Monday, January 02, 2012
In 2009, my dad died. I dedicated 2010 to being a year of no regret. Of not ending the year regretting that I didn't take better care of myself, that I didn't live life to the fullest.
2011 did not succeed in either of those arenas. When I weighed in for the first time in about 6 weeks, I was up 10 pounds, no joke and I believe it, because my clothes are not fitting.
So, I'm carefully planning 2012 to be another year of no regret. Went and stocked up on healthy foods, and so far, so good.
My resolutions are going to be carefully planned to be reasonable and doable...and I don't want to rush them. They may take me all month to decide upon.
Hanging in there. Life continues to be .... life. Difficult and challenging, with some wonderful things in there too. Here's to no regrets when 2013 rolls around.
Monday, December 26, 2011
I guess part of getting older is wonder how the year flew by so fast...
I'm thinking about what I've learned this year. Some of it I didn't appreciate learning...but no knowledge is wasted in my opinion.
In no specific order:
1) When I don't take my antidepressant, vitamin D, or progesterone...I am more tired, crabbier, and less productive. No likey.
2) I make a mean veggie omlet. Likey.
3) It's very expensive to think you are having a heart attack and go to the hospital. Worth it, mind you to go...but very expensive. Also scary. Again, no likey.
4) Ill health can befall anyone...and in the end our health makes everything else we want to do more or less possible. The silver lining in this is that while we can't control all our risk factors for health problems, disease etc, a healthy body fights better against those things and we do have power to change. Mostly likey.
5) When I "rest" too much...my body hurts. When I don't have some kind of cardio/movement going on, preferrably to a sweaty state, at least 3 x a week....my arthritis rages, my back hurts, and my stamina drains right away. This would be where I am right now. Very very much, no likey.
6) Learning to love myself, warts and all, is truly getting easier. This is pretty profound frankly, after a lifetime of rigid self-criticism and poor self esteem. Am I "there" yet? um, no, most definitely not. Am I better at it than I was last year? YES. Likey.
The inactivity = pain, stoved up joints, and increased fatigue has meant I'm trying to get back on the horse and workout every a.m., even if it's only for 20 minutes. Working on health, health, and health.
How about you? What is an end 'o year thought for YOU?
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Whew. Yep, I'm alive and kicking! Special thanks to the spark peeps who sent me goodies or checked on me...during the holiday season you thought of ME? Good grief, I'm a lucky gal, THANK YOU!
So far in December:
Got off the exercise wagon for about three weeks. Got back on it yesterday and boy, I'm back at square one again with strength/stamina. But the cool thing..it's never to late to start again. So I did. Two days in a row, cardio and stretching - done.
Food - food has not been terrible at all, the problem tho, is my carb ratio is too high. When we're poor...we eat carbs. cheap and filling. So, more than anything my current goal is to stay away from the sugar, get as many freggies in there as I can...and forgive myself the rest. So far, since thanksgiving I have NOT had eggnog. I have not had fudge, penuche, divinity, or ANY of the candy I associate with the holidays (or any other candy for that matter). I have not over ate really at all. Sort of amazing. Too broke to spend money on the ingredients and too tired if I could, LOL - work has gone crazy.
Stress - Mmmmm. See the part above about work has gone crazy....and the no money, but other than that...hey. I'm alive and kickin'.
Hope to get to all of my lovely SP peeps pages soon..I miss being in touch!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, I flew to Seatttle. I haven't flown in about 8 years and.... 40 pounds or so. Small plane. I didn't think about my weight...and the plane. I weigh around 250 on a 5' body, and it's all in the belly.
As I entered the plane, I saw a woman who was much larger than me...and she needed two seats.
FEAR struck me like I can not express. What if I didn't fit?????
I found my seat...stowed my stuff...and sat. I tried the seatbelt...too tight. I took it to the limits of it's length and managed to buckle it. Not horribly tight, but I could feel it there across my belly.
A woman came to claim the seat next to me...late 50's, very trim, stylish etc. She nodded to me, grabbed the arm rest between us and shoved it down....and it wouldn't go down because my hip was in the way. She gave me a pointed look, and I sucked everthing I could in and pushed myself to the wall....and it snapped down in between us. I gave a cautious "oh thank god" to myself. I pulled myself as far away from her as I could, but it took constant vigilance not to touch her in some way.
The plane was not quite full, and before takeoff, the attendant announced that if you liked, you could change seats. The woman turned to me and said
"would you be more comfortable if I moved?" and looked down at my body and back up to my face.
I smiled and said, "whatever, I really don't mind". And in that time...someone else came up and grabbed the seat she had pointed to. She gave a small huff and turned her head and that was the end of all conversation. Thank GOD it was a very short flight, just an hour. I spent that hour pulling myself in as much as possible, my nose buried in my book.
I wanted to say "Look, yeah, I'm I fat woman. Sorry about that. But you know what? you have so much perfume on I could throw up....but I'm not being ugly to you about it, am I?"
The trip home was made with a 10 year old boy in the seat next to me, and I had room to "be".
It was quite the experience. And that's all I have to say about that....
Friday, November 11, 2011
This has been one long week. Super extra glad it's Friday.
Some good, some crappy stuff this week. Not enough sleep. Good on exercise, okay on food. Mood continues to be sorta low.
Had inspection by property management...and was sent a rather snotty note that the teenager's bedrooms were "unsanitary", the kitchen floor wasn't clean and I have 14 days to remedy this and then have another inspection. My first tought was...yeah, I didn't get the kitchen floor mopped but I didn't think you'd ding me for it for pete's sake! ..but the kids rooms? Seriously, "Unsanitary"? No they weren't magazine perfect...but there was nothing gross in there...no moldy dishes or mountains of dirty clothes. I'm sort of confused by the whole thing. Not to mention it just makes me feel TIRED. Yes, I really wanted to have ANOTHER inspection...oy vey.
That's my week in a nutshell. Woo.
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