Monday, August 13, 2012
Warning*** rambling whiny post. Not looking for suggestions or needing to hear I'm great, LOL. Just need to vent and to whine. You know, we all need a good rant now and then!
I'm having a day.
I work hard at being grateful for what I have...I may not have a lot, but I'm grateful for what I have. I try hard to view the glass as half full, not half empty.
But sometimes, like everyone, I hit the wall. Too many things in a row go badly and I slump.
Working on still working my program, even if it's not perfect...because I don't want to have to pick myself back up off the floor (and a five pound or more gain) because I let myself wallow, ya know?
Days like this....I wish I had a parent. A parent to call and I'd know they'd listen and make me feel better, as I try to do for my own adult children when they're hurting. But there are no parents. There are no friends I feel like whining to.
Sometimes, you have to pick yourself up. Sometimes, it seems like it would be easier to eat my way through it. I get tired of picking myself up.
But, I know that's not the answer. My eating myself sick tonight will not induce my ex to actually pay his child support, even tho it's been three months since he bothered. it won't fix my partner's foul mood or lighten her own self pity. It won't show my kids how to get through tough times. it won't make my knees stop hurting or make me feel good when i look in the mirror, much less when I weigh next week.
I always work on gratitude - it fixes a million ills. so here goes:'
I'm grateful for my health even tho it's not perfect, I'm grateful for my kids and my partner. i'm grateful for my job. I'm grateful for my lil beater car that gets me too and fro. I'm grateful I have health insurance even when it doesn't pay like I wish it would. i'm grateful for folks who love me. I'm grateful I live in a place where I can choose to live my life as an out lesbian and not be persecuted (those rednecks down the street don't count, lol). I'm grateful.
I'm grateful and I will not eat over the things that aren't great.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Another week has passed and again I wonder where the time went.
Further confirmation of my age, LOL. When I was younger, time didn't seem to fly this way....
Still not eating wheat, and when I do I'm miserable so that continues to be good reinforcement, LOL.
Been taking walks a couple times a week with my partner, that's good. My joints are killing me after, that's bad. Realized I'd gotten out of the habit of taking some of my supplements (chondrotin/gluosamine) and that likely has a lot to do with it.
Doh. I'm 48 years old. When will I become more consistent with those things?
I keep repeating the same loop....."oh, I'm feeling like crap. Wonder what that's about...." A week (month?) later. "Huh, I haven't taken my xyz in weeks....I should get on that". Another week/month later..."Man I really feel like crap. I should take my xyz".
Today, so miserable I couldn't stand it, I went and refilled the G/C supplement and began it immediately.
So, the walking - good. Remembering to take the medicine that keeps my osteoarthritis under control so I can enjoy it...better.
Spending the weekend in the city with teenagers, 3 hour trip...hoping it will be fun and not stressful, LOL. Partner and teens tend to butt heads. Sigh. But it will be nice to get out of town and I'm sure we'll do a lot of walking!
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
I pulled pants out of the closet this a.m. that I don't like very much.
I purchased them on clearance when I needed work pants pretty badly but was broke. They were short enough that they worked, but they weren't very comfortable.
See, I wear a lot of elastic waist pants. They're a good way for me to find pants that fit without a lot of hassle. I'm short and round, and very short waisted, so finding pants that FIT is hard.
Anyway, I get these pants and they aren't elastic waist. They're sorta stretchy, but they have bar/hook and zipper for closure. I avoided them often (except when I had no clean pants as today) because I didn't enjoy getting in and out of them - I had to suck it in to hook them and then I had more of a muffin top than I prefer to sport.
But today, no clean work pants except these, so I sighed and pulled them off the hanger.
As I hooked them.....I realized.....I didn't have to suck it in. In fact....the waist is ..... a little loose.
I've been afraid to get back on the scale since the 6 pound loss. Afraid maybe it'll come back. Afraid I'll be disappointed. Afraid I'll get obsessed by the numbers.
I'm not getting on them any time soon ...but today? the NSV of the pants is pretty awesome. :)
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Never too late to begin again. Good thing I believe that.
I laced up the shoes and out I went this a.m.
It was quite sad, LOL. Much more walk than run, I was winded, and I only made it 12 minutes. But I did it.
I did it.
And I will do it again, and again and again.
The interesting change that has come since the first time I tried C25K: My mental outlook on it. The first round, I took my phone with me every time because I was terrified I might....have a heart attack.
Because I have a bad heart, you say? No, because I was morbidly obese and got out of breath easily. Since then, I've not only gotten quite a ways into C25K at least once, but I've also had a stress cardiogram, LOL. Told me my heart was great.
I realized, when that thought crossed my mind as I laced up my shoes "should I take my phone? ....no, you aren't going to have a heart attack Lisa, just go"...I realized I now have a firmer grasp that I CAN do this. I am healthy, despite my weight. I'm out of shape.....really out of shape...but I'm healthy.
And continuing to work on this will only make me ...healthier.
Let me end with the best thing that happened this week, literally:
Coworker takes me aside and says:
"Lisa, how have you lost all this weight?"
Me: (Bursts out laughing) "Um, I've only lost about 6 pounds"
Coworker: Mouth falls open "NO WAY!"
Me: "yep. Really"
Coworker: "You look GREAT Lisa, you must be doing SOMETHING??"
I shared giving up wheat and losing a lot of the bloated inches. She just kept shaking her head and saying, "I sincerely thought you must have lost about 25 pounds since I started working here (six months ago)".
Made. My. Freaking. Week.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
108 days ago, I decided to again try to leave Wheat behind. It's been an interesting journey, and certainly not a perfect one. I can't say "I haven't touched wheat in 108 days!" Nope, not at all. But I have, day and in and day out, changed the way I eat and eliminated it almost entirely.
In those 108 days, I had no weight loss. Zip, zero, zilch. It was disheartening to say the least, but I felt better, so I kept up with it.
Yesterday, I stepped on the scale just for kicks.
I've lost 6 pounds.
That 6 pounds came out of nowhere, I think I weighed last about 10 days ago.
Part of me, the Negative Nelly, says, Really? 108 days to lose six stinking pounds?
But frankly, I'm pretty darn happy. Something shifted, finally. I won't be getting back on the scale any time soon, lol. I want to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment for as long as possible!
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