Monday, August 15, 2011
So, Friday I blogged about my back going out and how I was "still functioning"....Guess what I got for that idea??
Completely flat on my back Saturday and Sunday, miserable and in pain. The first weekend with my kiddos gone in TEN years to visit their dad cross country...and I was laid up with muscle relaxants and tears.
Tears of disappointment and frustration that i wasn't able to enjoy the weekend. No Harry Potter movie - couldn't sit that long. No quilt show...couldn't stay up that long.
You know what I realized? I put myself last again. I was worried about missing work, so even tho I was in some pain thurs and fri...I went. If, at the first sign of muscle spasm, I had done what I should have - bed rest, ibuprofen, muscle relaxers and tried to get in for a massage....I still might have missed the weekend, but it wouldn't have been so painful. After a very long weekend of laying there hurting, dragging myself up to do prescribed exercise/walking ...I had a lot of time to think.
Think about why I put myself last....why I push myself through pain and injury when I could have easily taken the time off from work.
Because I don't value myself. I put myself last regardless of the options.
This. Must. STOP!
Calling in to work today, trying to get into a massage...and being gentle with myself..not just with my physical self either.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Yesterday was supposed to be my run day. But, because of travel and circumstance, I was very behind in choreography I need to present tonight....so I decided I would forgo my run and do my "work" instead and just run Friday instead.
And naturally...I injured myself. Not terribly, but enough. I pulled that same area of my low back that has been plaquing me for years. For once, however, it was not a devastating injury. It hurts, and I began ice, ibuprofen, stretching, etc immediately. I was able to work all day yesterday when usually, if I pull it, I'm out of work for 3-5 days dead to the world on muscle relaxants and pain meds.
So this is very different. It hurts, but I'm not incapacitated. I'm wondering, could this be a sign I'm actually getting in better shape, that it put me flat on my back? Or just dumb luck that I didn't strain it badly? Not sure of the answer there, but whatever it is, I'll take it!
This most often happens during times of stress...and this last month has been nothing BUT stress, so I'm not surprised. I suspect those low back muscles are ones that I must keep tense out of stress...and then something (usually stupid, like bending to tie my shoe lace) causes it to "go out".
Whatever the cause, I'm just trying to make it through the day at work - continuing to ice and all that, and hopefully it will only be a couple days before I can start working out again.
But I can't help but wonder, if I'd done my run as usual....would I be where I'm at? Sigh.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Ugh. But I'm doing it anyway.
Trying to stay positive...things are a lil icky.
Monday, August 08, 2011
Really? Monday again?
Had a great visit with my daughter and her boyfriend over the weekend. They live about 4 hours from us. They seem very happy and life is treating them well. It made me happy.
It also made me realize I'm in a different stage of life. My oldest kid is grown up. There were times I felt....old. It was...less than fun. I know, I know "you're only as old as you feel!" Well, somedays folks, I feel pretty durn old, LOL.
My partner's application for the county job was accepted, first hurdle over. I can't express how much we need for her to get this job. It is very tight, so tight it hurts. Send good juju.
On the upside, I finally, FINALLY, after 12 weeks, broke 250. I didn't weigh Friday so I stepped on this a.m., fully expecting to have gone back up that same stinkin' 2 pounds I've been re-cycling...but no, I was at 248! WHEW! It CAN be done! I was beginning to wonder.....
Trying to stay positive this a.m....tho I feel the tears are threatening. Financial problems, kid problems...sort of overwhelming. One foot in front of the other, eh?
Let's rock our Monday!
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Tuesday. Run Day. I'm not sure why I dread it so. It's 25 minutes of (for me) pretty intense effort - I don't usually do interval training.
I mean, yeah it's hard. But it's not like childbirth hard, LOL. I'm past the "people are seeing me run and I'm fat and slow and awful.." stage, so that's not it. I can say I've never much enjoyed the working til I'm covered in sweat, dripping sweat, soaked hair from sweat...it's just gross. But that's no reason to avoid it!
So what's my problem? I suspect part of it is I haven't built the habit yet. It's still a "choice". I can still war with myself with all the reasons I "shouldn't" run today or why I can get out of it. I know from past history, once that habit is ingrained, I will have less warfare with my "lazy self" - I just have to get to that point.
I "cheated" and checked the scale yesterday. The 2 pounds are gone, again. However, it won't mean much to me until Friday and they are gone .... AND until I break 250 again. It's been 250, 252, 250, 252, 250....for going on 12 weeks now. Once I see an under 250 weigh in, I'll feel like something's happening!
Okay. It's time to go run. I'm going. Really. right now. Ummmm, yeah. Right NOW...N-O-W.
Okay, okay. I'm going.
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