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Free-floating anxiety and binge eating

Friday, September 23, 2011

I promised myself I was going to blog my way through everything, honestly... even through the regain if it happens. Because we all love to share to triumphs! But we tend to want to hide when we're falling apart.

I don't know what exactly started last night's episode of carb-seeking. Except of course for work anxiety and worry. And sleep deprivation. And not wanting to examine it too deeply. I had a scary evening, where I kept going back for "one more"... tortilla, lo-cal treat, bowl of cereal... whatever, all carbohydrate based. Thank goodness I don't keep anything too decadent in the house. But a large enough volume of even "healthier" options will kill you.

It was really the "I don't care" attitude that scared me the most. The "what does it matter?" The feeling sorry for myself and that the work pressure won't let up. As I have mused before and have to keep reminding myself: these are feelings. Not necessarily reality.

Was I doing myself any favors? In a warped way, yeah... I slept better! In other ways, no. This morning I slept a little later than usual. This morning I am a little fuzzy-brained, nauseated, stuffed up... and I'm thinking it's probably due to that behavior. Today? Different choices... and that, my friends, is the nature of the beast... whatever happens, we have a fresh chance to make a different choice.

To today! One day, one decision at a time. To sharp thinking, and good decisions. And inner peace. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIKI0531 9/27/2011 10:51PM

    Sunday was a bad day for me - definitely an "I don't care" day - and it was very scary. My heart was actually racing ... lol. It sounds insane - but I think I almost got a high from it. I was alone and no one knew I was straying from my healthy choices.

So disappointed in myself by the end of the day.
But the next day I started anew.

Thanks for sharing.

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MEDDYPEDDY 9/25/2011 2:04AM

    You have come such a long way... I totally agree on that scariness of "I donīt care" thanks!

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MSLZZY 9/24/2011 12:49AM

    Yes, life happens and the snacking can slow you down but sometimes, we need to treat
ourselves kinder. Making better choices today is a plus. You can do it!

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FIT-AT-50 9/23/2011 9:17PM

    Thanks for the honesty. Those of us who are long-term maintainers will have slips just like we did in the old days. I really believe that honesty helps hold you accountable.

You are an inspiration to me and have been for a very long time. I do hope that your work situation eases soon -- I hate to hear that you're dealing with so much stress.
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Diane

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MOBYCARP 9/23/2011 6:43PM

    Stress and negative emotions are part of life. How you deal with them is a matter of personal choice. Perhaps you aren't happy with how you coped, this time; but there will be another time, and an opportunity to cope in a way that you will be happier with.

OTOH, you did a great job of preparing your environment to limit the damage of this type of event. You might not have done as well as you would have liked, but you did better than you did in the past. This is progress.

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TURTLETALK 9/23/2011 1:02PM

    I am really proud of you for blogging the bad as well as the good. Hope you have a better day today!

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DEBRA0818 9/23/2011 11:16AM

    I think this happens regularly to almost everyone -- a bad day, special occasion, hard emotion sends us seeking instant comfort in the old ways. It's just that when you've lost a lot of weight, it feels really scary. But it's probably just as normal as eating right and exercising the rest of the time.

emoticon emoticon

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46SHADOW 9/23/2011 8:41AM

    I think its all about going back to a healthy lifestyle after a bad night/week/month. I think thats a secret of success. So good for you for forgiving yourself and moving forward. Sleep deprivation is nasty and can start a nasty circle. hope this week end brings peace and lots of zzzzzzzz's. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 9/23/2011 8:31AM

    So sorry to hear your work is creating such stress :(( Is there any way for you to lighten your load, get someone else to do some things? Bring it to the attention of higher ups there are not enough hours in a day to get the tasks completed?
As an old master at sleep deprivation, I feel for you. In my class of living with chronic conditions, they are touting meditation, proper breathing and relaxation techniques to help calm the stress monster. Several people tried the techniques in our book and said it really helped and planned to make it a daily part of their routine..
It sounds like you need to calm your mind and dump your worries before you sleep.
Tightening, the relaxing one body part at a time starting with your feet and working your way up to your head may help you relax enough to meditate and lcear your mind before attempting to sleep..
Have a fantastic Friday and enjoy a restful weekend!

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COOKWITHME65 9/23/2011 8:28AM

    One decision at a time. I love that. Wishing you an emoticon day!

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KARIDIAN1 9/23/2011 8:20AM

    Today is a fresh new day. Make it a good one!

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Onward

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I found the MS Office package tucked on a bookshelf behind several journals. Woo-hoo! Got that one installed. Managed to find the way to download my virus protection package that I subscribed to for three machines... to both the new laptop and the older back up machine. Woo-hoo #2! Bit by bit, I'll get there.

So what do I need to support my maintenance today? The usual things, of course: lunch packed, steel cut oats a-simmer... remember to take those stress-busting break walks at work. And don't spend TOO much time with the new little machine! Even though it's a terrific tool, it's not the whole world.

Life's good... Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUGGYS 9/23/2011 7:39AM

    I agree about getting a wireless mouse...helped me appreciate my laptop so much more!!! I just can't do anything the other way...takes too long!

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OVERWORKEDJANET 9/23/2011 5:03AM

    Get the wireless mouse. I love mine, it's almost like a pet to me now. Always on the arm of my chair!
I get annoyed every time I get new technology. I think I spend too much time copying my old stuff to the new. This is my 4th new computer in 20 years, I keep them till they die. Got my laptop for Christmas and have been in love ever since. I still have to travel ALL the way into the dinning room to copy files I look for and haven't transfered from our 2003 model. When I get on my old computer I am amazed at what junk I haven't missed. I think "Maybe I really don't need all this stuff, technology and time killers". Then I grab my iPad, run out the door and check my smart phone for email!

Don't we just go outside and play anymore? emoticon

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DEBRITA01 9/22/2011 6:07PM

    I like this statement : "And don't spend TOO much time with the new little machine! Even though it's a terrific tool, it's not the whole world " That's why you continue to be successful with maintenance...everything in moderation! emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 9/22/2011 2:43PM

    I love my laptop for what it allows me to do. And I didn't want to get one. Silly me!

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KNITLEIGH 9/22/2011 11:12AM

    So true! this little machine isn't the whole world! Today I'm giving away some peaches! Have a wonderful day!
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MSLZZY 9/22/2011 7:56AM

    You are so right! HUGS!

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Moments of clarity... moments of vision

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I have a new computer, a laptop. It is down to the wallpaper bare: operating system only, no real application software, at this point. This brings one to life decisions, to one of those moments of vision. I ask myself what I really need/want on this new machine. Although it is a laptop, it is going to be my main computer. It's a wide-screen, hefty thing, really a desktop replacement. It has that oh-so-handy numeric keypad at the right hand side of a full qwerty keyboard. Those of us who have been touch typists since junior high school have a hard time "thumb-typing" on those new-fangled tablets, don't you know? It will hook to all my important peripherals, the printer, auxilliary storage, and obviously the web.

From my point of view, I'm missing several bits of my life that are needed: basic MS Office tools, the software I use to track my budget, and even my little DOS-based weight commander that does the rolling 7 day average when I enter my daily weigh ins! I could probably drop that with a proper spreadsheet to do the same, but it does have about ten years of data backed up for it.

Consequently, this morning I went digging through my overwhelmingly messy "office/storage room" hunting for my CDs with the base of these important software packages. My reasoning is that since the computer I'm replacing is fried, I can transfer the licenses to the laptop!

Alas, what I found was a moment of clarity about just how disorganized that junk room has become! I could not locate the packages. It's been four years. And guess who is back at the "one thing" philosophy in a great hurry! That room is indeed overwhelming, and I've known for some time that it needs attention. I've kind of got the entertainment level of the house under control... I cleared out the guest room back in July for MobyCarp's visit. My master bedroom has become quite "livable" in the one thing initiative, although it's not perfect. Maybe... no, definitely, it's time to address that office!

Before I go spending money on another copy, I will expend some of my "one thing" energy on that room, and clearing out old technology that is no longer serving a dignified and orderly life. 'Nuff said!

Life's good. Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 9/22/2011 1:59AM

    Nothing worse then trying to find something and running into a 'wall' I can get rid of my clutter in my 'office' if I get at the tasks done each thing on my desk represents. I just cleared a big one, but there is always another to take its place -one step at a time, one day at a time. Plug away at it until it gets done or found ;)

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KARIDIAN1 9/21/2011 11:38PM

    Still trying to organize after all these years. Biting off more than I can do in one day is what makes it hard to get motivated to finish is what I have found many times. Try for small sections or even if it is one drawer or box a day, at least you will accomplish something and see progress.

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KARIDIAN1 9/21/2011 11:38PM

    Still trying to organize after all these years. Biting off more than I can do in one day is what makes it hard to get motivated to finish is what I have found many times. Try for small sections or even if it is one drawer or box a day, at least you will accomplish something and see progress.

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WATERMELLEN 9/21/2011 7:21PM

    Ohhhhh, I can relate! Have to be kicked, screaming, into "homemaker" mode: and yeah, it does make live so much more comfortable, dignified and calm

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DEBRA0818 9/21/2011 11:50AM

    I always clean better when there is a reason beyond just doing it -- company coming is especially motivating. You'll have accomplished so much in the purchase of that laptop if it includes a reorganized room in the bargain.

Rock on!

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 9/21/2011 11:36AM

    Don't you just love it when life's needs dictate when we need to clean/organize? I've been in that boat many times over the years. In fact, I'm getting close to that point again, but am hoping I can put it off until closer to Thanksgiving when I'll have a housefull again. Just call me the great procrastinator. Good luck with your "one thing." No doubt you'll find the software you're looking for and end up with a more organized office as well. Definitely a win-win!

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ANDI571 9/21/2011 10:26AM

    I had to replace my computer a couple of months ago, and I searched until I could find what I was comfortable with,a desk top. I think I found the last one left, lol.

Kind of like our eating. I didn't want the change. I didn't want to try something new. I wonder what would have happened if I had just went for it and bought a lap top.

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BUGGYS 9/21/2011 9:59AM

    My son bought me a laptop over a year ago and I love it...it is a bigger one, a Dell and I'm still figuring out Windows and everything I can do with it but the fact that it is portable is great. I turned a spare bedroom into my "office" but it's really a junk room. I went in there to find something a couple of nights ago and was surprised that it was such a mess...papers piled on top of each other and plenty of things that need to be sorted through and thrown away. I definitely need to simplify my life and get it organized! I think you'll be pleased with your new little machine...have fun with it!

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DEBRITA01 9/21/2011 9:39AM

    Here's to staying organized...once we get there :) I'm still with you on the "one thing initiative"...boy, do I still have a few one things left to go...lol

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ELSEEBEE 9/21/2011 9:26AM

    Isn't it amazing how one thing leads to another? But good for you for making lemonade from the "lemons" that storage area represents. One of the best things I've learned from Spark isn't how to lose weight (lots of programs out there to do that), but how to look at my life and organize it so much better. Spark on!
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HOT4FITNESS 9/21/2011 9:16AM

    Have fun with the new machine! Did you get an Apple?

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KALIGIRL 9/21/2011 8:55AM

    Love it - necessity is the mother of invention!

You'll find those discs and will be able to upgrade -
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New laptop in the house

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Now it's not the slow old machine. It's the #@%! Windows 7 operating system that wants to do me favors. And it's the touch pad... ugh!

So I stole my mouse from the old desktop, plugged it into the new laptop, and I'm a happier camper. Touchpads are the emoticon. Especially when they click when you hover. I don't want to waste my time right now figuring out how to turn the annoying features off, so plug and play, I'm mousing instead! emoticon

Still have a lot to set up, but much of it will just have to wait for the weekend. Meantime, life's good. Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBRA0818 9/21/2011 7:38AM

    Mouses rule! Unless there are cats around! LOL

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MNTWINSGAL 9/21/2011 12:16AM

    I have gotten used to Windows 7 and have come to like it...but I am still not a laptop fan. I love the IDEA of the laptop, the mobility, etc, but I love my regular mouse, my regular keyboard, (along with the number pad on the side, which all the laptops I've used lack) and the regular place to do my computer-stuff. I have a small laptop (netbook) for traveling, but my wonderful DH got me a wireless mouse to go with it, so I only have to use the touch pad on rare occasions.

You'll get to know and love your new toy...have fun exploring!

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MSLZZY 9/20/2011 11:48PM

    I do the same with the laptop at the office. Thankfully I don't have to use it often. I prefer my
desktop version much better! HUGS!

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_LINDA 9/20/2011 11:21PM

    Enjoy!! One of the first things I bought with my new laptop (my first one, eight years ago) was a net mouse! A nice, compact, take any where little guy :) I still have and use it.

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DEBRITA01 9/20/2011 9:42PM

    Have fun experimenting with your new "toy"...Happy Sparking!

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MOBYCARP 9/20/2011 9:12PM

    Be sure to see if you can turn the touch pad off. The ability to shut my touch pad off is my favorite feature; on other laptops with touch pads, I have trouble typing because my wrists brush the pad and the cursor jumps around on me.

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Afternoon sunshine cheers an otherwise dreary looking Sunday

Sunday, September 18, 2011

It was raining this morning, and I ended up doing my run on the treadmill. Took the recycles in to the center after TV church, and noticed that they were hosting the overflow parking and shuttle to the JDRF walk. Returned a book to the library and felt a little sad that I wasn't out there walking as I did two years ago. But no person can do *every* outing... and I have a 5K coming up in Susan G. Komen in a couple of weeks.

My mood lifted when the sun came out in the late afternoon. It's a fresh new week! Life's good. Spark on. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJCANNON 9/19/2011 10:48PM

    It has rained here for several days, but it has been wonderful walking after the rain.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KALIGIRL 9/19/2011 8:37AM

    Here's to a fresh week and new challenges!

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KATHRYNLP 9/19/2011 8:22AM

    You just gotta pick your favourites.. and run with them! emoticon emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 9/19/2011 1:10AM

    We did a lot of running today in the car. Was drizzle most of the day here in MN. At least it isn't 30 below yet. Did some gun trading and came out ahead for once!

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_LINDA 9/19/2011 12:27AM

    Was raining here too this morning! Was a get work done day for me, so my exercise was 10 minute elliptical breaks throughout the period. Our Terry Fox run was on today, and its very unique in its format. You don't have to pre register. You can show up and do a short registration and give a donation to participate if you haven't raised pledges. Its a non competitive, fun race. Great way to encourage everyone to participate in the fund raising without the hassle of pledge raising. Some day, I would like to participate in these charity races..
Have a good week! Sun is shining here too!

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MSLZZY 9/18/2011 8:10PM

    emoticon

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ANDI571 9/18/2011 7:27PM

    I agree, life is good! emoticon

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