that you couldn't do before. Take measurements. Have people hug you and let you know they can put their arms around you better now (and besides hugs feel good).

Keep moving forward - do WHATEVER it takes - and NEVER quit!

~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

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1HELPLESSMOM 6/21/2011 9:01AM

    The scale is only one measure of your efforts. It is nice to see the scale go down. But it has been my experience that I go up and down all the time. I use to be one of those people who would get on the scale before and after I ate, after going to the bathroom, after drinking a beverage just to see how much or little I lost or gained. It was ruling my life.

I only weigh myself once a week on Sundays. I judge my success or failures by how my clothes fit or if I have more energy. We have to look other places for results of our efforts. The scale is only one aspect.

You can do this. It could be just the hormonal things going on. I wish you well. Forget about the scale.

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Monday check in

Monday, June 20, 2011

Well, Monday's here already! Saturday I had to work part of the day, Sunday I taught a dance class...so I haven't had a full day off in over two weeks and I'm beginning to feel it.....

But, nothing to do about it but continue to march forward!

Saturday I took a 30 minute walk to ensure I met my 1390 cal burned goal....and did something foolish. I threw on my shoes and went...with no socks. Let me preface that with, I don't often wear socks normally...but always do when i walk. half way through my route....my heels started burning, but there was nothing to do but continue on as i was now across the river from my car....So i have HUGE blisters on the backs of my heels.

DOH.

Lesson learned, believe me.

I had a student criticize something after class yesterday, and I noticed I'm having a hard time shaking it. when i began planning for this session, I asked the students what they were interested in - gooey, fast, etc. I chose a cut of music that wasn't fast or slow, but had components of each in it as the responses had varied wildly. Well, apparently this student had wanted slow...and didn't feel she was getting it. Normally, I would like to think that a caustic comment wouldn't affect me and I could let it roll off me. Apparently, that's not the case because I kept worrying about it all night. I went from "oh she doesn't like what we're doing...maybe the others don't either. Maybe none of them like the new class material! Maybe i shouldn't have done that. Now they won't come back in the fall when I begin teaching again..."

Truly, just negative worry and ugly self talk! over one comment. I suspect I'm tired - back to the over two weeks without a real day off - and it's been an emotional weekend - my 2nd fathers day since dad died adn my partners 1st fathers day without her dad.

I need to Let. It. Go. and not allow myself to spiral down over it - or anything else for that matter. I determine my mood, right? not the scale! Not an unhappy comment from a student! Not finances or work stress....I am in control of my mood, and I say I'm going to shrug it off and move on. right? RIGHT.

I hope. sigh.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEGENNAN 6/20/2011 11:59AM

    emoticon awww cheer up! it was one careless comment by the student and I am sure that she didn't mean it that way, and that all the other students love your class. My father died when I was young so I know how hard Father's Day can be in that case - it's great that you and your partner have each other on days like that. Hang in there! AND DON'T FORGET YOUR SOCKS! If your feet are miserable, it's hard to think of anything else. I hope that doesn't put you off your daily walking goals. You are doing *GREAT* so hang in there! emoticon

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