Friday, October 18, 2013
I had some jerky for emergencies but left it on the kitchen table. Three servings casually consumed by my husband as a snack. Now there is none for me. He went out for a burrito bowl and brought one back to me after he saw me eat fried rice and vegetables for lunch.
Of course he is locked into the television and gaining weight again. I was trying to do online banking for him when he called me in to watch Bones with him. When I got back to the banking, he yelled at me for scheduling his requested funds transfer. He had just gotten notified of a transfer scheduled two weeks ago and now he wants only a small additional transfer... Of course he yelled at me for not reading his mind (could that be the excess blood sugar talking?) He wanted to know what I did and how I was going to change it. I showed him what is set for Monday and he kept yelling it was wrong. Then he said, 'if $4200 is set up that is wrong.' He kept firing questions at me that required lookups then he yelled at me for not fixing his error. Twice I tried to find out, 'should I change it? How much should it be?' After several more 'If it's theres' he finally said, 'make it $400.' Now that was a clear simple statement that was easy to execute.
We really need some time apart. The problem is his insistence on keeping me company when I go someplace away from him. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't persist in reading to me, showing me things on his smart phone, playing it extra loud and snapping his fingers to get my hand. It doesn't matter if my hands are busy when the baby wants attention.
I've even tried creating an obstacle course to where I am so I can have space. That doesn't stop him, he complains about it and works around it. If I have a mess of trash on the floor near me, he complains and steps over it. I tell him, 'It's trash, throw it out please.' and he just walks away. He leaves his trash on the floor and says I set the standard. If I've left it there when I left the room, it is because he had some kind of problem and demanded immediate attention. Our sons were rarely as demanding and usually put things in the trash when I asked them to. Also, they emptied the waste baskets and carried the trash out regularly without being asked. My husband just keeps jamming things into the basket waiting for me to replace the bag.
Monday, September 09, 2013
When did I start this journey? That is so hard to say because I was so young the first time I tried to lose weight. I wanted to be the same size as other girls. It didn't matter that I was 4" taller than average. I wanted to be 'thin' like them. Then I saw a slightly chunky cheerleader. Maybe my size wasn't so bad. It didn't stop me from having friends or a few dates. I couldn't do a lot of physical activities because I became short of breath so fast.
Right after we got back from visiting my grandparents, I had my college physical - 157 lbs. That was horrible (I don't expect to see a number that low until I'm under 5'4".) I stopped eating cheese and crackers every afternoon and had a piece of fruit. I tried to move more and drink coffee instead of real cola. By the time school started, I was down to 149. For 3 years, that was my weight. I ate moderately and walked or biked everywhere. During finals I'd gain a little and then lose it when I got home.
When I took the physical for the WAC, I was at the top of the range for my height. If I lost 12 lbs. I would be at the bottom. (20 years later, my son could gain or lose 50 lbs. and still be okay.) I met my husband, travelled during the summer and returned to school in the fall. Oct. 2 I received my engagement ring. For the next month dinner consisted of giggling, beef and ice cream. I dropped to 137. I went shopping for a dress size. The clerk insisted I try a smaller size. WOW. That's where my weight stayed until we got married. I gained some weight until he shipped out. Then I lost it again.
And so it went. Live with him and gain weight, separate for work and lose weight. During a period we were both unemployed my weight climbed. After we went to work, I still gained. When I had my hysterectomy, I weighed235 (yeah almost 100 lbs. heavier than my wedding day). I lost about 10 lbs and it never returned. Maybe the tumor was heavy. A few years later I had a colonoscopy with one doctor and another diagnosed asthma. Taking advantage of the liquid diet and day of fasting, I kept my weight at about 218.
When my husband was diagnosed with diabetes, I grabbed the opportunity to get healthy. I parked far from doors, used the stairs and ate very healthy. No junk snacks in the house. He also got a job out of town. I was down to 168 when I lost my job and my world turned upside down. By this time I was too close to retirement to get another job.
In 12 years, I am 40 lbs heavier. The last time I was under 190, our doctor was concerned about my weight loss. He wanted to know how far down I planned to go. I said, 'I'll know when I get there.' He told me not to lose more than 10 lbs and then told my husband he had to lose at least 40. Didn't go over well.
Now I am 204-208. I need to wear skirts again. In order to be comfortable in them with nylons, I need to be below 198. To get there, I need to create an action plan for food and activity. Now that I realize I can put a dvd into my computer instead of the TV, I killed my last excuse for doing nothing while my husband watches TV.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Finally got around to reading '10 Signs You're Watching Too Much Television'. In a way, it was funny. I know I've sat too long because my knees won't flex. For my husband's birthday party Saturday, I hid the TV & DVR remotes so nobody would watch TV before the party.
A half hour before the party I was finishing details. My husband and his brother-in-law complained about the remotes being 'lost'. That meant they were stuck with the Wii activities. My sister-in-law joined them to play some active games. They got a lot of exercise until I sat down in the living room to wait for guests. The irony of the 'lost remote' is that it was right next to my husband's diabetes test kit.
I use the TV to 'chill out' before going to bed. My husband stays up with me talking about the program I am watching. I started watching at 10. He stayed up to keep me company and complained about how late it was. HE went to bed after 11 and I still needed my extra hour.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Just got back from a Stay at Home vacation. My sister-in-law and her husband came out for my husband's 70th birthday. If she or I said, 'Oh, let's walk' the men were forced to walk with us.
We normally had breakfast at home. That was easy. Sometimes we ate out for lunch. One day she & I looked in the refrigerator and decided to have leftovers. I had to laugh once the 'buffet' was set - everything was mine. (She sometimes split with someone.) She and I enjoyed the leftover roasted spaghetti squash. I let her have the ribs and took something healthier for me. Our husbands were happy with the choices.
We followed the 'Chocolate Trail' and found some creative ways to control the calories like saving the sample for another day. My husband, as the driver, was the ultimate restaurant cho0ser with a lot of input from us.
One day, we needed a male free day and started for a massage. I even went online to book an appointment. Unfortunately, that place stopped doing massages a month ago. The other places I knew about were closed. We settled for walking downtown and checking out the architecture. We enjoyed a leisurely cup of coffee and her Tuesday morning venting. Returning to the car, she walked faster and I kept up with her.
For my husband's birthday, we fixed semi-wheat bread, healthy meat tray, cheeses and a large veggie platter plus some chips. When we cut the cake, one grandson, knowing Nana, asked for ice cream. I gave everyone a choice. I took a small scoop and scrapped the frosting off my cake.
Yeah, we had and lot of fun.
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