Friday, May 25, 2012
Yesterday was a successful day as far as the "Just for today" goals I made for myself.
I am still in a learning curve as far as getting my carbs to around 40% of my calories and my protein to around 30%. I could look at yesterday, where carbs were 50% and protein was 18% and say "I blew it again"...and there have been many times when perfectionism certainly took me there. Today, after running the report for yesterday, my very first (perfectionism) thought was 'wow that's way off :('. No, it's not. It's off, but way off? No.
That's the problem with perfectionism, it takes the perspective out of your vision - you see everything as worse (or better) than it really is.
So, today, the goals are the same. I've examined what I ate yesterday, and identified something I could change to lower those carbs and I have plenty of low-fat options for raising the protein bar.
Just for today. I won't worry about the weekend, or next week, I will only worry about TODAY.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Just for today, I will eat 6 small meals
Just for today, I will take my meds/supplements
Just for today, I will increase the amount of water I drink from little to more
Just for today, I will stop beating myself up about how much I weigh
Just for today, I will carefully balance my protein/carb/fat ratio to assist my body's proper insulin response
Just for today, I will dance until I sweat
I can do these things today. When I look at the lifestyle changes for a lifetime, I often do "just for today" backwards - I have the cookie or other wheat item that makes me feel bad and revs my blood sugar. I sit instead of dance. I live in shame because I'm not "strong" enough. All I have is today, and today, I choose to do my list above, because all I have to do it for is.....today.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
So, a couple days after my doctor appointment where he suggested a workup by an endocrinologist, he called back after reviewing labs done with my previous doctor. His first question was "So, what was Dr. V doing for your polycystic ovarian syndrome?"
I said, my what? I don't think I have that....and he said, "your labs in 2010 and 2011 look pretty clear to me (insert his repeating a bunch of stuff I don't even remember or understand) which look like a clear indication of PCOS to me." I asked, well what would we do about that?
and he said, "Send you to an endocrinologist - it's managed by taking care of your insulin resistance mostly, but it is a really sound reason for why you work so hard and lose no weight."
Huh. Who knew? So, I've done a bit of reading both here on spark and on the web and symptom wise, yep that could be me alright. Especially the stories here on spark where women talk about working out like a madwoman - some training for intense marathons/triathalons - and not losing a pound for weeks or months.
Diet-wise, it looks like the same thing I'm doing now - keeping the carbs down, avoiding "white food" (flour sugar potato). Lots of women are started on metformin or another diabetic type oral medication - with varying results.
Nothing to lose by seeing that endocrinologist, so I'll do it. Can I just say, there is a tiny bit of justification here? Many times I've seen various providers or people at Weight Watchers or the supervised fast thing I did, and I could tell they didn't believe me about how much I ate/exercised. I could see it on their faces that they thought either I was binging and not telling, or I wasn't being as careful as I thought I was - because, why else when I'm doing everything right I can't lose any weight? I must not be doing it "right".
So, this is a little vindication.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
"I want you to have a workup by an endocrinologist because of your weight and your metabolic syndrome (i.e. insulin resistance)."
So, that's what I'll do.
I didn't go in for weight, I went in for a med refill. He said, "so, do you exercise?" and I told him I dance 3-4 nights a week, I joined Curves, and i walk a couple times a week. He said "And you aren't losing weight?" and I said no...and started to say "and I don't eat a lot either!" and he cut me off and said, "no i don't think you do...i think it's time for an endocrinologist to look you over. Your belly fat really concerns me, if you are doing that much exercise, you should be able to eat quite a bit and still not be this heavy, I think it's time for metformin or whatever he thinks needs to happen. I think you are in that critical window...the next time I see you, you might be diabetic".
I cried. But in some respects, it was justification. I burn a lot of calories a week, sometimes I don't bother logging it all, but I do a lot. I'm pretty damn careful about my food, and in the last month have gave up wheat - meaning no bread, no pasta, no flour. I have cut way, way back on potato. Upped my exericise even more...and lost no weight.
If seeing an endocrinologist will help, I'm there. We reviewd my blood work, and yep, my hormones continue to be effed up. Overloaded on estrogen, too much testosterone, and other hormones/hormone controllers out of whack. Between that and the insulin resistance, I'm facing an uphill battle to lose weight. Yes, I've heard that before, and no, it doesn't really encourage me, LOL. I said, Then why bother with an endocrinologist if this is just the reality of my life? he said, "because there are new drugs, new things out there to help you, and I think it's worth a try". Okay. One more time. I'll try.
Today, I did curves, 3rd time this week. I'm learning the times I prefer going, less people, less perky staff, LOL. I just want the music loud, and leave me alone and let me do my thing! I don't want to chat, I just want to sweat for 30 minutes and get out of there.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Yesterday was my son's 16th birthday. We went to the movies (where I indulged in popcorn) and had pizza. I did NOT want to track my food after that. God knows, I felt like crap after eating pizza, even tho I got the "de-lite" crust that was more like a sheet of paper than crust! But I decided to just do it, and .... I ended up only 100 or so calories over for the day. The nutrition wasn't there, that's for sure, but the ginormous calorie load I'd imagined didn't manifest either.
But again, I'm noticing I felt like crap. Note to self: Wheat. Not my friend.
Today: Curves. I have an appointment to do my first full workout, with a staff member keeping an eye on me for form and using the equipment safely. That certainly wasn't how they did it when I did Curves years ago, and I think it's great. Going at a different time of day, curious to see what the clientele is like at a different day/time. Will everyone be 75 again, LOL? Then again, I'm thrilled there are 75 year olds working out, that is AWESOME! It just made me feel...old. Really old. And incredibly...um...old. But, even if it is all old ladies (discussing church unendingly)...it's a chance to get some momentum going, and God knows, I need some momentum.
Starting to walk daily for prep for the annual 5K on June 3. Wow. Did I lose my walking stamina over the winter. Actually, just in the few weeks since my community center pass expired and I stopped using the treadmill...wow. Starting over again, at least that's how it felt.
Lucky that I can start over again tho. So I'll take it! Feeling a lil blue and overwhelmed this week. Jodie is in Louisiana visiting her family, finances have been tight as all get out, and I've just been...sorta low. Trying to use this time while she's gone to focus on ME and my HEALTH. I'd say I'm doing it, but I'm struggling with some unrealistic expectations.
Patience and perseverance. I just keep saying that to myself.
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