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Visiting the way back machine...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

When it comes to significant turning points in life, do we recognize them at the time, or only YEARS, nay, in my case, DECADES later? The anniversary of one of those turning points is coming up for me.

Monday, February 27, 1989. That makes it 23 years, coming up. It was the day that I went to my first Weight Watchers at Work meeting. I was miserable. My husband did not want me to go, and in fact locked me out of the room where my winter coat was. I was angry and determined, swiped HIS coat out of a closet, and went, anyway.

The scale said something very discouraging: 224.5. During the next week, I was very strict in following the plan, the old one with exchanges, and limited eggs and cheese. When I went back the next week, I had dropped 10.5 pounds! Of course the losses were less over the following weeks and months, but by October, people I had worked with and not seen in a few months did not recognize me.

I never did reach my "goal" weight that time, and in fact, struggled with maintenance and regained, lost and regained, many times since. But today I look back on that date as the start of my journey of putting health higher on my list of priorities. It was in that year that I learned I could do it, and how. What I've struggled with since has been the maintenance of motivation.

Now, I examine carefully my slips and slides, seeking to learn whatever lesson is there for me. The motto of "Never give up" is a strong one. The motto of "it feels so good to be fit" is also strong. But sometimes it helps to look back at where one came from: from the days of not being able to take five steps across a room without becoming out of breath. From the days of knees hurting, back hurting, because of the excess burden I had put on them.

When tempted to give up, after a time of success... it is good to remember... that this journey is WORTH IT! Feel good about taking each step, even the ones that slip and slide... and go forward... into health. Into feeling good. Into the YOU that you were made to be.

LIFE is good. Choose LIFE. And Spark on!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APRILLSCOTT 2/25/2012 11:59AM

    I loved this blog! You have come such a long way! I loved the story about how you took your husband's coat and went anyway! That was determination! You are becoming a true inspiration to me. emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 2/23/2012 9:33PM

    You did it! What a success story and inspiration you are to others.

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LEANJEAN6 2/23/2012 7:40PM

    Wow! --You are so right--Great blog!!--- Slip sliding--but it's a journey and worth it---You have cxome a long way--I really do look up to you!--Lynda

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MOBYCARP 2/23/2012 7:27PM

    Once in a while, we have to look back to appreciate how good we have it now. Thanks for the reminder that what I'm whining about these days really isn't as bad as stuff I lived through a few years ago.

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KALIGIRL 2/23/2012 3:04PM

    Amazing where our journeys take us - I've always wondered if we 'have to' keep repeating things until we 'learn the lesson'...whatever than may be?
Namaste my friend.

Comment edited on: 2/23/2012 3:05:45 PM

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ANDI571 2/23/2012 3:03PM

    Amen Sister! You have had to endure so much, and are such an inspiration. You are awesome.

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REJ7777 2/23/2012 1:24PM

    “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” -George Santayana
That includes our personal history! emoticon

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MIZCATHI 2/23/2012 1:02PM

    it's good to reflect on the milestones in our life, and certainly the attempts at significant loss (even when we regain) contains valuable life lessons that help us eventually win the battle. The discomfort and pain are memories that I never want to forget.

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_LINDA 2/23/2012 12:15PM

    Wow! 23 years of heading in the right direction! I am so impressed! No wonder you can always get firmly back on track no matter what hits you! Well done!!
It really does feel better to be fit, even if it does take more work!
Keep up the great work! One day at a time!

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MSLZZY 2/23/2012 10:08AM

    You said it all. This journey takes time, effort
and there will always be slips but, in the end,
the work was worth it. Keep on smiling and
SParking! You make my world better! HUGS!

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SUNNY332 2/23/2012 9:05AM

    Awesome post today, Barb.

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott

You are a Winner!


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MNTWINSGAL 2/23/2012 8:54AM

    Your determination is always inspiring. You Go, Girl!!!

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 2/23/2012 8:36AM

    emoticonGreat blog, thanks!

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KATHRYNLP 2/23/2012 8:15AM

    Very Inspiring!!! One Day at a Time!! emoticon

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Grab your fresh, hot motivation!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

What gets your healthy motivation pumping? Seriously, what trips your trigger and makes you start really getting into taking good care of you?

Two things happened today: One, I got an e-mail from someone asking for some help. Two, my new swimsuit got delivered.

Which of these items would spur you to do well? Which would throw you into a tailspin?

It's all a matter of attitude. There have been days in my life when either one would have either a good or a bad effect, driving me further into bad behavior or rejoicing in good behavior.

So... where is the attitude today? I'm hoping it's in the good lean, toward health. Because I'm worth it. Bootstraps, Barb, bootstraps. Grab your motivation wherever you can... it surrounds you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APRILLSCOTT 2/25/2012 12:02PM

Thanks for the motivation and inspiration! I have got where I just love your blogs. They help me a lot! emoticon

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SUNNY332 2/22/2012 8:38PM

    It sure does....

Only 24 more days until spring. How's that for motivation?

Huggers, Sunny

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KATHRYNLP 2/22/2012 8:54AM

    Ummmm... what's a swimsuit? emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KALIGIRL 2/22/2012 8:44AM

    Ah - now I understand the ONE....

Have a great day!

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BUGGYS 2/22/2012 6:57AM

    Motivation is found any and everywhere...funny, my new swimsuit arrived the other day also and now I'm on a mission! emoticon

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MAGGIE101857 2/22/2012 6:45AM

    You are worth it!!!! I'm still in sweater mode - guess I need to start thinking about bathing suits!!! emoticon

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KANOE10 2/22/2012 6:39AM

    Good blog..Grab your motivation where you can! Let's do it.

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JUST_TRI_IT 2/22/2012 5:22AM

    Tis interesting how an event on one day can have a different effect on you than on another day! Grabbing to motivation from where it might be is indeed important :)


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MIZCATHI 2/22/2012 5:18AM

    Your positive message this morning was just what I needed - seize the moments where you can! They are out there.

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KASEYCOFF 2/22/2012 4:10AM

    You're a braver woman than I am, kiddo - bathing suit? Not me, lol! But the written word? Oh yah, motivation all the way around... yes, that works.

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KARIDIAN1 2/22/2012 12:48AM

    Good thoughts!

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_LINDA 2/22/2012 12:23AM

    Sounds like a double whammy of motivation to me! Second that trying on the bathing suit, nothing like the bare facts facing you in the mirror ;)
Go Barb GO!

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 2/21/2012 9:30PM

    Great blog, thanks so much!

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WATERMELLEN 2/21/2012 9:22PM

    So: did you try on the bathing suit? And I'm betting you liked the way it looks!!

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MSLZZY 2/21/2012 9:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITFABJENN 2/21/2012 8:57PM

    Love this blog, Barb! Yep, "grab your motivation wherever you can," indeed!

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Coming out of my cave...

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Here we go again. This was one heck of a week: I had over 21,000 steps last Sunday and another 18,000 on Monday, starting to build mileage for the half in May. I thought.

And then starting Tuesday, I just sort of crashed and burned (see vent blog and continuation). I started out well on Thursday, with somewhat improved food behavior... but then Friday was a bit of a train wreck. I had the overnight program monitoring job, and left work early. My intention was to nap, but all I ended up with was a couple of hours with my eyes closed and my brain running, then a couple of hours of real sleep before getting up at the normal time my charged task begins, a little before midnight. Next two hours were watching other things that precede it creeping at a snail's pace... and my own "child" didn't start until 2:23 a.m. Frustrating. But not a problem.

The job finished about sunrise, and I napped again for a couple of hours at 9 a.m. The weird food behavior continued, but at this point, I think I'm done with that. I started re-asserting better behaviors with some cooked cabbage and a fresh orange noonish.

Still not able to sleep, I ended up reading and pacing the house. I'm in the midst of George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones Series, and it's hard to put down. I'm getting toward the end of the third book, A Storm of Swords.

Went to bed at a normal hour. Arose at a normal hour. Have some after effects of the disruption in routine, eating, exercise, and sleep all three disrupted. While I may have had "dreams" of dealing well with it... I really didn't. But I know all I have to do to recover is go back to following the plan: gradually increase activity, drink my water, get my sleep. I will start feeling better, really I will. Because the old bad habits do *not* feel good. And the new ones *do*.

To our health. One day at a time!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APRILLSCOTT 2/25/2012 12:11PM

    I just love reading about how you turn those crazy bad habits back around and start grabbing the health new ones. It makes me feel better to realize that even (Chunky girl) works on you every now and then. I love how you have realized that the good habits are the ones that will get you where you need to be, and in the long run always make you feel better. When our schedules are disrupted Chunky girl always comes around to take us down the wrong road to misery. It is like you said attitude is everything! emoticon

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SUNNY1432 2/21/2012 8:25PM

    It CRAZY how much a change in schedule can mess up what we do or how we eat. My schedule doesn't change, thank goodness, but my son's sleeping habits, or lack there of, really mess with me. emoticon
I'm glad that you were able to get yourself out and are back on track and of course so POSITIVE!! emoticon

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MIZCATHI 2/21/2012 5:24AM

    I'm getting to the point where any changes disrupt my balance! But you know how to do this and what is up, so I'm pretty sure you'll get back to the new you!

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COMETER 2/20/2012 12:39PM

    One day at a time...funny how that keeps showing up when we need it.

Good luck to you!

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SUNNY332 2/20/2012 9:50AM

    I always have problems when my schedule is changed for whatever reason. I am feeling like a slug bug so know that when we get home from Kansas, my priority will be getting back to the bike and treadmill.

At least for me, my eating has been good.

Take care and have a good day.


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KALIGIRL 2/20/2012 8:48AM

    Sorry I missed our walk yesterday - hope all is well with you!

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    Those shift changes reeked havoc on me. I'd become a carb monster until I got back to normal.

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KARIDIAN1 2/19/2012 10:32PM

    Hang in there. At least it sounds like you don't have to do that often.

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MSLZZY 2/19/2012 10:20PM

    A change is your routine just makes the day a jumble
of mixed emotions and feeling out of sorts. With that
behind you, you can get back to where you belong.

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MARTHAWILL 2/19/2012 7:12PM

    You are not alone- great to read about your new commitment. Need that constant affirmation myself. Lately has been a real challenge.

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MNTWINSGAL 2/19/2012 2:37PM

    Perfect attitude, and that's exactly why you will succeed. It's hard to get back to normal sleep/wake patterns even if you think you have gotten back in the groove, so be a little extra kind to yourself for the next few days.

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_LINDA 2/19/2012 1:29PM

    I could never understand how people dealt with shift work, going from days to nights without a total disruption of their sleeping/eating habits. Good for you pulling yourself out of the abyss, one step at a time, and recognizing you liked the feeling of being healthier better then the feeling of gluttony.:)
Go Barb Go!!

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 2/19/2012 12:54PM

    "But I know all I have to do to recover is go back to following the plan: gradually increase activity, drink my water, get my sleep. I will start feeling better, really I will. Because the old bad habits do *not* feel good. And the new ones *do*."

The above is what I need to read/remember for myself. I'm not where you are, but I'm anxious to get there -- which gives me hope.

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Continuation and resolution

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Venting blogs can be very freeing. Thanks to all my Spark buds for your supportive comments yesterday.

The bad behavior with food continued ALL day yesterday, as work held a "food day" and I was still in "I need chocolate" mode! I compounded it as I went to pick up a prescription and brought some stuff home that I was craving. I caved to the crave... went with the flow, admitted to myself how much this morning's duties and their implications were influencing it.

I'm just home from the airport, sending son off. Last time I sent him on such a gig, it was six months before I saw him again. He left me his car, his keys, the works.

Anyway, waking up early to take care of this particular duty, I felt downright LOUSY! Self-inflicted. The body does not LIKE these meltdown behaviors. It WANTS to be nurtured and treated well. It's like a hangover. I've never taken a drink of alcohol, but the description of a hangover is what I see myself going through when I get bingy with salt and sugar now. My body knows what healthy feels like, and it rebels in turn to the punishment I put it through the past couple of days.

SO! Enough already. The work things that were bugging me? Re-delegated back to those who handed them to me. I'm not sure I entirely got to the point of "advising" rather than doing it for them... but I limited the amount I did, and handed it back as an example of how to continue with the next task.

I am hopeful for today. I think the food behavior will be better. And I *shall* take my break walks (I did yesterday).

One day. Every day is day one! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FROGGGY13 2/19/2012 4:20AM

    Sending your child off is hard! Don't beat yourself up, just go back to normal, even gradually. As long as these blips are occasional, they are not bad and will not hurt you in the long run. This, after all, is what life is.

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    I so agree with the food hangover. Yuck. It gives a new perspective so next time you think, that's not going to be great tomorrow(or even 2 hour later ice cream sundae bloat and regret)

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LEANJEAN6 2/17/2012 8:05AM

    Good luck Barb--

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SUE_2U 2/17/2012 2:26AM

    Boy, you sure said it with the last couple of blogs and your comment on mine. It's just true.
As a kid, I used to listen to my sister and brother and their friends complain about hangovers. When I asked what they feel like, I realized that I felt that way every morning of my life, with nary one drink, ever. I didn't know then what I know now about dehydration and sugar and refined flours and too many carbs, but yeah those sure do a job on my head, too. I just can't tolerate them.
And Yay, You! For re-delegating! That is a tough thing to learn to do, but sometimes you just have to do it, and you're teaching them something, along the way, so they don't have to ask you to help, again. That's good thinking! emoticon

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_LINDA 2/17/2012 1:32AM

    A very trying week for you! But the weekend and respite soon cometh! I am seriously craving chocolate, but am too cheap to buy my favorite unless its on sale, lucky me. I refuse to pay almost four dollars for a 90% cocoa chocolate bar when I can get it for $2.50. No others will do but this brand.
Good for you for figuring out a way to get your work problem handled. Hopefully, those fresh air walks will rejuvenate you!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/16/2012 6:14PM

    LOL. I DO drink alcohol (and I've drunk it to excess in the past) and I don't actually GET hangovers from it. Ever.

But I sure do get "food hangovers" from too much salt, fat, starch, sugar, etc.

In times like the one you describe it seems like the path back to health for me involves focusing on the mechanics. Making sure I go back to the specific behaviors that keep me healthy. Whether or not I feel like it.

If I just go back to the behaviors, I usually DO start feeling like it in a day or two. Sometimes, after a bad lapse, it has taken a week. But I eventually get there. I just need to learn to trust this, because I tend to procrastinate on going back to what works.

Hang in there.

Comment edited on: 2/16/2012 6:14:58 PM

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MIZCATHI 2/16/2012 10:36AM

    Leaving your son at the airport was a bit of a heartbreak, and everyone knows the heart needs chocolate now and then. One step at a time, one day at a time.

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SUNNY332 2/16/2012 9:36AM

    What an emotional day for you so give yourself a break.

Some things in life just call for Chocolate.

Love you, Sunny

I will be praying for your Son.

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 2/16/2012 9:30AM

    Good for you Barb! Nothing like a food hangover to get you re-focussed. I'm trying to do the same. Ate a healthy breakfast and have a healthy lunch packed. Have a great day!

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KALIGIRL 2/16/2012 8:44AM

    Glad to hear you are seeing the 'sun' in your day - much as the wonderful picture of your house in the background.

Up for a walk this weekend? (Figured you were not yet game for the FrostyRide, so am trying to talk DH into joining me...) Let me know and we can catch up on 'Sun'day.

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KANOE10 2/16/2012 8:00AM

    Yes, your body does have a sugar hangover..However, today you should feel much better if you eat healthfully. Good for you getting back on track and venting here.
Hope your job improves!

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WATERMELLEN 2/16/2012 7:51AM

    Ohhhhh food hangovers. Been there way too many times. Emotional hangovers too. And yup: they seem to be related!

So tough to say goodbye to our kids.

So tough to deal with weasely co-workers offloading THEIR responsibilities. On people-pleaser US.

Hang in there -- hanginners feel waaaaaay better than hangovers!!

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MSLZZY 2/16/2012 7:11AM

    Re-delegating was what you needed to do. I am
thinking some of your stress from work was
compounded by your son's departure, which
manifested itself in caving to the craving. I
hope you can get this behind you. 6 months is
a long time to be gone but DS will be so proud
of you if you take care of yourself, for him and
for you. HUGS!

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MAGGIE101857 2/16/2012 6:59AM

    Today will be better! I didn't even get my break walks in yesterday - so tired these days!!! Where is your son off to? I was just telling a co-worker how much I miss my son - it's been almost a year since I have seen him and I hate that. Miss all my kids so much - long distance is rough on us Moms!

One step, one day at at time! I'm there for you!!! emoticon

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Needing another self-pep talk

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Yesterday was a bad day. I won't go into details, because "other people" are involved, and my reaction to "other people"... no, none of my Spark buds, we're talking people in "meat space."

When I say "my reaction" we are talking about two levels: emotions, and actions. The emotions one has little control over. They come. The actions we *do* have choices about, and I didn't make the best ones yesterday in response to the emotions.

I have in the past mentioned that sometimes I don't even know I'm having an emotional reaction until I catch myself in the kitchen. Well, this one I knew I was having an emotional reaction but I had myself in that spot where I *did not care*! That's a dangerous spot.

Even before I left work, I found myself with peanut M&M's from the vending machine. I managed to drive home without taking a detour to acquire bingy foods. But I still had a few little nasty things sitting dormant in my cupboards. And I indulged, but at some point, I realized it was NOT satisfying me, and I stopped.

I still managed to bump the scale up for the morning weigh-in but I was ready to take a look at it and go through the assessment process. OK, I was feeling overburdened at work. And I was feeling resentful of what it is doing to my available time to work on athletic training goals. And then it moved on to feeling anger at myself for putting myself in the position of thinking I might fail in those goals. I reminded myself of my "line in the sand", and found the "I don't care" attitude. I resented having to drop back to that line in the sand.

I have fears about letting people down. Letting myself down. Not living up to the me I like to think myself to be. And I'm angry with some other people for not being up to certain challenges, too... and dumping their burdens on me... breaking the camel's back, as it were.

I feel weary of the cycle. I've been through it so many times. What is becoming more clear over the years is the part that some of these emotions play: how I set myself up to be dumped on by my personal style of being oh-so-helpful! Of not being able to refuse requests. Of being a people pleaser, never wanting to make people dislike me.

The thrill of losing weight and being successful lasts to a point then one of these patches shows up, and I start slipping and sliding, choosing to burden myself with all these things, and eating my resentment and rebellion... which leads to regain.

I'm sitting here, about 10 pounds above the lowest I got (I would panic when I dropped below 120 and eat extra to stay above it). Scared of gaining it all back. Scared of saying things that need to be said to people. Scared of changing me. But recognizing there is a need to do so.

My prayer is for the courage to change *me* in ways that will support *staying* healthy and active. Just for today. We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MNTWINSGAL 2/15/2012 11:03PM

    Sorry to hear about your rough patch, Barb. Without prying, I don't know exactly what bothered you so much....but I do know it's bound to get better. And you'll get back on an even keel, and back into a place where you feel good about your successes again. Good ol' emotional eating will get back under control....because that's just how you roll!

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KARIDIAN1 2/15/2012 10:26PM

    Sounds like today was the day everything just caught up with you and something had to give. Feels good to vent on the blog and know that your SP buddies will be there for you.

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SUE_2U 2/15/2012 8:36PM

    emoticon It's so frustrating to be in that place, where we know we are not doing the right thing, but we are so angry about something else that we are doing it almost to spite ourselves?
I was there myself, yesterday. Not because of anything anyone else said, but because of my own body not cooperating with what I want it to do.
It's an ongoing struggle we have.
Just for today. Wise words I needed to hear, right now. Thank you. And bless you. You are one of those wise crones that tribes revered. One of those who knows mankind with true empathy and understanding, because you have learned so much through your own life and struggles and heart. (BTW "Crone" in such circles is quite a compliment, just in case you didn't know. I'm told that I'm definitely there, and have been for some time).

Comment edited on: 2/15/2012 8:38:46 PM

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WATERMELLEN 2/15/2012 8:32PM

    Bad bad day: sorry. Great great blog: thanks.

That "I don't care" spot is looking kinda crowded, and there I thought I was the only one occupying it.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/15/2012 5:24PM

    Dude. Maybe it's time to take up your cat-lifting regime, again.

Seriously, though, on Monday I found myself 10 lbs above where I wanted to be, too, and if Freaked Me Out.

I knew there was a problem last Wednesday but it took me 5 days and about 4 more pounds to get me to actually react.

So Tired Of The Cycle, Too.
I will be a very happy person when I can finally demonstrate to myself that I can use a goal range limit for immediate correction.

As far as those pesky emotions, I have always wished I could be 100% Vulcan. Even Spock seemed a bit too emotional for my tastes. But there we are, sometimes my feelings just go there, - not very good at staying on a leash, LOL

And yeah not only do they go off leash, but they SNEAK over there and I don't find out until I'm having cravings or feeling down or a sudden realization hits me and then I'm in crisis mode having to deal with it Right Now, before any more damage is done.


I guess it's the price of being human.

Hang in there. You get to choose your actions, as you said.

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LJCANNON 2/15/2012 2:28PM

    emoticonYou mean I am not the Only One with an "I Don't Care" Spot?! We need to find some kind of Fence with No Gate to build around that thing!!
emoticonYou are hanging in there, and you are helping A Lot Of Us hang in there with you. Having a Bad Moment--or Day!--just makes us more Human.

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MSLZZY 2/15/2012 2:11PM

    Change is scary but you recognize signs that some
things must change. How or when will be up to you
to decide. Being taken advantage of, due to your
helpful nature, just puts a target on your back
for the next time. I'd be resentful, too, when it
has become so easy for someone to palm off their
responsibility because they know I would get it
done. Sit back, relax, reflect and then move on.
Take time for "you" and change what needs to
be changed. You have the power! HUGS!

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KRISZTA11 2/15/2012 2:09PM

    I'm sorry you had such a bad day : (
But it's good you realized the binge does not satisfy and you stopped.

It would be really really great if you could say no more often.

Many years ago the company I worked with organized assertiveness trainings for us, and one of the key points was exactly this: everyone has the right to say no, without explanation (except the few obvious exceptions).
It did not help me immediately, but at least I realized that saying no is an option, and I got better at it gradually.
It is very useful with colleagues who try to dump their work on me, and with my kids who are the embodiment of assertiveness.

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KALIGIRL 2/15/2012 1:49PM

    Not caring is indeed a dangerous spot for me. Opens the door to my 'bad child' who relishes in rebellion. I have never used food as comfort, but resorted to other destructive behaviors including isolating myself to avoid the trigger emotions.

I too added those 10 pounds 'celebrating' (another term for rebelling against) the holidays and am slowly starting to take them off. We are not the same, my friend - you with your childlike joy of exercise and me with my love of freggies, but perhaps we can react the same. Perhaps we both can keep our bags in the car and take our frustrations out in the 'bright light' of the gym?

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_LINDA 2/15/2012 1:35PM

    Getting over being a people pleaser is hard when you have done it all your life. Women struggle to get out of this trap and that is why we have so much emotional eating and weight problems among others. We are supposed to be the nuturers, the supporters the comforters. That has always be our role nature gave us. How do you break out what is so natural?? How do we learn to say th words NO. I am a strange duck. I prefer to please myself more than others, and don't suffer fools easily. But on the other hand, I have found myself slipping into wanting to be all things to all people. That is when I have to take a step back, deep breath, slap upside the head and think what am I doing here. How far is it getting me, why waste the energy? Is this acomplishing anything? If the answer is no its time to get off the wagon. If they are dumping on you, its time to take a stand. You can't do everything and you certainly can't do other people's jobs for them. The hardest word in the language for a woman to use. NO. Start practicing.
Good luck..
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIZCATHI 2/15/2012 1:32PM

    It's so frustrating when we find ourselves in a weakened state and reverting. But you have the right attitude - you seem to be able to take it one day at a time when you experience a setback. Like you, reaching for food is a knee jerk reaction rather than identifying the source first and coping... BUT, the point is that you recognized the pattern, and came to the realization that you have. It's ok, you've made it to another day.

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HOT4FITNESS 2/15/2012 9:24AM

    I can so relate. I have been so down lately. I am barely sparking, haven't blogged. May be time today. Hang in there. I am cheering you on all along the way.

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KATHRYNLP 2/15/2012 9:00AM

    Oprah's new Life Classes explains this dilemma as our ego taking over, and not our true self in control. I'm also trying to get a handle on my reactions to life situations.
The ego isn't always arrogance... it's sometimes what we feel, when we feel inadequate, or less than we think we are. Then we react negatively. I know that feeling, and I hate it. I'm going to watch another of Oprahs Life Classes... they're eye opening, to our real selves. I found it on Please don't beat up on yourself... emoticon emoticon

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DEBRA0818 2/15/2012 8:14AM

    I can so relate to the idea of being scared by oneself -- we seem to have two minds, one of which is definitely not on our side, the other of which looks on in horror and shock at how duplicitous and self-defeating the other side feels and acts. Yet, our rational mind is capable of thinking through, not reacting (or stopping a bad reaction in its tracks) and falling back on the tried and true disciplines that help -- the best of which is Just For Today.

In that sense it is always emoticon.


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