Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Well, I'll get the sad news out of the way: My daughter's pregnancy wasn't viable. The second blood test was right on - her hormone levels were doubling appropriately...but then she began spotting. She ended up in ER, where they told her she had made it to about 6 weeks, but for whatever reason, it wasn't a viable pregnancy and she miscarried. We're all pretty bummed, but recognize this is extremely common and there is plenty of hope for the future for them to conceive and someday, I will be a grandma!
Very uncharacterstically, it is pouring rain and blowing winds AGAIN this a.m. I live in Central Oregon, where we usually have 300+ days of sunshine, are considered a "high desert" terrain with no humidity and not much rain....but this year it has rained 10x more than I've ever seen it! That means no run for me, but I have 4 dance routines to practice so that will get the heart rate up this a.m.!
I joined the 5k spark team for walk/joggers, and I'm excited about doing the program! Today was my start....but perhaps this evening will work out. I don't imagine it will all blow off and be hot, which is what I can't take more than anything...so tonight if it isn't pouring...I'll be starting!
I'm 89 days from my big dance event...and I dont' seem to be going anywhere weight wise. The same 2 pounds keep going up, and down, and up and down. I'm quite sure I need more cardio...and time/weather and other constraints keep that from happening.
Keeping momentum when I'm not losing weight is a hard one for me. I remind myself, it's so not all about the weight. But the weight is there, in my face, and I get so frustrated! Why is it my coworker can give up lattes and add a 10 minute walk to her day, and literally drop 10 pounds in two weeks..when I work on my food, exercise, all that...and the same 2 pounds keep cycling?
I'm just complaining. Whining. This is my place to let out those feelings as well as talk myself back up into keepin' on keepin' on. "They" always say "small changes add up"....I'm not so sure that is true for everyone and I'm becoming really sure it might not apply to me. For whatever reason, I think I need to make more effort than small changes. I say this after months of "small changes" that are not adding up to weight loss. I gave up my daily coffee and muffin habit and added a lot more than 10 minutes to my days and nothing! Just a true reminder, we are not all the same.
I've had lab work...I know I'm in the mysterious "syndrome X" where i'm insulin resistant, I know I'm in perimenopause, I know that losing weight has never been easy for me and it's not going to magically start getting easy. I MUST keep a positive mindset...and hone in on my goals and strive to reach them daily.
I'm sorta rambly this a.m., aye? LOL. Happy Tuesday Folks....I'm off to get a dance sweat going!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Saturday a.m., I jumped out of bed and finished a cake for my friend...her family is expecting a new baby and they were having a huge BBQ Baby Shower and had asked me for a cake...I'd spent the better part of three evenings on it, so I only had a bit to finish. Happy with the results!
After the cake, I whipped out a couple dozen cupcakes...and we delivered them as we headed out of town. We hadn't had time away (that didn't involve some kind of committment) in a LONG time. While money wasn't exactly plentiful, we did it cheap and had a GREAT time! We went to a HUGE mall a couple hours away. On the way there, we stopped at a cake baker's dream - a store devoted to cake, cupcakes and candy...things I've read about but never seen, fancy ingredients you can NOT get here...it was awesome! Then we hit our favorite craft store, Craft Warehouse. In our town, there is a Michaels and a Jo-Anns....and that is it. So Craft Warehouse is our mecca, LOL. Then on to our hotel (we did a very cheap "secret deal" on Travelocity, something we do frequently and usually works out great). We were a little disappointed to see a very TINY room with a very hard bed, LOL. But...at $46 you can't expect much! Usually, we spend around $60 and have had very nice rooms in other locations. We needed cheap...and it was and that's all that counts! The bed, however, did just about kill me LOL. Then we traipsed over to the mall....and walked for 4 hours straight.
I wore "sensible" walking shoes...but I'm telling you, by the time we dragged ourselves to the car...my feet, my back, everything was achin'! We picked up a couple trivial things for the kids, our goal wasn't really to shop, just to go somewhere new and have fun. The next day, I could hardly crawl out of bed I hurt so bad and Jodie wasn't in much better shape. We hit two really large thrift stores...had lunch and came home.
What I noticed about this weekend was this: I made so much better choices than in the past.
Usually, a car trip meant we loaded up on snacks and goodies on the way out of town. Then...we stop for a potty break and would get a few more snacks or a "treat" (like we needed one!). At the mall, we would eat all the things we can't get at home. Then we'd have a meal...likely followed by a dessert. Going home would mean more snacks or at least candy.
It is a surprise then I weigh 250 pounds?
This time, we didn't do that. We ate breakfast before we left and didn't take any snacks. At our usual stop for the bathrooms, just got a diet soda. At the mall, we shared a pretzel and skipped everything else. No dessert. We drove past the Krispy Kreme...even tho the light was on! We had one nice meal, fajitas at Chevy's and we shared a small fried ice cream dessert there. On the way home...no chips...no candy...no treats.
As a result, I don't feel hung over from a weekend of sugar or guilty - which is very nice!
My daughter's blood test result on Friday was this: Positive for pregnancy, BUT the HcG levels were lower than expected. This could mean she is not as many weeks along as she suspected, she naturally has lower than "normal" HcG levels when pregnant, or the pregnancy isn't going to "stick". She was to go back in on Sunday for another blood draw to see if her levels are increasing appropriately and will hear about that today. She was pretty upset when she called me Friday...and I said you know what? We are not all the same Mary. Yep, out of 100 women, 98 will have their hormone levels fall "within normal limits", one will have higher than "normal" levels and one will have lower. Perphaps you are that lower result. If it doesn't "stick" - at least you know you are capable of getting pregnant at all, and that is a huge thing! Some women can't even get pregnant at all. Be happy you have a positive result...you are pregnant! Worry, stress and fear aren't going to help you...so be happy and look forward. Get your blood drawn sunday and let's see where this goes... and she perked up. Needless to say, I have my own worry for her - your kid is always your kid no matter how old they are, LOL.
Okay..time to get off here! No run today, it's raining and I'm not that much of a glutton for punishment - but I told myself I have to do SOMETHING this a.m., so I'm going to hit a workout DVD. Happy Monday!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I woke up this a.m. and before I'd even hit the alarm I thought "today is my run/walk day".
By the time I had crawled out and made coffee...the excuses were begining to roll through my head:
I'm stiff and sore from last night's dance practice.
I don't have time - I shouldn't try to do this stuff on weekdays.
It's just too hard.
I hate how out of shape and fat I feel when I do it.
I really just want to sit here and look on the computer.
It's sort of overcast...maybe it's cold outside.
Maybe it's not really cold...maybe it's muggy outside and you know you hate to be too hot....
I don't think I have any clean socks.
I really just don't wanna get dressed, get in the car, drive over there...what a hassle.
No one will know....you can do it TOMORROW!
Wow, I didn't wanna do it. It was an internal WAR raging...every excuse had a rebuttal of course...but I didn't gain 100+ pounds by being reasonable or doing what I didn't want to do, now did I? So obviously, I'm pretty accomplished at talking myself out of working out. Believe me, I am.
The thing that got me off my butt, shoes on and headed to the car? I said to myself: Last night, you couldn't paint your toenails because your belly was too big to reach them. That did it. Not being able to do a simple self-care thing like care for my feet because my belly is too big and in the way?
I got up and off I went. I noticed I could jog further this time...two lamp posts at a time instead of one, maybe one and a half. When I walked, I walked hard - even threw in a tiny bit of race walking - and when I jogged, I tried to go a little more than I've gone before....
and I shaved 2 minutes off my best time. That's an 18 minute mile versus a 24 minute mile. To me, that is absolutely freakin' HUGE.
Nope, it's not all fixed. I am well aware that Thursday a.m....the same bitchin' and moaning is likely to go right through my head...the same war will be waged. But for today, I did it and I'm proud of it.
Monday, July 11, 2011
My weekend was exhausting, so I'm rather relieved to see Monday roll around!
I'm continuing the walk/jog thing....aiming for 3-4 days a week. I'm so tired this a.m, I was thankful today was not lined up to be one of those days! I did it yesterday...and had the same time as Friday - 1.27 miles in 25 minutes, 5 minutes less than it takes me to walk it. I thought about trying to set a goal for time, etc, but decided that right now....doing the walk/jog thing 3 x a week is a pretty big goal for me as it is! I have a habit of making things harder than they need to be...so perhaps just leaving that alone is a good thing!
I fell prey to unrealistic expectations this a.m. I had a good weekend with a LOT of exercise...my calories were in range .... so I got cocky and stepped on the scale. Friday had shown a 3 pound loss and tho I knew better, I thought, gee maybe I've lost more!
I know better than to weigh too often...but I did it....and....
Um no. The scale had gone back up those three pounds. I am quite sure I have not gained three pounds, LOL, more like I just know that I need to weigh 1x a week OR LESS...because my weight fluctuates incredibly on a day to day basis. I know that....so why did I do it?
Unrealistic expectations! Expecting big change overnight...and I know that's not going to happen!
This week's goals:
1) Walk/jog 2 more times
2) 1400 cal burned
4) Track my food
All reasonable, do-able goals. How do you handle unrealistic expectations? Enquiring minds want to know....
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