ONEKIDSMOM   107,993
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
ONEKIDSMOM's Recent Blog Entries

So let's talk about Day 4 of Life with? dignity?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

So, the viewpoint of living with dignity (not new, long desired, just prioritized recently) is still a bit like "wet paint", not yet established habit. I have to be learning something, right?

On the good front: the work I've been doing with cleaning and de-cluttering has brought me up short against something we all face when trying to change habits. "What's that?" you might well ask. It is, says the sage, finding out that the previous "bad" behavior had some positive use to you!

What possible use could there be in having a messy home? In being ashamed of it? Here's your punch line: it made it easier to brush people off AT THE DOOR, say "No" more firmly, and not waste my time being more polite.

Last night as I was finishing my workout, the doorbell rang. Had it been the telephone, I would have read the caller ID, and if it was someone I didn't recognize, let the machine pick up. I suppose one could do the same with the doorbell... peek out the window or peephole, and if it's not someone you want to see...

But, I was vulnerable, the house was in better shape than it's been for a while, and I was breathlessly full of endorphins and pride (26 sit-ups, people, count 'em!). I opened the door to a fresh faced young man with a very persistent and pushy sales pitch. But he made several errors in his people reading. I must look like a total patsy or something!

I told him 1) I'd never heard of his company (don't panic, I looked it up on the internet, it's a reputable and legitimate one, I just wasn't in the market for this kind of product), 2) I had not seen his signs in the neighborhood, and 3) I was not considering the product for purchase. This should have been a good sign to him that I was not a "real" prospect.

Still he wanted to show me what he'd install "for free" if I'd be his show home... and then spent nearly an hour of my time pulling out slick brochures and describing technology that I have no intention of purchasing! I was curious enough and I like techno-toys as well as the next guy, so I listened to the sales pitch, but when he got around to the attached subscription price I said "It's not in my budget, sorry." Yeah, the initial installation would be "free", the equipment "free", but it would cost $$$ every month for the support services (which are NOT optional).

TANSTAAFL: there ain't no such thing as a free lunch. I had been waiting to hear how much this free lunch would cost. But when I said "no" after he finally disclosed the cost to me, he comes up with "Then why were we sitting here talking about this?" OMG. The young man practically put his foot in my door and forced his way in! I was being polite. I listened to what he had to say. He clearly was ignoring my earlier messages that I wasn't interested. After he came out with that statement, I changed my mind.

His attitude at that point was clearly that I had wasted his time. Well, no. I was a wimp. I allowed him to waste MY time! Why did I do that?

The kicker is, his sales pitch included a lot of scare stories of bad things that can happen, and I ended up with a touch of insomnia afterward. Grrrr! So he wasted more of my time than that single hour.

To pull the balance back the other way... in the face of tossing and turning, I got up early enough to do a treadmill jog before breakfast.

emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 6/18/2011 11:50AM

    It's so true that our excess weight or messy house serves a purpose, even though it's often an unconscious one. As Dr. Phil says, "What's the payoff? There's ALWAYS a payoff!"

When we figure out what the payoff is, it often frees us to be able to deal with the real issues that can block our progress.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BESTSUSIEYET 6/16/2011 10:28PM

    You just reaffirmed my policy ... If I am not expecting someone, I don't answer the door! (i very rarely have friends just drop in, so it doesn't really interfere with my social life! Even with a no soliciting sign, I still get people who start with "I'm not selling ..." yeah, right! But ya know what? This is my home, not someone's business, so I don't feel bad about ignoring them. Rest well tonight, and keep that front door locked!

Report Inappropriate Comment
COMPUCATHY 6/16/2011 9:08PM

    So sorry you had your time intruded on like that. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be nice...unfortunately. Hang in there! Sounds like your housecleaning is going GREAT! Good for you! Keep up the good work! Spark on! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLENDERELLA61 6/16/2011 4:13PM

    Congrats on the improvement in your home and organization. I hope to follow in your footsteps on that one. Congrats on your continuing success with increasing fitness. Hope to follow you there, too. Now those sales pitches are the pits. Let's see, in the past 30 years I've endured pitches about water filtration, fire protection, knives, cosmetics, time shares, vacuum cleaners, and I'm sure I'm forgetting one or two. The only one I actually bought I regretted. I believe I am swearing off sales pitches. Hope you do, too!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 6/16/2011 3:44PM

    You are waaaaay more polite than I will ever be!! I really resent phone solicitors, door-to-door sales people . . . that is, I resent them if I let them waste my time!!

But then: my house is pretty much always messy!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUECHRIS50 6/16/2011 10:28AM

    I have a good idea for ya!Go to your computer and make a NO SOLICITORS sign like I did!It really works! emoticonSUSAN
P.S=Decluttering your home is food for your soul!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARVEEME 6/16/2011 10:15AM

    Lesson learned. Start keeping the storm door locked, and if you ever open your door to "see who it is" never unlock that storm door unless you're SURE you WANT them inside.



Report Inappropriate Comment
TURTLETALK 6/16/2011 9:02AM

    I realize that everyone needs to make a living but I really value my alone time and it ruins my day when someone infringes on that to try to sell me something. I hate to say that I tend to be quite rude when it happens.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 6/16/2011 8:40AM

    Barb - your graciousness is wonderful. I thought perhaps your visitor was one of the young Mormon men who are visiting Lincoln. They are the ones I have trouble saying no to...

Sorry for the tossing and turning - maybe you were exercising in your sleep?
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNTWINSGAL 6/16/2011 8:09AM

    I had a similar experience once....with my brother in law of all people! He was going to sell vacuums, and said he needed to practice his sales pitch. I said we weren't in the market for a thousand-plus dollar vacuum. He said it was ok, but could he just use us for practice? It was required by his sales manager. So he came in and demonstrated his product. And we asked all the questions a potential buyer might ask. And when it came time to sign the sales agreement, I said...."ummmm, you know we're not really buying the vacuum, right?" He was mad, asking why we were wasting his time if we weren't going to buy. I reminded him I thought I was being helpful...but I guess people just hear what they want to hear. In my case, he thought he was such a stellar salesman that he'd win a sale. Nope. He was out of the business within a week. Even his own mother wouldn't buy a vacuum.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HAVE-MERCY 6/16/2011 7:18AM

    Good lesson for us all! You and your time are more important than that. Sounds like you realize that and respect that now. I think others will follow suit. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 6/16/2011 7:11AM

    That's one way to de-stress. Sorry you had such a poor experience.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEEZAB 6/16/2011 6:57AM

  great post. Very thoughtful! You are doing great! I want to hear more about the decluttering!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Day 3: Life with dignity AND exercise

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Having a new "purpose/project", one that has "come" to me by a soak in solitude and rest and evaluation is very energizing, I find. I have to give myself the grace of time, and work through the "should" and the "wish-I-was-normal" to acceptance and a goal. As with weight loss, changing any life-long habit is a "lather - rinse - repeat" process that is a failure only if one gives up!

So... on Tuesday morning, I vacuumed my bedroom. Before work. And gazed on the result and felt good. I know, there are Sparkers out there who do NOT struggle with this aspect of their lives, but I do. So I'm feeling good about this small act of self-nurturing and more important than the act: VIEWING it as self-nurturing!

My rebellion against chores around the house and yard is centered over other people saying I SHOULD or HAVE to do X, Y, or Z. So, the key to this, as it is to weight / activity management, is in changing the way I think about it: turning it from a should into a want to and further into an "I'm worth it."

This inner mental / emotional work is vital to success in changing long-entrenched habits.

On the exercise front: I'm back in training, having committed to a 5K on July 22nd. I went outside after work (and after handling the mail emoticon) to assess my starting point. I walked a brisk 5 minutes, then jogged two, did a recovery walk for 3, then started jogging 3, walking 3 for the rest of my 2.6 mile dog-walk route. What I discovered is that I'm in better shape than I was last Fall when I started training for a November 5K. We'll see how this goes! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEDDYPEDDY 6/18/2011 6:58AM

    My dust rats are lurking in all corners and growing very big... I blame the new puppy that makes it very hopeless to clean right now, I have put away the carpets until he is housetrained and try to feel okay with it. But to be honest, I am not taking good care of myself!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNTWINSGAL 6/15/2011 9:52PM

    Sounds like you are making progress with the de-cluttering, AND the training for the July 22 run. Way to go!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 6/15/2011 8:47PM

    Good luck! Sounds like you are ready to go!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 6/15/2011 7:40PM

    Love that "lather rinse repeat" approach: I'm not much of a housekeeper either. Admire that you're working on it . . .

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 6/15/2011 1:12PM

    Love "a soak in solitude and rest and evaluation is very energizing" - a great way to reassess and move forward.

I too hate those 'shoulda, woulda, coulda's'- seems whenever I find an obstacle its because my 'bad' child heard those words somewhere before...

So glad you're training for the 5K and I'd be honored to meet you @ the Volkswalk - I'm hoping to walk/run it (our UNL trainer says we 'should' be able to complete it in 17 three minute runs and one minute walk intervals - 11 minute miles)
emoticon I'll be happy with 12 minute run and 13 minute walk

Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 6/15/2011 12:56PM

    Must be on the same plane. I just finally vacuumed my suite this morning after 75 minutes of cardio. I don't clean all that often as I should, for a person with allergies is supposed to keep their place spotless ;) I actually like cleaning, but since committing to a healthy lifestyle and regular, daily exercise, I don't feel like it all that often, as I am supposed to rest my arthritic joints after exertion and I can see why. But it feels good when I am done. Good luck with this new goal. Well done with your jogging! Always a bonus to find out you aren't too badly out of shape!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/15/2011 9:07AM

    "My rebellion against chores around the house and yard is centered over other people saying I SHOULD or HAVE to do X, Y, or Z. So, the key to this, as it is to weight / activity management, is in changing the way I think about it: turning it from a should into a want to and further into an "I'm worth it."

That paragraph spoke to me. I am in that same boat. Yet for the time being I must focus more on my weight loss journey. But that isn't an excuse to let everything else in my house go to heck in a handbasket. You have inspired me.

Keep up the good work, Barb. And congrats on beginning training for your 5K in July. Having trained in November, your body has not lost all of its strength -- so you're ahead of the game, in my opinion.

Have a great day!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONCHA77 6/15/2011 8:54AM

    Hey Barb, How are you?
I am sure that your run will go very well, Barb. You are so very dedicated! emoticon
As far as the house work, I am pretty good at the upkeep, but it's my bedroom that is a never ending battle. I am always trying to clean out my closets and drawers and it's just a mess. Too much stuff is my problem. Time to downsize.
Have a great day!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Day 2: Life with dignity

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Yesterday was a work day, and I did end up staying an extra half hour at the end of the day, because it happens. So I didn't have a whole lot of "let's organize the house" kind of energy left.

I have determined one of my "fast start" goals for this effort. Don't laugh. It's kind of like the "drink 8 glasses of water" basic. That makes it a good goal. No, it's not "shine your sink".

It is "handle ALL of today's mail today"... no leaving bits of it on the kitchen counter to pile up. If I can manage to start doing this consistently, it should help a lot with the accumulation of clutter, as most of my visible clutter is paper! Onward to a more orderly, functional home!

On the fitness front: my son has challenged me to join him in a 5K on a Friday evening in July. It involves a finish line at a local minor league baseball stadium and free tickets to the ball game. A mom-son bonding opportunity. If you wanted to design the perfect bait, that would be it, for me. He's trying to motivate himself, and in the "helper" personality brain, I can say I'm doing this "for" him, but really, I need it just as much as he does.

So... I get to train for a running event. Time to start up the jogging again!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 6/15/2011 6:22AM

    New goal! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNTWINSGAL 6/14/2011 9:06PM

    Sounds like a great Mom/Son idea! Better get training! As for the mail....I've tried that too, but can't seem to get the hang of it. The accumulated paper is definitely my housekeeping downfall. Good luck to you....you can give me pointers later!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 6/14/2011 5:41PM

    Two good plans: paperwork AND running!! Best of luck with both!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/14/2011 5:19PM

    I don't like a lot of junk/paper sitting around -- part of my OCD, I think. But don't ever, EVER, open my closet doors. (That's where I hide it all.) I think I need to take a lesson from you and start de-junking my closets. Just the thought of it overwhelms me.

Have fun training for the 5K with your son. What a wonderful time for mother/son bonding. I would love to do something like that (though it would have to be a walk). But my sons are a bit too young yet to appreciate "dear OLD mom." Maybe in a few years . . . . (Sigh)

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANDI571 6/14/2011 11:37AM

    Junk, where does it come from. My portable dish washer gets it all. I can't seem to keep it clean. I clean it and the counter and it comes right back. I think the cat does it, lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 6/14/2011 11:17AM

    That is a great goal when you get a lot of paper work.. I have bills automatically charged to my account or credit card so no paper trail and very convenient, no worries of missing a pyment or losing a bill in the mail or due to a postal strike. That is great you and your son will be going in a 5 K!!! I always thought people who like to jog did it regularly, not just got back into to train for a race..
You guys will do great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 6/14/2011 10:40AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonA challenge! You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUGGYS 6/14/2011 9:16AM

    I actually have two piles of junk paper/bills on my kitchen table and counter...by having two piles, it doesn't look too bad but you have motivated me to weed through it all and get it under control!!! What a great thing that your son wants to do the race with you...a goal for both of you and a great bonding time ( that is, if you can breath and talk at the same time during the race!lol) emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 6/14/2011 8:50AM

    emoticon - that's been my New Year's Resolution for the last 10 years!
If anyone can emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WISLNDR 6/14/2011 8:20AM

    I just might have to do the "mail thing" too. I hate the little piles that lay around . . . . . . . OH!! Tonight the paper recycling goes out to the curb, what great timing! Thanks for the great idea!!



Report Inappropriate Comment
NANA717 6/14/2011 8:10AM

    I love your goal of taking care of today's mail completely!! I'm going to put that in practice today. Thank you!! Blessings!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 6/14/2011 8:09AM

    Every little bit helps.... and isn't your son the best? He cares, and doesn't want to push you.. just nudge! I love it! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEEZAB 6/14/2011 7:29AM

  I just handled a weeks worth of mail and it is easy to pile up! I also am in an organizing mode. I would love if my sons challenged me to a run or maybe a walk. What a nice gesture!!Good luck!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Overdoing isn't only a matter of exercise...

Monday, June 13, 2011

I've learned the lesson about taking it slowly with exercising, but I haven't necessarily "got it" when it comes to house / yard work. I need to transfer some of the consistency to "living life with dignity"... without killing myself or my motivation by overdoing.

Yesterday I started in with the living room carpet, shifting furniture out of the room so I could shampoo it. In the middle of this, I noticed the jugs of "gray water" that I save from my shower. They needed to be taken out and used to water some "patches" in the lawn I've been giving special attention to. While doing that, I pulled some weeds. While doing that I noticed the cussed volunteer trees springing back to life after I'd taken them down last Autumn. And I went to get the snippers and the lawn bag to give that a little attention.

You get the idea: distraction from one purpose to pursue something that looks more urgent, scattering purposes all over. I got some of the yard things done. I did finish the living room carpet job (and rearranged the furniture while I was at it). But... it's hard to stop, and I took on yet another chore that I have NOT completed before I ran out of gas. I face a work week with a half-finished home project cluttering up my living space.

This is not a new scenario! Sometimes I start small, do just one thing, stop, and tell myself if I just do one small thing a day, I'll make better progress on this purpose. And then the work week takes my energy... I end up at work an extra half hour and my energy is gone... at least for the purpose of house / yard.

Still, this is Day 1 of "Life with dignity"... my creating a harmonious functioning haven out of my home. I've dropped the weight. I AM taking care of my health. That's still primary, can't drop that. But I deserve more: I deserve to live in a dignified and orderly environment.

I can do this: one day at a time. It just has to be a priority.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 6/15/2011 6:34AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 6/14/2011 10:41AM

    Sounds like my days! More to do than can be done but you try it anyway!
HUGS!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 6/13/2011 12:46PM

    " I deserve to live in a dignified and orderly environment."
Amen - love it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 6/13/2011 10:50AM

    I do understand that issue of getting distracted doing one chore when you notice another needs doing. But my RA has helped in this regard. I go at one task with gusto and I have to pretty much rest and splint my hands they are in such bad shape after any chore. So it may take me longer to get things done, but they are at least finished completely before I get to the next one.
One step at a time really does work..Hope you can get it working for yourself!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 6/13/2011 10:39AM

    I like this "living with dignity" concept: have to say, however, that for a domestically challenged person such as myself, there is more of a tendency to walk away from EVERYTHING that needs doing . . . than to fragment my energies. We need some sort of swap meet or exchange to even things out, maybe!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TURTLETALK 6/13/2011 10:27AM

    I think I could use some of your energy! I do also have the issue of getting distracted by a new chore while doing another. I have been trying to sort shoes for a week but I always seem to find something else urgent that needs done.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/13/2011 9:05AM

    "Just for today . . . . " Your intention of doing one small thing today to help reach a goal works not only with losing/maintaining weight, but with other things too. Good luck and best wishes to your new "plan!"

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 6/13/2011 9:04AM

    The faster we go.. the behinder we get! Been there.. bought the tee-shirt! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARVEEME 6/13/2011 8:14AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Work ethic and healthy habits

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Do you have a voice in your head that says "work before play"?

I do.

Does it get in the way of establishing and maintaining healthy habits?

Mine sometimes does.

Here's how it works. This particular voice in my head is attached to my to-do list, and adores the word "should". It sounds an awful lot like my mother. Sigh.

Voice: "I should cut / pull weeds."
My rebel voice: "Aw, I don't wanna."
Voice: "Then you can't go out and play."

So, I end up neither pulling the weeds NOR getting in active fun, like a bike ride or a walk!

Not cool. Yes, being active is FUN... but it is also worthy of being on my to-do list, and even worthy of coming ahead of some of those other "should" items.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 6/15/2011 6:41AM

    emoticon It's disconcerting how our inner programs have so much influence over our lives. But awareness is a key we can use to understand the conflict and then reprogram ourselves. (Easier to say than to do! But it's not impossible.)

Report Inappropriate Comment
PURPLESPEDCOW 6/13/2011 11:26AM

    Start telling yourself that just because something is fun doesn't mean it is play and exercise is now on your to-do list!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONCHA77 6/13/2011 7:39AM

    Yep, I can relate. I was always told growing up, Work, then play! Words still stuck in my head.


Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 6/12/2011 11:36PM

    Shucks-sounds like my house!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/12/2011 8:13PM

    Isn't it funny how we do that to ourselves? Well, maybe not funny, but interesting, at least. I wage the same battles and wonder why I feel like I have to "pay" before I "play." Here's hoping that next time you can recognize that physical activity is definitely worthy of being on your "to do" list!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEANJEAN6 6/12/2011 6:45PM

    You made me laugh cause Ive heard that voice too!---And it gets ion the way here too!--LOL--Lynda

Report Inappropriate Comment
KASEYCOFF 6/12/2011 5:25PM

    You're right - it falls into the same category as taking care of yourself a priority, instead of feeling selfish for making those choices. But I still laughed - are you sure that voice doesn't sound like MY mother's?
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 6/12/2011 4:45PM

    I like being free to make my own choices, but suffer some of what you do. This is why my exercise is a priority and must be done before anything else, including eating breakfast and Sparking :) So I am reliable with that, but not with chores and work so much..
Enjoy your Sunday, you can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITFABJENN 6/12/2011 4:19PM

    That's the great thing about being an adult. We can choose to eat dessert (fresh fruit, I hope) before our dinner if we want to, and we can put our "me" time ahead of our "should" time, too.

I always look forward to your blogs. You are so inspirational and thought-provoking. Keep on sparking.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FANCYKAYAH 6/12/2011 4:06PM

    I think you have the right idea, you have to mix it up so you have work and play time. Sometimes I get more into work than play mode myself. A good reminder~
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 Last Page