Saturday, November 03, 2007
So...the performance last night is over and done. I did well enough. I tend to be a perfectionist about my own dancing...I can be much more supportive and forgiving of other's dancing than my own.
Mostly what I remembered was the students and friends who came, came because they love bellydance and they love me. I didn't have to be perfect, that was my own restriction, not theirs.
Perfectionism has dogged me my entire life and I'm sure has a lot to do with where I am with my weight - if I couldn't do it perfectly, I didn't do it, period.
This a.m.'s healthy reflection was about persistance, really struck home. Persistance, not perfection is going to help me attain my goals - weight, dance and otherwise.
Friday, November 02, 2007
So....I bellydance. More specifically, I teach two classes, run a beginner student troupe and a "professional" troupe (meaning we compete, etc), and have private students.
In the last year, I've been so down on myself because of my weight..I haven't been doing solo performances much at all. It's become this huge THING in my mind....feeling inadequate.
Tonight, I'm soloing at a local restaurant that has bellydancers on Fridays. I thought a few people would show up...but it sounds like all my students are showing and bringing friends - meaning a packed audience.
I'm nervous. Really nervous.
My partner went home to Louisiana a week ago. They do not understand her being gay, and most of them do not understand her wife being a bellydancer! She showed our wedding pics...and one aunt said "oh my god Jodie...Lisa is HUGE!! She must weigh at least 250 pounds...and you say she belly dances?? That's awful!!"
While I've largely put her nastiness behind me...I have to admit it has really affected my confidence for this evening. Yep, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet tall and weigh 244 pounds. That makes me about as round as I am tall!
I tell my students that size has nothing to do with talent, and I believe that, except apparently when it comes to myself. Working hard on letting go...enjoying my time tonight...but I'm feeling the anxiety.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I love that today is the first day of the month! I like fresh starts and how much fresher can you get??
I am going to set an ambitious (for me!) goal: To stay in the top 20 on the points leaderboard for Lesbian Cafe. This group is really active and believe me, that's a challenge for me! But, I'm going to do my best! Some days I get lazy, and all I do is maybe track my food. Being more involved can only help my progress, my consistency and my attitude!
So here's to November...where I plan to rack up some points!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The Lesbian Cafe Spark Team does the BEST challenges ever!! Their Back to School Challenge really got me in the swing of Spark again.
Now, the Veteran's Day Chalenge begins tomorrow and Hot D*mn, I'm exactly the branch I would have wanted to be in....the MARINES!
Stay posted as I start my challenge to go from Private to Senior Master Sargent!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
244....Finally, under 245! AND 0.5 loss around waist - Color me happy. :)
Mini streak: Two days within calorie, fat and carb ranges Woo hoo! Now I just need to get my protein up into range and I think I'll really be feeling better.
I perform at a local restaurant Friday night...The local bellydance guild has a monthly spot and I signed up for it long ago. While I'm certainly not all in shape...I feel better and I think my stamina is better, so I'm actually sort of looking forward to it instead of dreading it terribly as I usually would.
My troupe is on a roll too...We're extra motivated and stepping up practices while we're in "the zone"...now twice a week, two hours each. We spend the first hour doing drills to assorted videos, and learning new moves. Second hour is spent on learning new moves with zill patterns, which is new to us...and working on choreographies. Last night, the sweat just ROLLED off me...and it felt fabulous!!
Trying to figure out a reward for getting under 240....I can't remember the last time I was under 240, so it's a BIG deal to me....
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