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Memorial Day, Iris, and allergies

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The iris on my page are my sister's garden. Our grandmother used to keep a similar garden after grandpa died. Grandpa was the real iris afficianado, and she kept them in his memory. Every year on Memorial Day, Dad would drive us to her house, where we would harvest the iris breeds he had been working on when he passed away. We would take her out to the cemetery where we'd place them on his grave.

Then we would return to the house and go through the old photo albums of relatives who had gone on before. The war stories would come out. Especially the one about Grandpa coming home from WWI to read his own death certificate that was sent to his family in error - he was not dead, but taken prisoner, and they got word of his survival shortly before the death certificate arrived. His brother, however, did lose his life in the same battle. This is the story of service men and women: all gave some, some gave all. My thoughts are with all those serving today, as well as with honor to those who have served in the past.

In any case, this time of year the iris are generally in all their glory, so they make a great Memorial Day flower. The lilacs often are in bloom around the same time. And my nose becomes a faucet... but that doesn't stop me from loving them anyway.

Age of Innocence (1952, Historic variety)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MT-MOONCHASER 6/5/2011 11:06PM

    Our iris should be starting to bloom about now, but with the cold and wet spring we've been having, they aren't ready yet.

Our lilacs are also just getting started with their blooms.

We DO have a great crop of dandelions....


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BESSHAILE 5/29/2011 8:19AM

    Our Iris are done by now but if they bloomed in late May i would put them on the graves of my loved ones too. thank you for this story.

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MSLZZY 5/29/2011 8:11AM

    emoticon emoticon

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DIANNEMT 5/28/2011 3:55PM

    The flowers are beautiful--as is the story about them. Enjoy them and remember the sacrifices--we thank your family!

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BOBF15 5/28/2011 3:17PM

    I agree, iris are a typical Memorial Day flower, I love the blue ones, remind me of freedom which is never free. It has to be purchased again and again, by each generation.


Some parts of the country call iris, 'flags' what a great reminder.

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REJ7777 5/28/2011 12:46PM

    We owe much to those who served in the armed forces!

The iris are beautiful.

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DEBRA0818 5/28/2011 11:55AM

    Bless those who go out to serve so that many of us can stay here in blissful ignorance and thankful there is at least one day of the year when we are encouraged to pay attention.


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_LINDA 5/28/2011 10:53AM

    Gorgeous iris! Lovely background photo! Ours are not even that much up yet. Just finished leafing out the trees.
Have a good long weekend..

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WATERMELLEN 5/28/2011 10:47AM

    With their sword shaped leaves and rainbow of colours -- as well as the timing of their blooms -- your association of "iris" with Memorial Day reminiscence seems entirely appropriate . . .

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SUNNY1432 5/28/2011 10:40AM

    I was going to comment on your beautiful background the other day. My husband and I are big fans of iris!! Thanks for sharing the irises and the family memories.
Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend! emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 5/28/2011 10:01AM

    I love iris' too! Your sister has a beautiful garden.

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FITFABJENN 5/28/2011 9:45AM

    Absolutely beautiful flowers

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MOHAW54 5/28/2011 9:40AM

    Would love to join you, but my eyes are burning too much

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On a more mundane note

Friday, May 27, 2011

Two years on a Friday afternoon I walked into my local Jenny Craig center, to "support" my daughter in law in her choice to try this program out. I was a complete skeptic. If you've been around the blogs a while you've probably seen the reference to multiple efforts over decades to get weight under control.

What I said to the manager of the centre was: "Nothing you have to offer will help me if I choose to go out and buy quantities of food not on your program and consume them. Grocery stores exist. I have a credit card." Which is a truism.

She just smiled and said something to the effect that my knowing this was a predictor of success (or at least that's the way I heard it). Being a good sport, I followed the program, "mostly", and the end result is that here I am, two years later, with considerable success under my belt.

But the success is not because of the commercial weight loss program. Not to bash JC, I have become a believer... it's a great tool in the battle. However, that is the thing about any of them: they are tools. I continue to use them. Just as some readers here use Weight Watchers or any other group in addition to Spark. And I've used many of them over the years.

The key is not the specific tool set: it's inside myself, it's deciding I'm worth a nurturing choice. It's avoiding the trap of thinking the glazed donut is a reward or a consolation prize or something. It's avoiding the further trap of compounding the initial mistake of taking in something that triggers a binge by piling on guilt and continuing it.

"Taking in something" is more far reaching than a food or a bite... what one takes in that triggers a binge is often a thought or a feeling taken to heart. "I'm feeling (fill in the feeling... lonely, anxious, angry, sad)... food will make me feel better."

This morning I observed that breakfast *did* make me feel better. The minute I savored a bite of my steel cut oats with banana and cinnamon and nutmeg, my palate lit up and said, "Yes!" My tummy said pretty much the same, and the lights went on in my head: "I feel better (emotionally)!" And when breakfast was over, I felt satisfied and enlightened. And I was able to say confidently, "this is enough for now."

Eating mindfully... and moving mindfully... and breathing mindfully... not a bad life. The storms can be weathered. Somewhere in this mindfulness is the me that is meant to be. Sometime with this mindfulness, I will find her.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 5/28/2011 12:38PM

    "The key is not the specific tool set: it's inside myself,..." I agree. The tools are important aids, but that's all they are. The secret to success is "within"!

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THISYEARSMODEL 5/28/2011 12:34AM

    You're just awesome. You really are! emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY1432 5/27/2011 11:48PM

    emoticon blog!! Thank you:)

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RORYLYONS 5/27/2011 5:56PM

    I love your blog...your right on! emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 5/27/2011 1:14PM

    You are understanding the mechanics of a healthy lifestyle, now all that remains is to just do it! and you can, because you have had enough practice and practice makes perfect or so they say :) I wouldn't want pre packaged foods. I was quite happy to do it with my own choices and my favorites have always been fresh fruit and veggies. I just had to learn to cut out the unhealthy snacks..
Go, Barb, Go!

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DEBRA0818 5/27/2011 10:50AM

    A key element in what you wrote today, Barb, is that food is emotionally satisfying and it should be! It should not be used to solve emotions, but it should be noted that a good meal brings a lot of pleasure with it including, sometimes, a very good mood! Good food, good mood!

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SUNNY332 5/27/2011 9:19AM

    If it is to is up to me.

I know I am my own worst enemy at times.

Thanks for a great post.


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LOVE_2_LAUGH 5/27/2011 8:56AM

    This is what I needed to read today. I'm back at JC again and pretty much loving it; however, I had a major trip-up yesterday. I need to learn to get back up immediately and overcome it rather than allow myself to wallow in self-pity. Thanks, Barb!

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KALIGIRL 5/27/2011 8:54AM

    "The key is not the specific tool set: it's inside myself, it's deciding I'm worth a nurturing choice." - hardly what I'd call mundane...

We are worth it!!!

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MSLZZY 5/27/2011 8:44AM

    Very wise-stick to what works.

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WATERMELLEN 5/27/2011 8:28AM

    JC is apparently the highest rated of the commercial programmes for weight loss, sustained . . . but the use of prepackaged foods is a bit of a turn off.

One of the reasons I like Judith S Beck's "Diet Solution" so much is that she shares your view that any healthful diet "works" provided that we change our thinking and learn to "think like a thin person" . . . And she offers the techniques from cognitive psychology to make that happen.

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FITFABJENN 5/27/2011 8:23AM

    As always, you posted such an excellent blog. We are all worth a nurturing choice. Thanks for the reminder.

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TXSUZIEQ58 5/27/2011 8:08AM

    Thanks for your uplifting message!! Keep it up!!! emoticon

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CAM2438 5/27/2011 8:05AM

    You are doing great. You have a good attitude. Keep up the good work!

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Who do you think you are?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The big life question: who am I and what is my purpose on this planet?

Huge question, huh? What does it have to do with Spark?

Spark is disguised as a place to work on nutrition and fitness and healthy habits (which it is)... really is a place to work on LIFE. One of the first things the book "The Spark" has a person do is figure out WHY he or she wants to ... "lose weight" or "eat healthy" or "get more active". That has to do with what is personally important.

What is personally important is all wrapped up in the subject question: "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "What do I hope to get out of this?"

Spark encourages us to examine our values, our deepest sense of what's important to us. The hardest times in life (for me) are when I question my own assumptions about myself. I don't know about the rest of the world, I'm only one woman. Maybe some people never ask that question.

For me: the large questions and doubts have to be faced at some point, and re-examined from time to time. I have choices about how I handle these times of doubt, same as anyone else. I can choose to numb the thought process for a time: and my usual tool to do this has been food. As I work toward an athletic goal, I can defer the thought process by giving myself a "substitute" goal (like completing a 5K, or the half marathon). Weight loss can be a "substitute" goal or an intermediate one, as well. So can attaining a certain level of physical health. Why? Because they are steps on the path to achieving our purpose in life.

When an intermediate goal is reached, we get back to the big questions of life: Who am I and why am I (still) here? My mom once asked a spiritual adviser this question, and received this answer: "You have something more to learn, or something more to give."

It has been three and a half weeks since the last "finish line". I have kept myself busy, and I have had some little(?) emotional tantrums during this time. For the most part I have weathered them without heading down the road of relapse, but I've felt physically lazy, and emotionally stressed.

I've kept on Sparking. I've blogged or posted status. Because I've learned this: it's important to keep nurturing me physically while I figure out the other parts!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THISYEARSMODEL 5/28/2011 12:35AM

    So true, and beautifully well said. Congrats on your success!!! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 5/27/2011 9:59AM

    I understand today's (5.27.11) blog title now and want to thank you for this post. I have been seriously considering leaving Spark and you have given me another reason to stay.
Namaste my friend emoticon

PS - is the state participating in the 54321Go! LiveWell Challenge?

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MSLZZY 5/27/2011 8:45AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REJ7777 5/27/2011 6:21AM

    "Spark is disguised as a place to work on nutrition and fitness and healthy habits (which it is)... really is a place to work on LIFE."

I listened to an episode of Doctor Oz on the computer last night. He and Suze Orman were talking about the relationship between our finances and our weight, and about how they are related. They taught that we need to be healthy in both areas.

It's amazing how being healthy (or unhealthy) in one area of our life will affect all the other areas.

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PENNYAN45 5/26/2011 10:16PM

    Well, you have asked the biggest question of all. Who are we? And why are we here?

Each of us has to find our own answer to it -- and for some of us, the answer may change over time, as we grow and as our values change.

I am approaching this question not from a religious perspective, but purely as an intellectual exercise. And in that way, the question is: What do I value the most in life?

For a long time now, I have felt that what gives life meaning is:

1) having close meaningful relationships with people; making personal connections with others; giving love and receiving love.

2) making a contribution through service of some kind; choosing to do work that adds value to the world in some way.

3) creating or accomplishing something that is worthwhile as in the arts, the sciences, the social sciences, or just in your own everyday life.

4) learning about the ways of the world and achieving personal growth; realizing your full potential.

I will never have much of an impact on the larger world out there. I will never be famous or well-known for my inventions or discoveries, my leadership or my great talent.
But in the small circle that is my life, I believe that all those things Ive listed above give real meaning to my life.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this answer to your question.
So I have decided to post it as a blog on my page as well.

Thanks for getting me thinking about things -- once again.


Comment edited on: 5/26/2011 10:50:11 PM

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WATERMELLEN 5/26/2011 9:19PM

    "You have something more to learn, or something more to give."

Hmmmm. And the process of learning more and giving more is . . . stressful.

But probably not as stressful as arriving at a point when there was nothing more to learn, and nothing more that we could give.

Then we'd REALLY feel kinda useless and bored and . . . yeah.

I liked this blog a whole lot!! Thank you for getting me thinking. Spark is about way more than just weight loss, that's for sure!!

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KASEYCOFF 5/26/2011 2:40PM

    I hear you about the stress, Barb. I've come to believe that stress is Life, that is, an integral part that there's no getting away from. We can't prevent it; we can only learn how to deal with it in ways that best suit ourselves. Kasey's wisdom for the day, lol...

I love the advice that your mother got. Oh, isn't it just so fitting, in so many ways, for everybody--! I think I'll post that in a place where I'll see it often. It's very profound. (IMHO)

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MIZCATHI 5/26/2011 1:09PM

    I am a new spark "friend" and have been reading your blogs for a couple of weeks... and I am so impressed by the questions you ask yourself and the goals you have met. Personally, I've battled obesity for most of my life. I have always loved to exercise - I was one who always felt the benefits and noted them. So when I began dealing with this weight in earnest, this time it was about health. My family needs me, and I was headed for a hard time not only with how slowed down I was, but my diabetes was out of control. Health first, being active second, and third I wanted to reach my best potential... and I wouldn't be able to do that without dealing with health issues and be able to move physically. I sit here today, about a year since I began this in earnest, and feel like a different person. I no longer feel old or sedentary. Now a full life actually feels like a possibility, but I have discovered that the wishes I used to have for my life no longer apply. Why? Because I don't DO what I used to identify myself as. Instead, I exercise, garden, and love to go out and socialize. I no longer have time to read, one of my life's greatest pleasures. I'm too tired at night and fall asleep instantly with book in hand.

As I write this I am discovering that I still have questions that I must ask myself, habits I want to make, and many hills I want to climb!

Thanks for being thought provoking and bother to share those thoughts!

Comment edited on: 5/26/2011 1:10:30 PM

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_LINDA 5/26/2011 12:01PM

    Excellent thoughts and I loved reading this responses to them. All very good ideas and suggestions!
May we all solve why we are here to our utmost satisfaction!

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DEBRA0818 5/26/2011 9:29AM

    Sometimes I think the purpose of my life is just to be who I am (which sounds a lot easier and lazier than it is!) I believe that each person is created to add something unique to this crazy world, and if we open ourselves up to that, we come simply to the truth, which is that your natural self is enough. If I clear away the defenses (including compulsive overeating) that mask my natural self, I believe I will come to be who I was originally created to be, and that will be enough. I may not always see what my purpose is, and I may not always know how I touched someone's life, but I have faith that I am living it.

emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY332 5/26/2011 9:13AM

    When I read your blog, I immediately thought of one of my favorite songs by Bill and Gloria Gaither - I am a Promise...

Take care and know that we all are a Promise and a Possibility to Him.

Hugs, Sunny

I am a promise
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learnin' to hear God's voice
And I am tryin' to make the right choice
I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

I can go anywhere that He wants me to go
I can be anything He wants me to be
I can climb the high mountains
I can cross the wide sea
I'm a great big promise you see!

I am a promise
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learnin' to hear God's voice
And I am tryin' to make the right choice
I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be
Anything God wants me to be!

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ELSEEBEE 5/26/2011 9:06AM

    Well, being very much like you (and celebrating my 2nd Sparkiversary today), I've a thought for you. Every time I've been depressed or just wanted to crawl off and have a pity party, someone on Spark ALWAYS says something to turn me around. A couple of weeks ago I was depressed over the weight I gained during the stress of my house renovations, the lack of desire to get out and start exercising the way I used to, and my turning to food for comfort during stress. Then I "stumbled" onto your page (I think because I was enjoying "Word Congo-line" so much with you). When I read your story, I KNEW what I needed to do. You became my example for what I needed to do. When I was out on that now famous walk (before my fall) I was thinking of all the races you've done and that if I kept working, I could do a race, too.(a secret passion I've always had) Then I went to the Spark Rally and everyone gave me an even bigger boost and more motivation to keep going. When I got home I got the sweetest e-mail from one of the rally "stars" that reminded me of the purpose of my life (I was a teacher) and then another e-mail from someone in my area who suggested I get out and start teaching people in this area about Spark! (I believe there are no "coincidences" in life, just messages!)

So, Barb, you have touched at least one life that I can attest to and who knows how many others. I can't wait to read what you're doing each day and that "Sparks" me on! Take the time to listen to yourself, your body and your heart, and you will know exactly why you're here!

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TURCOTTEP 5/26/2011 8:12AM


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The desire and the doing...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

There is a lot to be said for the desire to be better than we are at any given moment. It's part of the stress that moves us to actually *do* something about it.

There is something also to be said for looking at the moments in our lives that we regret, or even the patterns of behavior that disappoint us. Without looking at it, how can one even begin to formulate a plan of change, training, or improvement?

But there is little point in staying there in the place of regret for too long. The past is the past and cannot be changed. The future is an unfulfilled promise. We have only this moment... but if we have a plan, a strategy, a goal to go with our desire... this moment can lead to a brighter future.

Yesterday's sadness was a good part regret over my own behavior and certain behavior patterns over my lifetime. I'm a slow burner, people. I appear to be so laid back and tolerant (to myself) and then out of the blue, something will trip my trigger: usually associated with a perceived injustice toward other people that I have chosen to care about. Definitely if anyone questions my motives! And once in a great while when I'm just plain tired of always being the dependable one.

I had such an episode on Sunday, and I found myself lingering over the analysis of it Monday and even into Tuesday, when it settled with this horrible cloud of sadness over my own inadequacy! And when one is already focused on how inadequate one is (and we all fall short, so says the Bible)... it's easy to pile on more and more as your day and the normal pressures of life occur.

In "the old days"... this kind of thing would lead to days, weeks, months of self-abuse with food. Which allowed me the pattern of transferring my disgust with ANYTHING ELSE to disgust with my overeating!

How much better to let the real issue come to the surface, be faced, accepted, a plan for it brought forward... and soothe myself in ways less self-destructive or abusive. When you read that sometimes the people who most need love are those who seem the least lovable? How about we start applying that to ourselves?

I am pleased with how yesterday turned out. I hope to move forward loving myself, warts and all, and accept that the desire to be better is mother to the ability to do it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THISYEARSMODEL 5/28/2011 12:37AM

    What a beautiful, powerful blog. You rock! emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 5/26/2011 8:15PM

    "In "the old days"... this kind of thing would lead to days, weeks, months of self-abuse with food. Which allowed me the pattern of transferring my disgust with ANYTHING ELSE to disgust with my overeating!"

That statement was my "aha moment" of the month! Oh, how I've missed your blogs. You are such an insightful woman and I really enjoy your blogs.

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MSLZZY 5/26/2011 12:03AM


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MTULLY 5/25/2011 2:05PM

    Very insightful. Life is always a work in progress, and you are moving right along!

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KALIGIRL 5/25/2011 1:45PM

    "accept that the desire to be better is mother to the ability to do it"
So true - glad to hear you've worked through your low period - sorry I wasn't here to offer more support.
You are one in a million, Barb emoticon

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ELSEEBEE 5/25/2011 10:17AM

    I think many of us were raised to feel like failures if we didn't live up to others' expectations. My mother used food as a measure of how much we loved her ("No second piece of cake- you don't love me!") I am having to learn to love myself and show that love with something besides food. Your blog was something I really needed to read and I'll soend some time today reflecting on it.

Thank you for being such a wise woman and sharing that wisdom with the rest of us!

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_LINDA 5/25/2011 10:15AM

    Nothing you can do about the past, what is done is done, and its just time to get over it and move on. The main focus should be what are you going to do for yourself today? Try to treat yourself with dignity, respect and gentleness. Treat your body with love, give it plenty of good nutrition and exercise. Like everything else, you have to make it a habit of loving yourself. One small step at a time. Treat yourself to something special today and enjoy it to the fullest!

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DEBRA0818 5/25/2011 10:14AM

    I think you hit upon a key element for a lot of compulsive overeaters and obese people -- it feels easier to transfer disgust, anger and despair to ourselves for overeating or being fat than it is to let them hit their intended target. But of course, you are also right that solving things as an adult is ultimately much more satisfying. Right on, Barb!!!!

emoticon emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 5/25/2011 7:54AM

    Profound and wise and practical too: self-soothing with food compounds the regret!

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MIZCATHI 5/25/2011 7:08AM

    I agree that regret is something we should not allow ourselves to wallow in. But sometimes do I want a do over! Still, I am glad you wrote this blog, thoughts I have had many times. Like you, I am also reinventing myself. And like you, I cannot go back there. I must move forward and achieve my goals.

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REJ7777 5/25/2011 6:33AM

    "I hope to move forward loving myself, warts and all..." Me too. But it's not easy to do because I was raised with the teaching that only perfection (no warts!) is acceptable. It's a lifelong challenge to accept myself "warts and all".

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I can say I am glad it was a work day

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Because it was a work day, my food was packed and structured for me. Habit is our friend in this regard. Despite that horrible cloud of "sad", I packed it.

I was feeling pressure and anxiety associated with work, and the sad combined with that... but work is a great tonic... because you are *doing something* about the feelings. I made sure to take my break walks, during which I consciously breathed, paying attention to the fight/flight response to the feelings. Breathing is a good thing... in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for eight. Very calming.

Feelings *do* fade over time. When I got home, I "did something" about one of the sources of the sadness... once I figured out what it was. And I decided to cut myself some slack for being human.

I'm on my way to being "me" again! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBRA0818 5/25/2011 12:24AM

    Glad to hear you're feeling better, Barb!


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MNTWINSGAL 5/25/2011 12:21AM

    Sounds like it was a tough day....and I'm sorry for that. But you are a bootstraps" kind of gal, and tomorrow will be better, I'm sure.

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MSLZZY 5/24/2011 11:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REJ7777 5/24/2011 9:43PM

    I see that you chose alternatives other than food for coping with your sadness! emoticon

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_LINDA 5/24/2011 9:07PM

    Great ideas for coping strategy! I always found being in motion relieves stress, anxiety and helps with the pain. Hope you get a good night's sleep and that tomorrow is a better day for you!

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LJCANNON 5/24/2011 8:51PM

    emoticonI am still amazed at how much good those 'Little Walks' do for my psyche. There truly is something therapeutic about putting one foot in front of the other.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 5/24/2011 8:01PM

    There is nothing like feeling like you again . . . and I like your suggestions. Having a high pressure period at work too, and I appreciate your suggestions for coping with it: little walks sound like a great idea!!

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