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There IS a there, there!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

I had a conversation with my daughter in law via instant message this weekend that got me thinking. She has a friend who very suddenly lost his wife in an automobile accident, leaving him to raise their daughter alone.

As most of us do, when faced with a horrific scenario that's happening to someone else, she cast herself into a similar situation in her mind. What if something happened to my son? How would SHE cope? She typed that she could not separate herself from him, in her mind... that her life would be over if anything happened to him.

The obvious thing that will pull her friend through is his love / commitment to raise that daughter. However, my son and daughter in law have no children. So the automatic "generational" thing that pulls many people through tragedy is not there. I asked her to imagine what she would use to pull herself through the worst blow life might offer... to ask herself what she would WANT that something to be.

It is not reality for her, but I hope it spurs her to think. Most anyone my age knows someone for whom such a loss became a reality. In some cases, I have read their pain and watched as they publicly work through it right here on Spark. I am grateful for their strength and willingness to share.

I could feel my daughter in law's underlying thought, and her fear. In the process, something dawned on me: I have had that feeling - the fear that without some aspect of my life, there would be no identity remaining... no "there", there. But I do not have it now.

Time living teaches many lessons. One of the most important is finding the "me" underneath the "us"-es one might be a part of, underneath the "roles".

Not the me your parents thought. Not the me your spouse, employer, siblings, etc. might expect. It is the essential self, beyond selfishness. If you believe in a higher power, we are talking about the me He created you to be.

Typing back and forth to my daughter in law, I realized that my own sense of "me" has gently emerged over the decades. A "me" that remains beyond the career, beyond the marriage, even beyond parenthood.

I believe that some people are blessed with knowing who they are and what their purpose from day one. I have a sister like that. I am not one of them. I have backed my way through life, letting things unfold more than directing them intentionally.

It took me a long time to get to the point of making my health a priority. My awareness of this inner me came at least in part due to this. In the process I dropped the excess baggage of weight, and so much more. This is a journey not just of the body, but of the mind and spirit.

My wish for every person who struggles with this is that they reach a point in the journey... where something triggers the awareness that there IS a there, there... that they have essential value as human beings, apart from every trapping that the day to day lays on them.

Sometimes it takes some false starts and some retracing of the footsteps. But it leads to a place where life is good... Spark on!

emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 6/6/2012 8:29AM

    Great great blog: thanks!

Not so much that there is a there there (although others do notice it).

I'ts more that there's a here here!

And: Hear hear to that!

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OVERWORKEDJANET 6/6/2012 6:03AM

    Again you spoke my mind. In my recent life there have been multiple tragedies. Some I posted, some I kept very private. I find I have those coping skills in the "me" awareness. They came through time, experience and wisdom. Yes, I have wisdom though not always evident!
I live to see another day because there is more to my life than being part of a pair or parent or child. There are so many people affected by my life whom I would love to continue being part of their lives and I realize sadness is acceptable and normal. No, it's not easy to get up and go on but there is so much more to life than our inner circles and I try to enjoy every new adventure.



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_LINDA 6/6/2012 1:24AM

    Good thoughts and maybe a large part of the reason people struggle with their weight loss. I have always been my own individual, never part of a 'pair' or with someone, so I was able to take full responsibility for being obese and for doing something about it. Being alone with no friends made it quite simple really. But those who socialize lots and are exposed to many temptations or are a part of couple expected to participate together, it would be a struggle, especially, as quite often the spouse isn't on the same page as the one trying to improve their health. Mom and I are quite independent and used to hoeing a tough road. It would hurt deeply to lose one or the other, but know life goes on. It would not affect how she lives her life as it would not affect how I live mine.
Here is to people learning that they are important too and that they matter as much as your loved ones.
You are doing awesome!

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LEANJEAN6 6/5/2012 7:53PM

    ---I often wonder if I could go on alone--sometimes I dream of "'being alone"" as husband can drive me crazy--LOL--I hope I could go on-----Health plays a large part too in how well one can get along--Very good blog--makes one think!-Lynda

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DEBRITA01 6/5/2012 6:15PM

    Some people know who they are and their purpose, others need more time to discover... in their own time. Cheers to getting there...no matter how long it takes! emoticon

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LJCANNON 6/5/2012 4:46PM

    emoticonVery good Blog, as usual! I think I am still learning who "Me" is. At least I don't fear meeting me anymore. I did at one time fear that if I met the 'Real Me' she would not be someone I liked.


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1CRAZYDOG 6/5/2012 2:23PM

    What can I say. I think initially we have a loss and feel life can't go on. I know certainly I felt that when my brother died. It is horrible! Little by little I had this voice in me saying that my brother (his name was John) would NOT want me to spend the rest of my life mourning him. Remembering . . . definitely.

So then my job became how to honor his memory. Well several things happened:

1. Got a trust set up @ the library so any donations could be used for the betterment of the library in his name. 30 yrs. later family and friends still remember him on 8 February -- both the date of his birth and the date of his death.

2. He was a totally geeky egghead. So, I figured, what better way to positively remember him and honor him than to go on for my Masters (earned it in 1985 -- Public Health Administration). I wanted to be able to make a difference somehow. That was the ticket!

3. I named our son after him.

So, I hope your daughter-in-law finds some peace. It definitely is unsettling.

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SHARON10002 6/5/2012 11:15AM

    Very insightful, Barb. I'm not where you are, but I know I am on that journey, too.
I hope this helps your daughter-in-law come to a new realization for herself, or at least embarks her on that path to discovering who she is.

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DRB13_1 6/5/2012 10:53AM

    knowing one's tendencies/priorities is crucial, but finding a way to use our gifts in service to others is true living...
my mom is at the age many friends and relatives have passed on, but she has stayed involved socially with volunteering and groups, and has contacts with all ages of people that continue to give her purpose and pleasure.

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MSLZZY 6/5/2012 10:38AM

    There IS a there, there, for each of us. We have to
explore and find it on our own. But this has given
me a lot to consider. So now it is time to find my
path and do it for "me". HUGS!

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SAMI199 6/5/2012 8:37AM

    emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/5/2012 8:34AM

    Wow - what a thought-provoking blog. I fear that I am far from being at the place where you were -- that place where you started making your health a priority. Methinks that I am still living for my sons (who are grown and out of the house). That feeling that I must be all things for all people doesn't leave much room (or time) for me to concentrate on myself. Therein lies the rub. Perhaps that's why I have so many Day 1s without a follow-up Day 2, Day 3, etc.

My hope is that one day, ONE day, my Day 1 will lead to a Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, and eventually get me to that healthy body/mind/soul place where you seem to be resting comfortably.

Great blog!

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KALIGIRL 6/5/2012 8:23AM

    Here's to our essential value - may we not only see it in ourselves, but others too.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your DIL while your precious son is away from you.
emoticon

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SUNNY332 6/5/2012 8:14AM

    I think a lot of people believe in the "we" but have little belief in the "Me". I do not want anything to happen to my DH but I know because of my Faith that I could go on.

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”.

Patrick Overton

I am so glad I have my Faith. I don't know how people who do not have Faith manage the hard times.

Hugs, Sunny

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Active weekend

Sunday, June 03, 2012

After last Monday's obstacle course outing, I took a couple of rest days. On Thursday I started back on the triathlon training plan, having skipped two workouts. Being a recovering perfectionist, I had to fight the tendency to want to pick up where I had left off, versus just pick up where the plan says for the date on the calendar.

I finally made myself pick up where the plan said, and did my 800 yard swim Thursday morning (plan says 600, but since I can do 800 in my 30 minutes, I do 800). Thursday evening I got on the treadmill for the requisite 30 minute WALK, only couldn't resist a couple of short jogging intervals in the mix.

Friday I was tempted to "do something" but made myself take the scheduled rest day. Saturday, therefore, I was well rested and did a full 4.09 miles in the 40 minute run on the training plan. I have continued to not count the warm-up / cool down as time in my training workouts. In the evening, I did a little strength training, the 5th training routine.

Then I slept incredibly well! emoticon

This morning, the plan said "bike 10 miles", and I chose a bike path that heads outward, through suburban parks / greenspace, mostly. I ended up with a mere 11. 3 miles in 69 minutes. In fact this has been one of my "shorter" bike rides, other than my commute to or from work which is more like 6.5, one way.

But in the cool of a Sunday morning? This was a great ride. There is clover along the trail in some spots, trees and ponds in others, and it is almost entirely sheltered from at grade crossings, having underpasses under all the major arterials once I get to the trail.

And clover attracts emoticon emoticon! I felt like I was riding through Watership Down. Of course there were lots of other folks out doing just what I was, biking or walking dogs, pushing strollers, or just walking.

In short... two beautiful days to enjoy being active in, and still have time to do the regular chores. Oh, by the way, the jeans from Monday? Are now back in my custody, and have the mud washed off them. I now have jeans with a story attached! emoticon emoticon

Life is good! Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 6/4/2012 9:22PM

    Sounds glorious!!

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LEANJEAN6 6/4/2012 6:24PM

    --Nice that you enjoyed the weekend----but--you didn't rest--LOL-----Good for you!-Lynda emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALOHAEV1 6/4/2012 7:07AM

    Amazing Energizer emoticon emoticon emoticon



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1CRAZYDOG 6/3/2012 9:16PM

    I am glad you had such a wonderful bike ride! I can remember doing a path where I used to live in IL and it was so well used. But I always did my rides early in the morning when it was cooler too. On that path there were Kamakazi Gophers! OMG, they'd come bounding out right in front of you and it was difficult to avoid them!

Have a geat Monday, Barb.

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KARIDIAN1 6/3/2012 9:14PM

    Looks like you had a great weekend. Our weather here in MN was spectacular also.

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CONCHA77 6/3/2012 7:25PM

    You keep going and going..., like the energizer bunny emoticonGood for you emoticon

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SUE_2U 6/3/2012 7:04PM

    emoticon Sounds awesome and beautiful!

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MSLZZY 6/3/2012 3:12PM

    Getting back to your plan was a good idea. Now about
those jeans-what are they going to tell us?

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SUNNY332 6/3/2012 3:02PM

    What a great description of your ride.

Do have a GREAT week.

Sunny

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_LINDA 6/3/2012 1:46PM

    Well done for a fit and active weekend! The bike path sounds marvelous! Getting a dose of green makes it seem more like a fun ride then a training ride.. I don't notice the time fly by when we are on our trail hikes, too busy enjoying the surroundings and wildlife when any. Mostly a lot of birds and their songs. Rabbits only usually come out in the early morning or late evening here.
Good for you for keeping to the plan even when tempted to push it harder or do more! You are going to rock this tri!!!

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DRB13_1 6/3/2012 12:57PM

    emoticon such anice description. made me want to get out on our bike paths.

enjoy your training, I found cross training greatly reduced the risk of overuse injuries, so triathlons are wonderful. (Personally gave up the sport since I'm not a strong swimmer and don't plan to be.)


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KRISZTA11 6/3/2012 12:48PM

    emoticon for the run and the lovely bike ride!
emoticon

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The proof is in the progress photos

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Yes, it's that time of the month (no not THAT TOM, ladies, I'm done with that stuff... one of the privileges of being "older")... time for the progress photos to get updated on the Spark Page.

I've never been much of one for having a lot of photos of myself around. But the end of December, 2009, I was getting close to my original goal. And I was looking for that last push... and there was this Spark challenge whose first step was taking a "before" picture. So my end of December 2009 photo was in fact, sort of when I considered myself entering the maintenance phase.

There have been months when I have NOT wanted to take the photos. But I've done it anyway, most of the time. And I don't always hit exactly the end of the month... today, for example, I took my "end of May 2012" shot.

I have tried to keep the same type of clothing and action in the photos, so they make good comparisons. And what I see this month, stacking the three years, oldest to newest is "proof of maintenance"! Woo-hoo! I have stayed fit for two years. emoticon

Don't get cocky, Barb... BUT, here's the deal: those progress photos that I don't always want to take tell me what I refuse or am unable to see in the mirror. I can tell myself "I'm doing fine, don't need a picture to show it" today, but maybe next week, I need to see it to encourage myself. Or I can tell myself, "I just know I am doing terrible... I don't want to see it", but maybe once I get that picture up, it shows I'm not as bad off as I was telling myself.

So... they're up. "End of May", 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don't know what I'm going to do NEXT year, when I run out of the number of photos that fit nicely on the side of the Spark page. emoticon But I'll think of something.

Life's good. Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAJOYWK 6/5/2012 6:23AM

    OK Barb-you do make a point-again!

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SHARON10002 6/3/2012 12:11PM

    Wow, Barb! What definition! You are doing emoticon! The proof is there for you! emoticon

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ALOHAEV1 6/3/2012 8:56AM

    I see a six pack emoticon Hot Stuff!

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LEANJEAN6 6/3/2012 8:46AM

    Hi again Barb--I read your comments on my blog--and you hit it right on---- You made me chuckle about the Sharks--LOL---- OK--I'll go back to my "'lake scenes""--LOL---What a great role model you aRE!!! Spark on girl!!
Lynda

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DRB13_1 6/2/2012 12:28PM

    You've tapped into the fountain of youth!
Go make that layup and then try for the three pointer.
Thanks for the wonderful inspiration.

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COMPUCATHY 6/2/2012 12:08PM

    I'm thinking some picture splicing will solve that problem! Congratulations! You look great! I was admiring your pictures and notice that even though you are saying you are at "maintenance", you seem to get firmer every year! Who can say that? YOU! You're awesome! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon

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ANDI571 6/2/2012 10:36AM

    I agree with Jeannie, I thank you for showing someone my age that it isn't over, that life can go on and be enjoyed. The days of little old ladies sitting around just getting old and fat are over with. You are awesome! emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/2/2012 10:16AM

    WooHoo! You do look fantastic. Hooza!

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SUNNY332 6/2/2012 9:55AM

    Awesome!

I love your progress photos.

Sunny

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LJCANNON 6/2/2012 9:40AM

    emoticonTHANK YOU, Barb for being a Trail Blazer and being Brave enough to show other "Little Old Ladies In Training" that Maintenance is not only possible, it can be enjoyed too!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 6/2/2012 9:31AM

    You look MARVELLOUS--LOL----- Really , tho, you look so fit! I went back and looked at your fat picture too--It doesn't even look you now. You must be so proud! Keep it up Barb! Lynda emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/2/2012 9:31:52 AM

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SLENDERELLA61 6/2/2012 8:30AM

    WOW!! It really shows. So good for you!! Great progress. Very wise to take those photos. How motivating! Keep up the great work! -Marsha

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MRS.DOYLE 6/2/2012 8:27AM

    The progress shows clearly.
emoticon

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KALIGIRL 6/2/2012 7:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 6/2/2012 7:14AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Giggles... paying it forward

Friday, June 01, 2012

A huge shout out to HOT4FITNESS who spurred me into doing a half marathon the first time, last year. Now I've unwittingly done the same thing for another Spark friend. I'm plotting a road trip to do the St. Petersburg, Florida Women's Half Marathon in November, and... ta-da, since she already HAS blogged her intentions, SLENDERELLA61 will be joining me for that 13.1 mile effort.

We'd been floating the idea of my coming down for the Lake to Lake 10K in November, but the timing on that wasn't great for my work life, and as it turns out the Women's HM just happens to fall within a couple of days of my 60th Birthday.

Here's the deal: I love symbolism in my athletic endeavors. For example, the Quest for the Vets, in honor of my son. The private 5K in time/date synch with the Race to Remember in Fort Worth. And this one, so close to my 60th milestone will be in a way, in honor of my grandfather, who was determined to stay fit, and did a 50 mile hike to celebrate his 60th, as I remember it.

OK 13.1 miles isn't 50, but it is MY symbolic gesture of defiance at the calendar. I shall be fit. And now I have a training goal beyond the triathlon.

Thank you, Deanna and Marsha. The Spark goes on! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWMOMOVER40 6/5/2012 4:58AM

    It's great to hear your inspiration from your grandfather's achievement at the age of 60.

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DRB13_1 6/2/2012 12:31PM

    emoticon Yes, you are inspiring others and looking forward to seeing your bling! emoticon

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OVERWORKEDJANET 6/2/2012 6:33AM

    Sounds like a good plan!

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SHARON10002 6/1/2012 9:52PM

    What a time the two of you will have together, and each other to motivate you onward and upward! Now I know that your drive to stay fit is in your genes!!! emoticon Can't imagine a 50 mile hike! emoticon

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ANDI571 6/1/2012 6:14PM

    I am in awe of you!

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ALOHAEV1 6/1/2012 6:07PM

    Hey, don't tell the youngsters but 60 is the NEW 40!!! If they don't believe it, they can just look to you.



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1CRAZYDOG 6/1/2012 10:25AM

    You are just more awesome every day1 It will be fun to do this with a fellow Sparker! You rock.

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SUNNY332 6/1/2012 9:32AM

   
Way to go - paying it forward.

Keep up the inspiration and keep on paying it forward.

Sunny

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WATERMELLEN 6/1/2012 9:15AM

    Cheers to two of my fave SP friends!! You are awesome!!

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LJCANNON 6/1/2012 8:49AM

    emoticonSharing the Spark and the Milestones in our Lives with our Spark Friends is what makes THIS Journey different - And More Successful! - than most Fitness or Weightloss Programs.

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_LINDA 6/1/2012 7:40AM

    WoW!! That is fantastic! Now we see where the strive to achieve amazing fitness goals comes from -I can't imagine that -your grandfather doing a 50 mile hike -that takes my breath away! You certainly did succeed in finding a topper after the tri and taking along a fellow friend and Spark buddy is the icing on the cake -well done!!
Keep on inspiring 'seniors' to new heights of fitness you are amazing!


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LEANJEAN6 6/1/2012 7:32AM

    Wow Barb!!!!--I must look for Marathons up here --I'd get to meet you then---- Good for you to challenge yourself like that!!----Inspirational!-Lynda

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MSLZZY 6/1/2012 7:04AM

    I knew you would find something that fit your ideals
and now you have the perfect opportunity. You can
do anything you set your mind on and you will do
fantastic! HUGS!

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EBEAMS 6/1/2012 6:50AM

    I am right there with you. Non-runners might scoff at the idea that the "thought" behind the run is valid but it's not. On Memorial Day I did a "secret reason" run with my husband and just completing the 6 miles made me more thankful for what I have. Being inspired to give through your physical action is a very noble thing indeed ... thank you for sharing your great positive spirit with the world! emoticon

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If not now, when?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Funny how things kind of fall together into themes. After writing that phrase yesterday, this link showed up in the Spark e-mail this morning.

www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=if_
youre_waiting_for_the_perfect_moment_y
oull_just_keep_waiting


Such a great reminder that NOW is all we have. As I look at my calendar for the rest of the year, and process the endorphins from Monday back into "normal"... I ponder how often I need to have an event to keep me motivated (and training, because that's what keeps me fit and healthy) without burning out or hurting myself. Once a month? Every six weeks?

I have to carefully balance the energy it takes and the energy it gives. I don't have another one until July 14th... is that too long? Not really, that 5K fits in to the TRI training, because the TRI itself is the 29th of July.

Dreaming along... after the TRI it gets fuzzy, so decisions beyond that are yet to be made. We know there are always opportunities, and there is life to fit in around it all...

If not now, when? Life's good. Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARON10002 5/31/2012 9:59PM

    All we have is today and now - that's why it's called "the present". Knowing you, you'll find lots to do to keep on going and going and going and . . .

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LEANJEAN6 5/31/2012 9:27PM

    Hi again Barb--I see you are back swimming---It feels good I bet!-Lynda

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SUE_2U 5/30/2012 6:39PM

    You are so very right. Now is all we have. emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 5/30/2012 11:23AM

    You are an Energizer Bunny! No such thing as "I can't do it"!

Keep up your work. You're definitely an inspiration.

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MSLZZY 5/30/2012 10:34AM

    Look ahead for opportunites for action and motivation.
You manage to fit so much into life and I want to grow
up to be just like you.
I read that article this morning and it triggered a
sense of perfect timing. If not now, when? No time
like the present! TY!

Comment edited on: 5/30/2012 10:34:27 AM

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KNITLEIGH 5/30/2012 10:21AM

    This is so true! I think it applies to many areas of our lives!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY332 5/30/2012 8:59AM

    The Moment is now....

I have to agree with Kathy that the only thing I have gained by waiting is weight.

Thanks and have a fab day!

Sunny

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ALOHAEV1 5/30/2012 8:36AM

    I need a nap...

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LEANJEAN6 5/30/2012 8:10AM

    July 14th??--Another one??---- Well, it will keep you motivated ----LOL--You are so fit
Barb-----Lynda

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KALIGIRL 5/30/2012 8:08AM

    Isn't it amazing how the opportunities abound if we look for them?

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_LINDA 5/30/2012 8:04AM

    If running is your passion and that is how you would like to keep in shape, it sounds like you may need the odd run to look forward to, to test your fitness level and to have fun with, earning some bling. Good thing that 5 k does fit in with your tri training. To me, tri is the ultimate. I have to wonder if anything after that will seem quite as intense or as interesting for you.. You are challenging yourself fast. So I will be very interested in knowing what is next.. You are really ramping up the now, its the after I am curious about. How can you follow that amazing feat?
Points to Ponder.
Have a terrific Tuesday!

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AZMOMXTWO 5/30/2012 7:45AM

  Now is the time to get going thank you for sharing

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