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Tuesday Check In

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Well, I'll get the sad news out of the way: My daughter's pregnancy wasn't viable. The second blood test was right on - her hormone levels were doubling appropriately...but then she began spotting. She ended up in ER, where they told her she had made it to about 6 weeks, but for whatever reason, it wasn't a viable pregnancy and she miscarried. We're all pretty bummed, but recognize this is extremely common and there is plenty of hope for the future for them to conceive and someday, I will be a grandma!

Very uncharacterstically, it is pouring rain and blowing winds AGAIN this a.m. I live in Central Oregon, where we usually have 300+ days of sunshine, are considered a "high desert" terrain with no humidity and not much rain....but this year it has rained 10x more than I've ever seen it! That means no run for me, but I have 4 dance routines to practice so that will get the heart rate up this a.m.!

I joined the 5k spark team for walk/joggers, and I'm excited about doing the program! Today was my start....but perhaps this evening will work out. I don't imagine it will all blow off and be hot, which is what I can't take more than tonight if it isn't pouring...I'll be starting!

I'm 89 days from my big dance event...and I dont' seem to be going anywhere weight wise. The same 2 pounds keep going up, and down, and up and down. I'm quite sure I need more cardio...and time/weather and other constraints keep that from happening.

Keeping momentum when I'm not losing weight is a hard one for me. I remind myself, it's so not all about the weight. But the weight is there, in my face, and I get so frustrated! Why is it my coworker can give up lattes and add a 10 minute walk to her day, and literally drop 10 pounds in two weeks..when I work on my food, exercise, all that...and the same 2 pounds keep cycling?

I'm just complaining. Whining. This is my place to let out those feelings as well as talk myself back up into keepin' on keepin' on. "They" always say "small changes add up"....I'm not so sure that is true for everyone and I'm becoming really sure it might not apply to me. For whatever reason, I think I need to make more effort than small changes. I say this after months of "small changes" that are not adding up to weight loss. I gave up my daily coffee and muffin habit and added a lot more than 10 minutes to my days and nothing! Just a true reminder, we are not all the same.

I've had lab work...I know I'm in the mysterious "syndrome X" where i'm insulin resistant, I know I'm in perimenopause, I know that losing weight has never been easy for me and it's not going to magically start getting easy. I MUST keep a positive mindset...and hone in on my goals and strive to reach them daily.

I'm sorta rambly this a.m., aye? LOL. Happy Tuesday Folks....I'm off to get a dance sweat going!

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HAPPY_HANK 7/20/2011 10:18AM


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SINABUNN 7/19/2011 5:24PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! I know it's got to be hard for all of you. I'll be praying. (I'll throw in a little addendum for happier weather as well.)

Now that you're a pro at the small changes, it'll be that much easier to aim a little higher. Maybe 20 minutes a day instead of 10... shoot, go for 30, even if it's broken up. Look how far you've come already! If 10 minutes was a small change from where you were, just think of another 10 as a small change from where you *are now*. It's slow going, but you're so on the right track! I know you'll get there!!!!!

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DEGENNAN 7/19/2011 11:03AM

    Hang in there! It sounds like you are doing everything right. It sounds like you know that just a leeetle more cardio will help you jump start that weight loss that you want and need to be healthier. So if it's not lightning and thundering tonight, I really think you should try to get out there for the first day of your walk/jog plan.

The thing with bad weather and early mornings and workouts after long days of work is, once you're actually OUT THERE and finally DOING IT, it's not so bad. It's just the forcing yourself to GO that is hard. So tell yourself that you will not melt. Tell yourself that you want to do a 5k sometime. Tell yourself that your big dance event is only 89 days away.

You CAN run in the rain. You can do it! It will give you time to think about your daughter and about you. I promise you that you will feel better afterward. Take the time out for you. You will feel so hardcore out there walking and jogging when less hardy souls are stuck inside. And you will feel like a million bucks when you are done. You'll go to bed knowing you took this important step with your new 5k team.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MINIDRIVER63 7/19/2011 10:58AM

    Hugs to your daughter. I have several friends in similar situations, and it's so painful, emotionally and physically.

As to your frustration, I hear ya! My lack of weight loss can be squarely blamed on my lousy eating habits, but perimenopause is definitely playing a part.

Living well is a goal in and of itself, and brings its own satisfactions, apart from weight loss.

You are doing terrific!

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A Good Weekend

Monday, July 18, 2011

Saturday a.m., I jumped out of bed and finished a cake for my friend...her family is expecting a new baby and they were having a huge BBQ Baby Shower and had asked me for a cake...I'd spent the better part of three evenings on it, so I only had a bit to finish. Happy with the results!

After the cake, I whipped out a couple dozen cupcakes...and we delivered them as we headed out of town. We hadn't had time away (that didn't involve some kind of committment) in a LONG time. While money wasn't exactly plentiful, we did it cheap and had a GREAT time! We went to a HUGE mall a couple hours away. On the way there, we stopped at a cake baker's dream - a store devoted to cake, cupcakes and candy...things I've read about but never seen, fancy ingredients you can NOT get was awesome! Then we hit our favorite craft store, Craft Warehouse. In our town, there is a Michaels and a Jo-Anns....and that is it. So Craft Warehouse is our mecca, LOL. Then on to our hotel (we did a very cheap "secret deal" on Travelocity, something we do frequently and usually works out great). We were a little disappointed to see a very TINY room with a very hard bed, LOL. $46 you can't expect much! Usually, we spend around $60 and have had very nice rooms in other locations. We needed cheap...and it was and that's all that counts! The bed, however, did just about kill me LOL. Then we traipsed over to the mall....and walked for 4 hours straight.

I wore "sensible" walking shoes...but I'm telling you, by the time we dragged ourselves to the feet, my back, everything was achin'! We picked up a couple trivial things for the kids, our goal wasn't really to shop, just to go somewhere new and have fun. The next day, I could hardly crawl out of bed I hurt so bad and Jodie wasn't in much better shape. We hit two really large thrift stores...had lunch and came home.

What I noticed about this weekend was this: I made so much better choices than in the past.

Usually, a car trip meant we loaded up on snacks and goodies on the way out of town. Then...we stop for a potty break and would get a few more snacks or a "treat" (like we needed one!). At the mall, we would eat all the things we can't get at home. Then we'd have a meal...likely followed by a dessert. Going home would mean more snacks or at least candy.

It is a surprise then I weigh 250 pounds?

This time, we didn't do that. We ate breakfast before we left and didn't take any snacks. At our usual stop for the bathrooms, just got a diet soda. At the mall, we shared a pretzel and skipped everything else. No dessert. We drove past the Krispy Kreme...even tho the light was on! We had one nice meal, fajitas at Chevy's and we shared a small fried ice cream dessert there. On the way treats.

As a result, I don't feel hung over from a weekend of sugar or guilty - which is very nice!

My daughter's blood test result on Friday was this: Positive for pregnancy, BUT the HcG levels were lower than expected. This could mean she is not as many weeks along as she suspected, she naturally has lower than "normal" HcG levels when pregnant, or the pregnancy isn't going to "stick". She was to go back in on Sunday for another blood draw to see if her levels are increasing appropriately and will hear about that today. She was pretty upset when she called me Friday...and I said you know what? We are not all the same Mary. Yep, out of 100 women, 98 will have their hormone levels fall "within normal limits", one will have higher than "normal" levels and one will have lower. Perphaps you are that lower result. If it doesn't "stick" - at least you know you are capable of getting pregnant at all, and that is a huge thing! Some women can't even get pregnant at all. Be happy you have a positive are pregnant! Worry, stress and fear aren't going to help be happy and look forward. Get your blood drawn sunday and let's see where this goes... and she perked up. Needless to say, I have my own worry for her - your kid is always your kid no matter how old they are, LOL.

Okay..time to get off here! No run today, it's raining and I'm not that much of a glutton for punishment - but I told myself I have to do SOMETHING this a.m., so I'm going to hit a workout DVD. Happy Monday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SINABUNN 7/19/2011 5:16PM

    Great job on the roadtrip!!!! Why is it that those choices are so much harder to make when we're away from home? You did mahhhhhvelously! emoticon

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DEGENNAN 7/18/2011 11:54AM

    Congratulations on the healthy trip this weekend. I struggle with the urge to "treat" myself during road-trips every time I take one, and I take a lot of them between work, visiting my family, and sports. I KNOW how hard it is to resist stocking up on goodies before the drive, grabbing something at potty breaks, and going bananas in the mall food courts and restaurants. You deserve a medal for doing so well this weekend!!! I hope you feel super proud of yourself. Hope the workout DVD goes well today and that the rain clears up for a little jogging and walking outside tomorrow emoticon

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MINIDRIVER63 7/18/2011 10:54AM

    Awesome Poohcake!

I'm so glad to see you healthy and happy. Best wishes for your daughter's positive.

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HAPPY_HANK 7/18/2011 10:37AM


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1HELPLESSMOM 7/18/2011 9:47AM

    Sounds like you had a great time this weekend. It's doesn't always matter how much money you spend on a get away weekend. It is the company and the enjoyment you get.

I say my prayers for your daughter and pray all goes well.

Have a happy and healthy week.

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Roller Coaster Ride...

Friday, July 15, 2011

I'm so tired it's not funny. Sleep has been elusive and looking back on the last two weeks, I've not been too faithful to my vit D supplement (i'm chronically low and it really tends to affect my energy levels).

Doh. I have them...why don't I TAKE them?

I got 2 out of 3 planned workouts in this week. Yesterday's workout went to the wind for a coworkers birthday cake I got up a 4:30 a.m. to whip out:

This is not my best work - note the off center medallion, LOL - but I repeat 4:30 a.m. That says it all.

My 25 year old daughter sprung the news she'd had a positive pregnancy test and we got all excited.....then she went to her (prescheduled before she thought she was pregnant) yearly exam yesterday and they called her back and said their urine test was negative. She went back in for a blood test and we're waiting with bated breath....she did take 2 tests at home and they both came out positive so we're a little confused...but it will be what it will be. It will be disappointing for me if the blood test reveals she is not pregnant cuz I'm VERY ready to get my Grandma on! But I'm truly concerned how SHE will take it if she's not. She has been wanting a baby for quite a while...I know that whatever is the right thing is what is happening and I trust the Universe knows what it's doing.

But I'm still holding my breath....

Weigh in: No change. Sort of irritating considering I had a pretty good week all things considered. But, other successes include I was able to jog the farthest ever, I made 2 out of 3 runs, I ate plenty of fresh and tasty fruits and veggies this week.

TGIF Bay-Bee.....boy am I ready for the weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRYT55 7/17/2011 11:34PM

    I think your cake is lovely!

I'm sending positive thoughts your daughter's way......yours too. I so hope the blood test is positive. False positives are pretty rare or so I've heard....... When will the results of the blood test be in? Being a grand-ma is the best!

Congrats on your jogging.....


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TRY2KEEPGOING 7/15/2011 8:49PM

    You may not have considered the cake perfect but I think it is beautiful. You are really talented!

You are running???? Another acheivement!!!!

I hope your daughter is pregnant. Grandmahood is wonderful. Let's hope it is meant to be. Keep us posted!

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DEGENNAN 7/15/2011 1:16PM

    Man, your accomplishments should far outweigh your disappointment on the scale. You didn't gain any weight and that is also an accomplishment. What's more, you ran TWICE!!!! You are getting further every time you run! And you are doing well with your freggies. Now if you can just remember to take your Vitamin D, you'll be golden emoticon

I was totally admiring that cake until you pointed out the off-center medallion. It's hardly noticeable, at least not in a pic. That looks amazing. One of my coworkers bakes and brings in cupcakes and cookies and things, but never anything that fancy looking! I thought we had it good (or as the case may be for my diet, bad) but you really know how to spoil your coworkers emoticon

What are your workout plans for this fine weekend? I hope you're getting good weather where you live. It is going to be sunny here and I plan to be on the water today, tomorrow and Sunday. And hopefully squeeze in a run tomorrow or Sunday, too. Try to run early in the morning if you don't want to get too hot. That's my best time of day, because later in the day it's just too easy to find excuses (because of course I have to do A, B and C). Hope to log onto SP later this weekend or Monday and read about your latest Adventures in Jogging emoticon

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FANORONHA_14 7/15/2011 10:32AM

    You are emoticonYou are emoticon
Life is Good!
Good health is the Greatest wealth!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

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But I don't wanna.....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I woke up this a.m. and before I'd even hit the alarm I thought "today is my run/walk day".

By the time I had crawled out and made coffee...the excuses were begining to roll through my head:

I'm stiff and sore from last night's dance practice.
I don't have time - I shouldn't try to do this stuff on weekdays.
It's just too hard.
I hate how out of shape and fat I feel when I do it.
I really just want to sit here and look on the computer.
It's sort of overcast...maybe it's cold outside.
Maybe it's not really cold...maybe it's muggy outside and you know you hate to be too hot....
I don't think I have any clean socks.
I really just don't wanna get dressed, get in the car, drive over there...what a hassle.
No one will can do it TOMORROW!

Wow, I didn't wanna do it. It was an internal WAR raging...every excuse had a rebuttal of course...but I didn't gain 100+ pounds by being reasonable or doing what I didn't want to do, now did I? So obviously, I'm pretty accomplished at talking myself out of working out. Believe me, I am.

The thing that got me off my butt, shoes on and headed to the car? I said to myself: Last night, you couldn't paint your toenails because your belly was too big to reach them. That did it. Not being able to do a simple self-care thing like care for my feet because my belly is too big and in the way?

I got up and off I went. I noticed I could jog further this time...two lamp posts at a time instead of one, maybe one and a half. When I walked, I walked hard - even threw in a tiny bit of race walking - and when I jogged, I tried to go a little more than I've gone before....

and I shaved 2 minutes off my best time. That's an 18 minute mile versus a 24 minute mile. To me, that is absolutely freakin' HUGE.

Nope, it's not all fixed. I am well aware that Thursday a.m....the same bitchin' and moaning is likely to go right through my head...the same war will be waged. But for today, I did it and I'm proud of it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRYT55 7/17/2011 11:29PM

    I love to read a blog like this as I'm on my way to've sent me off to dreamland with a smile on my face.

Most mornings I have exactly the same talk with myself.....lots of excuses!

Congrats on your GREAT feels so good to PR. Take care and keep it up!

Hope you had a fantastic weekend~

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HAPPY_HANK 7/15/2011 10:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SINABUNN 7/14/2011 2:36PM

    How did I miss this post?? I'm a few days late, but congratulations!!! With every victory, your "gonna do it" grows a little stronger than your "don't wanna do it". I'm so proud of you!

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DEGENNAN 7/12/2011 3:12PM

    YOU ROCK!!!! Congratulations for conquering all those excuses that we all give ourselves and getting out there today. And shaving off all that time, no less! What an accomplishment! I hope you are feeling really proud of yourself right now, and that you are riding the high of a job well done. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIMMYLOU4 7/12/2011 10:27AM

    Good for you. I have tons of excuses too. Your post reminded me of a nike shirt I saw recently. It said, Every damn day, just DO it! emoticon

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SLIMANNIE49 7/12/2011 10:18AM

  You are not the on ly one that deals with the "Stinkin thinkin" when it comes to getting off the computer and getting some exercise. It's suppose to be 101 here today. (excuse) Thanks for the umph! to get up and walk. (indoors) Have a great day!

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SLIMANNIE49 7/12/2011 10:18AM

  You are not the on ly one that deals with the "Stinkin thinkin" when it comes to getting off the computer and getting some exercise. It's suppose to be 101 here today. (excuse) Thanks for the umph! to get up and walk. (indoors) Have a great day!

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Monday Check In

Monday, July 11, 2011

My weekend was exhausting, so I'm rather relieved to see Monday roll around!

I'm continuing the walk/jog thing....aiming for 3-4 days a week. I'm so tired this a.m, I was thankful today was not lined up to be one of those days! I did it yesterday...and had the same time as Friday - 1.27 miles in 25 minutes, 5 minutes less than it takes me to walk it. I thought about trying to set a goal for time, etc, but decided that right now....doing the walk/jog thing 3 x a week is a pretty big goal for me as it is! I have a habit of making things harder than they need to perhaps just leaving that alone is a good thing!

I fell prey to unrealistic expectations this a.m. I had a good weekend with a LOT of calories were in range .... so I got cocky and stepped on the scale. Friday had shown a 3 pound loss and tho I knew better, I thought, gee maybe I've lost more!

I know better than to weigh too often...but I did it....and....

Um no. The scale had gone back up those three pounds. I am quite sure I have not gained three pounds, LOL, more like I just know that I need to weigh 1x a week OR LESS...because my weight fluctuates incredibly on a day to day basis. I know why did I do it?

Unrealistic expectations! Expecting big change overnight...and I know that's not going to happen!

This week's goals:
1) Walk/jog 2 more times
2) 1400 cal burned
4) Track my food

All reasonable, do-able goals. How do you handle unrealistic expectations? Enquiring minds want to know....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPY_HANK 7/15/2011 10:35AM


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DEGENNAN 7/11/2011 3:41PM

    I dunno how to conquer unrealistic expectations but I do try to avoid weighing myself more than once a week, sometimes even less than that. And I try to remind myself that I get bloated and gain 5 lbs EVERY month before my period, so there's no need to beat myself up over it every single month. Yet, you know I do! So dunno what to tell you except that you are going GREAT and you have realistic, wonderful goals and a plan to each them. Hang in there and try not to get onto that scale again this week, OK? And have fun walking and jogging tomorrow. I am going to check back online to see how it went, so how's that for accountability? Your faithful readers want updates emoticon emoticon

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SINABUNN 7/11/2011 10:43AM

    I'm the same way about the scale. I know it's not going to drop 5 lbs just because I had a terrific workout... but I can't seem to stop myself from stepping on, anyway. Even as I'm telling myself it won't have moved a millimeter, I don't expect a thing, etc, I climb on...and feel like I let myself down. Ridiculous!! I'm still learning how to combat those unreal expectations and recognizing them for what they are: self-sabotage, a habit of immediate gratification, a handy excuse to quit. Just keep it real, darlin. You caught yourself when setting your walking/jogging goals and realized that more internal pressure isn't necessarily a good thing. Yes, we have to push ourselves... no one else will. And yes, we do have to aim high or we'll never get to where we're going. But we have to be able to pull back and really analyze whether we're setting our goals to truly push ourselves to our best or as a subconscious sabotage tactic.

You're doing marvelously and I'm proud of you!!! emoticon

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1HELPLESSMOM 7/11/2011 10:21AM

    Good Morning! I stopped by to read your blog. I sounds like you have got a reasonable plan for success. I would listen to your body to let you know when to increase your speed for your walk/job. I aim for distance because I am trying to get my total amount of steps in. I am aiming for about 12000 a day.

I check back and see how you are doing. I wish you much success. Good luck this week.
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