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So long to Mental Toughness - Day 21 homework

Saturday, April 14, 2012

So, the motivational slump? Ends in facing the music, right? Went to see my dietary consultant this morning, and fessed up to my bad behavior with food. I know darn well I feel better when I eat better, so I have a one-week plan to start addressing THAT area.

Then I went off to keep my last appointment with the personal trainer (my birthday present to myself last November was a six-pack of PT sessions). It was a good workout, and with machines I *don't* have available at home.

She's moving! Of all things! So this really is my last chance workout with her. She gave me a reference to another gal who is currently on maternity leave but coming back in June, so if I decide I want to continue periodic sessions, I can do that.

DAY 21 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being best, how strong is your sense of urgency for getting fit?

This week, about a 3. Trying to get it up a bit. I started out this course fit. I ran a ten mile race the first week. Motivation/urgency has been unraveling the entire series of video, as I find myself emotionally "talking back".

2. What will be the next big goal you will pursue once you get fit?

Why wait? My goal is to achieve balance in my life.

3. What one big dream would you attempt if you knew you couldn't fail, now that you're thinking bigger than ever?

I already had this dream before I started, and I am on track to complete it: a triathlon, Sprint distance, this Summer.

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To be honest, I'm glad to be done with this series. A lot of stuff has been swirling around emotionally, and the "Mental toughness" coaching is all about stopping from being emotional. Well, I got news. I am an emotional creature. I have to learn to deal with my emotions, not deny that they exist.

Granted, coach Siebold says one should "motivate with emotion" and "act/decide based on rational thought". But he really doesn't have much to say about dealing with and accepting emotions, so he kind of strikes me as being a "guy motivator", and I did not respond well to his style. Although, in the end, I agree with his conclusions... I have to find different ways to motivate ME.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 4/15/2012 9:26AM

    When I read the first question, I realized that when I first got out of the hospital after the heart attack, my motivation to get healthy was 7 on 7. But it went down to about a 3 about 1-1/2 year later, when I got stuck on a plateau and then started gaining again. It helped me to reflect on that. My motivation is about a 5 right now.

Love your answer to the 2nd and 3rd questions! emoticon

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EBEAMS 4/14/2012 9:14PM

    Congrats on sticking it out. I'm sure that you learned stuff about yourself that you might not have thought about before. Growing, stretching, learning ... it's good for us! Best of luck on all your endeavors! Keep up your fabulous work!

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WATERMELLEN 4/14/2012 9:00PM

    Not so sure it's entirely a guy/gal thing because I . . . . pretty girly, actually . . . . . "read" Siebold as intensely emotional himself. He's so full of praise, of caring, of support, and so motivating! But yeah, he is mentally tough too . . . never seen anyone in action who combines these qualities so completely.

You've done this journey your way . . . and Siebold is all about being willing to consider other points of view (you did that, for 21 days) and then "thinking for yourself" (you've done that too).

Hope you printed out your graduation diploma!

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MOBYCARP 4/14/2012 8:50PM

    Your blogs about the Siebold question have been an interesting and educational echo of his system. I thought about signing up for it shortly after you did, but decided that I was so busy in the rest of my life that I was unlikely to treat it respectfully and get real value out of it. Maybe down the road, if he's really a "guy motivator." But first, I have to get through maintaining diet and exercise during crazy work season.

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CONCHA77 4/14/2012 7:06PM

    Spark On!

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_LINDA 4/14/2012 6:05PM

    That part is just wrong. We are all emotional creatures. Everything we do is based on how we feel. You can't just turn that off. Not unless you are Mr. Spock with pointed ears!!! Even with all our emotions, women are considered mentally tougher then men. Think a guy could ever go through childbirth?? We were designed to take pain and responsibility for the nuturing of life. Nothing more fierce then a momma bear protecting her cubs!!! So get out there and make your cub proud of you and Just. Do. It!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/14/2012 5:00PM

    You have definitely learned a lot about yourself going through that course, and seems to me THAT'S the bottom line. You did good!

I am an emotional creature, too, and guys just don't "get that". I am very lucky to be married to a wonderful man, but he is NOT emotional at all . . . not on MY level, I should say.

Well, have a great weekend. You're the tops!

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MNTWINSGAL 4/14/2012 4:36PM

    Well, congrats on sticking to it, even though you decided that ultimately this program isn't "for you." You gave it your best and now you can move on to the next thing on your horizon.

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KALIGIRL 4/14/2012 3:08PM

    Here's to knowing what works for us and following our own paths to health!

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 4/14/2012 3:05PM

    Just learning what you have about yourself made the journey worth it -- even if you didn't agree with his style 100%. Feel good about the progress you've made. And good luck as you continue to train to achieve your goal of the triathalon!

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Friday the 13th - Days 18 - 20 of Mental Toughness Homework

Friday, April 13, 2012

Perfect day to "get over it", don't you think?

It's Friday. Whether you (I) had a bad week or a good one, it's the perfect day to make into a great one.

Yes, I have continued in my rebellion mode. Still talking back to the guy. Still misbehaving but taking baby steps to make it better. The allergies have been running rampant this week, which leads me back into making excuses, feeling sorry for myself, and continuing the "bad" habits. That said, here are the last 3 days of homework questions. Then I'm off to work!

DAY 18 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. What has been the "cause" of your fatness in the past?

Not valuing myself and my health.

2. How have you confused cause and effect in other areas of your life?

Haven't thought about it much. Kind of drift along accepting things that are.

3. After you reach your natural weight and get fit, what will be your next major goal?

Don't know as I have one. I'm pretty content.

Thinking too much about THESE questions kind of undermines my "oomph"... this guy preaches success on many levels, and I'm not sure I want to buy into that whole philosophy.

DAY 19 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. What are your five strongest beliefs about dieting?

1. I feel better when I eat right, it has nothing to do with trying to lose or gain weight.
2. Nothing is forbidden, but some things once started are hard to stop with, so it's better not to stock them in the house.
3. There is nothing magic about diet... it is simply "what you eat."

2. What are your five strongest beliefs about exercise?

1. If I stop, I have trouble starting again.
2. A little bit is better than none at all.
3. Ten minutes of activity in the midst of a sedentary job contributes to mental, emotional and social health!

3. Have these beliefs contributed to your being fat?

No, these are the ones that are contributing to becoming less so.

I didn't manage to come up with "five"... and that's OK by me. These will do it.

DAY 20 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. Have you hit a plateau yet? If so, how did you make it through?

Yes. I've even had some regains... but I'm not just counting this 20 days, but the whole losing process. I got through it with patience. In some cases I overate for a while before re-establishing healthy habits. It may not be what you recommend, but it worked for me to "keep it green."

2. List the three stages of success for future reference.

The excitement stage.
The season of pain.
The knowing stage.

3. List the three best strategies you've learned or used during the season of pain.

Personal pep-talks, blogging.
Doing the healthy habitual behavior anyway.
Once in a while slipping, forgiving myself, and getting back on the horse again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEANJEAN6 4/14/2012 10:11AM

    Wow Barb!--This blog really does make me sit up and question why---- Thanks Barb!!--Lotza effort went into that!-Lynda

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MAYGIRL14 4/14/2012 8:32AM

    Food for thought! Will definitely be mulling over much of this as I clean house today. Thank you for sharing!
emoticon

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CAROLJEAN64 4/13/2012 1:34PM

    Great blog. These are thoughtful questions about living our lives and connecting to your relationships as well.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/13/2012 11:11AM

    Thought provoking questions. Sometimes you know we don't have to know the CAUSE of something amuck in our life to set about putting it right! See, there . . . now you've got ME talking back to the man! It's true though.

I've dealt with alcoholics and gamblers in my life. The point . . . once they've identified that it IS a problem in their life, the energy has to be spent getting back on a sensible path . . . not necessarily KNOWING exactly what triggered it. I think that comes along the journey as you discover more about yourself.

Ok, anyhow, wishing you a wonderful weekend.

Got a letter from DS yesterday. **SIGH** He has been sick (bronchitis) for 1-1/2 weeks now. On the right meds (finally) and feeling better. So, for that I'm grateful. Just wanna feed him chicken soup! DANG. It's hard being a parent long distance, and I KNOW you get that. But at least the last line of his letter (written 2 days after he'd seen the Dr. again) he was feeling much better. Apparently his whole unit is sick. Great. No chance he'd get away without getting the virus I guess.

Hugs, Barb.

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_LINDA 4/13/2012 10:43AM

    Being successful at one goal is supposed to give your self confidence a boost so that you can focus and be successful with other goals.. I can see that if I wasn't so busy trying to be a successful maintainer!!! Here is to getting over ourselves and our binges (potato chips) and moving on with no looking back, only forward!!

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MNTWINSGAL 4/13/2012 10:17AM

    Missed you r blog the past couple of days....I'm glad you are back!

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KALIGIRL 4/13/2012 8:14AM

    Here's to "Once in a while slipping, forgiving myself, and getting back on the horse again"
emoticon

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What happened to the Mental Toughness blogs?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Yeah, I've been missing for three days. Part of this has been personal crash and burn, talking back at the guy, and misbehaving like crazy, dropping the good habits and justifying my behavior to myself on various levels.

Some of the things he talks about got me into rebellion mode! Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! And I had this emotional melt-down over Easter and son being away... that's been mitigated a bit since by some minimal contact. I have to wonder how people did it old-school when their loved ones went away and we didn't have the internet, telephones, etc.

So I'm guilty as charged of emotional thinking. Something our Mental Toughness coach denigrates. You see? Rebellion.

However, all that said, time to get it back together. It's OK to have those melt downs from time to time, but in the end, I'm still happier when I'm following the lifestyle of the Spark! So... lunch packed, oats simmering... pep talk in progress... and breathing!


DAY 15 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. Are you more of a logical or emotional thinker?

Sometimes one, sometimes the other, depends on the topic. I determined years ago, though, that the really important decisions in my life were made emotionally.

2. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being best, how good are you at controlling and manipulating your emotions under pressure and stress?

Depends on the day.

3. What emotions are you currently allowing to run wild when it comes to weight loss and how can you fix it?

Worry about my child's safety, self-pity when I don't hear from him, and eating to comfort/calm myself.

Fix? Recognize that's what's going on! Do something else that I find soothing.


DAY 16 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being most powerful, how strong is your will power when it comes to dieting?

Varies. 7 on a good day, probably most days. Slips over the weekend, particularly, or under stress.

2. Do you believe you are 100% responsible for your own success?

Yes.

3. What level of thinking do you use most: negative, positive or critical?

Not sure. Going to have to monitor for a while. I was trained to be a positive thinker in my youth. Exposed to a hugely negative thinker in my spouse, and a mainly critical thinker in my brother... my predominant style varies by topic. At work, I am a critical thinker.


DAY 17 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. List the 5 best habits you've developed in your life.
* Dental hygiene (brushing and flossing and all that).
* Sleep time consistency (early to bed, early to rise).
* Active breaks from work (walking, not eating).
* Packing healthy lunches.
* Wearing comfortable shoes.

2. List the 5 worst habits you've developed in your life.

* Procrastination.
* Self-pity.
* Trying to live vicariously, will others to do what I think is best for them.
* Worry.
* Messiness / disorder.

3. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being most often, how often do you think for yourself as opposed to following others blindly?

I like to think it's higher than it really is. Probably around a 4-5. I think for myself. I don't often voice my thoughts when I know they won't be popular, except around smaller groups I think might agree.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 4/14/2012 8:56PM

    Such candour: such logical analysis of your emotional situation (and understandable: what mother would not be worried in your situation?). Such precise "working through" of the homework questions!

I'm reading a "critical thinker" at work here!



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COMETER 4/13/2012 11:09PM

    Well, I'm sorry for your meltdown, but want you to know that I'm learning from it.

I LIKE your rebellion. And I like the way you work it!

Hang in there. And keep wearing the comfortable shoes--smart!

And I hope your son stays safe.

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OVERWORKEDJANET 4/13/2012 7:40AM

    Interesting questions.

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CONCHA77 4/13/2012 7:36AM

    Just so you know, I DO miss your blogs when you skip out. Look forward to reading them. Hope you are feeling better. Hugs.

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LEANJEAN6 4/12/2012 7:28PM

    Oh Barb!!!--YOU-----having a melt-down?-----Poor you!!You know--They ALWAYS come back home-----so-enjoy your own time---Anyway--I'm happy to see you are back Sparking----You are such an inspiration to me!! Lynda--and lotza hugs going yer way !

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MIZCATHI 4/11/2012 4:01PM

    Wow, I can relate to the melt downs and stress, especially on the topic of emotionally charged. I am definitely experiencing that! I am reaching for food in response sometimes, but my thoughts set me straight and I usually behave. It's funny that you mentioned your son and ...

"Worry about my child's safety, self-pity when I don't hear from him, and eating to comfort/calm myself."

Trust me, this happens even when they aren't shipped out. I worry about the safety of my son constantly, especially when I don't hear from him, and he's only 20 minutes away.



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_LINDA 4/11/2012 1:31AM

    So very sorry about your stress and melt down :(( It is very hard to deal with something you have absolutely no control over :(( Welcome back to your healthy lifestyle and sanity!
May your son be safe and may he contact you more often to give you peace of mind..


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DEBRA0818 4/10/2012 2:41PM

    It's amazingly difficult to break the addicted brain of the idea that food will help whatever ails it, but fortunately for you (and hopefully for me too), our rational minds can get involved too! Glad you're on track with yourself!

Happy Easter!
emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 4/10/2012 12:11PM

    Hooo boy, Barb, this Barb is also struggling with the missing and worrying about my son, too. BUT yesterday was letter day, so feel better. In the meantime, there is nothing remotely resembling a trigger food in this house because I'd just inhale it. so, just won't have it around.

Sometimes when things strike a nerve with me, I go into rebellion mode as well. BUT eventually if I let the rational side of the brain out I can figure out WHY it happens to strike such a cord with me and move on. Melt downs? Yup, they're going to happen. So, as you've done, the thing to do is live through it, think about it, make your plan and work your plan. We're human. It's gonna happen.

HUGS, Barb . . . you're not alone.

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MNTWINSGAL 4/10/2012 10:44AM

    Glad to see you back Barb. Yes, holidays make it hit home when it comes to missing our loved ones. Heck, I felt that way too, and mine is just living the life in paradise! I can only imagine what it feels like when they are deployed. Not something I'm looking forward to!

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 4/10/2012 9:51AM

    I was wondering where you were. Sorry to hear you had the mini-meltdown, but glad you're back "at it." Keep up the good work, Barb!

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KALIGIRL 4/10/2012 9:02AM

    Thought provoking... we're starting a 'Crucial Conversations' session @ the office, where we move those questions into our relationships - are we moved to silence or violence by confrontation and do we
Start With Heart
Learn To Look
Make It Safe
Master My Stories
State My Path
Explore Others Paths
Move To Action

Namaste my friend

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Mental Toughness Training - Day 14 Homework

Saturday, April 07, 2012

For those of you who were wondering about Day 13, Day 14 Steve (the coach) talks about why so many programs *do not* address the issue of sexual energy and weight... it's a hot button and can offend. It's also one of the reasons I will answer MYOB about any questions about it... even though I will / do think about the realities and truths of the situation.

You see, some of these things cut both ways. If one does *not* desire the attention, and further, is a people pleaser... the fear of unwanted attention can be a powerful motivator to stay fat! Thus the anger reaction that I had to work through.

Today coach talked about people pleasing and how we avoid talking about important topics, and even make decisions in our lives for fear of offending people in our lives.

Ding-ding-ding! This is the story of my life. And one of the most important lessons I have to keep relearning.

DAY 14 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being most addicted, how addicted are you to the approval of others?

Probably a 7. I admit this. But it matters which others. I have wrestled with this over the years. I have wondered why the opinions of certain others is so important to me. Because many strong emotions are tied into what I think someone else will think about me... will they laugh at me? Will they rejoice in my failure? Will they scoff at my goals? Why does it matter so much to me?

No matter what the coach says, we need other people to get through life. But we don't need EVERY person to get us through life. And we need to sometimes be the leader... sometimes we just have to shake it off. Other people sometimes can surprise us if we just pluck up our courage and make the changes we have been fearing to make. Sometimes they are NOT hoping you will fail... sometimes it is their own fear that is holding them back.

I said I'm addicted, which I am. But can I overcome this addiction? I'm in recovery.

2. How do you feel about adopting new beliefs and philosophies that better serve your best interests?

I'm open to it. I've proven it.

3. Beyond losing weight and getting fit, what would you attempt to do with your life if you knew you couldn't fail?

Retire, and live life. I have this bucket list... it included a half marathon. I did that last year. It includes an official tri... I'm working on that. Some travel places are on my list. The thing about a bucket list? Got to be for YOU, not things you wish or dream for others, because after all, you don't control others.

What's on your list?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 4/9/2012 10:22AM

    Do you think maybe women are socialized to be "people pleasers" more than men? And if so, how? What consequences did we face as children and do we face now if we didn't conform to those required "people pleasing" behaviours?

I notice so often that women in my age category (and yours) can have a sort of perpetual ingratiating smile on our faces. When I read a standard women's magazine, it's astonishing how many articles are devoted to methods of pleasing others: from "recipes he and the kids will love" to sweater patterns "for him and the kids" to decorating ideas to clothes/hairstyles/makeup I should choose to be more pleasing to others to . . . . And then, of course, in every issue the obligatory diet article: you make the 7 layer ultra fudgy cake for them, and sip on CrystalLite yourself!

I'm not looking to be abrasive and unpleasant . . . really I'm not . . . but that placating grin is an expression I don't like when I catch sight of it in the mirror!!

Day 17 talks about habits versus addictions: is it possible that being addicted to the approval of others can be treated like any other very strong bad habit which needs to be broken/modified?

My my, there is a lot to this weight loss thing isn't there?



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KALIGIRL 4/9/2012 10:04AM

    Right now? Savoring the miracles of 2012...

Namaste my friend.

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COMETER 4/7/2012 5:07PM

    I like to think I'm not that much of a people-pleaser, but I know I am, at least to some extent.

A friend of mine recently said, "We wouldn't worry nearly so much about what people think of us if we didn't realize how little they do." And that got me thinking....

What I appreciate about your recent blogs is exploring some of the subtle ways that our emotions undermine us. Even when we've spent years working to get them arranged in a better, more life-affirming way.

A journey, indeed.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/7/2012 8:53AM

    Whoa nelly . . . I certainly am a recovering people pleaser. YIKES1 You know, I'm not sure why it was/is so important, but I realize now that **I** have to be true to ME. I suppose a part of it for me is the fact that I saw putting others before yourself modeled. I heard so often that it's selfish to put yourself first.

But the reality of it is . . . it's NOT selfish to put yourself first. It's NECESSARY.

Great thought provoking blog.

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_LINDA 4/7/2012 7:47AM

    I want to finally get traveling with my Mom. She has been waiting years for me to finally recover and get well enough to cope with it. I miss the traveling I used to do in my early 30's.


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LEANJEAN6 4/7/2012 7:30AM

    Great thought provoker!-----I too seek the approval of others---Hmm--if we couldn't fail----I'd probably attempt a lot more -----maybe finish University for a starter--I have 1 year towards my BA---Interesting blog Barb!

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Mental Toughness Training - Day 13

Friday, April 06, 2012

All right, folks, I have to admit today's video was on a topic that I, personally, don't discuss out in the open. Some things are, face it, private... but for your consideration, here's the questions in the homework.

DAY 13 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. Is being fat destroying your sex life?

MYOB.

2. Do you recognize the raw power of sexual energy?

MYOB.

3. Will you use enhancing your sex life as another motivator to help drive you towards a healthier body?

Again, MYOB!

What I am willing to say: I can tell you from personal experience, my spouse got a LOT more interested when I dropped weight. The very fact of this reality made me angry. It resulted in emotional issues related to fat / body size / attractiveness / shallow nature of human response coming to the surface to be "handled". It isn't "fair", but it is a part of human reality.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COMETER 4/6/2012 10:35PM

    Thanks for taking this on!

Sometime it'd be interesting to see an honest conversation about how gender roles play into fitness and weight loss--and how they impact the sexual aspects.

Spark on.

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WATERMELLEN 4/6/2012 8:22PM

    Hmmm. Steve Siebold says in his Day 13 blog that people in the USA have different attitudes towards this topic than elsewhere. That Day 13 is going to offend a lot of people. Even though the question he asked was not "did your spouse love you less when you were heavier" but "were you less attractive to your spouse when heavier" (or something like that): kind of a different question.

But although this is a MYOB topic of course it is very very interesting that almost no diet plans advert to it at all . . . it's a topic very very little addressed on SparkPeople . . . . and apparently many many persons are offended at the inquiry.

Suffice it to say that in my divorce practice . . . it's pretty clearly an issue from time to time!!




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SUE_2U 4/6/2012 8:08PM

    Excellent point! Otherwise, MYOB! hahahaa!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Have a joyous Easter Weekend.

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ALOHAEV1 4/6/2012 2:39PM

    Big question mark over my head as I was reading and thinking the very same thing you ended this with...how many had spouses with a different attitude. Apparently many have.
Interesting how human reality messes with our heads and it doesn't matter how young or old you are.
Hugs for another toughness training session...


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_LINDA 4/6/2012 1:20PM

    Typical. I agree this should be private.. What really burns me up is, it seems to be okay if the male has a huge beer gut, but the female must certainly be slim and trim. I see it so much here on Sparks, and real life too. The contrasts are startling sometimes.. But men don't have the pressure on them to be slim and trim and as youthful looking as possible that women do.. More women dye their hair late into life while the men seem to enjoy looking grey and mature..

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1CRAZYDOG 4/6/2012 8:11AM

    Definitely a MYOB set of questions and had the same experience!

I may not be the same person I was (ok, definitely NOT) since losing weight, but one place that didn't lose weight is my BRAIN! Like everything else, that got more fit as well, so it's hard to see the "change" in response to weight loss.

Would I change things -- i.e. not lose the weight? Definitely NOT.

But DH and I have talked things out and are on the same page again. That part is good.

Interesting set of questions today. For sure.

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KATHRYNLP 4/6/2012 7:43AM

    Right On!!! emoticon

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MSLZZY 4/6/2012 7:30AM

    Excellent answers! I'll have to remember that when people
ask questions and I prefer not to answer. HUGS!

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