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Back in the saddle...

Saturday, August 20, 2011

8 days after my injury, yesterday was my first day back to dance practice. I'd toyed with the idea of running today (Saturday) even tho I told myself I would wait a FULL week after getting mobile again - which would be Tuesday.

While dance practice went well, I woke up stiff with tight muscles this a.m. and thought "let's stick to the original plan...." so while I will work out this a.m., I'm not running till Tuesday when I'll restart C25K.

I've done a lot of thinking about goals, motivation, self care this week. Lots of thought, reading, research...I think I'm in the "planning to make a plan" stage, LOL. My partner will fly out this Friday for 19 days to visit family in Louisiana. I've set that as my start date for Radical Self Care which for me includes:

* A training program to increase my cardio function - i.e. the C25K program
* Obtaining the HABIT of stretching DAILY
* Beginning training for re-certifying my level 1 SSBD format in August 2012 (more on this below).
* Vigorously planning and then making sure I follow through on ART...quilting, sewing, knitting...the playing with color and form that FEEDS my spirit.
* Step by step removing over-processed foods from my diet.

I'm working on putting a plan in place to achieve those goals, rather than as I usually do, saying "on Augst 27 I'm going to start doing all these things!!" I don't plan, and so I'm not prepared and things get in the way or don't work the way I thought....and I crash and burn.

Two years ago, I achieved one of the hardest things I've ever done, after months of training followed by a three day "bootcamp" and a LOT of money invested, I tested for and passed Level 1 in the Suhaila Salimpour Bellydance Format. This has been liked to "the army....for bellydancers" and it was HARD. It was physically demanding in a way my then 45-year-old obese body thought it might not make it through...but I did it.

To keep that certification, I needed to complete 20 hours of continuing ed or test for Level 2. I planned on doing a 5 day workshop which would have given me those CEC's and then testing. But, the stress of my son's mental illness and the financial burdens that followed made me face a choice...and I chose to let the certification expire so I could afford to do what needed to be done for my son and relieve myself of the pressure I would have to put myself under to train for that weeklong workshop, whether I tested or not.

It was VERY disappointing to make that decision. I cried. THAT disappointing. When I made that choice two months ago, I didn't know if I'd ever get back to it or it would just fade away.

I gave it a LOT of thought in those months...and this week I picked a workshop in August 2012, and set the goal of re-certifying. It will take some creative money saving and a lot of determination, but I'm going to do it....for me. I've put aside a lot in my life for others, because they needed me. I don't resent it - it's LIFE.

I'm doing this for me, because I need it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEGENNAN 8/20/2011 1:51PM

    You are doing so great take care of you these days, this will only make you stronger, healthier and happier which will help you be there for others even more. Your best you, no less. Congrats on getting back into the dance studio and taking the time to heal properly before diving back into the C25k. You are on the right path!

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Tuesday check in...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Back to work today. Three days on muscle relaxers, ice, rest, a massage, and I'm among the walking again!

Not weighing in. While I didn't eat much I didn't do much either and right now I need to concentrate on letting my back heal....and becoming aggressive about self care. I'm so bad about putting myself last that I don't know how to take care of my body anymore, much less my spirit.

I plan on restarting C25K a week from today, probably starting all over again to protect my back and my brain from thinking I "should" be able to pick right up where I left off.

I wouldn't tell anyone else they "should" be able to start right where they were....why would I tell that to myself? Because - I - don't - take - good - care - of - ME!

I printed this quote and it is going to go everywhere with me:

"Your life is a sacred journey and it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path exactly where you are meant to be right now...and from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdome, power, dignity and love." Carolyn Joy Adams.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 8/16/2011 3:05PM

    Glad you're feelin' better and on the road to recovery! Don't push yourself or beat yourself up. You'll get back to it when you can. As long as you keep on getting back to it and NEVER EVER GIVE UP!! :)

FANTASTIC quote! Thanks for sharing!

Have an AWESOME rest of the day! :)

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Monday, August 15, 2011

So, Friday I blogged about my back going out and how I was "still functioning"....Guess what I got for that idea??

Completely flat on my back Saturday and Sunday, miserable and in pain. The first weekend with my kiddos gone in TEN years to visit their dad cross country...and I was laid up with muscle relaxants and tears.

Tears of disappointment and frustration that i wasn't able to enjoy the weekend. No Harry Potter movie - couldn't sit that long. No quilt show...couldn't stay up that long.

You know what I realized? I put myself last again. I was worried about missing work, so even tho I was in some pain thurs and fri...I went. If, at the first sign of muscle spasm, I had done what I should have - bed rest, ibuprofen, muscle relaxers and tried to get in for a massage....I still might have missed the weekend, but it wouldn't have been so painful. After a very long weekend of laying there hurting, dragging myself up to do prescribed exercise/walking ...I had a lot of time to think.

Think about why I put myself last....why I push myself through pain and injury when I could have easily taken the time off from work.

Because I don't value myself. I put myself last regardless of the options.

This. Must. STOP!

Calling in to work today, trying to get into a massage...and being gentle with myself..not just with my physical self either.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 8/15/2011 12:23PM

    Awee mannnn... :( That really bites, girl! :( I'm really sorry to hear you're in sooo much pain. YES, you DO need to take care of yourself and NOT put yourself last. At least you got that from this experience. Now focus on taking care of YOU and get better soon!

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DEGENNAN 8/15/2011 9:58AM

    So sorry to hear about your back! I think as women we are socialized to put ourselves last, think about everyone else's needs first, nurture and care for others more than ourselves. But you are a very worthwhile person and you can actually give more to others and your loved ones when you are in your best health. So glad you are taking off today and making the time to heal yourself. Good luck with that back and being gentle with yourself. I hope you pamper yourself with healthy and nourishing foods this week, too!

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Friday, August 12, 2011

Yesterday was supposed to be my run day. But, because of travel and circumstance, I was very behind in choreography I need to present I decided I would forgo my run and do my "work" instead and just run Friday instead.

And naturally...I injured myself. Not terribly, but enough. I pulled that same area of my low back that has been plaquing me for years. For once, however, it was not a devastating injury. It hurts, and I began ice, ibuprofen, stretching, etc immediately. I was able to work all day yesterday when usually, if I pull it, I'm out of work for 3-5 days dead to the world on muscle relaxants and pain meds.

So this is very different. It hurts, but I'm not incapacitated. I'm wondering, could this be a sign I'm actually getting in better shape, that it put me flat on my back? Or just dumb luck that I didn't strain it badly? Not sure of the answer there, but whatever it is, I'll take it!

This most often happens during times of stress...and this last month has been nothing BUT stress, so I'm not surprised. I suspect those low back muscles are ones that I must keep tense out of stress...and then something (usually stupid, like bending to tie my shoe lace) causes it to "go out".

Whatever the cause, I'm just trying to make it through the day at work - continuing to ice and all that, and hopefully it will only be a couple days before I can start working out again.

But I can't help but wonder, if I'd done my run as usual....would I be where I'm at? Sigh.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRYT55 8/14/2011 12:48PM

    I think it's great news that you pulled a muscle but are still able to function. You have probably strengthened your back by exercise, walking & running so injuries are not as incapacitating. That said, I'm sorry you hurt yourself at all!

I hope by today you are feeling much better! Take care and have a great week!

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KATCHAGIRL 8/12/2011 11:35AM

    UGHHHH!! :( Sorry to hear that... I KNOW the feeling. I have a TERRIBLE bad back, hurts everyday. :( Hang in there with it. And like you said, at least it's not as bad as usual. I bet it is cuz you're in better shape. I know it makes a difference in my back problems.

Don't let it get you down. When you're feelin' better, just get right back on that horse and ride like a champion! :D hehe (I'm so silly sometimes...)



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WONDEROONA 8/12/2011 11:23AM

    Hindsight is 20/20. Remember that. Just continue what you are doing to get over your back pain, then start out slowly to make sure you don't really injure yourself badly. Keep up the good work!!

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FRANCA1P 8/12/2011 9:04AM

    I don't know about the "what ifs" but, you should go see a chiropractor to help corresct whatever is going on with the nerves in your spine that is probably causing your back issues. Your chiropractor will correct anything that's out of place and helps achieve maintain good health, especially in times of any stress!
Good luck, hope you get to where you want and need to be.
peace, Fran

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HEIDIL27 8/12/2011 8:46AM

    Hi -

Thanks for posting this blog entry. I often have the same issues, and hurt myself when I'm really stressed, and then stress about how I didn't get my run in and now I'm behind. It's a never ending circle.

would have hurt your back had you done your run instead? Who knows, but the important thing is to take the time you need to heal and then get back on the horse. You are getting stronger and more fit with every work out and hopefully in the future you won't have these issues.

Keep up the good work! YOU CAN DO IT!!! emoticon

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Tuesday check in

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Run Day.

Ugh. But I'm doing it anyway.

Trying to stay positive...things are a lil icky.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRYT55 8/10/2011 11:05AM

    How did the run go? I haven't been working out like I should and it's hard getting back to it!

I hope things are less icky for you today!

I agree with Katchagirl....hang in there and just keep plugging away!

By the streak of sleeplessness seems to have passed. Thanks for your supportive comments. It's nice to know I have a kindred spirit out there.

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KATCHAGIRL 8/9/2011 6:24PM

    HANG IN THERE!!! Just keep tryin' to plug away. That's really all we can do, so just keep tryin'! Sorry things are "a lil icky". Just remember that it will pass and you'll be feeling better in no time! :)

Have a GREAT rest of the week and don't beat yourself up!


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