ONEKIDSMOM   117,362
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
ONEKIDSMOM's Recent Blog Entries

What happened to the Mental Toughness blogs?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Yeah, I've been missing for three days. Part of this has been personal crash and burn, talking back at the guy, and misbehaving like crazy, dropping the good habits and justifying my behavior to myself on various levels.

Some of the things he talks about got me into rebellion mode! Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! And I had this emotional melt-down over Easter and son being away... that's been mitigated a bit since by some minimal contact. I have to wonder how people did it old-school when their loved ones went away and we didn't have the internet, telephones, etc.

So I'm guilty as charged of emotional thinking. Something our Mental Toughness coach denigrates. You see? Rebellion.

However, all that said, time to get it back together. It's OK to have those melt downs from time to time, but in the end, I'm still happier when I'm following the lifestyle of the Spark! So... lunch packed, oats simmering... pep talk in progress... and breathing!


DAY 15 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. Are you more of a logical or emotional thinker?

Sometimes one, sometimes the other, depends on the topic. I determined years ago, though, that the really important decisions in my life were made emotionally.

2. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being best, how good are you at controlling and manipulating your emotions under pressure and stress?

Depends on the day.

3. What emotions are you currently allowing to run wild when it comes to weight loss and how can you fix it?

Worry about my child's safety, self-pity when I don't hear from him, and eating to comfort/calm myself.

Fix? Recognize that's what's going on! Do something else that I find soothing.


DAY 16 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being most powerful, how strong is your will power when it comes to dieting?

Varies. 7 on a good day, probably most days. Slips over the weekend, particularly, or under stress.

2. Do you believe you are 100% responsible for your own success?

Yes.

3. What level of thinking do you use most: negative, positive or critical?

Not sure. Going to have to monitor for a while. I was trained to be a positive thinker in my youth. Exposed to a hugely negative thinker in my spouse, and a mainly critical thinker in my brother... my predominant style varies by topic. At work, I am a critical thinker.


DAY 17 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. List the 5 best habits you've developed in your life.
* Dental hygiene (brushing and flossing and all that).
* Sleep time consistency (early to bed, early to rise).
* Active breaks from work (walking, not eating).
* Packing healthy lunches.
* Wearing comfortable shoes.

2. List the 5 worst habits you've developed in your life.

* Procrastination.
* Self-pity.
* Trying to live vicariously, will others to do what I think is best for them.
* Worry.
* Messiness / disorder.

3. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being most often, how often do you think for yourself as opposed to following others blindly?

I like to think it's higher than it really is. Probably around a 4-5. I think for myself. I don't often voice my thoughts when I know they won't be popular, except around smaller groups I think might agree.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 4/14/2012 8:56PM

    Such candour: such logical analysis of your emotional situation (and understandable: what mother would not be worried in your situation?). Such precise "working through" of the homework questions!

I'm reading a "critical thinker" at work here!



Report Inappropriate Comment
COMETER 4/13/2012 11:09PM

    Well, I'm sorry for your meltdown, but want you to know that I'm learning from it.

I LIKE your rebellion. And I like the way you work it!

Hang in there. And keep wearing the comfortable shoes--smart!

And I hope your son stays safe.

Report Inappropriate Comment
OVERWORKEDJANET 4/13/2012 7:40AM

    Interesting questions.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONCHA77 4/13/2012 7:36AM

    Just so you know, I DO miss your blogs when you skip out. Look forward to reading them. Hope you are feeling better. Hugs.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEANJEAN6 4/12/2012 7:28PM

    Oh Barb!!!--YOU-----having a melt-down?-----Poor you!!You know--They ALWAYS come back home-----so-enjoy your own time---Anyway--I'm happy to see you are back Sparking----You are such an inspiration to me!! Lynda--and lotza hugs going yer way !

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIZCATHI 4/11/2012 4:01PM

    Wow, I can relate to the melt downs and stress, especially on the topic of emotionally charged. I am definitely experiencing that! I am reaching for food in response sometimes, but my thoughts set me straight and I usually behave. It's funny that you mentioned your son and ...

"Worry about my child's safety, self-pity when I don't hear from him, and eating to comfort/calm myself."

Trust me, this happens even when they aren't shipped out. I worry about the safety of my son constantly, especially when I don't hear from him, and he's only 20 minutes away.



Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 4/11/2012 1:31AM

    So very sorry about your stress and melt down :(( It is very hard to deal with something you have absolutely no control over :(( Welcome back to your healthy lifestyle and sanity!
May your son be safe and may he contact you more often to give you peace of mind..


Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBRA0818 4/10/2012 2:41PM

    It's amazingly difficult to break the addicted brain of the idea that food will help whatever ails it, but fortunately for you (and hopefully for me too), our rational minds can get involved too! Glad you're on track with yourself!

Happy Easter!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 4/10/2012 12:11PM

    Hooo boy, Barb, this Barb is also struggling with the missing and worrying about my son, too. BUT yesterday was letter day, so feel better. In the meantime, there is nothing remotely resembling a trigger food in this house because I'd just inhale it. so, just won't have it around.

Sometimes when things strike a nerve with me, I go into rebellion mode as well. BUT eventually if I let the rational side of the brain out I can figure out WHY it happens to strike such a cord with me and move on. Melt downs? Yup, they're going to happen. So, as you've done, the thing to do is live through it, think about it, make your plan and work your plan. We're human. It's gonna happen.

HUGS, Barb . . . you're not alone.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNTWINSGAL 4/10/2012 10:44AM

    Glad to see you back Barb. Yes, holidays make it hit home when it comes to missing our loved ones. Heck, I felt that way too, and mine is just living the life in paradise! I can only imagine what it feels like when they are deployed. Not something I'm looking forward to!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVE_2_LAUGH 4/10/2012 9:51AM

    I was wondering where you were. Sorry to hear you had the mini-meltdown, but glad you're back "at it." Keep up the good work, Barb!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 4/10/2012 9:02AM

    Thought provoking... we're starting a 'Crucial Conversations' session @ the office, where we move those questions into our relationships - are we moved to silence or violence by confrontation and do we
Start With Heart
Learn To Look
Make It Safe
Master My Stories
State My Path
Explore Others Paths
Move To Action

Namaste my friend

Report Inappropriate Comment


Mental Toughness Training - Day 14 Homework

Saturday, April 07, 2012

For those of you who were wondering about Day 13, Day 14 Steve (the coach) talks about why so many programs *do not* address the issue of sexual energy and weight... it's a hot button and can offend. It's also one of the reasons I will answer MYOB about any questions about it... even though I will / do think about the realities and truths of the situation.

You see, some of these things cut both ways. If one does *not* desire the attention, and further, is a people pleaser... the fear of unwanted attention can be a powerful motivator to stay fat! Thus the anger reaction that I had to work through.

Today coach talked about people pleasing and how we avoid talking about important topics, and even make decisions in our lives for fear of offending people in our lives.

Ding-ding-ding! This is the story of my life. And one of the most important lessons I have to keep relearning.

DAY 14 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. On a scale of 1-7, 7 being most addicted, how addicted are you to the approval of others?

Probably a 7. I admit this. But it matters which others. I have wrestled with this over the years. I have wondered why the opinions of certain others is so important to me. Because many strong emotions are tied into what I think someone else will think about me... will they laugh at me? Will they rejoice in my failure? Will they scoff at my goals? Why does it matter so much to me?

No matter what the coach says, we need other people to get through life. But we don't need EVERY person to get us through life. And we need to sometimes be the leader... sometimes we just have to shake it off. Other people sometimes can surprise us if we just pluck up our courage and make the changes we have been fearing to make. Sometimes they are NOT hoping you will fail... sometimes it is their own fear that is holding them back.

I said I'm addicted, which I am. But can I overcome this addiction? I'm in recovery.

2. How do you feel about adopting new beliefs and philosophies that better serve your best interests?

I'm open to it. I've proven it.

3. Beyond losing weight and getting fit, what would you attempt to do with your life if you knew you couldn't fail?

Retire, and live life. I have this bucket list... it included a half marathon. I did that last year. It includes an official tri... I'm working on that. Some travel places are on my list. The thing about a bucket list? Got to be for YOU, not things you wish or dream for others, because after all, you don't control others.

What's on your list?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 4/9/2012 10:22AM

    Do you think maybe women are socialized to be "people pleasers" more than men? And if so, how? What consequences did we face as children and do we face now if we didn't conform to those required "people pleasing" behaviours?

I notice so often that women in my age category (and yours) can have a sort of perpetual ingratiating smile on our faces. When I read a standard women's magazine, it's astonishing how many articles are devoted to methods of pleasing others: from "recipes he and the kids will love" to sweater patterns "for him and the kids" to decorating ideas to clothes/hairstyles/makeup I should choose to be more pleasing to others to . . . . And then, of course, in every issue the obligatory diet article: you make the 7 layer ultra fudgy cake for them, and sip on CrystalLite yourself!

I'm not looking to be abrasive and unpleasant . . . really I'm not . . . but that placating grin is an expression I don't like when I catch sight of it in the mirror!!

Day 17 talks about habits versus addictions: is it possible that being addicted to the approval of others can be treated like any other very strong bad habit which needs to be broken/modified?

My my, there is a lot to this weight loss thing isn't there?



Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 4/9/2012 10:04AM

    Right now? Savoring the miracles of 2012...

Namaste my friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
COMETER 4/7/2012 5:07PM

    I like to think I'm not that much of a people-pleaser, but I know I am, at least to some extent.

A friend of mine recently said, "We wouldn't worry nearly so much about what people think of us if we didn't realize how little they do." And that got me thinking....

What I appreciate about your recent blogs is exploring some of the subtle ways that our emotions undermine us. Even when we've spent years working to get them arranged in a better, more life-affirming way.

A journey, indeed.

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 4/7/2012 8:53AM

    Whoa nelly . . . I certainly am a recovering people pleaser. YIKES1 You know, I'm not sure why it was/is so important, but I realize now that **I** have to be true to ME. I suppose a part of it for me is the fact that I saw putting others before yourself modeled. I heard so often that it's selfish to put yourself first.

But the reality of it is . . . it's NOT selfish to put yourself first. It's NECESSARY.

Great thought provoking blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 4/7/2012 7:47AM

    I want to finally get traveling with my Mom. She has been waiting years for me to finally recover and get well enough to cope with it. I miss the traveling I used to do in my early 30's.


Report Inappropriate Comment
LEANJEAN6 4/7/2012 7:30AM

    Great thought provoker!-----I too seek the approval of others---Hmm--if we couldn't fail----I'd probably attempt a lot more -----maybe finish University for a starter--I have 1 year towards my BA---Interesting blog Barb!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Mental Toughness Training - Day 13

Friday, April 06, 2012

All right, folks, I have to admit today's video was on a topic that I, personally, don't discuss out in the open. Some things are, face it, private... but for your consideration, here's the questions in the homework.

DAY 13 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. Is being fat destroying your sex life?

MYOB.

2. Do you recognize the raw power of sexual energy?

MYOB.

3. Will you use enhancing your sex life as another motivator to help drive you towards a healthier body?

Again, MYOB!

What I am willing to say: I can tell you from personal experience, my spouse got a LOT more interested when I dropped weight. The very fact of this reality made me angry. It resulted in emotional issues related to fat / body size / attractiveness / shallow nature of human response coming to the surface to be "handled". It isn't "fair", but it is a part of human reality.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COMETER 4/6/2012 10:35PM

    Thanks for taking this on!

Sometime it'd be interesting to see an honest conversation about how gender roles play into fitness and weight loss--and how they impact the sexual aspects.

Spark on.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 4/6/2012 8:22PM

    Hmmm. Steve Siebold says in his Day 13 blog that people in the USA have different attitudes towards this topic than elsewhere. That Day 13 is going to offend a lot of people. Even though the question he asked was not "did your spouse love you less when you were heavier" but "were you less attractive to your spouse when heavier" (or something like that): kind of a different question.

But although this is a MYOB topic of course it is very very interesting that almost no diet plans advert to it at all . . . it's a topic very very little addressed on SparkPeople . . . . and apparently many many persons are offended at the inquiry.

Suffice it to say that in my divorce practice . . . it's pretty clearly an issue from time to time!!




Report Inappropriate Comment
SUE_2U 4/6/2012 8:08PM

    Excellent point! Otherwise, MYOB! hahahaa!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Have a joyous Easter Weekend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALOHAEV1 4/6/2012 2:39PM

    Big question mark over my head as I was reading and thinking the very same thing you ended this with...how many had spouses with a different attitude. Apparently many have.
Interesting how human reality messes with our heads and it doesn't matter how young or old you are.
Hugs for another toughness training session...


Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 4/6/2012 1:20PM

    Typical. I agree this should be private.. What really burns me up is, it seems to be okay if the male has a huge beer gut, but the female must certainly be slim and trim. I see it so much here on Sparks, and real life too. The contrasts are startling sometimes.. But men don't have the pressure on them to be slim and trim and as youthful looking as possible that women do.. More women dye their hair late into life while the men seem to enjoy looking grey and mature..

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 4/6/2012 8:11AM

    Definitely a MYOB set of questions and had the same experience!

I may not be the same person I was (ok, definitely NOT) since losing weight, but one place that didn't lose weight is my BRAIN! Like everything else, that got more fit as well, so it's hard to see the "change" in response to weight loss.

Would I change things -- i.e. not lose the weight? Definitely NOT.

But DH and I have talked things out and are on the same page again. That part is good.

Interesting set of questions today. For sure.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 4/6/2012 7:43AM

    Right On!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/6/2012 7:30AM

    Excellent answers! I'll have to remember that when people
ask questions and I prefer not to answer. HUGS!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Mental Toughness Training - Day 12 Homework

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Today's video was one of those that could be difficult if you're in a weak spot, emotionally. It would be the kind you'd storm out of if you were in a place of making excuses. Or weep over and think you didn't have it in you if you were in a place of self-blame.

The problem with things like "Mental Toughness" is the vocabulary. While HE says "grow up!", I might say "be kind to yourself". And the really funny thing is, we MEAN the same thing. To me, being kind to myself involves being a parent to the child within. It means putting the past behind and behaving better in the PRESENT. It means setting aside shame, learning from screw ups and moving on.

He means the same thing when he says "get tough", "suck it up", and "grow up". Bottom line: we all have it in us to be better than we have been. We have it in us to live life in the present. Here's to US... grown ups taking care of our inner children!

DAY 12 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. How many child-like beliefs do you have about dieting?

I don't think I have many left. They have been stripped away by time and experience. I know I am a compulsive eater... but I also know I have a choice about taking the first bite.

2. How many child-like beliefs do you have about exercise?

Again, don't think I have many left. Time and experience, folks. I know exercise makes me fit. I know over-exercise can injure me. I know how important it is to be patient with recovery, to train for events, AND to get back, and strike the balance.

3. How is behaving like a child hurting you?

More and more obvious all the time... when I have a childish tantrum/breakdown it has almost immediate physical side-effects. Fortunately, this is usually enough to spur me back on track. I might whine a bit to my friends, but get back on track because I don't want to feel that way, any more.


Life is good! Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/5/2012 3:07PM

    You have a good handle on all of these and it all
comes down to experience. Life lessons learned
the hard way but learned, none the less. HUGS!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TURTLETALK 4/5/2012 11:32AM

    I am following Steve's videos as well but I am only on Day 4. I find him really annoying and overly simplistic but he does have some good thoughts on self talk. I will continue through the series to prove my "mental toughness" but it doesn't mean I believe everything he says. I completly agree with your thoughts on his word choices. I think I would like him better with a good shot of estrogen!

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 4/5/2012 10:00AM

    Parenting the inner child is EXACTLY it! NO matter who you are, there is ALWAYS that "Negative Nelly inner child" urging us to do what we KNOW intellectually is the wrong thing.

LOVe this blog. And I do agree with you, I more have the philosophy of being kind to myself. More positive philosophy and approach.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITFABJENN 4/5/2012 8:26AM

    I love what you said about parenting our inner child. We need to set those boundaries but love unconditionally. Great blog, as usual.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 4/5/2012 8:19AM

    " Here's to US... grown ups taking care of our inner children!"
And here's to you letting your inner child direct the joy in your exercise!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 4/5/2012 7:39AM

    I'm at day 12 take two of fatloser and have to agree: his words are tough but his manner is actually quite tender! One really believes that he wants and even expects us to succeed -- not only at weight loss!

I sustain an excellent imitation of a grown up, most of the time: and of course am well aware of that inner spoiled child, ready to throw a tantrum and stamp her feet at any time!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Mental Toughness Training - Day 11 Homework

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Today's video continued the discussion of self-talk, the messages we give ourselves. This should be no surprise to Sparkers, either... the need to surround ourselves with positive images of our goals, and give ourselves messages that keep us motivated and positive... mentally tough.

DAY 11 QUESTIONS / ACTION STEPS

1. Are you more fear and scarcity-based or love and abundance-based in your thinking?

Honestly, in some areas of my life one, some the other. I am a skeptic. But it doesn't stop me from being proactive and taking action. And when I succeed despite my skepticism, it fuels the love and abundance thinking.

2. What are three beliefs you could program into your mind that would help you become fit and healthy?

I am an athlete in training.
I put my health first.
I am eating less, but enjoying it more.

3. In most areas of your life, are you following the masses or the super successful?

Somewhere in between. Lifestyles of the moderately successful?

Life is good. Spark on!
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/4/2012 10:33AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVE_2_LAUGH 4/4/2012 9:45AM

    "I put my health first.
I am eating less, but enjoying it more. "

Now there are two mental shifts I should be making. Loving this blog series, Barb!


Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 4/4/2012 9:03AM

    DEFINITELY subscribe to the moderately successful path!! No way can I achieve perfection, so I work on it day-by-day to make today better than yesterday, and know it won't be as good as tomorrow.

LOVING your blogs. HOOZA!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALIGIRL 4/4/2012 8:14AM

    Love your beliefs - you are INDEED an athlete in training!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 Last Page