Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back to work today. Three days on muscle relaxers, ice, rest, a massage, and I'm among the walking again!
Not weighing in. While I didn't eat much I didn't do much either and right now I need to concentrate on letting my back heal....and becoming aggressive about self care. I'm so bad about putting myself last that I don't know how to take care of my body anymore, much less my spirit.
I plan on restarting C25K a week from today, probably starting all over again to protect my back and my brain from thinking I "should" be able to pick right up where I left off.
I wouldn't tell anyone else they "should" be able to start right where they were....why would I tell that to myself? Because - I - don't - take - good - care - of - ME!
I printed this quote and it is going to go everywhere with me:
"Your life is a sacred journey and it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path exactly where you are meant to be right now...and from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdome, power, dignity and love." Carolyn Joy Adams.
Monday, August 15, 2011
So, Friday I blogged about my back going out and how I was "still functioning"....Guess what I got for that idea??
Completely flat on my back Saturday and Sunday, miserable and in pain. The first weekend with my kiddos gone in TEN years to visit their dad cross country...and I was laid up with muscle relaxants and tears.
Tears of disappointment and frustration that i wasn't able to enjoy the weekend. No Harry Potter movie - couldn't sit that long. No quilt show...couldn't stay up that long.
You know what I realized? I put myself last again. I was worried about missing work, so even tho I was in some pain thurs and fri...I went. If, at the first sign of muscle spasm, I had done what I should have - bed rest, ibuprofen, muscle relaxers and tried to get in for a massage....I still might have missed the weekend, but it wouldn't have been so painful. After a very long weekend of laying there hurting, dragging myself up to do prescribed exercise/walking ...I had a lot of time to think.
Think about why I put myself last....why I push myself through pain and injury when I could have easily taken the time off from work.
Because I don't value myself. I put myself last regardless of the options.
This. Must. STOP!
Calling in to work today, trying to get into a massage...and being gentle with myself..not just with my physical self either.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Yesterday was supposed to be my run day. But, because of travel and circumstance, I was very behind in choreography I need to present tonight....so I decided I would forgo my run and do my "work" instead and just run Friday instead.
And naturally...I injured myself. Not terribly, but enough. I pulled that same area of my low back that has been plaquing me for years. For once, however, it was not a devastating injury. It hurts, and I began ice, ibuprofen, stretching, etc immediately. I was able to work all day yesterday when usually, if I pull it, I'm out of work for 3-5 days dead to the world on muscle relaxants and pain meds.
So this is very different. It hurts, but I'm not incapacitated. I'm wondering, could this be a sign I'm actually getting in better shape, that it put me flat on my back? Or just dumb luck that I didn't strain it badly? Not sure of the answer there, but whatever it is, I'll take it!
This most often happens during times of stress...and this last month has been nothing BUT stress, so I'm not surprised. I suspect those low back muscles are ones that I must keep tense out of stress...and then something (usually stupid, like bending to tie my shoe lace) causes it to "go out".
Whatever the cause, I'm just trying to make it through the day at work - continuing to ice and all that, and hopefully it will only be a couple days before I can start working out again.
But I can't help but wonder, if I'd done my run as usual....would I be where I'm at? Sigh.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Ugh. But I'm doing it anyway.
Trying to stay positive...things are a lil icky.
Monday, August 08, 2011
Really? Monday again?
Had a great visit with my daughter and her boyfriend over the weekend. They live about 4 hours from us. They seem very happy and life is treating them well. It made me happy.
It also made me realize I'm in a different stage of life. My oldest kid is grown up. There were times I felt....old. It was...less than fun. I know, I know "you're only as old as you feel!" Well, somedays folks, I feel pretty durn old, LOL.
My partner's application for the county job was accepted, first hurdle over. I can't express how much we need for her to get this job. It is very tight, so tight it hurts. Send good juju.
On the upside, I finally, FINALLY, after 12 weeks, broke 250. I didn't weigh Friday so I stepped on this a.m., fully expecting to have gone back up that same stinkin' 2 pounds I've been re-cycling...but no, I was at 248! WHEW! It CAN be done! I was beginning to wonder.....
Trying to stay positive this a.m....tho I feel the tears are threatening. Financial problems, kid problems...sort of overwhelming. One foot in front of the other, eh?
Let's rock our Monday!
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