Wednesday, April 20, 2011
This phrase popped into my head this morning after I'd stepped on the scale and seen my maintenance number: solidly the same as yesterday... solidly where I want it to be. But why was there this feeling of "let down"?
I had done my five miles on the treadmill last night after work, covering the distance in a little under 70 minutes, and cooling down after. My body media fit gadget told me I was running a calorie deficit so I ate an extra piece of fruit and some cottage cheese, to be safe. After all, the goal is NOT to lose any more weight at this point, and it is certainly not to under eat to the point of undermining my metabolism.
So... when I see the scale stay the same, it should be exactly what I want. Perhaps this feeling has little to do with the scale, and more to do with "being at goal" in general. It's eleven days until that infamous half marathon. Is this another phase of "finish line" jitters? Maybe.
There is a need to reconnect, again, daily, weekly, however often one can with the inner identity... the question our mothers used to ask as we swung out the screen door into summer: "Where do you think you're going, young lady?"
And I don't have a good answer beyond the half, right now. But I'm thinking. I'm thinking. And I'm telling myself it's OK to feel this unsettled stirring, because it will lead to the next phase, the next adventure of life.