Monday, February 11, 2013
OK, since last week's seemed to work well, we'll try it again.
Best line from last week, so I'm repeating it:
* The donut on the food table will not make it go away.
Some things I felt went well last week:
* The anxiety dissipates when you deal rationally with what's scaring you. Go logic! Channel your inner Spock!
Things I want to do better this week:
* Don't try to do it all yourself. There is a reason it is a team. Share the wealth and delegate.
* Folks want direction, not someone to do it for them. Use your organization skills, that's what they are for.
*Avoid the shiny obects of looking at the code yourself.
* Getting the break walks in will not be easy with the meeting schedule. Do it anyway.
There, that should do it.
Today: planned rest day on the workout schedule. Blood bank appointment at noon. And coaching call tonight (treat).
Hope all my Spark friends have a great week... and we'll just take it one day at a time! Spark on!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
First off, I understand those who say 8 miles is not wimping out. However, when you planned to do 15, and you only do 8, it is a little bit. As long as 15 was not an unrealistic plan to begin with.
Because I knew son was not up to 15, I was thinking run over to his place, have him join me for 3-4 miles (his current distance), then run home. It would have added up to about the right thing for me. The fact that we went over 7? Was due to talking smack to a young fit guy. Beware, fellow mothers of sons.
He started it. Honest. He was nattering on about weapons, a topic on which I am about as ignorant as they come, but he's an expert. I pointed out that I was not the right audience for his rhetorical questions. And he responded that I was a captive audience: he could run faster than I.
I taunted back that I can run farther / longer than he. And then out it comes, the competitor gene: "Challenge accepted" says he!
I was ready to keep going when we slowed to a walk for his foot, so I believe both our points were made. Hopefully today I'll do another intermediate to "make up" for yesterday's intermediate distance.
It is nasty windy outside today. I went out to the grocery store this morning and as I drove in, saw a cart get loosened from the queue and blown across the lot... I cringed as it neared a parked vehicle. Ouch! Tried to pick a "wise" spot for Dexter to stay while I shopped.
On the way out, I noticed the wind was turning my cart directions I was not pushing it toward, too. When I used to weigh a good deal more, I at least felt anchored. At 120 something, not so much. Methinks this afternoon's run might just be done on the treadmill.
That said, reminders for today include hydration and caffeine level management. I woke this morning with a headache and swollen sinuses. It might be the weather front, but it also could be the hydration / caffeine stuff leftover from yesterday. That was part of my slow start this morning.
So, laundry, groceries, and when I get to the point of "ready to play"... treadmill. Because after yesterday's run? I've still got legs.
Oh, and in case I hadn't said it lately: I LOVE my Spark friends! We are SOOOO in this together! Spark on... LIFE is good. Continue making it more so with your healthy choices today.
Saturday, February 09, 2013
I was looking forward to today, as my son had offered to run with me. It's been since before he deployed, about a year, that we last ran together. Then, I was coming off the hives and all that January / February yuck stuff and barely keeping it together for the 3-4 miles we ran.
Today I kind of "wimped out" in my mind, deciding I didn't have enough lead time to run over to his place and have him join me for the center of the run. Instead, I drove over and we started together. Turns out we did not quite 8 miles which is long for him, intermediate for me now. Yet there is something about running with a companion that just makes the miles go easier.
We ended up walking after about mile 7, as his foot was starting to hurt (he wears those barefoot runners and he's still building distance). And I didn't scare him off enough that he's not willing to go again next weekend.
He's still waiting to hear back about success of a job interview he went for on Thursday. Got my mom-fingers firmly crossed as getting this job makes the whole house/mortgage thing work for them.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the laptop has died again, so I'm typing this on the tablet. Sigh. I schlepped the old slow desktop downstairs so I'll have something to use while I send the laptop off for repairs again, so expect shorter blogs for a while. And fewer comments. Because living life is what will take the focus over writing about it, as it should for all of us.
Still... my Spark friends keep me going and know that my thoughts, vibes and cheers are with you all as we walk the journey to healthier lives through small, consistent changes in habit!
Oh, and three years ago, before I started the couch to 5K program? I would NEVER have considered an 8 mile run "wimping out".
Life's good. Spark on!
Friday, February 08, 2013
1. There is a link between fear and anger, and fear and tears. I learned this in my years married to my son's father. He was an exploder. Seemed calm most of the time, but would suddenly (and I never seemed to be able to predict when) "blow up" with shouting, that eventually led to throwing things, and in the final episode of our marriage... well, we won't go there. I spent years "walking on eggshells" trying to prevent those explosions. Because they scared me.
However, he was smart and articulate guy, despite his problems... and when we were both rational we talked about his response to fear (anger), and mine (tears). Didn't solve the long term problem, which is one of the reasons we are ex-es... but it did offer some insight.
I was keeping a part of me as the "compassionate observer" this week, I began to realize that my anger was indeed linked to inner fears. As I took steps to handle the things I was afraid of, the anger level lessened. As I accepted the things I had no control over, was honest about the mistakes on my part but did not leave out that others made mistakes as well (assertive, not taking it all on myself)... the anger level lessened. As I communicated about the issues involved, and people stepped up... the anger level lessened.
In the end... things that need to get done are being done. So anger was a spur to action, and as uncomfortable as it was (STILL don't like feeling that way)... it is an emotion, and emotions are not permanent states if you don't feed them. Logic is a fine tool. Its regular use is recommended.
2. I know from experience that I can eat to soothe myself. Eating may numb the feelings for a while, but in the end, whether I eat or not, if I do the things I need to do to handle the root cause of the uncomfy emotion... it will dissipate, and things will get better.
I feel much better about myself if I have managed to NOT cave. Although I have also learned to cut myself a break if I do slip-slide... just remember to learn from it.
3. Writing about what I'm going through is an alternative to eating the emotions. I thank those who hung in with reading about it and offering supportive words! Kinda feels like I'm a bit narcissistic, but y'all know I write these as my personal pep talks, right?
If it turns out they are useful for someone else? That's an incredible bonus.
That said, it's FRIDAY! I'm feeling good about surviving this particular week. And I'm looking forward to the weekend, and saying "it was tough, but it was WORTH it!"
Because life is GOOD. Spark on!
Thursday, February 07, 2013
that after LAST week, this week would be "a breeze". But truth to tell, in many of us, the "BIG" things we gear up for, and are strong, and the let down comes later. So, with my son's return (joyous) and my sister in law's funeral (sad, but closure) over with, I was hoping for a quiet "let down" week.
It has been far from quiet. The big project kicked off (blog entry Tuesday). One of the "favors" I did for someone blew up in my face. It's like I was starting to take the armor off and somebody yelled "Incoming!" Back into high stress mode.
And my emotional response was "ANGRY". "Not fair!" "I'm supposed to get a break from stress for a bit, OK, God?" I've run on the treadmill, stuck to my training plan, and still, the least little thing brings it back. I've tried to remember to breathe. My pep talk helped, but it has not completely dissipated. An apology from the party who blew up on me over the favor helped quite a bit. Two people stepping in to fix the discrepancy, even more.
Used to be, in the "bad old days" of my heaviest... I'd get mad at the boss at work, go home and devour a full bag of chips, a pound tub of sour cream dip, and 2 liters of diet soda... all to put the anger to rest. Only it never did put the anger to rest. Just changed it into self-anger at my eating behavior and the results on the scale.
This week, so far, I have succeeded in avoiding THAT response. But I'm still working out how to deal with the anger, the fear of "losing it" in an inappropriate way, and the fear of failure to do what I expect of myself... which is, pull off miracles at work.
Sounds pretty unrealistic and silly when I put it down in writing. Nobody does miracles. We take risks, we get lucky, but we aren't doing miracles. We're prioritizing. It's not a miracle when it works. The fear is that it is just not achievable.
This morning, I am taking time to recognize I've done pretty well with talking myself out of the urges to soothe with food. I've said "no" to some things, and substituted healthier comfort food (the cabbage last night).
I still don't like feeling angry. I doesn't feel like the me I want to be. But I have accepted that there are times when angry gets things done. It gets people out of my face when I use my words and not the food: when I actually tell someone I'm angry and why... it's better.
So, my friends... LIFE is good. Stress is a part of it. Mouths are to be used (intelligently) for more than eating. Brains are to be engaged. We can do this. Just for today.
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