Tuesday, June 05, 2012
I had a conversation with my daughter in law via instant message this weekend that got me thinking. She has a friend who very suddenly lost his wife in an automobile accident, leaving him to raise their daughter alone.
As most of us do, when faced with a horrific scenario that's happening to someone else, she cast herself into a similar situation in her mind. What if something happened to my son? How would SHE cope? She typed that she could not separate herself from him, in her mind... that her life would be over if anything happened to him.
The obvious thing that will pull her friend through is his love / commitment to raise that daughter. However, my son and daughter in law have no children. So the automatic "generational" thing that pulls many people through tragedy is not there. I asked her to imagine what she would use to pull herself through the worst blow life might offer... to ask herself what she would WANT that something to be.
It is not reality for her, but I hope it spurs her to think. Most anyone my age knows someone for whom such a loss became a reality. In some cases, I have read their pain and watched as they publicly work through it right here on Spark. I am grateful for their strength and willingness to share.
I could feel my daughter in law's underlying thought, and her fear. In the process, something dawned on me: I have had that feeling - the fear that without some aspect of my life, there would be no identity remaining... no "there", there. But I do not have it now.
Time living teaches many lessons. One of the most important is finding the "me" underneath the "us"-es one might be a part of, underneath the "roles".
Not the me your parents thought. Not the me your spouse, employer, siblings, etc. might expect. It is the essential self, beyond selfishness. If you believe in a higher power, we are talking about the me He created you to be.
Typing back and forth to my daughter in law, I realized that my own sense of "me" has gently emerged over the decades. A "me" that remains beyond the career, beyond the marriage, even beyond parenthood.
I believe that some people are blessed with knowing who they are and what their purpose from day one. I have a sister like that. I am not one of them. I have backed my way through life, letting things unfold more than directing them intentionally.
It took me a long time to get to the point of making my health a priority. My awareness of this inner me came at least in part due to this. In the process I dropped the excess baggage of weight, and so much more. This is a journey not just of the body, but of the mind and spirit.
My wish for every person who struggles with this is that they reach a point in the journey... where something triggers the awareness that there IS a there, there... that they have essential value as human beings, apart from every trapping that the day to day lays on them.
Sometimes it takes some false starts and some retracing of the footsteps. But it leads to a place where life is good... Spark on!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
After last Monday's obstacle course outing, I took a couple of rest days. On Thursday I started back on the triathlon training plan, having skipped two workouts. Being a recovering perfectionist, I had to fight the tendency to want to pick up where I had left off, versus just pick up where the plan says for the date on the calendar.
I finally made myself pick up where the plan said, and did my 800 yard swim Thursday morning (plan says 600, but since I can do 800 in my 30 minutes, I do 800). Thursday evening I got on the treadmill for the requisite 30 minute WALK, only couldn't resist a couple of short jogging intervals in the mix.
Friday I was tempted to "do something" but made myself take the scheduled rest day. Saturday, therefore, I was well rested and did a full 4.09 miles in the 40 minute run on the training plan. I have continued to not count the warm-up / cool down as time in my training workouts. In the evening, I did a little strength training, the 5th training routine.
Then I slept incredibly well!
This morning, the plan said "bike 10 miles", and I chose a bike path that heads outward, through suburban parks / greenspace, mostly. I ended up with a mere 11. 3 miles in 69 minutes. In fact this has been one of my "shorter" bike rides, other than my commute to or from work which is more like 6.5, one way.
But in the cool of a Sunday morning? This was a great ride. There is clover along the trail in some spots, trees and ponds in others, and it is almost entirely sheltered from at grade crossings, having underpasses under all the major arterials once I get to the trail.
And clover attracts ! I felt like I was riding through Watership Down. Of course there were lots of other folks out doing just what I was, biking or walking dogs, pushing strollers, or just walking.
In short... two beautiful days to enjoy being active in, and still have time to do the regular chores. Oh, by the way, the jeans from Monday? Are now back in my custody, and have the mud washed off them. I now have jeans with a story attached!
Life is good! Spark on!
Saturday, June 02, 2012
Yes, it's that time of the month (no not THAT TOM, ladies, I'm done with that stuff... one of the privileges of being "older")... time for the progress photos to get updated on the Spark Page.
I've never been much of one for having a lot of photos of myself around. But the end of December, 2009, I was getting close to my original goal. And I was looking for that last push... and there was this Spark challenge whose first step was taking a "before" picture. So my end of December 2009 photo was in fact, sort of when I considered myself entering the maintenance phase.
There have been months when I have NOT wanted to take the photos. But I've done it anyway, most of the time. And I don't always hit exactly the end of the month... today, for example, I took my "end of May 2012" shot.
I have tried to keep the same type of clothing and action in the photos, so they make good comparisons. And what I see this month, stacking the three years, oldest to newest is "proof of maintenance"! Woo-hoo! I have stayed fit for two years.
Don't get cocky, Barb... BUT, here's the deal: those progress photos that I don't always want to take tell me what I refuse or am unable to see in the mirror. I can tell myself "I'm doing fine, don't need a picture to show it" today, but maybe next week, I need to see it to encourage myself. Or I can tell myself, "I just know I am doing terrible... I don't want to see it", but maybe once I get that picture up, it shows I'm not as bad off as I was telling myself.
So... they're up. "End of May", 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don't know what I'm going to do NEXT year, when I run out of the number of photos that fit nicely on the side of the Spark page. But I'll think of something.
Life's good. Spark on!
Friday, June 01, 2012
A huge shout out to HOT4FITNESS who spurred me into doing a half marathon the first time, last year. Now I've unwittingly done the same thing for another Spark friend. I'm plotting a road trip to do the St. Petersburg, Florida Women's Half Marathon in November, and... ta-da, since she already HAS blogged her intentions, SLENDERELLA61 will be joining me for that 13.1 mile effort.
We'd been floating the idea of my coming down for the Lake to Lake 10K in November, but the timing on that wasn't great for my work life, and as it turns out the Women's HM just happens to fall within a couple of days of my 60th Birthday.
Here's the deal: I love symbolism in my athletic endeavors. For example, the Quest for the Vets, in honor of my son. The private 5K in time/date synch with the Race to Remember in Fort Worth. And this one, so close to my 60th milestone will be in a way, in honor of my grandfather, who was determined to stay fit, and did a 50 mile hike to celebrate his 60th, as I remember it.
OK 13.1 miles isn't 50, but it is MY symbolic gesture of defiance at the calendar. I shall be fit. And now I have a training goal beyond the triathlon.
Thank you, Deanna and Marsha. The Spark goes on!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Funny how things kind of fall together into themes. After writing that phrase yesterday, this link showed up in the Spark e-mail this morning.
Such a great reminder that NOW is all we have. As I look at my calendar for the rest of the year, and process the endorphins from Monday back into "normal"... I ponder how often I need to have an event to keep me motivated (and training, because that's what keeps me fit and healthy) without burning out or hurting myself. Once a month? Every six weeks?
I have to carefully balance the energy it takes and the energy it gives. I don't have another one until July 14th... is that too long? Not really, that 5K fits in to the TRI training, because the TRI itself is the 29th of July.
Dreaming along... after the TRI it gets fuzzy, so decisions beyond that are yet to be made. We know there are always opportunities, and there is life to fit in around it all...
If not now, when? Life's good. Spark on!
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