Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Do you ever have mornings where you just feel better and lighter? You just feel like you've lost weight? And then you weigh yourself and you have had a drop?
Well that just happened to me - love it!! I have, internally, a big cheesy grin right now. Externally, a happy little smirk.
When I weighed I was down 2.5 lbs. Total of 4.5 since I got recommitted on this journey of health and weight loss.
Then this morning I see that a lot of other people are posting 1, 2 or even 4 or 5 lb weight losses - WE ROCK! One was breaking a plateau which feels extra good :)
Now if you didn't have a loss, or even had a gain today, don't worry, you will. Keep sweating and nourishing and it'll come. I know people who were in months or even year long plateaus, but eventually something shifted and they broke through, and we are all here to help!
I was already feeling hopeful and determined, but those feelings really got a boost this morning :) It's so rewarding. And I can look back and see what I've eaten and when I've sweated and know I earned it, it wasn't a fluke.
Now though comes the important part - I have to keep going. Sure 4.5 lbs is great, but I cannot let up and get relaxed about it and blow what I've accomplished. I've got to use this little success to fuel the future ones, Not feel like I deserve a day off or an unhealthy splurge. I want to keep this feeling and savor it.
The other day I looked back at some blogs from when I was doing really well, right before I slipped - I believe it was March of 2013 so it really was only like a year and a half that I put on the weight, not 2 like I thought, eek! - and I REALLY want to get back to that place. I remember clothes were looking good, I had some muscle tone going on in my arms and legs, I was wearing shorts for the first time in years , but I was motivated and positive. I was jogging and seeing huge improvements with that. I was kickboxing. I was doing yoga at least once a week. I was doing strength. I had a well balanced routine and I was giving my body what it needed. I was being creative with how I could add filling veggies and whole grains to my tilapia lunch for low calories, so of course tracking it all.
I'm letting go of the part where I screwed up and gained everything back. It's in the past, gone.
But I am reliving the feeling of success and accomplishment, of health and energy. That's where I want to get to again, and today was the first time I caught a taste of it in a long time.
That's why I'm a little giddy. :)
Hope everyone has a great healthy rest of your week!!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Oh sure, it might seem as though I'm wishy-washy. I have been known to be on occasion. However, when it comes to this crazy roller coaster weight loss journey, I think it's completely necessary, at least for me.
I have a plan. The plan doesn't work. I have a NEW plan. That doesn't quite work. I tweak the plan. and on and on and on.
So here are my current thoughts...
I had a plan I implemented for a few weeks of rising early (about 5am) and getting meditation and exercise in before my hubby left for work (so I could leave the house by myself to walk and have my almost 5 year old be watched, of course).
The problem? I was meditating first to make sure to get it in, then workout. The problem is when I wake up late. I need about 20 minutes for meditation and then want to do 30-45 minutes of exercise, we're now looking at an average of an hour. So when I'd wake late I'd either give up or just meditate and skip the workout.
The tweak? It's not as simple for me as it sounds, because I want to pursue balance in all areas of my life. I can't just focus on weight loss or I'll obsess and let everything else fall by the wayside and get down about it then the weight loss suffers. I need to keep balance. I want to work on creating time daily where I focus on getting organized, exercising and eating healthy, meditating and writing. But I need to do them at the right times so it will flow. I need a new schedule.
What I realized is that I can halfway meditate while I walk in the morning. Sure, if I'm doing zumba I can't, but if I'm walking out in nature I can certainly let my thoughts wander, or focus my thoughts on positive mantras as I walk, I can focus my energy in a more positive healthful way. That can be good enough. If I can't devote time on doing both separately each day, I'll combine them.
Also on school days I may do strength in the morning and meditation, then when I drop my son off for school, take a walk on the bike path that's a block away. This is another big step for me, because I was planning on spending almost every day he has school (preschool 3 days a week, 3 hours per day) at my favorite local coffee shop to write. The problem with that is I spend too much money, eat and drink way too many calories, And I am at a week or so now of being coffee free to help my acid reflux. So it probably wouldn't be smart to hang out there. I might go occasionally, Or I can take a walk, head home (about 5 min drive) and do some writing there, I can meditate at that time too, etc. I always have before bed and during nap for meditation time opportunities as well. This decision has not been easy, but it's definitely a smarter decision than my previous plan to go once a week or something.
Yes, I ramble. If you are new to my blogs...Sorry! You'll get used to it :) This is where I sort my thoughts and make up my plans :)
So. Wake early, maybe do 5:30 instead of 5:00 (normally need to get back by 6:30). Get changed, bathroom, maybe grab something small to eat if I'm hungry and drink some water and head out the door. Come back and if there's time before I have to get my son up, Say bye to the hubby and go meditate. If there's not time, work on it later like when I come back home. And like I said if I decide to do strength I can either do it in the morning and walk after I drop him, or walk first thing and do strength when I come back home. I like having the option so I can go with how I feel. In the winter I might walk in my snow boots, but when it gets bitter cold I'll just head back home.
And maybe I can convince one of the other moms to walk with me after we drop the kids also!
I'm excited about this new plan, partly because I love fall weather, and it is coming! Today they are letting out schools early because it is so hot and humid it feels like well over 100, with the actual high at 'only' 87 degrees. But tomorrow the high is 83, then wednesday 78, thursday 77...the highest I see in the next 10 days is 83. So it's coming, slowly but surely. It'll be good walking weather in the morning!
I'm also going to try to take the dog most mornings so that'll help her too and make me feel good getting her some proper exercise. (she's been difficult, but a new collar/leash is helping so she doesn't pull as hard constantly - she's 95 lbs and was about 7 when we got her 2 years ago and she was NOT trained at all, so it was a constant stressful struggle so I'd tend not to take her. At least she has 5 acres to run, she does get exercise!)
So, I'm giving up the coffee shop, recommitting to the early wake-ups, and moving forward. My son's preschool starts Sept 3rd, so September is going to be an all new routine for me and I'm excited. And if something doesn't work as planned, I'll come up with another option.
Hope everyone else is doing well!! I miss so many of you - I wasn't on regularly for a while and then I come back and see many friends haven't updated anything in ages either. Hope to touch base with you all soon!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
So....To those of you that knew me when I was losing weight and being kind of awesome and motivated...How I hope I can get back to that place. Over the last 2 years I have gained back everything and more. I've gained 50 lbs.
I'm over being disappointed in myself about it. I am having a little mini (until I hear otherwise) health scare right now and between that and how I FEEL it might just be the motivation I need to get back to being motivated and working hard.
The mini health scare is that a brand new weird looking mole just popped up on my forehead by the hairline. I never had so much as a freckle there and this one appeared overnight, and looks totally different from anything else I have. It's tiny, but a little quick research (no I'm not an internet hypochondriac :) ) let me know that yes, I should follow my gut reaction and have my dermatologist take a look. I put off calling yesterday, so I will call today.
As for how I feel...my "big" clothes are getting tight, I always feel swollen and not just because it's summer) and my acid reflux is horrible.
And the part I need to come to terms with is that it's completely my fault. There are so many reasons I may have gotten derailed, but it's in the past and it doesn't excuse 2 years of looking the other way with an occasional week long jaunt to motivation land.
I've been eating what I wanted and too much of it while convincing myself it wasn't too bad. I've spent entirely too much of my time (I've been working only 2 days a week) sitting on the couch binge-watching netflix shows/movies. I have been buying far too many lattes, eating too many yummy breakfast sandwiches from the coffee shop and glazed scones. Not all meals were horrible which is why I guess I convinced myself I was doing okay, but a few healthy meals now and then, or occasional portion control does not come close to making up for all the damage I was doing 90% of the time.
I was hardly ever active. I started the spring off with early wakeups and walks and was feeling great but after a few weeks feel off the wagon with that. 2 weeks of travelling this summer didn't help, but wasn't horrible.
This is the hardest part. When you are out of shape and feeling like crap and so tired, to get your rear up and do something about it.
I have accepted a few hard truths...
*I must give up my beloved coffee, at least until I have lost a good amount of weight where the acid reflux might be better. I've been drinking tea, water, crystal light and milk - this is day 3. I think the coffee-withdrawl headaches are coming to an end.
*I must get up and move. So as not to overwhelm myself, My goal, until I gain more confidence, is 10 minutes a day. I will likely do more than that every day, but that is the goal.
*I will pay attention and not eat the foods that give me acid reflux. Someone at work gave my son some peanut m&m's yesterday - I ate 2. Immediate feeling of the reflux. No chocolate candy. I ate one bite of an oatmeal raisin cookie last night (i just made enough for my husband and son). I had a feeling it might cause AR but didn't know why (cinnamon?) and yep, it did. None of those. Tomato sauce also, that'll be the hard one. I'll try eating fresh tomatoes and see if that does it. I had bought a bag of jalapeno cheetos last week, I threw them out. I'm hoping I'll finally see the bigger picture of how things make my BODY feel, not just my tastebuds.
*I will limit netflix to one episode of a show or a movie. Most days hopefully won't watch any, but if I do, that's the limit. Bonus if I am on the treadmill when I watch it.
*I'm not thinking about the huge goal. I'm working to get back to where I was before I derailed. Slowly. So 50 lbs is my first large goal. I will make small goals along the way, keeping track of how much i've lost total, not just that week. I don't want to give up because I had a bad week, I want to see how far I've come.
*I'm getting my home/life organized again. That had gotten out of control too. Not like a hoarder or anything, just toys and old clothes I haven't dealt with, magazines I haven't read, emails I haven't deleted. I am making huge progress on that front right now.
One other change is that I was working two days a week and those days my preschool age son was going to daycare. His preschool class this year will be three mornings a week. For multiple reasons we have decided not to have him go to daycare those other two days like we used to. So I will be taking him to work with me (gotta love family businesses!) for just a few hours at a time. Which means the few hours I was working will be cut back. And all of my time other than when he's at preschool, will be spent with my son. That is, in a way, good, but also could be pretty stressful.
I kind of believe in synchronicity, things coming along at the right time. I used to do home parties for a company that, now that I'm older, wouldn't really feel comfortable with anymore. It was fun when I was in my low 20's :) But I ran into some people from the company recently and reminisced about how fun it was to do parties. Then I went to a Pampered Chef party last week and learned more about being a consultant for them. It felt like that came along at the right time for a reason, and with my hours being cut back the extra money would help even if I did 1 party a month. And it would get me some adult time as well, out of the house :)
So the plan there is to see how the new schedule works for a couple weeks (first week in Sept is when there is no more daycare and preschool starts too) and then decide if I want to go with it. I don't just want to jump in and add something else to my plate if I'm not ready. Since it would be evenings/weekends it should work perfectly with the things I want to accomplish for myself and around the house daily/weekly.
So that's pretty much where I'm at. I'm determined to live a healthy long active life. I'm starting to track foods again and trying to eat less carbs, more fresh foods. I'm working on getting into better healthier habits in all areas of my life and making sure to get physical (Oh, and meditate) daily. Making the healthy habits part of my morning and night routines. Even little stuff like getting the kitchen clean before bed so I don't wake up to a mess, or not being lazy and leaving makeup on because I stayed up to late and figure I'll wash my face in the morning - nope. Going to bed early, waking early. Taking the time to do things that actually make me feel good and happy. Not going to the coffee shop every day while my son is in school, maybe once a week, and get tea, not a latte, a healthy sandwich not the worst one. It will be a special thing, a reward maybe after a loss, not an every school day thing.
I want to make the most out of every opportunity, live life to the fullest, make wiser decisions. I don't want to sit back lazily and let life pass me by as I fade more and more. I want to show up for life vibrantly and with strength.
These are my baby steps, with much more to come.
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