Sunday, February 02, 2014
When I read about age related problems, I feel a little smug. I should be thanking God that I don't have those issues. I am 69 and have been blessed with great genetics in some areas.
*After my hysterectomy, I did not have hot flashes, my husband did. I cannot tolerate estrogen supplements.
* Breast changes - mine are still almost perky, not droopy pancakes.
* My skin is beautiful.
* My hair is luxurious and thick and long.
* I am still over 5'7". My husband and brother don't seem as tall as they were.
* My health is such that doctors double check my chart because my body is young.
* Strangers are shocked that I qualify for senior discounts.
I see places I could use 'a little tweek'. My abdomen is rounded, not flat. I have bat wings. My neck looks 50.
Friday, December 20, 2013
and I'm retried. In the beginning we didn't see a lot of each other, now we are rarely apart. Would be great if he didn't make so many unsatisfactory decisions for me. Do I want to park far out? He parks as close as possible. What time are we leaving? Doesn't matter, he'll usually say, I'm late. Yesterday he asked why I was ready so early. And so it goes.
Quiet time, down time means he will talk to me, read to me, play updates on his cell phone and generally keep me company so I don't get lonely. The absolute worst was 2 am in London. He called our friend in the states, put his phone on speaker and sat on the bed next to where I was sleeping. When he poked the phone at me and insisted I say something, I growled something about wanting to sleep. Our friend had a good laugh and told my husband good night.
Blogging and journalling are not within his comprehension. He reads over my shoulder and critiques what I have to say or corrects my spelling, grammer, etc. Excuse me, this is my feelings and none of your business. He understands for less than 30 seconds then starts talking because he 'likes me'. I don't feel respected and he says it is not his problem. Even when I tell him what I want or like, he tells me I am wrong. He doesn't comprehend differences. He has never been tested for OCD or broad-spectrum autism. He certainly exhibits symptoms because our grandson's diagnosis led to our son's diagnosis of autism. My mother is so OCD, I can still remember exactly how every cabinet in her house was arran ged while I was growing up and I haven't lived with her for about 50 years.
I should tell my mental health professional what is eating at me but I don't see her often enough to really get down to it. Watching The Biggest Loser, I think I need Dolvett to work me to the point I break and face what is eating at me. I am afraid to become that vulnerable but I know it will help. Doing a research report on Peri-Natal Infant Death, and saying goodbye to the baby I lost 40 years earlier really helped me. My husband cherished the symbol of that loss, singing to it and rocking it for a couple of days. I even found a glass 'casket' for the baby and lined it with soft pink tissue. Any one opening the candy dish will be confused but we know it is the symbol of the baby we lost.
If I can remember one man in a crowd walking home from work with his penis hanging out, I wondered what is buried and how deep it is.
Friday, October 18, 2013
I had some jerky for emergencies but left it on the kitchen table. Three servings casually consumed by my husband as a snack. Now there is none for me. He went out for a burrito bowl and brought one back to me after he saw me eat fried rice and vegetables for lunch.
Of course he is locked into the television and gaining weight again. I was trying to do online banking for him when he called me in to watch Bones with him. When I got back to the banking, he yelled at me for scheduling his requested funds transfer. He had just gotten notified of a transfer scheduled two weeks ago and now he wants only a small additional transfer... Of course he yelled at me for not reading his mind (could that be the excess blood sugar talking?) He wanted to know what I did and how I was going to change it. I showed him what is set for Monday and he kept yelling it was wrong. Then he said, 'if $4200 is set up that is wrong.' He kept firing questions at me that required lookups then he yelled at me for not fixing his error. Twice I tried to find out, 'should I change it? How much should it be?' After several more 'If it's theres' he finally said, 'make it $400.' Now that was a clear simple statement that was easy to execute.
We really need some time apart. The problem is his insistence on keeping me company when I go someplace away from him. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't persist in reading to me, showing me things on his smart phone, playing it extra loud and snapping his fingers to get my hand. It doesn't matter if my hands are busy when the baby wants attention.
I've even tried creating an obstacle course to where I am so I can have space. That doesn't stop him, he complains about it and works around it. If I have a mess of trash on the floor near me, he complains and steps over it. I tell him, 'It's trash, throw it out please.' and he just walks away. He leaves his trash on the floor and says I set the standard. If I've left it there when I left the room, it is because he had some kind of problem and demanded immediate attention. Our sons were rarely as demanding and usually put things in the trash when I asked them to. Also, they emptied the waste baskets and carried the trash out regularly without being asked. My husband just keeps jamming things into the basket waiting for me to replace the bag.
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