Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Work is really cramping my style, lol....lots of things I'd like to be doing today, but I'll be responsible and do my thing, get my hours, and earn my pennies.
Things with son are a bit better...we've gone back to a highly structured routine, which seems to really help him. He'd done well for awhile and we'd slipped out of it...and here we are. Not out of the woods by any means, but on the right track.
Last night at troupe rehearsal, I could really FEEL I have more energy, that was VERY COOL!! When I danced at Taj Palace Friday night, I danced for about 8-9 minutes (that dosen't sound long, but to me it is LONG) and while I did have my asthma flare when I was done, usually I wouldn't have made it much past 5 minutes, so that is also a huge improvement! SP is working it's good juju on me, fer sure! :)
Sunday, November 04, 2007
I'm on my own little mini streak and I love the momentum!! I keep messing with the same pound or so the last week, BUT I lost an inch in my waist and half inch off my hips, so I'm not obsessing....much, lol.
Joining the Lesbian Cafe challenge was the best thing I could have done for myself. The first challenge I joined, back to school, really got me tracking again, and that was a huge step. it's so easy for me to slide off SP without intending to...keeping up with the Challenge really keeps me active on the site!
Challenging myself to stay in the top 20 on the LC leaderboard has also really made a difference. I'm not terribly competitive, so one-one-one challenges haven't done too much for me, but challenging MYSELF seems to work pretty good.
It's a new week....and I'm committed to working my program with SP! hoooo RAH!! GOOOOOO MARINES!!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
So...the performance last night is over and done. I did well enough. I tend to be a perfectionist about my own dancing...I can be much more supportive and forgiving of other's dancing than my own.
Mostly what I remembered was the students and friends who came, came because they love bellydance and they love me. I didn't have to be perfect, that was my own restriction, not theirs.
Perfectionism has dogged me my entire life and I'm sure has a lot to do with where I am with my weight - if I couldn't do it perfectly, I didn't do it, period.
This a.m.'s healthy reflection was about persistance, really struck home. Persistance, not perfection is going to help me attain my goals - weight, dance and otherwise.
Friday, November 02, 2007
So....I bellydance. More specifically, I teach two classes, run a beginner student troupe and a "professional" troupe (meaning we compete, etc), and have private students.
In the last year, I've been so down on myself because of my weight..I haven't been doing solo performances much at all. It's become this huge THING in my mind....feeling inadequate.
Tonight, I'm soloing at a local restaurant that has bellydancers on Fridays. I thought a few people would show up...but it sounds like all my students are showing and bringing friends - meaning a packed audience.
I'm nervous. Really nervous.
My partner went home to Louisiana a week ago. They do not understand her being gay, and most of them do not understand her wife being a bellydancer! She showed our wedding pics...and one aunt said "oh my god Jodie...Lisa is HUGE!! She must weigh at least 250 pounds...and you say she belly dances?? That's awful!!"
While I've largely put her nastiness behind me...I have to admit it has really affected my confidence for this evening. Yep, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet tall and weigh 244 pounds. That makes me about as round as I am tall!
I tell my students that size has nothing to do with talent, and I believe that, except apparently when it comes to myself. Working hard on letting go...enjoying my time tonight...but I'm feeling the anxiety.
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