Sunday, July 10, 2011
A picture is worth a thousand words, eh? Yep...that's me, first on the right.
That pic was taken in April. It's the event I danced at - and cried when I watched the video because I was sooooo big.
At another time, I would have buried that pic and it would not have EVER seen the light of day. But...not facing those pictures doesn't help me.
What do I see in that pic, when I look at myself? Well, for one, I see the belly. Then I see the age that's crept up on me. But then, I see a woman who is moving and shaking (it), literally, LOL. I'm not hiding in my room till I "lose the weight" - I'm living life while I'm working on it.
yesterday i got suckered into helping someone...long story, I felt taken advantage of and at first I felt angry...then I decided to turn it around: What I got was a four-hour workout moving about 30 heavy containers, setting up a tent and getting this woman's vending stuff set up for a festival. Yeah, the way it happened was not cool...but hey, I got a WORKOUT out of it, LOL.
Now, I'm going to sign off...put on my shoes and hit the trail...and see if I can repeat my running efforts of Friday...
Thursday, July 07, 2011
until my big dance event. yep, just typing that makes me wanna get up and run around the block, LOL, to do what I can before that date....
This week has been completely messed up schedule wise...and the heat has made it more difficult for me to slip in extra or replacement exercise - especially my walking. Must work on being more creative about that.
Realized this a.m. my alarm clock got set incorrectly somewhere along the line. My mornings have felt rushed and I really HATE that, which is why I set that clock a lil ahead...except it's back at the "right" time .... I'll be fixing that tonight!
Goals so far:
Tracking - YES!
Exercise - UGH, not getting there! must fix that TODAY.
Water - yes and no, consistency needed.
Dance - Back to that schedule thing....
My mood, however, is better today...and that's pretty freaking great after a week of pushing through feeling blue.
A new day - another day to work on my health, build good relationships, and work toward goals! Yee haw - let's do it!
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
4th of July went far, far better than I could have hoped...yes, I had some moments of anxiety - but I didn't eat my weight in food and I built relationship with people who are important to my spouse.
Yesterday however I was dog tired...I'm not used to staying up that late, LOL.
Even tho the holiday went well, I continue to feel my emotions rolling. Maybe that is just the way it is for right now...and it's all good. Not eating my way through them is the goal and I'm doing okay at that. Yesterday, I wanted sugar in the worst way...dessert or candy. I reminded myself I had some of that over the weekend....and that eating dessert whenever I wanted it is part of what got me in this position!
Sometimes i feel like i'm talking to a child - "it's not really good for you to have dessert every day...." LOL.
Yesterday I got my minimum exercise in, tracked all my food, went over by less than 200 calories (and that my friends is a success!), and today is a new day. Right? right!
Monday, July 04, 2011
Mmmm. This weekend has been out of routine, and I do much better with routine. All in all tho, I won't complain.
Today is a BBQ at a friend of my partners....A Social Event.
I'm an introvert. I have a few close friends. Crowds make me extremely uncomfortable. Going to new people's houses is more ofa stressor to me than a pleasant diversion. In the past...I either sat in a corner and quietly "ate" my feelings or didn't go at all. This is important to Jodie and I happily agreed to go - She's had a hard time making friends, and it's finally happening. That's awesome and I support it 100%!
But I can feel the anxiety niggling. 14 years of being married to an alcoholic husband where every single party, BBQ, you name it resulted in him being wasted - really wasted - ending up in arguments (ever argue with a drunk? You can't, but they often don't want to stop...), trying to get the keys away from him....
Nope, Jodie is not my exhusband. That won't happen. But wow, am I realizing how much those events shaped me today. Instead of being happy about going, I'm dreading it...even tho these are completely different people! I have post-traumatic stress disorder...but I didn't even realize this was a trigger till this a.m. when I woke up with a knot in my stomach over it from dreaming about the not-so-good-old-days.
I will go. I will not eat my weight in food or hide in the corner. I will work on building relationship with people who are important to my spouse. I will make sure I have a large bottle of water and every time I feel that urge to cram food in my mouth to cover my nerves...I'll take a sip.
I can do this...I can do this without binging and without being afraid of what might happen.
I'll let ya know how that works out...
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