Friday, August 09, 2013
Well...I'm back on the wagon I suppose. I found my motivation unexpectedly - a diet bet. I've heard of that site in the past but had no interest. Well for whatever reason it struck a chord with me this time and I signed up for one and I've actually been tracking and am down 2 lbs in the last 2 days. I am excited about the weight going down...except I have to keep trying to ignore the voice that tells me how far I have left to go until I'm back to where I was at this time last year. Somehow, over the last year I've gained back 25 lbs!!!!! I knew it was going up but was in total denial about how much, to what extent. I looked at my goals on my homepage where I put weights and what date I reached them, and last August I had hit 220. I weighed in wednesday at 245! WTH!
On the plus side, like I said I found some new motivation via Dietbet. Also life has returned to normal - our summer teenage houseguest went back home. Having a houseguest for a few months really derailed my routine, etc so that's a good thing. We also had our vacation/work trip to Charleston, SC and I loved it!!!!! We had a great time, I got lots of activity and ate decently healthy most days (I swear I gained 5-7 lbs just in the last couple weeks since I got back - ugh). We went to Folly beach a few times and I had so much fun diving into waves, etc. My son had a blast with his first time at the beach too!!! It was great.
Also helping overall is I've been seriously slacking on meditating lately and Deepak Chopra has a new 21 day challenge going on that I've been doing. If I miss a day I just to two the next day.
Overall I'm just thankful for so much and it's bringing hope with it that I can get more fit again, that I'll see 220 (and beyond) again, etc.
Some things I'm thankful for:
My husband and son :)
My deck (new last year) which enables me to get outside more for meals or even a meditation
My body that enables me to be active
My computer that enables me to reach out to all of you and find inspiration regarding health, fitness, creativity (pinterest), meditation resources, etc
My free time with my son
My work time that helps change things up, challenge me, teach me and bring home some money
My calming meditation and yoga time, when I get it - not always as often as I'd like, but then I appreciate it more
My time at the beach recently - Wish I could be near a beach always, but once again, it makes me truly appreciate it more
Fresh veggies from my garden
I could just keep going on and on...but the main thing is seeing what makes me happy and grateful makes me think of what I need to focus on for my health and happiness - being active and out in nature, working, spending time connecting with friends and family, and having quiet (constructive)time to myself.
If I listen to myself and what makes me happy, and stop dimming/lessening/numbing it with TV and random internet, I am sure I'll find success :)
Love and success to all of you - what really brings you calm and happiness? Not just an escape (tv for me) but really brings a relaxed smile to your face? Follow it.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
I feel kind of like this is the beginning of my new though continued journey, if that makes any sense :) Yesterday I did better with eating, my meals were healthy but the snacks were still bad. Like 2 big servings of ice cream and 2 cookies throughout the day. I am working on it though! I know if I try to change everything overnight it's too overwhelming, but I am admitting to it and making myself aware of what I'm still doing that I want to change and my main goal is to do better and be more in control every day.
As much as I'd like to get off artificial sweeteners some day 100%, right now I have crystal light in my pantry and it REALLY helps me drink more throughout the day, so I'm just going for it for right now. I'll use up my supply and help kick start my loss again. I'm not one to drink much soda or diet soda (normally, though lately I have drank some), so at least crystal light is better than pop, but I do like just drinking tea and water. It'll happen again soon :) Gotta get rid of it somehow and if it helps me right now, to drink more "water" and less pop or juice, etc, awesome.
So yesterday I took some of the strength exercises and made my own groupings. I made legs, core and arms groups. I put all of my favorite exercises and put them in the appropriate groups, then wrote them down in the groups so when I go to workout I can look at my options and easily pick and choose what I feel like that day. (without looking at ALL of the options on the site for each category) Then when I go to track, I can add the whole group, or groups (depending on if I only did one or all, etc) and just check and delete the exercises I did not do. It sounds complicated, but it is helping me, it makes it simpler and more doable overall. I tried it out today, did some exercises in each category and added them and I really liked it! :) Yay to a successful step!
So far I've eaten healthily today, I had my green smoothie, one cup of 1/2 caff coffee with flavored creamer and it's about time for lunch (and I'm hungry!) so I'll have something out of the freezer - either a lean cuisine or a leftovers from a healthy meal that I froze. We'll see if I can resist temptation for ice cream when my son is napping. I've noticed a pattern, but not sure what I can do to change or replace it. When I am alone and can relax, that's when I get into the ice cream, etc. When my son is napping and after he goes to bed and other people are in bed. Those are the two worst times. I'll curl up and watch some tv and eat ice cream. I'm not sure when that started but I haven't always done that. Maybe I'll temporarily try to substitute a healthier snack and then get rid of the snack and replace with something else. We'll see. Anyone else have that problem and have suggestions?
Anyway, today I'm feeling positive and much better than I have in a while, so I guess I'm ready to start kicking butt again, just maybe in a different way :) I'm also giving up running for a while. I would feel SO accomplished and like a rockstar after a run, but I'd always dread it and put it off. I'm deciding to focus on long walks and other exercise for now and when the time is right I'll want to run again :)
Okay, gotta make lunch - have a great day!!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Well, I have no idea what I'm going to write, but I felt compelled to blog and it's been about a month since my last one.
I feel totally frustrated and lost right now. I have gained back 20 lbs from my lowest I hit last year, and about 10 of those have been in the last 3 months. NOT cool. I know I WANT to take a more natural approach to weight loss, like without tracking, etc, but while I felt ready for that a few months ago, something changed and for whatever reason I'm not in that place anymore and I can NOT let my weight go up any more, I need to just give in and track for a while. I need to reset. I need a reality check about what I'm eating. I need to remind myself how it feels to focus on trying to get in my fruits and veggies and water and get enough fiber, etc. When I track it's not just about calories, it tends to be the overall picture which is great and healthy. Of course my goal is not to have to track always, but right now if that's what feels right and is logical, then back to tracking I will go.
I don't like having to stress about what I'm eating, but at the same time I know I need more structure. I need goals to work towards. I need to have those moments when I feel awesome because I reached a goal. I used to totally rock when it came to this whole fitness and weight loss thing and I've totally lost it lately. I so want to get it back.
Anyway I'm just really struggling. Any encouragement is SO appreciated!!!
I hope you all are doing well!!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Wow - I can't believe it's been a month since I last blogged!
Every time you all don't see me for a while, it's not that I've given up, or have been "gone" and now I'm "back". I don't consider myself GONE unless I'm giving up and telling everyone sayonara I'm quitting spark, which I don't think I'll EVER do, so no worries! I just don't get on here every day like I used to, and for me, that's a good thing. I'd get on here and read and post (which is great don't get me wrong) but then I'd end up floating around the internet for long periods of time and in that way created a bit of a negative impact for me. Lately I've been so busy with different things that I can go a week without touching the computer. And while I miss my sparkfriends and miss knowing what's going on with everyone, it's also been nice to have technology breaks and just living life and not worrying about tracking and weight.
I am still in my ever-present search for balance. Either way, whether you are tracking or just trying to be mindful and in tune with your body and what your body wants and how much it wants/needs, as I am, you need focus. You need to be aware of what you are doing and respond to it. Whether it's noting what you eat and tracking it, or being aware when you sit down to eat and slow down and pay attention to your body. And I've not been feeling very focused lately. I am not going to weigh myself until I feel I'm making progress LOL. I'm sure over the last couple weeks I've put on some weight and I'm working to get back in control, get back into healthy habits and routines then see where I'm at.
So why haven't I been focused or in a routine? Well, first off you all mostly know about my crazy schedule with volunteering at the library on Wednesdays, cleaning at my grandmother-in-laws a few times a month, working at my hubby's family business a couple days a week, etc etc. It's not that I'm busy all the time, I just don't have a set schedule which is hard for me. Already it was a bit hard to focus, then last weekend (not this past one)we had family come to town (my hubby's sister and her kids, etc) and one of the "kids" (16 years old) is staying with us for the rest of the summer and working at the family business. So I now have a teenage boy in the house - quite an adjustment! :) Also last week I watched my friends kid just to help while her daycare was on vacation. So that was another adjustment, kind of doing daycare again for a week. I also got to see 2 new babies in the family - a new niece and one of the older nephews had a baby, a boy. What relation does that make it? when your niece or nephew has a kid? and what is it for my son, when his cousin has a kid? I never understood all of that 1st cousin, second cousin, the "removeds" like twice removed...My grandma knew all of that LOL Anyway..... So there's been a lot going on and this past weekend we also had a birthday party and graduation party on the same day.
BUT...Things should settle down and I'm already working out more than I was. I miss feeling the muscle tone in my thighs LOL. I've been doing zumba a lot because I just can't beat the calorie burn/time ratio. But I think I might start getting up early before my husband and nephew leave for work and go for walks/runs/ bike rides (so then my son can stay sleeping and I can get a good workout in, unlike if I tried to take him with somehow) and hopefully some walks or bike rides in the evenings, and for midday some strength or various dvd cardio workouts. Not all on the same day every day, but just wherever and whenever I can get some workouts in. Oh, so why are things settling down? Well, this Wednesday is the last week of my volunteering at the library every week. I'm still involved, but not on a regular basis. Now they are starting the summer reading program in two weeks so we'll probably still go, but I am not the one doing it and don't have to prep anything so that's nice. And if we don't make it to one, no big deal. Also I'm going to start working more regularly at the family business, probably thursdays and fridays and put my son in daycare again (same place as when he was a baby) so I can work full days(right now I'm only doing 1/2 days). But right now I'm only doing it 2 days a week so I can still be home with him most of the time :) I'm not going to put him in daycare full time unless I really had to, which I won't haha. So that will help with a regular schedule. I'm going to have to get up early two days a week to go to work and take him to daycare so that's why I'm thinking the other days of the week I'll still get up early, stay on a schedule, but use the time to workout. It's so freaking bright so early in the morning that it shouldn't be a problem :) As always food is still the struggle but I'm working on it. I never give up, I'm like the energizer bunny. I'll just keep going and going. I'm learning a lot about myself and this struggle so I have faith I'll get where I want to go and I'm trying to do what feels right for me so I believe I'm doing it in the way that it's supposed to happen for me.
Anyway, hope to hear from some of you, hope everything is going well. I'm sure this is super long by now so I'll stop. Hope to be on a bit more often, but it won't be every day, and I'm okay with that :) Maybe once a week or so?
Anyway have a great healthy week/month/summer! :)
Thursday, April 25, 2013
So far my new little experiment is going quite well. This is all kind of a big experiment, isn't it? We are all searching for what will work best for our bodies. What exercise we will enjoy, what way of cooking a veggie might get us to eat them LOL... Throughout this journey I've had a lot of ups and downs but I at least knew I'd never stop trying, and that's been true. I may have lost focus for a few weeks at a time, but I always knew that I'd never give up and never stop trying to become healthier.
Anyway.... So since I've started this more relaxed way of eating, it's going great! (see my last blog if you don't know what I'm talking about) I feel happier, more relaxed, less bloated, lighter, smaller, healthier...I only hope it'll last, and I am choosing to believe that it will. I think this is how it's supposed to be, how we were meant to naturally eat. I don't know haha. Even though I knew many of these things before, the way that book made me look within myself really helped to make the necessary connections in my mind to make this work at this time. I think that's why I never finished it before, it wasn't the right time, I wasn't ready yet, but now I'm in a place where I'm ready to give this a try. I think my times of meditation (still not as often as I'd like) are really helping too. Everything is coming together.
So here are the 7 "Eating Guidlines" that are in the book. This is all I'm doing, but like I said, these alone I wouldn't have really "gotten" if I hadn't read the rest of the book and done some inner work on myself:
1. Eat when you are hungry (sounds obvious, but I'm learning to listen to my body's REAL hunger, not my mind's "hunger")
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment (no eating in the car, no snacking while cooking or rushing around. Stop and be calm. Then eat)
3. Eat without distractions (no eating while reading or listening to TV or music - this has been a major help for me to listen to my body - this has also somehow had the effect of me drinking a lot of water during the meal which we all know helps with everything)
4. Eat what you BODY wants (yeah, not what I think I want, not what my MIND wants. I'm taking a moment to think about eating different things and thinking about how it would make my body FEEL afterwards. I've been making MUCH healthier choices)
5. Eat until you are satisfied (First I was eating until I was full, now I'm doing better at just being satisfied. But now I actually notice when I'm full and I'm leaving food on the plate most of the time, even if it's only a bite.)
6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others. (I think this kind of has to do with no secret eating, binges, etc. Not that you should feel like you are being watched, but maybe eat proudly, slowly, etc. Not totally sure. It clicks with me but I don't know how to explain it. Let's leave it up to personal interpretation LOL)
7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure. (say what? that's insane! isn't eating supposed to be about guilt and punishment and eating things we don't want to eat and being disappointed in how small a serving size is? Oh...we are supposed to enjoy food? enjoy eating? Awesome! and as we are more aware, we realize that really ENJOYING it and eating with real pleasure does not mean eating a whole cake. our minds may tell us that that is living it up and enjoying, but our bodies know better. When we slow down we can enjoy the flavor and juicyness of a strawberry, or the textures and flavors of other foods, appreciating the nourishment our bodies are getting, etc.
This is seriously how I'm thinking of food now and the slowing down, appreciation, etc is rolling over into the rest of my day as well. I'm just more relaxed. I am not fidgeting with my phone all the time, I'm listening to my body, if I feel restless I get up and do something instead of just finding something else on the internet. After dinner last night we all took a walk together - it was great :) And with how I mentioned before that a lot of other things were coming together like the body image things on tv, etc, I've also been telling myself that I'm awesome, pretty, I love myself, etc. Sounds corny, but pretty much every time I notice my stomach for instance, instead of an internal groan of disappointment and then shutting down my feelings and awareness with distractions, I look at it and tell myself that I love it and I'm human (not perfect) and it's fine. I seriously am looking in the mirror multiple times a day and sending myself nothing but love. The hate and disappointment have gone on far too long. Even with non-body things, like maybe I said something silly in front of someone. I'm shrugging my shoulders and saying " you were being yourself, and you are awesome, everything is great" where as before I would have beaten myself up about it and obsessed about what a loser I am and that I'm sure that person won't like me now, etc. I really didn't realize how cruel that inner voice could be.
I'm done with feeling like I'm not worthy of happiness, health, friendship, etc. I AM worthy, I am just as good as anyone else and I have every reason to hold my head high and be happy and confident, regardless of what size jeans I'm wearing. And with all of this coming together, I am seeing a difference on the scale already, without counting anything, except maybe my blessings. And without my past struggles, I would not appreciate (as I am now!) how amazing and beautiful it is to feel like this. I must continue to make myself a priority in this way, I never want to go back to how I was.
Anyway, I did NOT mean to get into all of that, that's just what flowed out as I typed haha. We're all on different journeys. What I'm doing may not be right for you and that is great! But I hope you'll all take a moment to give yourselves some love and see your inner AND outer beauty. Start fighting the inner critic.
We are beautiful.
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