NOREGRET2010   47,100
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Never Again!

Friday, June 29, 2012

I have a guilty pleasure - YouTube Makeup videos. I subscribe to a few "gurus" and enjoy watching them in the morning when I have my coffee.

Today, one of them lead to a YouTuber who was unpacking her first MediFast shipment. The thought processes that went through my head in just the 2 minutes of it that I watched were amazing.

"hmm. maybe I should try that again" (WTH??? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? - but honestly, it DID go through my brain first thing).

then....

"Sigh. I've done that already. It was the same thing - I lost about 20 pounds then got stuck, then couldn't afford to keep going and ended up gaining it all back plus some."

Then.....

"Good grief, what am I thinking? Why am I even watching this? I know full well I don't EVER want to pay someone for fake food again. Just say no!!" and I ended the video.

This is not to say I don't respect people's choices to try this and I know it works for some folks. It didn't work for me. And the harder I tried, and the lack of weight loss made me feel really BAD about myself. I was spending $ I couldn't afford and I STILL wasn't losing weight.

But, isn't it funny that my first thought was "hmmm....."? I think that mentality (what can I try next?) is definitely somewhat responsible for the start/stop journey I've had.

What's my TRUTH? My truth is this: It's taken me about 12 years to get to this weight. My hormones are all effed up - and I know this from a lot of expensive testing, not guessing. I'm hitting that lovely menopause phase where losing weight can be a real booger anyway. I am insulin resistant. I work a very sedentary job.

Losing this belly is going to take time. It's going to take dedication and more good days than bad days. It's going to mean continuing to avoid the wheat/grains that puff me up like a balloon.

I've tried the quick fixes, and they didn't fix anything. I'm in this for my LIFE. My vitality my health my life. I will continue to enjoy REAL FOOD - fruits and veggies, hormone-free antibiotic-free meats and proteins.

Whew. I feel like I sort of dodged an emotional bullet this a.m. I could have chosen the fork in the road that said "Here for quick fix (and quick disappointment!)".

never again. Period.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYLARAN 7/1/2012 4:07AM

    Reading this reminded me of the "Road less traveled" by Robert Frost. So many people try the easy route, spending money and making other people rich, when the journey to weight loss isn't so much about losing weight as it is about finding yourself and creating healthy habits while building a positive self esteem.

We're taking the road less traveled and enjoying that journey.

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GOPINTOS 6/30/2012 9:01AM

    Fantastic decision for you & your journey! We can do this together!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Wheat Belly Team

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GRACEMCDOG 6/29/2012 1:44PM

    I can no longer remember when I finally, totally understood that

THERE ARE NO MAGIC BULLETS

It might have been when I was in my 30's watching one of my best friends try every external pressure available on the market (if you are interacting with anything 'marketed' you can expect to fail. Soon.) to quit smoking. She'd been smoking for over 50 years. She'd had to give up a brilliant career as a symphony bassoonist when she lost her teeth to gum disease and started developing emphysema. She nearly died during a 2 week battle with pneumonia complicated by lung damage in which she lived in an induced coma on a respirator. She tried hypnotherapy, revulsion therapy, and a number of other, expensive 'stop smoking' gimmicks. She was one of the smartest people I've ever met but even after nearly dying and swearing an oath to everyone in her family and group of friends that she'd never smoke again...she was asking me to go buy cigarettes for her within a week because she couldn't walk as far as the corner store. I wouldn't do it but she found people who would. She NEVER internalized the knowledge that until she really wanted to stop smoking more than she wanted to continue smoking, there was nothing on Earth...no externally imposed pressure...that would make her stop or make her want to stop. Two days without nicotine and she would always look at me and say "I feel like I've lost my best friend." You have to squarely face the fact that you are addicted and then decide if you want to continue to allow your life to be ruled and diminished by that addiction or if you would rather find the strength to kick the SOB out of your life forever and reclaim your body, your mind and your true spirit.

But you have to decide and, as you say, do the work. No one and nothing can do it for you. Once I found out about the addictive characteristics of sugar and wheat there was only one way forward for me. I will never look back. Even as a post menopausal female with thyroid disease the benefits have been enormous. You can do it. And when you're truly committed there is no longer any internal struggle. emoticon

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Blah Blah Blah

Thursday, June 28, 2012

What a long week it's been! Work has been crazy and we've been short staffed on top of it.

Some things have gone well and some things haven't. Food wise, I've done well until last night. You know that last day or two before payday where you have to just eat what's in the house, like it or not? That's where I've been. I've had a bit of wheat - when you're hungry, you're hungry.

Staying off the scale, but still feel like I'm seeing visible changes in my "wheat belly". Small, perhaps even tiny, changes, but changes.

Trying to stay positive has been a struggle. There are many wonderful things in my life, amazing loving people, etc. As my grandma would have said "you have no reason to be blue!" But, chronic depression is what it is....it knows no social class or income bracket and strikes even when things are good. Working on taking my antidepressant and supplements, reminding myself of all I'm grateful for, and cutting myself a little slack.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARLENE_MOVES 6/28/2012 9:58PM

    Identifying it is important. Sounds like you are are the right track.

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GOPINTOS 6/28/2012 5:26PM

    Being aware of it is half the battle. At least you can explain it and pinpoint it, and in a few days it will be out of your system.

You are doing great!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Wheat Belly Team

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TERRYT55 6/28/2012 2:23PM

    We are having the same kind of day/week! Doing my best to be grateful for everything today. Listening to upbeat music and looking at family pictures! We can lift ourselves from this mood.......thinking of you!

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SUSIEQ911 6/28/2012 10:16AM

    There is absolutely NOTHING as powerful as gratitude. As someone who used to be on antidepressants, I know from experience.

Write it down if you have to. Keep a running list if you can.

Find gratitude whenever and wherever you can. Soon it will be easy and you won't even have to think about it.

I can't tell you how much my life has improved by just being grateful for every single day and every single moment.

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PINKNFITCARLA 6/28/2012 9:51AM

    emoticon Sounds like you're on the right track :-)

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LINDAMARIEZ1 6/28/2012 8:35AM

    You can do it! Make the best of each day! Life goes on! emoticon

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And then...something changes

Friday, June 22, 2012

Last post was all about how change takes time and for once, finally, I'm not running to the scales all the time only to get discouraged by the numbers.

Then, this a.m., a change. Not in weight, but in my appearance. There's a little pre-story to this...

I gained almost all my weight in my belly. It was very round, very out in front of my body. Yes, everywhere else got fuller, but the belly...oh the belly. Round, very very firm and sticking out in front. You know, like I'm pregnant. SIGH.

A while ago, when I started making changes to my diet, a change in the belly happened. The bottom half of my belly - basically from belly button down - deflated some. No longer a smooth long curve, now it was firm on top and floppy on the bottom part. Sort of like going from a D to P shape.

Dead sexy let me tell you.

This a.m. in the mirror, I saw a change I've never seen - a change to the top half of the balloon belly, indentation on both sides ABOVE the belly button. A definite, visible, CHANGE. After no change for YEARS in the upper balloon belly.

There was a short mental war...Jump on the scale!!!! NO - just enjoy this change and don't make it about the numbers.

I chose to just enjoy the change.

I was motivated to lose the wheat/grains because I feel better, so much better, without them and as an insulin-resistant it helped me control my carbs so much better....and I said in my last post I was willing to continue even though I wasn't seeing weight changes.

But this was a lil' gift - A small thing that is huge to me.

Happy Friday!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEMCDOG 6/23/2012 11:05AM

    Wow. That is just plain fantastic. It means something so much more important than just losing weight. It means you are shifting the most dangerous and difficult area of fat in the body...the visceral fat that causes diabetes and many other health issues. It's great cause for celebration. I think we should all dance!

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BELASARIA 6/22/2012 4:17PM

    Sometimes, I think the NSV are the best ones:)

Congrats!

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TERRYT55 6/22/2012 2:27PM

    Cool! I love non scale victories! Good for you for just enjoying the moment and not jumping on the scale. What a great way to start the weekend.....

emoticon emoticon

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GLC2009 6/22/2012 2:18PM

    emoticon

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ANGELIA.R 6/22/2012 1:19PM

    NICE!!!!


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ANGELIA.R 6/22/2012 1:19PM

    NICE!!!!


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IAMFRANSGIRL 6/22/2012 11:02AM

    emoticon
How cool is that?

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SUSIEQ911 6/22/2012 10:45AM

    emoticon

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CHRISTINASP 6/22/2012 10:43AM

    That is inspiring! Can we have pics?! lol
I think I'll go look at my tummy in the mirror now!

Comment edited on: 6/22/2012 10:44:29 AM

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EGALITAIRE 6/22/2012 10:05AM

    Keep counting those NSV - they are the best.

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DITA48 6/22/2012 9:42AM

    emoticon

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CMKARLS 6/22/2012 8:14AM

  emoticon

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All Change Takes Time

Monday, June 18, 2012

Great change in the political and social realms takes time. It takes determination and time.

So why do I think I "should" be able to change a history of overeating instantly? That perfectionist, unrealistic thinking is likely to be the death of me - at the least death of hope and enjoyment of the journey of life and at most death by not getting my health under control and dying or being severely limited in my older years - which is a kind of death, suffering and being miserable and unable to do anything you want to do because you are trapped in a body that doesn't work right anymore.

I've eaten very little wheat in the last couple weeks - maybe once a week have I had a wheat item at all. That's a success, because I feel better. It's also a success because I definitely notice when I'm eating wheat on a regular basis my belly is blown up like a balloon. So, cutting wheat has resulted in feeling somewhat more energetic, having less bloat, and far less cravings.

And absolutely no weight loss, LOL.

If I was in this for a quick fix, I'd be discouraged about now and thinking of falling off the wagon (negative thinking like 'why bother'). But, I'm okay with it.

This a.m., when I stepped on the scale mostly just to see where I was with a mild curiosity if any weight loss had happened, I realized that before I would have (and did) panic when there was no weight loss. It lead to thoughts like "you aren't trying hard enough!!" and began a cycle of depression and self hatred because obviously I wasn't disciplined enough, strong enough, or smart enough.

Today I looked down at the scale, saw it was right there where it had been a few weeks ago when I weighed and instead of getting upset I thought...

'Huh. no loss. must be eating too many calories'. It wasn't an angry thought, or a guilty thought, or a hopeless thought.

Just acknowledgment - I still need to keep working on tweaking my food and I definitely need to keep tracking and working on lowering my calories per day. The fact is, the last couple weeks I've noticed even tho I've dropped wheat (and therefore a lot of carbs) - I'm still regularly getting too many calories and too many carbs.

Patience, Grasshopper. All change takes time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTINASP 6/19/2012 10:01AM

    Good for you for being imperturbable. I recently read the advice to make your goals be to eat right and exercise - every day. Not to have a certain weight as your goal. So as long as you feel you are working on it, you are reaching your goals!

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ANGELIA.R 6/18/2012 1:01PM

    I think you are coming at this with a very healthy attitude!!!
I started and lost a few pounds in the beginning, but then started to obsess about calories and carbs and really honestly started to be too stressed out all the time!!!!!
I say track your carbs and fat~ Dont worry so much about the calories since its the TYPE of calories that you are putting into your body that count, the the actual #.

I wish there was a place for me to track carbs only~ I know that I've been over the last week~ and I aim for under 75g net. =)
BUT~ If I track here I obsess about calories, and I cant do that!!! It just causes major binges...

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MINIDRIVER63 6/18/2012 9:51AM

    Yes, change takes time, and our metabolisms don't change overnight.

Bread/crackers are my downfall, and it's much easier to eat none than to eat less. I've gotten off track recently but am working very hard to eat right.

I've missed you! I hope everything's going in the right direction for you.

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EGALITAIRE 6/18/2012 9:48AM

    Sounds like you have a healthy perspective. It is all about tweaking. It's also about celebrating and acknowledging the Non Scale Victories, like you are doing.

It does take time to change habits (I know the popular theory is 28 days - I call BS on that one - it depends on how psychologically entrenched the old patterns are - and it could take years), and change happens as a process, not an event.

Keep making those changes, one day at a time, keep noticing the benefits, how you are feeling when you stay on-plan and how going off-plan makes you feel.

Eliminating wheat will bring inflammation down in your body, you will stop storing more fat and start losing it - the scale may not move but the tape measure probably will - you will probably have more physical and mental energy - these are all signs of better health.

Stay Strong

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SUSIEQ911 6/18/2012 9:25AM

    Keep at it! The weight will come off! emoticon

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Saturday

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Another day. Another chance to get it right.

Heart heavy, the person I mentioned with the head injury from a bike accident...isn't going to make it. They are going to remove life support early next week. Find myself being teary.

Food has been good on the wheat front, okay on the rest. Calories continue to be over by a couple hundred a day. Carbs are going lower - it's a process right? Working on including a variety of fruits and veggies - I have a habit of eating the same ol thing all the time, so variety is good!

Having some post-event depression - You know when you work really hard for something and all your attention is focused on it...then it comes and finally goes you are left going..now what? I actually have plenty of "what" coming up, LOL, but many things have to wait for something to begin....

Working on creativity and growth in dance - progress not perfection. Pretty much a theme in my life!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEQ911 6/17/2012 10:10AM

    I'm so sorry about the Dr. I know it's not easy but try to stay positive.

Hugs to you

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IAMFRANSGIRL 6/16/2012 11:37AM

    Progress not perfection...I love this.
So sorry the doctor won't make it, how very sad.
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