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Twelfth night

Sunday, January 06, 2013

For some folks, this is the twelfth night of the Christmas festival. Three Kings Day in parts of the world. Epiphany. The close of the holidays.

What better day to wax philosophical about the New Year?

Feeling good, having put my long slow run in yesterday. It was not a "textbook" kind of run. I went outside for it, in the 32 F sunny afternoon. I actually prefer getting my runs out of the way in the morning, BUT, it's Winter, folks.

The footing was spotty. Patches of packed snow or ice, at irregular places. So... I decided to let Polly Perfectionist sit this one out, and just jogged between the patches and carefully picked my way through them. A broken leg or hip or whatever would REALLY put a cramp in my style. And I *don't* have screws in the bottoms of my shoes.

Speaking of shoes, I wore a pair that I often just wear to work: New Balance. Not really running shoes, more walking shoes, but I like their traction for spotty surfaces better than some of the running shoes I own.

Was I cold? Nope, not really. I made two "pause" stops to potty and hydrate... and in the end covered 11.8 miles in two and a half hours. I made sure to eat extra. Reminder to self: Undereating can lead to binges days later, note last week's slip.

Today: gotta play catch up with the household duties. Grocery shop. Laundry. Put away the few things I put up for Christmas (Frosty the Cookie jar and the little tree). And savor the anticipation of reunions.

Four months to Marathon Morning! Life is good. Spark on! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIA1154 1/8/2013 12:09AM

  A belated wish for a joyous Epiphany.

I'm glad you were able to get out and enjoy a run. emoticon

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COMPUCATHY 1/7/2013 5:46PM

    I like that "Polly the Perfectionist"...good point. We do have to put her away sometimes and take on "Realistic Rita"...I had to think a minute to come up with that. Good job! And you are learning from past slip-ups...I think that's really the key. Keep up the good work! Someday, I hope to be the runner that you are and meet up and do a run with you! Keep inspiring me! You're awesome! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

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MIZCATHI 1/7/2013 5:39PM

    Wow, that is some spark you have on there! Way cool!

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SUNNY332 1/7/2013 5:03PM

    Spark on...

Great Blog!

Sunny

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ASHPATCH11 1/7/2013 9:54AM

    Keep up the great work as always!!

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KALIGIRL 1/7/2013 8:31AM

    Sounds like a super weekend - a couple more days and the ice will be gone.
Thought about you.

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LEANJEAN6 1/7/2013 8:24AM

    Well, here I am AGAIN Barb--I chuckle here=--"Have a Super Sparkly Day""--That little sweet Lady on the commercial is so sweet----She makes me smile when she says that--so I chuckled about yer comment-----I'm off to a good start here----The day is cloudy--lookin' like snow-----but I have housework to do--then piano to practice. I shall b e thinking of you doing yer errands in yer part of the world-Lynda--Oh--You, have a Super S emoticon parkly Day too-LOL

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MEDDYPEDDY 1/7/2013 2:46AM

    Wow! emoticon You are really a role model!

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 1/7/2013 12:29AM

    Sounds like an awesome run! And great job learning from the last problem you had!

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KARIDIAN1 1/6/2013 9:20PM

    Great run for you. Glad you are being careful with the footing.

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MOBYCARP 1/6/2013 8:39PM

    32 F is a good temperature to run, but it's better when the footing isn't bad. I'm glad you were able to work with what Mother Nature sent your way and enjoy a nice winter day.

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PATRICIAAK 1/6/2013 8:38PM

    Glad you were careful. Would hate to read about a broken bone.

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LESLIELENORE 1/6/2013 5:48PM

    I am doing all of my running indoors right now, as the sidewalks are so slippery and roads are narrower than normal due to snowdrifts, so running in the road is a little more dangerous than I would like, but I am doing 2-3 miles on the treadmill at the gym, so I am getting some mileage in. I went to a Twelfth Night party out of town last night (I know it was a day early, but they hold it on the closest Saturday). It was fun, but I overate and under exercised, so I am glad to be home and back to my routine.

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_LINDA 1/6/2013 4:52PM

    So glad you were being careful and took it easy at the rough spots! Well done with the distance and time!! That is what I like most about extra exercising, is the extra calories you need :))
New Balance are the shoes I buy the most, seem to work good for me in everything I do. They have all kinds of shoes for all kinds of activities, I currently have three pairs thanks to those good sales.
Have a Super Sparking Sunday!

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GABY1948 1/6/2013 3:30PM

    You are right on top of it! Iknow what you mean about the snow out there...it was VERY slippery here this morning and I wasn't even running.

Have a GREAT week, Barb!

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DEBRA0818 1/6/2013 3:24PM

    Be careful out there, Barb! But, great job on the outdoor work!!! I know those four months will be swallowed in a hurry by Mother Time and you'll be ready if your past performance and current dedication have anything to say about it (and they do)!

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WATERMELLEN 1/6/2013 2:05PM

    Polly Perfectionist AND Mr. Testosterone from the same family : I think kids were just raised to push themselves very very hard in our generation, or at least I sure was too. Can really relate to that. And: when you get the puzzle pieces put together, I'm hoping you've got one of those roll up puzzle mats so you can just send it along to me, please!!

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DALID414 1/6/2013 1:07PM

    At my house it's Three Kings Day.

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RUN4FOOD 1/6/2013 12:53PM

    Glad you got your run in even though there is snow on the ground.
Hope your marathon training goes well.

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NDKARIKARI 1/6/2013 12:44PM

    wow, great job!

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DLDMIL 1/6/2013 12:13PM

    emoticon

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BESTSUSIEYET 1/6/2013 11:13AM

    Hooray for all the folks who shovel their walks! And Boo to those who don't! I get out for my walks in the cold, but stay in if it's icy. Be careful. Keep up the good work! You Can Do It!

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MSPATOOTY 1/6/2013 10:38AM

    Those four months to Marathon Morning will pass quickly! emoticon Great job getting out in spite of the icy patches. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 1/6/2013 9:34AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 1/6/2013 9:11AM

    Good job, Barb!

You're right about undereating leading to binge eating. I think that's a great reminder.

HUGS

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MEXGAL1 1/6/2013 9:04AM

    Today here in Mexico they celebrate 3 Kings day. There will be a parade in the village and I might go check it out. I noticed yesterday that they had the ring loafs of cake/bread where they hide the baby Jesus in it for someone to find.
Glad to hear that you took it easy and made sure you didn't fall. You are right in that would not be good.
Have a terrific Sunday.

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NEW-CAZ 1/6/2013 8:58AM

    Wise lady, be careful out there, safety first! LOL
Enjoy ticking off your chores then have some fun!

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DOGLADY13 1/6/2013 8:54AM

    I'm going to try to get a run in this afternoon. Not sure where, though. I know my usual route will have too much ice and snow since the path isn't maintained in the winter by the city. I may do the 5K route that I walked last week.

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MSLZZY 1/6/2013 8:42AM

    I went for an early morning walk when it was 4
degrees. It wasn't too bad but just dark enough
to not see all the icy patches. Thank goodness for
sidewalks. Take care out there! HUGS!

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LEANJEAN6 1/6/2013 8:26AM

    emoticon Don't slip on the ice!!!!--LOL----You are good to get out there in the weather!--And you hava goal----Enjoy yer day!-Lynda

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Some thoughts about goals for 2013

Saturday, January 05, 2013

I hadn't made any real formal goals for myself for 2013 up til now. I think that's part of my "at loose ends" behavior on New Year's Day, too. Fear of goal setting? Fear of setting the bar "a bridge too far"? Perhaps a bit of that...

This week I've been reading other Spark people's goals / resolutions and thinking about what I need to move in the direction of a fulfilling and satisfying 2013.

I have alsos been thinking about my son coming home soon and the transitions that will be happening in his life and of course how those will affect me as his mom. Whether I'll see more or less of him and his wife, what kind of job he'll get, all those young people transitions...

The key word of course is transitions. I have blogged about the challenge of navigating transitions for me. Some folks are OK with change. I used to think I was one of them... years ago. I get excited by new chapters: moving, new jobs, new school years, heck, you've seen how excited I get over a new "bucket list" thing I go after. YET, they are a danger point for me, too, as I am an anxious nibbler... Sunday nights for example, transition back to the work week.

Rituals help. Being active helps. Talking to a friend helps. But not too much talking to a friend, 'cause I can have after interaction reactions! Gee, guess it's never EASY to be a recovering compulsive, is it?

Onward to what I think I want to make as my 2013 "wishes" / to "goals" to "actual behaviors".

1) Get outside more. Particularly for activity in the winter time. Yeah, cabin fever and vitamin D deficiency go hand in hand. So, for 2013, I intend to get outside for at least 10 minutes a day. Rain, shine, snow, ice... outside. Live. In the moment.

2) We already know the athletic goal - complete a full marathon. Train up for it properly, and just go do it. No matter how long it takes.

3) Keep on tracking and blogging. Because this has been the most powerful tool to help me remember what's important.

4) If "life happens" (which it can to all of us) remember your "line in the sand" and adjust.

Life *is* good. Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINKINGSHERI 1/7/2013 6:46AM

    emoticon

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LJR4HEALTH 1/6/2013 6:20PM

    Barb once again a great post i especially like number 4 "If "life happens" (which it can to all of us) remember your "line in the sand" and adjust." i know I need to be able to do that more myself

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BESTSUSIEYET 1/6/2013 11:19AM

    Yes, let's get outside! And stay faithful in our eating and fitness habits. We have come too far to let life's challenges sidetrack us! Hugs!!

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_LINDA 1/6/2013 12:35AM

    Great goal! I need to join you on that. today was actually reasonable weather here for a change with sunshine in the morning -I completely wasted it with my busyness and ended up never getting out all day :( It was even warm enough to have my window open a little most of the day!
Pretty much anything out of your normal routine can lead to food binges for sure. Tough one to cope with.
All the best with this goal!
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SUNNY332 1/5/2013 10:10PM

    emoticon Goals and without a doubt, goals that you will achieve.

You go girl.

Sunny

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CONCHA77 1/5/2013 7:02PM

    Great goals for 2013! --I think we are on the same page as far as posting and tracking.
I am still struggling for some resolutions to make for myself, I think maybe slowing down a little mentally, and stepping up my pace, physically. emoticon


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KALIGIRL 1/5/2013 5:26PM

    Getting outside is so important - not just to shake up the routine, but to get a 'fresh' perspective.
emoticon goals and even more emoticon actions.
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BEAUTY_WITHIN 1/5/2013 5:23PM

    I like your goals! :)

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KARIDIAN1 1/5/2013 4:51PM

    Nice attainable goals.

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DLDMIL 1/5/2013 4:00PM

    You are such an inspiration to us. Your goals are simple and very achievable. Glad that your son will be home soon and the hugs will be sooooooooo wonderful and a great release of anxiety will be lifted off your shoulders to have him back in the states. I agree with you about being outside everyday for the sun and the vitamin D. We all need that sun for mental as well as nutritional value.
Have a great Saturday. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/5/2013 4:01:37 PM

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SLENDERELLA61 1/5/2013 2:21PM

    Looks like your goals are meaningful and achievable, Barb! That full marathon is a big one, but you have the fitness and determination to do it. I know you will adapt to whatever transitions happen in 2013 and beyond. Wishing you all good things!! -Marsha

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ANDI571 1/5/2013 2:12PM

    I used to love change, but find now that I am older, it doesn't sit well. I think that has become a lot of my problem in the past year. I think acknowledging our weaknesses really helps with that change. When we ignore them, then we get into trouble.

Good goals, keep it up! emoticon

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DALID414 1/5/2013 1:51PM

    Sounds like a good list.

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MNNICE 1/5/2013 12:50PM

    Some very good goals. So important to set "life" goals as well as "diet" goals! Seems you're on the right road towards adjusting to changes!

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GALINAZ 1/5/2013 12:19PM

    You are an inspiration! I can relate to the change stress - even good stress can affect our eating habits

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NEW-CAZ 1/5/2013 11:58AM

    Great goals Barb!

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MJREIMERS 1/5/2013 11:15AM

    I think those of us trying to "improve ourselves" often have very similar obstacles that we face. I found that replacing one "bad" habit with a "better" one helps. It's really difficult to totally do away with one behavior without replacing it with another. (It must be the teacher in me talking!)

Life is constantly changing and for some of us, that's not easy. However, we are learning new ways to deal with change, new ways to make better choices and with new people (here) to support us emoticon !

You are in the right direction. Some days the steps will be smaller and the road a bit rougher. Other days we can just run with a nice smooth road ahead. You can do it...people have your back!!! emoticon

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MOBYCARP 1/5/2013 11:02AM

    Yeah, transitions are dangerous. The good habits can drop through the cracks, and there is the hazard of not picking them back up after the transition.

Weight lifting kind of fell through the cracks for me this week. Transition back to work, transition to tax season, throw in daily snow removal . . . and I haven't lifted since Monday. I'll have to think about how to manage this better next week and over the course of tax season.

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MEXGAL1 1/5/2013 10:48AM

    great review and good for you to set out some goals for yourself. just keep in mind that you are one strong woman and can handle things.
make it a great weekend.

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1CRAZYDOG 1/5/2013 10:26AM

    I never did like change/transitions too much either. Still don't, but with taking things day-by-day, it's a lot less stressing for me.

Yes, I imagine things will be changed when DS gets home, but you'll handle it (and sooooooooo glad for you that he's going to be home! HUGS to your wonderful son and YOU!)



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WATERMELLEN 1/5/2013 10:24AM

    Great goals . . . and note that "more of the same" (tracking, blogging) helps ease that challenge of change.

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-AMANDA79- 1/5/2013 9:38AM

    I need to get out in the sun today!
emoticon

Sounds like some really great goals for the year...

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RUN4FOOD 1/5/2013 9:21AM

    Hope your son's and your transitions both go well.
Fear of goals, been asking myself that question this week.

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DOGLADY13 1/5/2013 9:05AM

    Last January, when I ran the risk of staying in my apartment and never coming out, I set a goal of getting outside EVERY day for at least 30 minutes. I did it. I felt great and I didn't become a crazy hermit.

I like your goal of getting outside. It served me well when I needed it.

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MIRAGE727 1/5/2013 8:59AM

    I love it! Stay strong, Barb!
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LESLIELENORE 1/5/2013 8:59AM

    emoticon emoticon I can't wait until I can read about your marathon!

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ROXYZMOM 1/5/2013 8:54AM

    Your goals ate realistic! You can do this!!

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GABY1948 1/5/2013 8:50AM

    Wow, Barb, we are so much more alike than I thought! I would almost say in some ways you describe, we are exactly alike. If someone is coming over I fret for days and if they DO come over I fret but if they DON'T end up coming I fret even more! Fret, of course, means "nervous eating".

Thanks for such insight! I don't blog by writing my own "stuff" often so it helps me greatly to read your blogs!

Have a blessed weekend!

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GABY1948 1/5/2013 8:50AM

    Wow, Barb, we are so much more alike than I thought! I would almost say in some ways you describe, we are exactly alike. If someone is coming over I fret for days and if they DO come over I fret but if they DON'T end up coming I fret even more! Fret, of course, means "nervous eating".

Thanks for such insight! I don't blog by writing my own "stuff" often so it helps me greatly to read your blogs!

Have a blessed weekend!

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DEBRITA01 1/5/2013 8:38AM

    Navigating transitions can be hard but you seem to have a handle on it. I'm also working on making my wishes/goals becoming "actual behaviors"...I've been talking the talk now I need to consistently walk the walk. emoticon

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MSLZZY 1/5/2013 8:30AM

    My line in the sand is one priority I really have
to work on in 2013. Got to start somewhere.
Your blogs make me think and realize thinking
is not the same as doing. Off to "do" now!

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OVERWORKEDJANET 1/5/2013 8:16AM

    Looking forward to stability and a day where "nothing" happens other than sunshine!

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DEBRA0818 1/5/2013 8:10AM

    Great, realistic, achievable goals, Barb! Go 2013!!!

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PATRICIAAK 1/5/2013 7:57AM

    Transitions seem to be the norm in life for me. Perhaps that's because I'm from a large family. Unfortunately, the gym seems to be what gets sacrificed.
I'm going to need to follow your example and change from "wishes" to "goals" and then to "actual behaviors".


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MAGGIE101857 1/5/2013 7:14AM

    I had a "life happens" moment yesterday - found myself so angry with the decrease in my paycheck due to the tax changes and insurance hikes and then found myself getting angrier watching the evening news and hearing what a mess this country is right now (my opinion of course emoticon ).

I had to remove myself from all of it - I went up to my bedroom and just sat in the darkness with a fire (fake) going....had myself a bit of a cry and a pep talk. Today is an adjustment day for me and many others, I'm sure. emoticon to tackle it!!!

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LEANJEAN6 1/5/2013 7:11AM

    Yer goals are realistic--LOL----You are doing well--Wonderful that yer son will be home--Hug him lots!!!!------LOL======Lynda emoticon

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Why I blog almost every day...

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Good days and bad ones... days when I'm feeling whimsical, days when I'm feeling sad... days when I triumph over challenges and days when I give in. Most days I blog.

I blog as pep talks to myself at the beginning of a day. As restrospective at the end of a day. As "longish" responses to requests. As a creative outlet.

But in the end, I blog to keep myself going. It's a tool. It is a way to keep the conversation about priorities going.

Spark is a wonderful, safe, supportive place to do this. And while I mainly blog for myself... I find incredible support in the comments that come back. And I find encouragement that it might actually help others who are earlier in their own journeys as I blog that even in success there are struggles. But that in the final analysis, it is oh, so worth it!

And in case y'all hadn't guess it would happen, the day after my New Year's lapse? Yeah, back to normal. I am another step closer to living "here" forever. I ate in range, and kept to the training schedule which said "Strength training".

Take care of yourselves, precious Spark friends! YOU are worth it! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEATRIZ269 1/7/2013 1:17PM

    I am trying to get more into putting things down and I can see the benefit. Thank you for sharing and I will be looking to read more.

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SAMI199 1/6/2013 4:21AM

    emoticon emoticon

I feel the same way!

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WATERMELLEN 1/4/2013 8:43PM

    I'm so glad that you post almost every day and that you let me listen in on your pep talks to yourself: they're pep talks for me too and I appreciate them!

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ASHPATCH11 1/4/2013 5:12PM

    cute post!

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SPARKLISE 1/4/2013 12:45PM

    Thank you for blogging every day and being so honest.
As a recovering binge eater and yo-yo dieter, it really helps me believe there is hope and, even if it is a struggle,it is worth it.
One of the things I am learning to accept on SP is that i'll have to make it a priority for the rest of my life.
It is what it is but life is still good.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ONUTHIN125 1/4/2013 12:12PM

    emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 1/4/2013 11:53AM

    I always like your blogs. And the comments we get on blogs, whether about events or successes or rough times, they always inspire and encourage me too.

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KNITLEIGH 1/4/2013 11:03AM

    Thank you for your blogs!

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CASEYTALK 1/4/2013 10:40AM

    I'm REALLY glad you blog a lot. Your insight and inspiration have made a big difference in my ability to do this. You've done it -- you've not only lost the weight but you've done the harder task of KEEPING it off for years. So, it CAN be done and I want to learn from you how you do it.

Keep blogging! I'm selfish! emoticon



Comment edited on: 1/4/2013 10:41:02 AM

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WILSON1926 1/4/2013 9:43AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEDDYPEDDY 1/4/2013 2:46AM

    You are doing so well - that is inspiring!

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PATRICIAAK 1/3/2013 10:02PM

    Your blogs encompass it all. Reminds me of the movie title - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

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SHARON10002 1/3/2013 9:51PM

    Good, bad, introspective, whatever your theme - your blogs are always a help to me, Barb. Thank you for that . . . emoticon

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MICKEYH 1/3/2013 9:38PM

    Thank you, you also take care and good luck on your journey. emoticon

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_LINDA 1/3/2013 8:20PM

    Another one of Spark's great tools you can use to motivate yourself to keep on going! You utilize it so very well and the rest of us get to benefit and learn :)

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ANDI571 1/3/2013 8:01PM

    I love your blogs. I know when I write a blog it always helps. But that being said the insecurities from youth come in to play and I usually delete them because I can't imagine what I say being any thing but ramblings.

Don't ever quit your blogs, you give hope!

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MIRAGE727 1/3/2013 7:47PM

    Rock the journey, Barb!
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GABY1948 1/3/2013 7:42PM

    I KNEW you would get back on track...it's becoming "part" of you! The best part of you blogging as you do is that WE all benefit from it!! A double thank you today! Have a GREAT night! emoticon

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DOGLADY13 1/3/2013 6:03PM

    So glad you are back on track. I love reading your blogs, too.

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SLENDERELLA61 1/3/2013 4:04PM

    I knew you would do it!! Hooray!!! One wise woman once told me that the key to maintenance is getting right back on program faster -- wasn't that what you said??

And I am so glad you blog almost every day because I learn something from you, or laugh, or feel affirmed each time. Yes, it is so worth it!! -Marsha

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KASEYCOFF 1/3/2013 3:50PM

    You too, hon. I couldn't agree with you more, in that blogging on SP is yet another tool we can use to progress. Just like tracking nutrition and fitness, or interacting with our fellow Sparklers, blogging is a way we can find out what's working, what's not, where we want to go next.

I definitely hear you, seestah!
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VTRICIA 1/3/2013 3:20PM

    Well said! I am also a regular blogger here.

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SWEETMAGNOLIA2 1/3/2013 3:18PM

    I need to be more this way!

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 1/3/2013 3:05PM

    I blog to keep myself on track, to vent when I've had a rough day, ect. I love it here :)

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DLDMIL 1/3/2013 2:58PM

    Thank you for sharing your good and bad days. emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 1/3/2013 11:36AM

    I blog everyday to help keep myself accountable. It works for me. Hugs to you!

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MSLZZY 1/3/2013 10:40AM

    That's the whole point of blogging-a tool to use to
refelct on the day and your accomplishments and
a place to write your thoughts. Keep on SParking!
My world is a better place with you in it. HUGS!

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MEXGAL1 1/3/2013 10:26AM

    me too, I blog everyday just to remind myself of what my goals are and where I am and where I am going.
Have a terrific day.
Sallie

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MAGGIE101857 1/3/2013 10:00AM

    Good morning, lovely lady!!! I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I look forward to your words each and every day!!! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 1/3/2013 9:57AM

    emoticon

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DALID414 1/3/2013 9:35AM

    Thanks for sharing so much

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SUN-SEEKER 1/3/2013 9:25AM

    I am new to your blog and will be coming back for more! I always wondered if people mind frequent blogging, obviously yours is much appreciated! emoticon

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DEBRITA01 1/3/2013 9:22AM

    I'm glad you're so willing to share the good times and the not-so-good times with the SP community...we all learn from each other. Glad you are back on track...and I knew you would be:) emoticon

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SENATOR9 1/3/2013 9:10AM

    One bad day happens to all of us emoticon

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MSPATOOTY 1/3/2013 9:03AM

    Agreed! Starting the day with SP, even very briefly, has been so helpful in getting my head screwed on straight for the day. Glad to hear your day was better yesterday! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 1/3/2013 8:54AM

    Love following your journey as I'm sure others do...

Here's to 'here' and 'now'.
Namaste my friend. emoticon

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DEBRA0818 1/3/2013 8:39AM

    It is sometimes hard to put into words the experience we're having and have had, but it's so worth it. There is a lot of gratitude on this website for people like you who keep the conversation going.

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NEW-CAZ 1/3/2013 8:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MICKEYMAX 1/3/2013 8:25AM

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BROOKLYN_BORN 1/3/2013 8:10AM

    I agree. Starting the day with SP is a great motivator - writing, reading, tracking - moving forward on the journey. Great job!

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CONCHA77 1/3/2013 8:03AM

    And we love reading your daily blogs~always look for them in the am with my coffee.

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ANOTHERMOMOF2 1/3/2013 7:59AM

    Glad to hear your day went better.

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MIZCATHI 1/3/2013 7:59AM

    I woke up this morning thinking that a short blog would be a good way to keep my priorities together. I love reading yours. They keep me thinking.

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SEESKO 1/3/2013 7:54AM

    Great reasons to blog daily and some of my same reasons to start doing that this year.

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For whatever reason, New Year's Day...

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

I'm sure there were LOTs of things going on in my weird little psyche yesterday, but the end result was beginning an off the record books binge. I might try to reconstruct it after the fact just to see how bad it was, but Spark doesn't like me saying I ate the whole set of ingredients at times. Bottom line, I kind of went off the deep end.

What did I do before it started? Well, to start with, I woke up ravenously hungry, which might be an indication of consistent UNDER eating for the exercise levels I've been putting in. I hadn't been conscious of being hungry on the active days, but yesterday morning? O... M... G!

So I ate breakfast early, which moved all the meals a bit earlier. By 11 a.m. I was already starting in on lunch and ended up going nuts.

What was going on around me? Very cold day. Dusting of snow. I went out with the broom, not the shovel, to clear the surfaces I needed to. Stayed out a bit too long and fingers were really feeling the effects when I got back in.

How about mentally / emotionally? That's always the ticket, isn't it?

Since 2012 was such a good year? Complacency and fear were both creeping in. And then I went and looked up starting weights on my calendars for the past years... something I kind of do, first of each new year. And I think it increased the fear factor. Why? Well, take a peek, this is what it looked like, examining only first of the year numbers.

1999: 207.5
2000: 213.1
2001: 205.1
2002: 217.5
2003: 204.5
2004: 179 (I got divorced in 2003, my son had me working out with him)
2005: 203.5
2006: 206

2007: 165 (Son, his girlfriend and I joined a gym together in early 2006 - late in that year I got down to 138.5, which scared the crap out of me, when my sister lamented she wasn't the skinny sister any more... and I started to regain, following a trip over the dog and it starting to hurt to exercise, resulting in...)

2008: 150.4 (it looks lower, but in fact, I was in the midst of a regain)

2009: 192 (continued to gain a bit through May, when I started my current effort to get back to where I got to in 2007... I wanted to be fit again... really badly)

2010: 148.8 (I declared myself in maintenance, but continued to lose through October. I called my maintenance beginning August, but when I declared my goal range it was...)

2011: 122.2
2012: 127 (Most of the year maintained, but had a really rocky Holiday season in November and December... you've seen how 2012 was such a great athletic year, got rid of the rest)
2013: 120

120 on the first of the year. Scary number. This is less than I weighed going into college. This is less than I was in high school. And it's been 3 New Year's days with a starting weight in the 120's.

Why is a "good" number scary? Emotional question. I like living fit. I like me at this weight. But looking at history... to maintain this weight I have to be watching it... all year long. And the rebel in me was coming out, just looking at those statistics.

Bottom line, I let the monster loose, resulting in a lovely sleep during the football game (good game to sleep through)... and feeling full this morning, still. Going to force a healthy breakfast, though. Because experience has taught me that trying to overly restrict the day after such an episode only prolongs the cycle.

So today, practicing the self-compassion that is so much a part of successful maintenance. We all have days. Today, I'm treating me gently.

Because life *IS* good. Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIRECOM 1/7/2013 5:22PM

    Your 2007 numbers really emphasized the need for working out, at which I am terrible. I will try to improve.

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PATRICIAAK 1/3/2013 11:13PM

    One step backward, two steps forward!

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SHARON10002 1/3/2013 9:58PM

    Barb, if anyone deserves a break - you do. You have made some remarkable achievements, and continue to be a compass rose for many of us - myself included. I do believe you have instilled the discipline to have a day like this. See you proved that be getting right back on the track with the next morning's breakfast. You've aced it!

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GLASSART43 1/3/2013 9:57AM

    Thanks for sharing a very insightful blog. You've given me some ideas to mull over while I struggle with maintenance.
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DEBRA0818 1/3/2013 8:44AM

    The key sentence for me is the idea that the rebellious side comes out when you think about the sacrifices you have to make all year long -- when I think about such things it drives me into a "last time" binge (and of course it's never the last time) which can take me off track for the whole year unless I get back to basics (like you did) and force myself to only think about TODAY. There's a reason why we try to take it one day at a time and you've hit the nail on the head as to why. Good job, Barb!

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KATHIC2 1/3/2013 7:10AM

  I think your blog reflects you have all the insight and skills to maintain. This is great insight to help me with my over eating.

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OVERWORKEDJANET 1/3/2013 5:55AM

    You didn't let loose with the list of what you ate! After my 3100 calorie tell-all I expected the LIST emoticon
Heck, you know you can have a "day"lapse. It's the day-after-day lapse that will get ya.
Need to borrow some big girl panties? Mine are bigger than yours emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 1/3/2013 1:00AM

    Wow! Great record keeping -A Spark article I read says journaling is a great way to keep accountable -having your journey all out there in print is a stark reality check of your struggles. A wonderful reminder of how long it took and how hard you fought until you finally reached a weight you never dreamed of reaching.
A hard lesson learned -undereating for overexercising leads to binge. Spark's trackers really do work when properly used -when I was doing two to three hrs of fitness classes, I had to get my calories up to 2100 not to lose any more weight. Now I am not doing as much, they are at a more normal range.
Here is to putting this day behind you and knowing you are a successful maintainer because you can think things out and work through your problems -that is one smart cookie!! You will learn to love yourself at this new weight because it will eventually become like a second skin for you as you see how much it helps you to be light in your running goals! You go Barb!

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SUNNY332 1/2/2013 8:42PM

    Yes, you do need to be good to you.

You have done amazing.

Sunny

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SLENDERELLA61 1/2/2013 8:08PM

    Yes, life is good! And you will Spark On!! Look at all those numbers and all those years you were heavy and how you have overcome. It dwarfs this little slip. That's all it is, a little slip. And you know it. You know what to do. You are doing it!!

You are smart, too, to think it through and look for the lesson. Undereating when very active is a trigger. As you recognize, we need to eat enough for our activity level. Otherwise our body will tell us to eat! Also look at composition of the food. How was your protein/fat/ carb balance? Healthy fats and healthy carbs? If I have a really, really hungry day my best success has been to eat good regular meals and if still hungry add protein and veggies - like a rotisserie chicken and Steamfresh Broccoli or broiled cod and brussel sprouts.

Last week I had a struggle. This week I'm feeling invincible -- like, I've got this; it won't happen to me again. But really I know it is very unlikely that I've lived my last day of going over my calorie range. (Although my streak of days within calorie range will grow and grow!!) And it helps to know that really, really smart and very, very wise people like you have their struggles, too.

Hoping you wake up tomorrow refreshed and feeling healthy!! Regards, Marsha

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MOBYCARP 1/2/2013 7:57PM

    Once again, you provide me with behavioral echoes that resonate in my life. This time, the echo of eating normally even if that pushes calories higher after a binge. I knew this was important for me, emotionally, to get back on track after a lapse. Your experience validates that for me.

You will pick yourself up and recover. I have confidence in you. You'll do it, because you want to be fit, you understand how to do it, and you're worth it.

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WATERMELLEN 1/2/2013 7:51PM

    Self-compassion indeed: good call.

Key you figured it out: key you're moving on.

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DLDMIL 1/2/2013 7:03PM

    Great Blog and Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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EBEAMS 1/2/2013 5:40PM

    Yep ... getting back on the "right" track is the surest way to just keep chuggin' along. There is no requirement in Life to be perfect, just to not stop trying! I'd say you are a WINNER! emoticon

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MSLZZY 1/2/2013 5:35PM

    Sometimes getting a leash on the monster seems
impossible but once done, calmer heads prevail.
Love yourself and the day will go much better.
But you already knew that. HUGS!

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DR8561 1/2/2013 3:37PM

    I know exactly what you mean about the fear. I feel it every time I get within 10 lbs. of One-derland and find some way to sabotage myself. I really want to get past that this year. You did the smart thing to just start over with your plan today. One binge can't undo months of good work. emoticon

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PORTIAWILLIS 1/2/2013 1:51PM

    Wow, Can I understand your fear. I have never lost ALL my weight. I would get close but never accomplish what I had set as a goal. Everyone would say Oh you have lost enough, Why do you want to lose more. You get the idea. I let myself be derailed by fear of losing the weight and what would be expected of me than. Still don't know why I feel the fear and probably won't ever know but have decided that is not the problem. My problem is giving up on me. I commend you for not giving up on yourself. Where you see fear I see determination and the courage to keep going, on learning that you can do what ever you set out to do. Enjoy your life and look at what you have done and know how proud and happy we are for you.

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-SHOREIDO- 1/2/2013 1:39PM

    Heh! your not alone I'm sure your not!! "Tis the season" and we all have some "twinkin" to do starting off the New Year.
I had the flu and am still battling it. Lost 2lbs.!! I'd trade you in a heart beat right now. Coulden't even finish my cardio blast DVD choices # 1 & 3 with Coach Nicole this A.M. Gave it my best shot but it was a sorry sight as I collapsed on the bed. I thought maybe I'd feel better if I worked out(not so).
Anyway, thanks for sharing Barb and keep us posted as to what worked best for you here. emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 1/2/2013 1:05PM

    You are so right, we do all have days like that. Be good to yourself, forgive yourself, and move on. Maybe your body was just crashing from all the exercise and not enough calories. Or maybe there is some other reason. But I know you will move forward and not make this a habit. You're not going to go back to the places you were. I've so often wished that I could be one of those people who can eat anything and not gain, or who don't get cravings or get very hungry and can pick at foods. But I'm not. So I know that when I do get to maintenance, it's still going to be a year round thing to keep it and not to go back to what my life was like before. Glad you're feeling positive about life today!

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MRS.DOYLE 1/2/2013 12:44PM

    I agree about eating normally. I always think it is a double mistake to go on a binge then to stop eating good food to make up for it. You know what you did and you know how to recover. No problem.
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WILLOWBROOK5 1/2/2013 12:29PM

    " But looking at history... to maintain this weight I have to be watching it... all year long. And the rebel in me was coming out, just looking at those statistics. "

This is what so much of maintenance comes down to, understanding and learning to accept (maybe learning several times to accept) that sometimes there is a price we must pay to be thinner and healthier.

But this says it all:
"Because life *IS* good. Spark on!"

Sometimes we stumble, struggle, get up, see if we can learn from our mistakes and try again. This is especially true during and after the holidays, it seems. Trying to figure out what triggered a binge is pretty hard for me, but there are still lessons I can learn and the most important one is moving on without recrimination. I'm so glad you are being compassionate with yourself for being human. You are a huge success and a true inspiration to so many.



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DEBRITA01 1/2/2013 11:34AM

    We are human, we sometimes get scared and sabotage ourselves. We may not ever know why, but are aware it can happen. Whatever the reason for the little slip, you are on top of it and will turn it around. You are already on your way! emoticon

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MNTWINSGAL 1/2/2013 10:56AM

    Thanks for the peek into the life and times of a successful dieter! For you, it's not a diet, but a live-it, and I commend you.

A slip-up?? Well of course...you are human. But getting right back in the saddle is what makes you one smart cookie. Um, I mean, one smart bowl of oatmeal!

Happy New Year!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/2/2013 10:42AM

    Look @ all you've been through, but more importantly . . . look @ all you've accomplished! You know what to do and are prepared to do it. One day doesn't have to derail the rest of your sparky life, and clearly you see that too, so that's good!

HUGS and hope today is a better day for you.

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AMSPARKER 1/2/2013 10:38AM

    WOW, just WOW - three years in the 120s. I think this would be enough to scare the crap out of anyone, lots to live up to, lots to think about. I applaud you for letting us peek into your life, you are living it to the best, fullest and absolutely the most "realest"!

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MSPATOOTY 1/2/2013 10:06AM

    Yes, self-compassion is the key. I love how you have carefully thought through what was going on mentally, emotionally and physically that could have led to the binge. Now you have knowledge and understanding that will be useful the next time similar situations arise.

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Oh, and I had the thought ... New Year's Day is a day of transition. I've always found transition periods difficult food-wise. The most likely time for me to veer off of my healthy plan is after work ... a transition from work to home. Or on a Sunday night ... a transition from home to work.

Just my $0.02 adjusted for inflation. emoticon

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MIZCATHI 1/2/2013 10:06AM

    Wow, those are some great statistics there. 120, wow.

You're having an off day, big deal. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Famous last words, but you know the drill. Today is the day that is in front of you.

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MEXGAL1 1/2/2013 9:58AM

    Boy, you have had one journey for sure. You have done a terrific job. We all slip and slide but as you have learned it's all about are attitude after and how we get back to just good old sound healthy eating that counts.
Do have a terrific day getting back on track.

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HAKAPES 1/2/2013 9:50AM

    Thanks for sharing this!
I loved how you looked back on your weigh throughout the years, and how well you reflect on yourself, and you already made conclusions.

I also like to treat myself gently. There are enough challenges out there to cope with, so for myself, I am nice and gently. Still, I keep on track, but in a gentle way.

2013 will be a great year!

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KANOE10 1/2/2013 9:43AM

    Self compassion is the key. Treat yourself well today and enjoy the day. You have made such strides in your life! You are an inspiration.

Today is a new day! I like the 20s also..am trying to maintain 128..It is the lowest i have been in year.
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DALID414 1/2/2013 9:38AM

    Thank you for your honesty. It helps reaffirm that my fears of hitting my goal weight and the maintenance of it are a real issue.
Be kind to yourself everyday.

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KALIGIRL 1/2/2013 9:30AM

    Won't it be fun to 'figure out' what the journey is all about? As my Crucial Conversation's email suggests, in "Conquering the Weight Loss Plateau", - "Be the subject and the scientist."

I'm still a 'range' person, letting clothing be the the indicator and deciding the 'heavier' side of the range is better for me.

I know you know what is best for you!

Namaste my friend - Life is Good!
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LESLIELENORE 1/2/2013 9:27AM

    emoticon

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ASHPATCH11 1/2/2013 9:26AM

    no one is prefect get back on the wagon like you are and move fwd you got this and i see a lot of love on this page!
wow ur smaller now then you were in Highschool You are my frist sparkfriends and friend in general that can say that...pretty cool!

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GABY1948 1/2/2013 9:06AM

    Barb, I have to agree with all the others, go easy on yourself! This is JUST a learning experience! that is the difference in you and a "normal" binger! Which you are NOT. I bet your tummy feels awful today, doesn't it? Speaking for myself, that is how I feel if I have a binge anymore...yet is younger days of constant bingeing day after day my tummy was just used to it! Each day felt the same. My favorite aunt (actually favorite person in the world) was very thin naturally, yet on a holiday when she did overeat (not even that much) she got up the next day and would hardly eat anything that day because her tummy felt so bad. For years I did not think I would ever have that recognition...but I DO and I bet you do too.

I also understand about exercising too much...recently we had a lot of construction done and I did some of it too so got tons of cardio...and spark even warned me on my nutrition/cardio pages but I didn't listen...then I started "bingeing" too...but didn't really gain from it so I bet you can get back on track without much problem too.

Thanks for being such an HONEST inspiration! I am so glad that we met!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 1/2/2013 9:01AM

    You came a long way.Give yourself a break at time

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HEALTHY4ME 1/2/2013 8:59AM

    You have done amazing but can I just ask... would it be so hard to not have to be as diligent always on top of things, if it makes you a tad calmer and not as worried if you allowed yourself some wiggle room. I am not saying let it all out and eat but still exercise, but I felt sort of bad for you when you said I have to be watching it all year long....
Now I have no experience in this just what I felt, total feelings. Cos I haven't lost more than 20 lbs and kept it off, luckily never have gained past 200 either, seems to stop for me thankfully. So right now at 184 I am on my way down, hpefully to 140-150 but don't know.
HUGS and I could be totally off the mark, or maybe that bit of leeway may scare you more than being diligent would.
HUGS and you will do great again this year.

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SAMI199 1/2/2013 8:47AM

    My first response was going to be-no big deal-which one day is not,but I do get the fear factor that goes along with the out of control feeling. Thanks for your honesty-I know it helps me.Here's to a better day & a Healthy & Happy New Year!

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JANEMARIE77 1/2/2013 8:37AM

    Life is Good thanks for sharing

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ANOTHERMOMOF2 1/2/2013 8:26AM

    It's a new day. It will be better.

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NEW-CAZ 1/2/2013 8:16AM

    Hey it's okay to break away now and again, your lifestyle is one of health and vitality Barb so don't fret hun

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GINABUG 1/2/2013 8:16AM

    Wow! You are a great record keeper! It is in many ways comforting to see your journey on the "first days." This year I am somewhere around your 2005 mark, but as you show us in such a glorious way, it doesn't have to always be that way. And, your openness in sharing that even at 120 (a weight I cannot even fathom for myself) you still beat yourself up for an occasional "binge" is astounding!

I agree with the others who say, be kind to yourself. Your journey has been long and I'm sure difficult at times...but, in the end so very successful. If I wrote the blog you just did, you would likely say something like, "It happens. Enjoy that you now have the wisdom to continue on your journey in a positive way. I hope you enjoyed it!"

Best to you, Barb! You are truly a role model!

GinaBug emoticon

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ROXYZMOM 1/2/2013 8:08AM

    Give yourself a break and move on. You relaxed on the first day of the new year! It's a lot of hard work to maintain. One day is not going to make you 200 lbs again! And you are smart enough to not let it keep going.

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DOGLADY13 1/2/2013 7:56AM

    One of my spiritual practices is called The Pact of Mercy. It basically boils down to this: if I am going to be able to love the people around me every day, the people I live with (The Hubster), my co-workers, my close family members, I have to forget about their foibles and weaknesses. I know them too well. In order for me to love them, I have to see them with new eyes, as if I never saw them before. I offer them mercy for being human.

Not that you asked, but I think you need to be merciful with yourself. You are not the woman you were in years past. You've learned much. Today is a new day. See yourself with new eyes and all the fresh possibility that goes with it.

You deserve it.

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LEANJEAN6 1/2/2013 7:52AM

    emoticon Oh Barb!---I am happy to see that it took you a long time too---Maybe eventually I'll get there too--Spark on m,y vfriend!--Great Blog-Lynda

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Because I made a new Spark Friend today...

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

And this meme was in her December 31st... the One Word "getting to know you" game. And I haven't done it in a while, so here we are to start a New Year:

Where is your cell phone? Counter
Spouse? divorced
Your hair? thin
Your mother? Deceased
Your father? Deceased
Your favourite thing? treadmill
Your dream last night? peaceful
Favorite drink? Water
What room are you in? cave
Your hobby? Sparkpeople
Your fear? heights
Where do you want to be in 6 years? HERE!
Where were you last night? Home
Something that you aren't? helpless
Muffins? avoided
Wish list item? marathon
Last thing you did? walked
What are you wearing? Sweats
Your pets? cat
Friends? precious
Your life? ideal
Your mood? happy
Missing someone? Son
Drinking? Coffee
Your car? garaged
Something you're not wearing? hat
Your favorite store? Grocery
Your favorite color? yellow
When is the last time you cried? movie
Where do you go over and over? work
Five people who email me regularly? family
Favourite place to eat? Home
Favourite place I'd like to be right now? here

Bottom line: life is good. Working to keep it so! Spark on!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 1/3/2013 12:26AM

    Thanks for doing it now! I couldn't get anyone to do one of those surveys when I tried it lol
Congrats on your popular blog post -featured at the top of the list on Daily Spark too! You touched a chord there!

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KARIDIAN1 1/1/2013 11:44PM

    I get these every so often from friends and they are always fun to learn things about others.

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SHARON10002 1/1/2013 10:59PM

    Happy New Year to you, Barb! Thanks for sharing with us!

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ROXYZMOM 1/1/2013 10:22PM

    Nice!!

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LINDAKAY228 1/1/2013 7:38PM

    Fun! Happy New Year!

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SUNNY332 1/1/2013 5:28PM

    Awesome....

I will try to get one done today too.

I think they are not only fun but a great way to get to know each other.

Hugs, Sunny

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WILLOWBROOK5 1/1/2013 5:15PM

    Fun to read! Thanks and happy first day of 2013!

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GABY1948 1/1/2013 3:58PM

    I LOVE it! Thank you! Caz is where I got it! HUGS to you new and dear friend! You really ARE an inspiration!

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LJCANNON 1/1/2013 3:16PM

    emoticon The Treadmill is Lovely, but I Love the Lat Pull Down Machine. I don't know why! It just feels Great when I do it!

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DOGLADY13 1/1/2013 2:58PM

    Your favorite thing is the treadmill?!

I'm at a total loss for words.



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SLENDERELLA61 1/1/2013 2:12PM

    Not helpless is right!! You'll do that marathon, too. I have no doubt! Thanks for posting. Hooray for SparkFriends new and old!!

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VITCHY-VICKI 1/1/2013 1:32PM

    may do this next week if I get time
thanks for re-posting
V

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PATRICIAAK 1/1/2013 1:30PM

    May peace bring all our sons and daughters home.

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QUERIDAANA 1/1/2013 1:08PM

    Awesome survey Barb! Happy New Year!

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DLDMIL 1/1/2013 12:56PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing

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KALIGIRL 1/1/2013 12:48PM

    Here's to being where we are!
Life IS good emoticon

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SENATOR9 1/1/2013 11:48AM

    emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 1/1/2013 11:14AM

    emoticon

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ANOTHERMOMOF2 1/1/2013 10:25AM

    Life is good. Happy New Year!

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GINABUG 1/1/2013 10:17AM

    Happy New Year! Thanks for sharing! See you in SparkWorld -- it's on of my fav places as well!

GinaBug emoticon

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MSPATOOTY 1/1/2013 10:10AM

    I think we're Twin Sisters of Different Mothers! emoticon

Happy New Year! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 1/1/2013 10:00AM

    You'll surely accomplish that marathon! Happy New Year and blessings. Blessings to our soldiers and families. HUGS

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COMPUCATHY 1/1/2013 9:42AM

    I have no doubt you will get your wish list item. Thanks for sharing! Have a great new year! Thanks for the inspiration! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

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DEBRA0818 1/1/2013 9:37AM

    Life is a never-ending series of amazements if we have the eyes to see. Happy New Year, Barb!

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DEBRITA01 1/1/2013 8:59AM

    Life IS good...Happy New Year, Barb! emoticon

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DALID414 1/1/2013 8:54AM

    Those are always fun.

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NEW-CAZ 1/1/2013 8:53AM

    Happy New Year Barb!

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MAGGIE101857 1/1/2013 8:37AM

    Happy New Year Barb!

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