Sunday, August 19, 2012
I've overscheduled myself for....years. Just be quiet and do...nothing? No can do. My head gets swirling with stuff - typically negative, depressing, or stressful stuff at that - and I go downhill. So I typically have a book and/or knitting with me all the time.
Yesterday, we went to hear a friend play guitar and sing at a local coffee place. It was a beautiful day, we sat on the patio and listened and laughed (the friend is quite funny to boot). I worked on my knitting project and was quite happy...
til I finished the knit project.
Then I immediately noticed I was restless. Hard time concentrating on the music and just sitting there no longer felt relaxing but difficlt.
I recognize some things in myself after all the testing we've put into my son. Anxiety? ADHD? Hmm. As they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. For awhile, thinking about these things and my inability to sit still and enjoy the music without something in my hands....I felt down on myself. Then I reminded myself that I am who I am...and that's okay.
Yep, there's some stuff in my life that lead me to this point...and I learned how to cope. For a long time, I coped....by using food. I cooked, I baked and I ate the product of that effort. It soothed me and it worked, but it - combined with some other things - left me in a 250 pound body on a 5 foot frame.
Sometimes, I think my partner is a bit irritated that I take my knitting with me and do it while we're visiting folks or waiting for an event to start etc. yep, I've tried to explain, but she can't help it, she thinks I'm being rude. Now, I don't work on complex stuff that I have to have a chart and silence and not talk. I work on projects I can do pretty much with no thinking and put away/pick up at the drop of a hat. If the choice is knit or be a jumble of nerves in my seat - miserable and wanting to leave - then I choose to knit!
Knitting is calorie free. Knitting engages that restless monkey in my head and allows me to participate and enjoy in whatever is going on around me. Coping without food is a good thing.
However, I am noticing that I constantly fill my time, and sometimes I multitask when I could do less. When being busy helps me cope with stress/anxiety/depression well, I'll call that good. When it won't allow me to sit still and enjoy my family on Christmas morning for example, not so good.
Balance. I'd like to find balance here. That continues to be another work in progress.
PS I realize I incorrectly stated the SparkCoach program to be $2.99 a month. Nope, it's $7.99 a month, my bad. And still totally worth it in my opinion - I'm signing up!
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Wow am i pleased to see the weekend roll in!
So, a success! Yesterday, my partner said yep, she'd go walking with me in the evening. Evening came, she didn't feel good - I went anyway (that's a success in itself if you've ever had your significant other "hint strongly" you should stay home with them, LOL).
I took myself out to the fitness trails at a local park. I'd glanced at the map online, and read that the trail was a 1 mile loop. By the time I got to the park it was 8:11 p.m. I thought, well - it's getting dark I'll just do half the loop (the parking lot is in the middle of the loop, making this doable). I hit the trail and walked and walked and walked. It got darker and darker. I thought well, push on, you can do this and started around the second half of the loop went out into the brush and the pines and by now, it was getting DARK, so I turned around and backtracked and went back to the car. When i got home and went to map it, I realized the loop was a 2 mile loop, not 1 mile, and by backtracking I'd done almost the whole 2 miles anyway!
It was a good feeling. It was also sobering to see how few calories it burns compared to how it FEELS. One of the reasons i started trying to do C25K, I wanted more calorie burn and I wanted more miles under my belt for the time I invested.
Alas, my knees say No, No, and NO to the running, at least right now. So, okay, I'll walk. It is what it is.
A little money has come in, so i can stop living off of carbs, WHEW. I've felt absolutely ICK the last week, but when it's eat what you have or don't eat, you aren't so picky!
Feeling good, feeling positive!! Woo hoo!
Friday, August 17, 2012
What a week. I'm so very relieved it's FRIDAY!
Yesterday in my local paper, there was a feature on a local woman who lost 125 pounds. She's related to a cousin of mine in a roundabout fashion and I was curious enough I took the time to read the article.
Her journey started with watching The Biggest Loser and getting motivated, then by doing Jillian Micheal's program for awhile, and eventually beginning to run (along with circuit training and caloric deficit). It was nice to see....success. Success by someone "real" to me - even tho I don't know her personally. To see it in my hometown. To read that she works out often in one of the local parks with fitness trails.
It inspired me to find that particular park for the first time last night to use for my own walk, and it was a really nice location, relatively flat so easy on the knees, beautifully designed to include both natural high desert beauty and more landscaped nature trails.
I'm starting today more motivated because of her story. That's a blessing. :)
I'm almost done with the 2-week free trial of the spark coach program. I really, really like it. I feel more consistent on the site with it, and we all know, it's all about consistency! The price, $2.99 a month (right now they are offering .99 cent first month too) is extremely, EXTREMELY reasonable. If you haven't yet done the free trial, I heartily recommend it!
This week hasn't had the fitness minutes I would have liked it to have had...and my body continues to hurt: Creaky, painful knees; some kind of hamstring thing going on after last weekend's hours of walking around the zoo, stress-induced tight as a drum shoulders/back. My mood has been lower than usual - stress stress and more stress, with a side of stress and guess what? Stress for dessert too! My food has been okay as far as calories, but carb-rich and that makes me feel blech physically and emotionally.
The scale was up 2 pounds this week, but it's not necessarily "fat gain" - I'm well aware I'm puffed up with water retention, and very aware that weight loss, for me, is not a steady downward line, more like jagged up and down up and down up and down. I lost six a while back...and now I'm up 2. I could obsess about the 2, but I don't have the energy, LOL! Too many other things to worry about right now!
Funny how difficulties in life can give us perspective! I'm able to shrug my shoulders and say, "eh, it'll go back down".
That's really quite the gift. :)
Today's goal: 30 min fitness. If I can get that in today, I'll be a happy camper.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
One of the hats I wear is: Dance Coach. I hold dancers hands through stress and worry, hold them accountable for their practice and their attitude, help them evaluate what they are doing well and what needs work.
A common theme among ALMOST all the 12 women I coach - all ages, spread across the country from the West coast to New York, different ethnicities...
Self loathing, in some cases, almost self hatred.
These accomplished women don't think they are good enough. Some of them own their own businesses, hold high-ranking jobs, have successful dance careers....and they can't find a thing they like about themselves.
This translates right back to my own struggles. I remember the first therapist I saw, one day asked me...what do you like about yourself, Lisa?
I couldn't think of anything. Nothing. It took me a week to come back and say "I'm a good friend".
Since then, I do feel better about myself.
But not, I realize, enough. Not enough to be healthy inside and out.
So what do I like about myself?
I am, indeed, a good friend.
I have pretty eyes.
I have a good work ethic.
What do you like about YOURSELF? Because I think it's important to ask ourselves this - again, and again and again in our journey toward health.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Happy to report, today is already much better than yesterday.
I don't feel as overwhelmed and low....back to feeling more positive and ready to go!
Whew. Maybe I just needed to get all that negativity off my mind...that's really why I blog here in the first place....things I don't let out anywhere else.
An interesting note...I really dreaded tracking yesterday's food. It had been such a crappy day..I felt like every food choice was terrible and I probably ate like 3000 calories, etc. But I decided, just do it.
Just suck it up and do it. See the damage and move on. This isn't about one day, right? It's about a million tiny choices. So I tracked.
Within all ranges except one, fiber. Really? I didn't go over on calories? Wow. I didn't have excessive fat OR carbs?
Go figure. Another note to self about the negative bent my mind can take about tracking my food. I was so sure it would be terrible....and in reality - it wasn't.
I did have wheat yesterday. A side effect of being stone cold broke is you eat what you have and I had wheat. But, we all do what we have to do, and it won't be like that every day or forever.
It's not one day....it's hundreds of days of better choices.
I made my goal of walking 5+ miles last week....much to the irritation of my knees. I'm taking the supplements again, but it will take a good month to get to a therapeutic level. So creaky, unhappy knees are reminding me....take care of myself or I won't be able to do the things I want to do.
A powerful message, for sure.
Get An Email Alert Each Time NOREGRET2010 Posts