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Self-sabotage and figuring it out

Sunday, January 20, 2013

I have been in this position many times in the past. Where I have some huge goal set for myself and suddenly, I hit a wall, burn out, and start down a completely self-undermining (and sometimes self-destructive) path instead of going for the goal.

What's up with that? This is the scariest part of the cycle of motivation:

1. Phase one - active rebellion.
2. Phase two - patiently waiting for motivation to kick in.
3. Phase three, highly motivated, actively working.
4. Phase four, success and flying high, living easy and loving it.
5. Phase five, burnout starting, but still on auto pilot.
6. and something snaps, and it's back into phase one.

The trick of the cycle is to make phase one last as short a time as possible and relax into making phase two be a calm and hopeful time, rather than a self-flaggulating time of punishment/blame talk at oneself.

Another trick of the cycle is to short circuit from phase five back to phase four, by proper "gentle" self-care, and addressing whatever fears and anxieties, illnesses, or injuries, doubts or desires are driving the burnout.

I'm somewhere in phase 5 or 1... I start climbing back from 1 to 5, but then drift back to 1... and I'm trying to figure out whether I need to let go of a goal (I only have one right now), or whether I can do something that still leaves that goal in the realm of possibility without throwing myself completely off the cliff of phase one!

The problem with public goals is that it makes for a very public failure... and it's almost as though I'm trying to derail myself so I have an excuse for that failure... and I really, really don't want to go there. Sometimes success is at the bottom of giving myself permission to fail.

Just some thoughts I'm pondering as I'm frustrated with waiting for son's return and only getting through part of each day "on track" (he didn't get any further on the journey yesterday at all). Now I'm going to shut up, and try to spark a better day.

Because no matter what phase I'm in, whether I can see it in the moment or not... life is good, and worth living WELL. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4DOGNIGHT 1/26/2013 12:45PM

    Very good analogy. Thank you!

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MAGGIE101857 1/21/2013 12:36PM

    As one who publicly posted my Disney marathon goal and then had to publicly admit I couldn't compete, I have to say that the support and encouragement offered here is worth opening yourself up and admitting you just aren't there yet. I was determined to not let my injury stop me, and I probably continued training /running longer than I should have before seeking medical intervention. A combination of stubbornness, disbelief, frustration and yes, I suppose I didn't want to let my "cheerleaders" down. But instead of disappointment, they were there to tell me it was okay and there would be a next one!!

Ponder it, pick it apart, make the right choice for you! You are an amazing woman - you'll know what is right!!!



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JANEMARIE77 1/21/2013 10:04AM

    Many have said it so well emoticon and thank you

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MOBYCARP 1/21/2013 6:33AM

    Once again, you shed light on my behavior. I don't have those phases as clearly defined as you do. I might not even have a phase 1, and my phase 2 is a dim echo of yours; but phases 3, 4, and 5 are old friends. Perhaps my phase 1/phase 2 is more, "focusing on other things and not caring," similar to phase 5 but with a failure of the autopilot.

I suppose my goal, given slightly different phases, would be to bypass that phase 1/phase 2 part, or transition from burnout to autopilot while waiting for motivation.

I hope you find your motivation again, before doing major damage to yourself. Perhaps get that autopilot developed to where it can see you through till motivation reappears? Because you're worth maintaining!

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DLDMIL 1/20/2013 9:43PM

    We are here to support you every day. emoticon emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 1/20/2013 9:25PM

    You sure pegged the cycles. Great blog.

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MJZHERE 1/20/2013 7:36PM

    I am so impressed that you have these cycles so figured out - thank you for stating it here because it will be hugely helpful to me. It is nice to know others operate this way also. How frustrating it must be waiting, waiting for your son not being able to map it out exactly. Be kind to yourself - you deserve it.

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DOGLADY13 1/20/2013 4:29PM

    So many people have said such wonderfully, supportive things. I can only echo them.

Live well in the present moment. If you mess up some of those moments, well, just start over again.

Surely the anticipation of your son's return is messing with your emotions.

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_LINDA 1/20/2013 4:25PM

    A very excellent, well thought out way to describe a maintainer's goal setting problems. Once you have achieved the latest glorious goal and now all that is left is the drudgery of trying for a new goal, starting out, once again, at the bottom and working your way up to the next even more tougher, seemingly insurmountable goal. Therein is the difficulty of maintainers. When is the next challnege going to be simply too much? That you are asking too much of an aging body? What I say is you are not too old to attempt your next goal. You have simply been derailed by the biggest of all torments -the fear of a mother for her only child's safety. A mother who is powerless to help or aid in any way her son's future. The worst kind of stress and one that can crush any motivation or thoughts of goals or life in general until you can be absolutely sure your precious child is home safe and sound. All you can do is ride this out and try doing what ever you can to keep your mind off it. Workout, play games that take a lot of mental energy, visit friends, get out of the house, anything you can think of to give that endlessly imagining active mind of yours a rest. My heart goes out to you! The things we children do to give our parents angst :((

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MIRAGE727 1/20/2013 4:11PM

    I'm quite familiar with the cycle. I had problems with it when I was unhealthy. I'm so changed now that I get a fire going, and I want to turn it into energy! I get in gear and people just have to keep up with me or grab a chair on the sidelines. I'm posting a perfect example in my race report blog shortly.
As for making myself accountable and in public, if I try 100%, I win no matter the outcome. I fail, I'm only concerned with how I will make it a positive OR try again IF it's feasible. Others will see and either support or not. I would hope that they learned something positive from it. If not, then they have issues that don't affect me. I'm primarily concerned with my actions. And I don't let anyone hold me back. Plain and simple.
Barb, your bottom line truly says it all, "Because no matter what phase I'm in, whether I can see it in the moment or not... life is good, and worth living WELL. "

I support you with positive waves no matter what! Take it to the bank, Sister!

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DALID414 1/20/2013 3:45PM

    Thanks for the layout if the cycle phases. Knowing is half the battle.

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KRISZTA11 1/20/2013 2:29PM

    Thank you for this great blog!

I think you shouldn't worry about any public goal not met.
Spark Friends are here to support you, not to judge,
and the goal is there to motivate you, not to cause frustration.

Your active and healthy lifestyle is an inspiration,
and I want to be like you!

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SLENDERELLA61 1/20/2013 1:21PM

    Life is good and worth living well! You know it!!

I think your cycles are a very astute way to describe the phenomenon and accurate along with your description of moving through them. Bet this theory could be a best sellling book when fleshed out!

That said, I think a full marathon is too much for me. I think running 5Ks, 10K, and HMs is good, especially if I add a lot of strength training and cross training. I suspect my highest level of health and fitness lies short of a full. (Warning: I may change my mind because there is such a great social group of women my age running full marathons around here. ) I am still considering a sprint tri; I know you've already accomplished that.

Wishing you the best in finding the best goals to work toward. I have a magnet on my fridge that says, "A goal well set is half met." There's some truth to that.

And don't forget small steps. If the goal is too big, choose a smaller one and build to success!! I know you can do whatever you set your mind to do, although it may be easier once your son is home with you. Take care. Be very kind to yourself. You deserve it.

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GABY1948 1/20/2013 1:21PM

    I feel for you, Barb. I totally understand but you have gotten so much farther than I ever have that I am banking you can pull out of this!

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RUN4FOOD 1/20/2013 12:24PM

    One of the reasons I don't like to write out goals and put a date on them.
I can't always reach for my goals, but I can always take one small step toward my ultimate focus.
Is there a small step you can take today?

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BOOKAPHILE 1/20/2013 12:15PM

    I've never heard the cycle defined so well. Thanks for giving me more tools of understanding.

I hope your waiting will turn into a joyous reunion soon!

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DEBRA0818 1/20/2013 11:57AM

    It is really scary that this is the wheel we seem to be forced to go around. I have so much rebellion in me it's a wonder I ever progress at all. But, you know, there's something wonderful about being to talk about it, write about it, share it with others: it seems to lessen its absolute hold over me. There's always a part of me (and I think of you too) that quietly goes about healing and hoping for one more day of sanity.

God bless.


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KSNANA2 1/20/2013 11:53AM

    You have much insight to a problem so many of us share. I hope your son gets home soon and gets to stay awhile! I grew up in a military family and know what it is like to have a father away as well as living away from all the family we loved. I give thanks to your son and you.

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WATERMELLEN 1/20/2013 11:02AM

    Love your description of the "cycle": so helpful, so perceptive.

You remind me a bit of the cycle of abuse in domestic violence -- which (generally) prevents the woman from leaving the husband until there have been many many incidents of violence etc. !

I think KNOWING about this cycle and understanding it's probably been triggered by the acute stress of waiting for your DS's return . . . will help. You're waiting not just for his return but also for the reboot of your cycle to a good place.

Maybe this cycle will be the last -- because you understand it.

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TAGSUIT2 1/20/2013 10:56AM

    Self Motivation-Self Control and Spark people is all you need to jump start yourself. emoticon

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MSLZZY 1/20/2013 10:54AM

    Waiting is the worst. You imagine all the things that can derail the process and that's when the negative thoughts come in to play. It is hard to practice patience and stay focused. Think kind thoughts and clear your mind. I can only imagine what you are going through. HUGS!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/20/2013 10:22AM

    My dear, we both know it's hard to WAIT WAIT WAIT for something as important as your son's homecoming. Absolutely frustrating and nerve wracking! Hang in there my dear.

You have identified where you're at, and working at getting that moho back. You can do it! One foot in front of the other.

HUGS and prayers. Waiting is interminable.

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KASEYCOFF 1/20/2013 10:20AM

    "Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds - shine." --Buddha

Shine, Barb.

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MEXGAL1 1/20/2013 10:20AM

    I think it's good to understand these cycles so when you are in one phase or another you can understand that it is only a phase and prepare for the next cycle....we just aren't perfect but the hard work we all do is so worth the good health.
Have a terrific Sunday.

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PATRICIAAK 1/20/2013 10:12AM

    To be a 'perfect' human being requires 'slip ups'. You would be a god if you were perfect all the time.

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LESLIELENORE 1/20/2013 10:03AM


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KANOE10 1/20/2013 9:45AM

    Maintenance is cyclical. You go through periods where it is easy, goes well, then autopilot here you drudge along, and then moments where the sclae creeps up and you need to get serious again and work on up pounds. You are right about getting out of Phase one as soon as possible.

I am happy your son is coming home.

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LEANJEAN6 1/20/2013 9:31AM

    Life IS good Barb!!!---Happy to hear yer son WILL be home soon=----Bless all those people serving for us!!!Lynda emoticon

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SWEDE_SU 1/20/2013 9:28AM

    you said it all at the end: life *is* good, and well worth living! emoticon

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ROXYZMOM 1/20/2013 9:23AM

    I love this blog! You defined it so well. I hate being in the slump stage - the key is to keep looking ahead to pull back out. That's why I love this site - always seems to give me the big push when I need it!

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KALIGIRL 1/20/2013 9:17AM

    Life is good - you taught me that. But, I can't imagine the stress of waiting you are enduring now.

Mark took the girls hunting, so it will just be you and me today, but it looks like the warm time of the day will be between 1:00 and 3:00.

Still game?

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    Heck, today I just feel like sitting in my chair in my freshly laundered robe...which I just spilled coffee on...reading Spark blogs. But that won't get the cows milked.

What goals to you have that you need motivation for? Currently mine is to survive the family traumas, physical ailments I have lived through this year. Since that is such a huge goal I need to break it into pieces. You can't eat an orange unless you peel and section it. ( I was going to use a cow, but it got horribly Friday 13thish)

So how about you and I take a very small piece of what we WANT to accomplish and work to make that thing

One day, one piece at a time.

Take a run, a walk, make something healthy for lunch. I made STEEL CUT OATS to portion out for breakfast the next 4 mornings. In containers with my almonds and antioxident dried berries they will be microwaved for eating while I read your blog.

Besides, you are in such a high state of anticipation I wonder that you can breathe emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANDI571 1/20/2013 9:05AM

    I love this blog Barb. I have been in these phases for some time now, just running back and forth on them. I just weighed and am still stuck on the same number and it is because I keep going from hopping from phase to phase.

I also know what you are saying about everything being public with your goals. It is good in the fact that you don't want to disappoint those you are helping, but the pressure of being perfect to help can also flip you into another phase.

Just because you are at goal and in the most part are on track, doesn't mean you don't have emotions that can carry you into a phase you don't want to be in. That is where we come in. We are your strength when you have none. We are ears that will listen when you hurt or are struggling and just need to vent.

I am also in Phase 5 and I think I have been there for awhile. We will get back where we need to be. We know we are worth it and we have the tools to get us there. No turning back. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EBEAMS 1/20/2013 9:00AM

    My heart is so with you ... I understood all of that perfectly. Here's my 2 cents worth ... It is not easy to set goals when you're a person who is .... well, for lack of a better word ... a perfectionist. In setting the goal, we see a clear path from point a where we're starting and point z where we're ending. But Life isn't a clear path. Nope, it's an obstacle course with lots of emotional roller coasters to take us for a ride, unforeseen sand traps to suck us in and walls that appear to be manageable until we arrive at the base and look up. Most of these elements (for me) are emotionally driven and the size of my obstacle is directly correlated to what else I'm handling in my life right then. It is not possible to stay completely focused and committed 100% to just our health and fitness goals all the time ... Life is messy ... and priorities change ... and our baggage sometimes moves right back into the house with us.

The answer (I believe) truly lies in trusting in the knowledge that THIS is not the final stand and things won't STAY this way, even though this is what you can handle today. Forgiving ourselves for not being perfect, not being 100% Olympic training committed type athletes and making those little changes, one at a time, over and over is that journey that we sometimes overlook because we are so focused on the outcome instead.

We're all here for you ... knowing that this, too, shall pass and you'll be making us all grumble (again) about that fabulous Barb who is putting us to shame! You will come out from under the rain cloud and shine with the light that's in you ... You won't be able to stop it! emoticon emoticon

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NELLJONES 1/20/2013 8:46AM

    Maybe you don't want this goal as much as you would like. Or maybe the goal is too big and you need to break it up into smaller goals. Only you can determine which.

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DEBRITA01 1/20/2013 8:44AM

    So much of life is a cycle...for those of us with addiction, it is often a vicious one. You have so much of it figured out, Barb so keep pushing and riding it out on auto pilot when needed....all the while being gentle with yourself. One who tries is never a failure...failure comes in not trying (note to self). Only you know how much you really want the goal you set before yourself. You will find your way back to Phase 3 again b/c you are worth it. emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/20/2013 9:01:42 AM

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Just for fun!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Thanks to DogLady13... lightening up is a good thing.

A - Available or Married: Divorced and UNAVAILABLE.

B - Book: Just finished Trader of Secrets by Steve Martini. Soon to start "A Memory of Light" by Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson.

C - Cake or Pie? Pie - custard or pumpkin, especially.

D - Drink of Choice: You know I love my flavored coffee!

E - Essential Item: internet connection

F - Favorite Color: green

G - Game to Play or Watch: basketball

H - Hometown: Lincoln, NE

I - Indulgence: candles

J - Job: team lead of small group of programmers

K - Kids and Names: One kid, son... sorry, don't do names except my own

L - Life is incomplete without: contact

M - Music Group or Singer: ABBA (yes, my son is laughing)

N - Number of Siblings: 1 brother, 3 sisters

O - Oranges or Apples? yes

P - Phobias/ Fears - snakes

Q - Favorite Quote: Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. - Helen Keller

R - Reason to smile: breathing

S - Season: Summer

T - Tattoos: Son has some, I have none.

U - Unknown fact about me? Not that I know of.

V - Vegetable you love: brussels sprouts

W - Worst habit: giving out TMI?

X - X-rays? Tools.

Y - Your favorite food: steel cut oats

Z - Zodiac? Chinese dragon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 1/20/2013 11:04AM

    Mmmmm: butterscotch coffee a current fave, but I like German chocolate cke a lot too!! And: brussels sprouts raw in salads . . . or roasted with a touch or EVOO and sea salt!!

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KATHIC2 1/20/2013 7:44AM

  Love the quote!

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KASEYCOFF 1/20/2013 4:22AM

    Oh, good set, Barb! Love the Helen Keller quote - and I am the dragon that roars, lol...

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KARIDIAN1 1/19/2013 9:40PM

    Fun list.

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DLDMIL 1/19/2013 8:06PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 1/19/2013 1:47PM


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KALIGIRL 1/19/2013 12:34PM

    emoticon I couldn't get past number 1 "Divorced and UNAVAILABLE - Period"

Not sure what the weather has in store for us, but today sounds as full for you as for me - hope to see you tomorrow!

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DALID414 1/19/2013 12:15PM

    I love emoticon too

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MNTWINSGAL 1/19/2013 11:35AM

    I'm on board the ABBA train fact, my cell ringtone is "Dancing Quees" and it's also my warm-up song.

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1CRAZYDOG 1/19/2013 11:22AM

    good to get to know things about ourselves . . . HUGS!

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PATRICIAAK 1/19/2013 11:18AM

    I so totally agree with 'E'!

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DRB13_1 1/19/2013 10:46AM

    I've only learned to appreciate brussels sprouts in the past year - roasted

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_LINDA 1/19/2013 10:45AM

    I like Abba too :) Thanks for sharing the list!

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DOGLADY13 1/19/2013 9:07AM

    I think ABBA is fun.

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MIRAGE727 1/19/2013 8:57AM

    Such a fun list! Thanks for sharing, Barb!

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RUN4FOOD 1/19/2013 8:39AM

    Like your favorite quote.
I'm usually too unaware to feel insecure.

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MAGGIE101857 1/19/2013 8:15AM

    TMI - Never!! Love the insights you provide!! I find myself reflecting on some of the simplest things when you "remind" me of them!!!

P.S. Us "oldies" appreciate ABBA. My kids laugh at my fascination with the British Channel /tv shows. They don't appreciate the British humor, whereas I find it so much more entertaining!

Have a wonderful day!

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LEANJEAN6 1/19/2013 8:14AM

    no tatoos here either-----but my some of my kids have them--must be the ""nurse" in me--Lynda-

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GABY1948 1/19/2013 8:13AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing, Barb!

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ROXYZMOM 1/19/2013 7:54AM


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DEBRITA01 1/19/2013 7:42AM

    Always good to learn a little more about you, Barb. Have a great day! emoticon

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Friday, January 18, 2013

I actually like the simple status "is". Some days that's the only status that one can manage. Show up.

Oh, by the way, "Hi, my name is Barb, and I am a compulsive overeater." That's a truth, a reality. This week, I'm not even going to call me recovering, because I've been close to and over the edge.

When the folks in OA talk about how we're insane when we're not abstinent? It's not a joke. It really is a form of insanity. It is where I go into this rebellious state, but not even entirely that, it's the state of "I don't care!" It's the state of questioning all the goals and desires that I hold dear. It's the state of "why try?"

And it can come back so quickly. Doesn't matter how long one's been "in recovery". And you don't want to talk to anyone about it, because you're ashamed that it's happening to YOU!

The way out of insanity is pulling out those goals and aims and getting real with yourself... "Who am I? What do I want? Why am I here (what is my purpose)?" It all comes back to that little center of the universe...

At its root, the rebellion, the don't care, is a turning away from the Higher Power in one's life. It's a false sense of SELF-reliance. To get back to sanity requires talking with a Higher Power and asking for the willingness... the ability will follow once the willingness is there.

So, today, that's all I'm asking. Just for today. The willingness. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUEANGELLK 1/20/2013 7:22PM

    OMG!! I had "is" as my status for the weekend I couldn't think of anything else to say. What deep thoughts over such a simple word.

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SPARKLISE 1/19/2013 6:11PM

    Oh girl! I do understand that insanity!
One day at a time is pretty much what we can pray for. emoticon

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_LINDA 1/19/2013 12:37AM

    So sorry :( Your worry and stress may have temporarily weakened your resolve, but knowing you, you can face that demon and put it back in its cage as you have done many a time before. We are only human, and sometimes, we just have to let off a little steam!! The build up is too much and something has to give. This is not a failure, but a vent, an easing of the pressure. Soon, very soon, those simmering oats will be calling your name, and that relaxing zen run will be summoning you to its siren call.
You can do it because you are stronger!

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DLDMIL 1/18/2013 10:14PM

    Hang in there. Take one day at a time. I struggle with depression and it is a daily struggle to combat our evils. emoticon

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DOGLADY13 1/18/2013 9:38PM

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. It helps all of us become stronger and more resilient, including you!

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RUN4FOOD 1/18/2013 9:35PM

    Barb, I was hopeful you would end up looking at a Higher Power.
Your blog sounded familiar to me.
I've never really struggled with over eating, my struggle was depression.
6+ years ago I finally met my Higher Power, Jesus, and my life was changed, not all smooth, but I have help, a new perspective and seeing myself to be of value.
Pray you'll bounce back quickly.

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MNTWINSGAL 1/18/2013 9:32PM

    You've a lot on your mind right now, my friend. Sometime "is" is enough.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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KATHIC2 1/18/2013 8:39PM

  Been there, on the whp cares, I don't care space. It can be so hard to move out of. I agree with and you say it so well.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 1/18/2013 8:35PM

    I kind of like the "is" too.


The only way to fail is to stop trying. I have to tell myself this on what seem to be innumerable occasions too.


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PATRICIAAK 1/18/2013 8:20PM

    one step backwards, two steps forward.

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ANDI571 1/18/2013 6:09PM

    If it wasn't for the Higher Power, I could never get through a day. Hi my name is Andi and I am a compulsive overeater. You are so right, it only takes one moment to head in a totally different direction. So it is through prayer and "His" strength that I have gotten as far as I have gotten. As soon as I take my own path, it gets ugly.

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LESLIELENORE 1/18/2013 4:16PM

    So true!

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DALID414 1/18/2013 2:14PM

    Hi, I'm Dee and I'm a compulsive overeater.

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KALIGIRL 1/18/2013 1:08PM

    I wonder if over-indulging in anything suggests there's a void - not that rebellion and/or self-reliance might not be the 'cause', but it seems something might be out of balance - too much or too little - worry, free time, food or drink - whatever.

I like the idea of willingness (being ready to do something without being forced) as a path to becoming centered. I also like the concept of ‘is’ – what a wonderful state to ‘be’ – and know you will find your way to your own equilibrium.

Namaste my friend.

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RONNIEHUEY 1/18/2013 1:00PM


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LINDAKAY228 1/18/2013 12:45PM

    That is so correct. All of it. It really is insanity that can sock us again out of the blue if we aren't very careful. I know it has me. And the simple status "is" is much better than just "was". It's the here and now.
Hope the weekend goes better for you!

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    I have 2 empty bags of cheese curls(4 servings), 20 Hershey kisses wrappers to prove my dinner in the car last night. And no water, nada to drink.
A woe is me dinner.
Nobody loves me everybody hates me dinner.

Uh, I had the nobody loves me dinner 3 nights ago...chips and salsa, ice cream.

The I love myself dinner tonight will be less out of a bag. Maybe more out of reality.

It cycles, right? emoticon

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KOOKYKATHIE 1/18/2013 10:53AM

    One Day at a Time Dear Jesus. emoticon

At least, you are owning the problem. That is a part of recovery, in my mind! emoticon

Keep on Keeping on! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 1/18/2013 10:31AM

    ((((((MAJOR HUGS))))))) Like Lynda said, you may fall, but you ALWAYS get back up. That's major. Hang in there. You're very aware of things so that's obviously the first step. Name it, claim it, tame it.

Sending calming thoughts your way, Barb and know you're not alone. (I know you know that!)

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MOBYCARP 1/18/2013 9:32AM


The willingness will return. I hope it returns for you soon. In the meantime, do the best you can to limit the damage, and don't beat yourself up for the best being less than you think it ought to be!

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BOOKAPHILE 1/18/2013 9:30AM

    That Self-reliance is a slippery surface on which to walk! When I rely only on myself, I can wind up in a heap of discouragement and disgust with the results of my rebellion. I'm so thankful that God forgives and restores - and that He has guided me to Sparkpeople who have provided some traction for getting up and moving forward!

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GABY1948 1/18/2013 9:09AM

    Barb, I relate totally! But I will say, emoticon , it takes us longer but it is a FACT. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FROMNDTOGA 1/18/2013 9:01AM

    I have been in the STATES of "I don't care!" and "why try?" more times than I can count (and also in the state of hearing DH say "you can't lose it, so stop beating yourself up about it"). BUT I've discovered the STATES of "I DO CARE" and "I AM DOING" and I like me much better! Thanks for a great post.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/18/2013 9:02:56 AM

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DEBRITA01 1/18/2013 8:49AM

    I understand the simple status "is"...some days there are no other words. Keep looking to your Higher Power for willingness (and I will, too). emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 1/18/2013 8:41AM

    I'm here to recognize: you "are". And we are so glad you "are" with all your wisdom and candour and ability to acknowledge: this is an eternal struggle. And never vanquished. Always the potential to leap out and bite us in the bum!!

You are. Magnificent would be the adjective that comes to mind.

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SLENDERELLA61 1/18/2013 8:32AM

    Oh, Barb. I feel for you. It is just so ongoing and unrelenting and forever and -- at least at times -- overwhelming. "It", of course, in this case is that desire to eat too much. Thanks for facing it and putting it out there. I was sitting here trying to decide if I wanted to face it or maybe blog about something more positive. There are positives. I ran yesterday. I'm going to do a 5K race tomorrow. I know in your situation, too, you could have focused on victory in another area, but you faced it head on. But the truth is I slipped last eve, too. But I'm back on it today. And I know you will find your willingness and if you aren't already eating your steel cut oats and berries or someother healthy, filling concoction, you will be soon.

A wise woman once told me that the key to maintenance is getting back on program quicker. Look that wise woman in the mirror. You can do it!!!

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EBEAMS 1/18/2013 8:13AM

    I am so with you on this. It is frustrating to be moving into the kitchen, picking up something that you really know you don't want to be eating but eating it anyway .... and not caring. The "fall down seven times, get up eight" is sometimes just the very best that we can hope for. The fact you keep getting up is a testament to how far you've come from the woman you used to be. She may lurk around in the corners of your life but she doesn't live there any more.

Thanks for sharing that! That was very brave!

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LEANJEAN6 1/18/2013 8:02AM

    Yes, ya gotta laff---and yu wouldn't be human if yu weren't tempted at times-----but--Yu always get back up----life can be tough in the most dreaded time of the yr--January-----Sometimes maybe its best to let it all hang out ---for a short time--then pick yerself up and carry on--LOL---Life IS-------LOL-------Anyway, I loves ya Barb!!!-Lynda emoticon

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VITCHY-VICKI 1/18/2013 7:57AM

send some of that my way some days I too ask for the willingness to keep going too and God will provide
take care kido

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MSLZZY 1/18/2013 7:49AM

    Isn't is amazing how quickly this can sneak up on you and threaten to ruin all your progress? Makes you wonder where it comes from and when it is going to leave. Hope it gets better soon! HUGS!

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KASEYCOFF 1/18/2013 7:35AM

    Myself, I went away with the faeries (never "fairies," with this idiom) and reflected on Firesign Theatre: "What is reality?" "Who cares?"

Ya gotta laff sometimes, Barb, ya gotta laff...

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Explaining those odd spots in the emotional scale...

Monday, January 14, 2013

Those of us who tend to "fret" at times need to meditate and pray, exercise, breathe... whatever... to get back to the place of calm.

Excitement can come from happy sources: anticipation of son's return. Saw him online as recently as yesterday morning, so I know he's not yet in transit. Happiness over them starting the process to purchase their first home. The house offer was countered and the counter accepted. emoticon

Anxiety can arise from the what-ifs, the fears of all the things that can go wrong: travel dangers, financial storms, etc.

Both show up, mixed together, and need to be dealt with: deep breath, put things beyond my control firmly in the "God box". I am not living my kids' lives... I am learning my own lessons.

And with that, I'm off to work on a Monday. Work is also a way of dealing with things that it *are* mine to influence!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEANJEAN6 1/17/2013 7:50AM

    Oh Gee Barb-------What would we do without Spark??----Ihave that Spark Ap too---just a kit of technology going on here right now---Mediate--I must get to that next--Lynda emoticon

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KOOKYKATHIE 1/16/2013 8:01PM

    EBEAMS I love your quote from Corrie Ten Boom. I remember her name from my past so I will have to look her up to be reminded what she did.

It's so hard to not worry about our children no matter what age they are.

emoticon for the God Box. emoticon emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 1/16/2013 8:06AM

    No-one needs to worry as I do it all--for everyone!!!

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LINDAKAY228 1/15/2013 6:19PM

    Good news about your son! I'm so happy for you. Joy and worry can both come at the same time and great job on finding ways to deal creatively and healthily with yours.

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BUGGYS 1/15/2013 11:46AM

    So glad to hear your son is on his way home and is buying his first house!!!

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    Yes. I need the daily reminder to let go of the worry and fretting too. I think on some subconscious level I am afraid that if I don't worry I don't care about the outcome. That I have to worry to keep them safe. On an intellectual level, I know that is complete nonsense. I suppose my faith isn't as strong as it should be. True faith doesn't worry about jinxing your kids life because you don't worry about them. Thank you for this blog and making me think this through. Today I will focus on what I CAN "influence."

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ASHPATCH11 1/15/2013 9:03AM


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LEANJEAN6 1/15/2013 8:10AM

    We are in the same boat Barb!--re food-----and this boat is not going to sink--LOL----Hava good day--Lynda emoticon -

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MSLZZY 1/15/2013 7:39AM

    Thnaks for the mention of the "God box". I really
need to do this more. HUGS and best wished for
the day. You have much to be excited for.

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    Hoorah to you and family!

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DLDMIL 1/15/2013 12:20AM

    emoticon good for you.

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DOGLADY13 1/14/2013 9:29PM

    It was an eye-opener for me when I realized that good things can cause anxiety, too. I have often heard of the "God box." It's hard to not take things out of that box, though. As if we know better! Ha!

I hope your son returns home soon. Your love for him is beautiful to witness, even if it is over social media. I hope he knows how much your cherish him.

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EBEAMS 1/14/2013 9:00PM

    It IS hard not to try and live your kids' lives for them! So much of what we want to impart was learned the hard way and WE KNOW ... I tend to forget I had to live through my mistakes in order to appreciate the lesson I was intended to learn. I am delighted for you (and jumping up and down inside) that he is returning! Hip Hip Hurray! Everything will go exactly the way it is supposed to ... can't be any different! I like the saying "Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength." ~Corrie Ten Boom.

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PATRICIAAK 1/14/2013 7:16PM

    Is your son's house going to be near yours?

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OPTIMIST1948 1/14/2013 7:08PM

    "A willingness to accept the things I cannot change"

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LESLIELENORE 1/14/2013 6:27PM


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MJZHERE 1/14/2013 4:56PM

    I like that - the "God's box." I often have to remember to put my kids in there - all grown up He knows best how to take care of them.

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LJCANNON 1/14/2013 4:48PM

    emoticon What an Exciting Time for you all!!
Congratulations to Your Son's Family, and To YOU for Learning and Putting Into Action all the Things you have Learned about Stress and Dealing With It!!

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_LINDA 1/14/2013 2:54PM

    Two awesomes -new house for your son to come home to -win -win! Even though I don't have kids, I can still imagine the angst you are feeling until your only child finally arrives Stateside safe and sound. Sending positive thoughts!

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DALID414 1/14/2013 2:05PM

    I'm glad its Monday too, I need the work distraction.

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MIRAGE727 1/14/2013 12:50PM

    Thanks for sharing the enlightenment, Barb! I so enjoyed it!

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MEXGAL1 1/14/2013 12:42PM

    congrats on your son getting the house. that is so exciting.
Anxiety has many different faces....I am constantly working on ways to release anxiety and live in peace.
Have a terrific week.

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GABY1948 1/14/2013 12:19PM

    So glad son got the house he/they wanted. Great explanation on "fretting" etc. I understand because I am there with you! Have a great week!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/14/2013 10:05AM

    That's wonderful that the counter was accepted! Ah, the joys of home ownership! Congratulations ot DS and DIL.

Absolutely LOVE the God Box! That is such a visual for me. Wonderful!


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KASEYCOFF 1/14/2013 10:03AM

    Reading between the lines: glad to hear the house is going thru - double-glad to hear he's on his way back!

And yepper, I hear you about the potential for what can go wrong. Of course, hand-in-hand with that is the potential for what can go right.

And so we go on. You're a doll, Barb.

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DRB13_1 1/14/2013 9:56AM

    fear and excitement come from the same place, it's just the attitude toward the situation that differs

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SENATOR9 1/14/2013 9:39AM

    They got to make their own decisions

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NELLJONES 1/14/2013 9:22AM

    We all have enough to worry about with the real stuff. We don't need to make it up. Some people (like my mother) enjoy fretting, it gives them something to think about. I'd rather pass.

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SLENDERELLA61 1/14/2013 9:10AM

    That is great about their house! I love that my daughter has an awesome house. I didn't help her decorate it at all and she did so good I now want her to come decorate mine.

You are so right about the fretting. And that positive changes can intensify the anxiety, too. Changes can just be challenging. Waiting and anticipating good things and not so good things can be tought.

Wishing you calm, wishing you happy meditating and breathing and working and, of course, exercising. These days will pass and he will be here. Hang on.

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ANDI571 1/14/2013 8:54AM

    Amen! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 1/14/2013 8:52AM

    Even though you are dealing calmly with this - I am excited!

PS - love the "God box".

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WATERMELLEN 1/14/2013 8:32AM

    We parents of adult children need to be reminded over and over again (thank you): we are NOT living our kids' lives!

All the same . . . so exciting he's on his way home AND to the new house!!

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ANOTHERMOMOF2 1/14/2013 8:23AM

    Glad your son is well. Buying the 1st house is exciting. Hope you have a good day.

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ELRIDDICK 1/14/2013 7:57AM

  Thanks for sharing

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Transition from training plan to training plan...

Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Runkeeper training plan kicks in this week, with a 4-4-4-8 mile M-W-F-Sat. running schedule.

Sigh. This doesn't fit with the existing schedule (Galloway) I'd been working with... which has me doing 4 miles today, 30 minutes each Tuesday and Thursday, and 14 miles next Sunday. Well! Something is going to have to give, because doing both is NOT an option. Nor is not training. emoticon Fear not, I shall figure it out.

In other news, my daughter in law has been house hunting, and last night she took me through the one on the top of their list, and we are now waiting to see if an offer she made is going to be accepted, rejected, or countered. Swapped IM's with my son this morning.

So today I'm kind of a lady in waiting. Pacing on the treadmill! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 1/14/2013 9:00AM

    You Shall figure it out!
Walking this Sunday?

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LEANJEAN6 1/14/2013 7:07AM

    Pacing on the treadmill is good Barb-----Hava good week------Lynda emoticon

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MAGGIE101857 1/14/2013 7:01AM

    When I was in training for the Marathon emoticon I downloaded Jeff Galloway's marathon training program from ITunes. I also downloaded the Galloway Disney training program - even they were different! My older body needed the time in-between to heal, so I stuck with his program.

I'll have to check out the Runkeeper if and when I get the approval to run again. Let us know what you decide to do!

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_LINDA 1/14/2013 1:35AM

    The voice of reason from your brother and an interesting question from Slenderella :) A full out running program or one with walk breaks, or a combo of both when your body tells you what it feels like for that particular day. It will be interesting to see what you decide.
Wishing DIL luck on the house they want, hope they don't try to haggle it up too much.
Have a Marvelous Monday!

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MIRAGE727 1/13/2013 11:27PM

    I believe that whatever choice of plan you make, you will crush it, Barb! Whatever feels good to you! Stay strong!

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GYMRAT_AT44 1/13/2013 10:27PM

    I agree with OPTIMIST1948 - besides, I adjust my plans constantly on my suggested triathlon training... oh well.

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-SHOREIDO- 1/13/2013 9:49PM

    Keep moving Barb! It'll all line up. Good luck to u and yours! emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 1/13/2013 8:56PM

    Buying a house jitters. It took forever when we bought ours over 30 years ago. Hope it all works out for her.

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DOGLADY13 1/13/2013 8:50PM

    I love the image of pacing on the treadmill. What a great way to expend nervous energy.

No advice on runkeeper v galloway. I am looking forward to following your training program.

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WATERMELLEN 1/13/2013 7:06PM

    Lots of exciting stuff happening!! You will figure it out: and I'm often surprised at how decisions get made "on simmer" while I'm working out!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/13/2013 6:14PM

    Wishing your son and DIL all the best with the offer! It is indeed an anxious time . . . . waiting!


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MEXGAL1 1/13/2013 6:11PM

    I just know you will get it figured out.
best of everything.

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MOBYCARP 1/13/2013 4:37PM

    You have good analytical skills, you'll figure out which elements of the training plans are important and how to fit the important elements into your schedule.

I think very few of the canned training programs really work for someone who has work scheduled from 8 to 5 Monday through Friday. But once you determine what is essential and what is only nice to have, you can keep the essentials and get the training in that *you* need.

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RUN4FOOD 1/13/2013 3:00PM

    I find knowing what I want to do is very important. I seem to need time to think things through and develop a plan, especially the next steps I want to take.
Hope you figure out what you want to do soon.

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DALID414 1/13/2013 2:21PM

    I just caught on to the run keeper (I can't run til next week, fingers crossed) , but it makes me nervous to have a GPS tracker on. Like I'm going to be running with a stalker!

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MSLZZY 1/13/2013 2:10PM

    I am sure you'll find the right solution . Hope DIL's
offer is accepted. Hugs!

Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 2:11:33 PM

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PATRICIAAK 1/13/2013 1:54PM

    Try what works best to get you to the marathon goal.

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DLDMIL 1/13/2013 1:06PM

    We know you will figure it out. Congrats on the house for your son and DIL. Have a good week.

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SLENDERELLA61 1/13/2013 1:06PM

    Tell more about the Runkeeper program. Is that training for the Lincoln Marathon or for something else? What are the advantages?Where did you hear about it. I'm assuming it doesn't have walk breaks like Galloway, right?

Galloway worked great for me. I think it was the perfect program for me to use when I had had the experience of problems with injury and illness with repeated problems when running 9 miles. By reducing my intensity I completed the half marathon. However, I suspect that if I could train more intensely without injury I could go faster.

I am running a 5K once a week without walk breaks. I'm entering a 5K race this Saturday. I don't need walk breaks at that distance. I'm still running with my Galloway group mostly for fitness and social because I don't plan on running another half until Nov 20-2013.

I'm sure you'll figure out how to train. I really can't advise because I don't know enough!! And you are the best person to figure this out anyway!!

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DEBRITA01 1/13/2013 12:34PM

    Decisions, decisions...I know you'll figure what works best for you. Great news about the house...hope it works out for them! emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 1/13/2013 12:33PM

    If you don't like one go back to the other!

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NEW-CAZ 1/13/2013 12:33PM

    Keep going Barb!
Hope your DIL is sucessful!

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DRB13_1 1/13/2013 12:23PM

    fingers crossed on the house

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GABY1948 1/13/2013 12:18PM

    I know you can handle it, Barb, if anyone can!

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ROXYZMOM 1/13/2013 12:16PM

    Hmmmm...eenie, meenie, minie, mo!!

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KASEYCOFF 1/13/2013 11:45AM

    I hear you on the plan: I'm trying to revamp my schedule for non-training stuff and the blocks won't quite shuffle around the way I want 'em to. Yet.

Re the house: woo-HOO! New houses are always exciting adventures, thinks me. Is it near you? (Near enough for driving distance, far enough for in-laws-need-space, lol...)

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OPTIMIST1948 1/13/2013 11:00AM

    Give the Runkeeper a try. If it doesnt suit, you can always go back to Galloway. That's the nice thing about being an adult. You can make your own decisions.

Lood Guck on the house.

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