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Feel like I should defend my ex

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Because of course locking me away from my coat was just ONE argument. I stayed married to that man for 14 more years. And he really, really *did* like the end result of my getting healthier. He was proud of my running and was at the finish line of my first 5K, all the way through the last race I ran in that section of the country... which if I recall rightly, was an 8K in 1992.

Marriages are complex things, but the story does illustrate the need to put that oxygen mask on first before helping others. I never have been able to "help" him... and I still care deeply about him, while recognizing that the relationship in the end was not only not helping him, it was killing me, one pint of Ben & Jerry's or one bag of Lay's at a time.

Actually, this work project has made me feel a lot like that marriage made me feel: a paralysis, and as though everything I try to do is going to be slapped down by someone or another. Some folks are a lot tougher than me in the workplace.

I am a self-admitted people-pleaser: I want everyone to be happy. This project has a lot of nuances and strong personalities and missing decisions that aren't mine to make. In short, no control... responsibility without authority? You get the general idea. I won't do specifics, because face it, we all can relate to the generalities and fill in our own details.

So my mantra is to breathe, acknowledge the nasty ugly emotions that it all stirs up, and release them... let them fade... and get on that treadmill in judicious amounts, hopefully paying attention should a knee or an ankle require extra rest.

Draw that old line in the sand, and don't let my people-pleasing tendencies make me feel like a failure when not everybody is happy. Because when folks are diametrically opposed in their desires, chances are good that nobody is going to be thrilled with the end product. Hopefully, some compromise is possible, and I can stop myself from going to the extremes of being either crushed or apathetic... keep my resilience, keep up hope, a positive attitude, and keep my balance! Ah, yes! That's the ticket.

Keep my balance, remember that I am worth taking care of, whether people around me are happy with me or not. I'll never stop caring what folks think, in all likelihood... but I can stop beating up on myself if I am truly in an impossible position and have given it my best shot. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 3/3/2013 4:00AM

    The wisdom the experience has brought you has been - even if it hasn't felt like it at times - well worth the journey, hon. We haven't any true ability to "make" people happy... or sad, or angry, or drive them to whatever behavioral excesses they may care to take up, or whatever.

Those are (thinks me) reactions to circumstances, and reactions can be vented in chosen methods - such as engaging in exercise and self-awareness and reflection.

By the same token, other people don't "make" us overeat - but our reactions to circumstances, whether those circumstances be relationships or the workplace or whathaveyou, might well result in some unhealthy choices.

Gah, Barb, you get me to thinking too early in the day!

Wonder if that means - you "make" me think? lol...
emoticon

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_LINDA 3/2/2013 1:03AM

    So very sorry you have to deal with such workplace stress, that is the worst kind, having no authority :(( You sure are dealing with it in a healthy way, venting with exercise and blogging with great self analysis. The main thing is coming out with your skin and waistline intact, and from this peanut gallery, looks like you have all the tools lined up to do so..
Give it your best, its all we can do, and you sure can't be faulted for that!!

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LESLIELENORE 3/1/2013 4:31PM

    emoticon

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DEBRITA01 3/1/2013 9:30AM

    Great blog, Barb. As much as we'd like to, often there are situations where we can't "help" or "please". Healthy for us to identify those times and accept that... emoticon

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SPARKLISE 3/1/2013 9:29AM

    Such wisdom. emoticon

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GABY1948 3/1/2013 8:09AM

    I think this was an outstanding blog, Barb! I also am a people-pleaser so can totally relate.

Hope you get past this project at work unscathed emoticon emoticon

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BLUENOSE63 3/1/2013 7:18AM

  Great blog

This is a huge life lesson that many women, in particular, need to learn...As natural caregivers we tend to put others first all the time which tends to lead to us being forgotten in the picture.

One of the best things we as women can do for ourselves is to put ourselves first when it involves our health no matter what

Sounds like you have it cased Barb!

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LEANJEAN6 3/1/2013 6:44AM

    Oh Barb---no--you can't please everyone--nor should yu try----People should accept youy the way you are--love yer comment about how yer "Ex"" was killing yu one bag of chips at a time---pretty true !--Somehow I missed your blog yesterday so didn't get the jest of your work being difficult----guess you can't please people there either---all in a day's work----Lynda emoticon

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MNTWINSGAL 2/28/2013 10:58PM

    We people-pleasers need to stick together....isn't Spark People a wonderful tool for doing just that?
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MIZCATHI 2/28/2013 10:30PM

    I hope the situation works out. The problem with you being a people pleaser (and trust me, I can relate to that one) are the diametrically opposed people who could give a rat's ... about YOU.

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MSLZZY 2/28/2013 9:39PM

    You found a perfect outlet for the stress at work
by coming home and working out. I am sorry that
work is wearing on you. But as one people-pleaser
to another, you can't please everyone so you got
to please yourself. Find that happy place. HUGS!

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SAMI199 2/28/2013 9:03PM

    emoticon People-pleasing is a hard habit to break..but gets easier with practice.-sometimes...

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1CRAZYDOG 2/28/2013 8:54PM

    You are soooooo right! You cannot please everyone, so you have to please yourself! First, foremost and always we have to be true to ourselves and be happy with ourselves.

Wishing that things would be less stressful for you! HUGS

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DLDMIL 2/28/2013 8:52PM

    emoticon Keep up the attitude and remember you need to take care of yourself first before you can help someone else. Draw the line in the sand and do what you need to do for yourself first.

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DALID414 2/28/2013 8:45PM

    Responsibility without authority, sounds like my previous job. It's no fun.

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MJREIMERS 2/28/2013 8:38PM

    All you can do is your best and sometimes you just need to ignore those that aren't happy! I've learned not to sweat things that I have no control over!! You can't "make" someone happy, if they chose not to be. You can't "make" someone eater healthier if they don't want to. You can't "make" someone workout if they want to sit.

I like your new mantra! Do things that make you happy in all aspect of your life...work, your ex, etc. You are WORTH being happy and yes, emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 2/28/2013 8:32PM

    I totally agree with PatricaAK reply ... we all see something or we wouldnt be married in the first place, and believe me there have been times in this marriage I have wondered LOl today for a while being one LOL
HUGS

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PATRICIAAK 2/28/2013 8:22PM

    As I say about my ex, if he didn'f have good points, I wouldn't have married him.

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ANDI571 2/28/2013 8:01PM

    I am a people pleaser, and even though it isn't affecting my marriage it has my friendships and other family relationships. In the past few years I have lost friendships because I learned the word NO! It's sad, but it had to be done for me.

Good work, you are doing awesome!

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JANEMARIE77 2/28/2013 7:54PM

    emoticon You are worth it and don't forget it

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SLENDERELLA61 2/28/2013 7:54PM

    Hoping that impossible situation calms -- that the decisions you need to go forward come -- and that your responsibility and authority match. I love your analysis, self knowledge, and plan. Yes, yes, yes. Take care of yourself. You can do it!! And yeah, a husband that comes to your races has his good points, for sure.

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PARKERB2 2/28/2013 7:44PM

    Remember to please yourself first and then you can please others.

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LIGHTHOUSE0403 2/28/2013 7:41PM

  emoticon

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This date in personal history

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

24 years ago this evening, my then husband locked me out of my room so I would not have access to my coat. This was because I proposed to go to a Weight Watchers at Work meeting to "do something" about my weight. I was so desperate that despite his disapproval at this "desertion" beyond my working all day... I swiped HIS coat from the closet and went to my first meeting.

My hair hung in greasy clumps. I weighed in at 224.5 pounds. Oh, Em, Gee! Talk about discouragement. But they gave me a program to follow, and I was determined to give it a fair try. I followed it to the letter for months and months, and managed to drop 80 pounds. Partway through the weight loss I knew I would need to add activity to keep losing. And in the time I was trying to maintain that loss, I discovered running.

Folks, I would like to say I stayed consistent for that whole 24 years. But NOT! Like folks who have tried to quit smoking multiple times, I fell backwards several times, even regained the whole lot once... BUT... I had learned what it felt like, and I had learned the process... and I never stopped wanting this active lifestyle.

Here I sit, on the 24th anniversary of deciding to "do something about it" and starting. I am at a healthy BMI. I am active nearly every day, even if it's "just a brisk walk". I am eating healthier, and while I still have my slips... I have been catching them sooner, and rejoicing on each return to what I now consider "normal" healthy behavior.

Here's to NEVER giving up hope, even during those slips. Life is too good to miss out: Spark on! Spark people didn't exist 24 years ago, but a spark did light inside me then.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASEYTALK 3/1/2013 11:11PM

    You are such an inspiration.

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DOGLADY13 3/1/2013 8:46PM

    Happy Anniversary (a little late). Well... I guess it's happy. Certainly the journey deserves recognition and admiration. So yes, it is indeed a Happy Anniversary moment!

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MAGGIE101857 3/1/2013 7:34AM

    You've come so far and what a journey it has been! What a journey it promises to be!!! Hopefully we never stop learning, never stop moving, even it sometimes it's backwards!!!
You are an amazing lady!!!!

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BLUEANGELLK 3/1/2013 7:07AM

    Congratulations!!! You are an inspiration to us all!

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_LINDA 3/1/2013 1:59AM

    Taking that first huge step certainly was the start of your determination to better yourself! The fact that you never really gave up totally in spite of set backs shows that you are in this to stay. You do indeed have a great anniversary to celebrate!
Congratulations and very well done!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SAMI199 2/28/2013 8:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOBYCARP 2/28/2013 8:58PM

    Sometimes we have to remember those bad moments in life to appreciate how good it is right now. Enjoy your celebration of this non-conventional anniversary!

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SLENDERELLA61 2/28/2013 7:48PM

    Brilliant blog!! What a bold step. You've been amazing for a long, long time. And how great that you even know the date to celebrate. It is a milestone to be celebrated!! You have come so far. Healthy movement every day. So much healthy, normal eating. Wanting the healthy lifestyle so much!! -Marsha

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ALEXSGIRL1 2/28/2013 6:18PM

    happy anniversary a wonderful story of achievement you are a winner

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UNSWEETMAMA 2/28/2013 1:58PM

    emoticon emoticon
Thank you for sharing this story.

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DAWN14163 2/28/2013 1:40PM

    Great blog, lovely story! Thank you for sharing.

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SPARKLISE 2/28/2013 1:09PM

    What a great hopeful story!
I too started on Weight-Watchers 28 years ago,and I also regained,but I "knew" what being active and fit felt like, so I never gave up being there again!
I'm happy to say that I'm slowly finding myself out of this binging mess and finding the true meaning of happiness.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KALIGIRL 2/28/2013 12:47PM

    What obstacles you've had to overcome...
Lechaim my friend - you live it well!
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LILPAT3 2/28/2013 12:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GABY1948 2/28/2013 11:36AM

    What an inspirational blog! THANK you for being so inspirational! Hope you have as blessed of a day as you have made so many others' day!

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KRISKECK 2/28/2013 10:43AM

    I applaud your incredible determination!

emoticon

You rock!

Cheers,
Kristin

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MNTWINSGAL 2/28/2013 10:26AM

    I weep for the sad woman you were....but I cheer for the strong woman you've become. You have inspired so many other folks with your can-do attitude. Take a bow! That day 24 years ago really was the first day of the rest of your life. So glad you took the leap!

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JULESJET 2/28/2013 10:20AM

    Awesome! Thanks for sharing this!

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LESLIELENORE 2/28/2013 10:17AM

    emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 2/28/2013 9:56AM

    Congratulations on this awesome anniversary of taking the first step. There are lots of hills and valleys in the journey, and times we will do better than others. But that first step was so important! And you've come so far and are such an inspiration to others!

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MEXGAL1 2/28/2013 9:41AM

    Congrats to you! Woo hoo! What a terrific success story you are! I love too that you ditched that man! What on earth would make him not want you to be healthy. Talk about control.
You are such an inspiration.
Have a wonderful day!
Sallie

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MILLERGIRL719 2/28/2013 9:36AM

    emoticon

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BROOKLYN_BORN 2/28/2013 9:03AM

    Happy Anniversary! That's a wonderful story of achievement in the face of an obstinate obstacle (you know who).

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-STARRYEYED- 2/28/2013 8:41AM

    Thank you so much for sharing. I really, really, really needed to hear this story this morning. I love all your blogs, and thank you again for sharing.

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CONCHA77 2/28/2013 8:20AM

    Love to read your stories, Barb. You are a inspiration to all of us. Spark On! emoticon

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MSLZZY 2/28/2013 7:21AM

    You took the first step (and the coat) and walked out of a bad situation to a healthier life. Most journeys have some setbacks but you have still come out on top. WTG!

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HEALTHY4ME 2/28/2013 7:07AM

    Awesome and glad you thought to use his coat, HUGS and congrats and you do catch yourself now and are doing great!

Comment edited on: 2/28/2013 8:30:52 PM

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DEBRITA01 2/28/2013 7:01AM

    I also "liked this" b/c I know it will help so many others by your courage and commitment to yourself at a low point in your life. The most telling line for me is "I never stopped wanting this active lifestyle"....despite any setbacks, deep down you still had the desire and kept trying. You inspire me daily with your blogs emoticon

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DSSECRETS 2/28/2013 4:41AM

    Thanks for sharing this story, Barb. Your journey is very inspiring and you have accomplished so many wonderful things.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MRS.DOYLE 2/28/2013 3:41AM

    Great blog. I voted to "like it" because lots of people will be inspired by it.
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PATRICIAAK 2/28/2013 1:50AM

    super

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LJCANNON 2/28/2013 12:34AM

    emoticon How incredible that you have accomplished so much!! Congratulations & Happy Anniversary!!!

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DRB13_1 2/27/2013 11:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon for sharing your inspirational story! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIZCATHI 2/27/2013 11:09PM

    Phenomenal! Love the story, and the action you take in loving yourself healthy. Cat

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DLDMIL 2/27/2013 11:08PM

    emoticon emoticon You are such an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for you blogging.

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ROXYZMOM 2/27/2013 11:00PM

    I love this blog!! Wow!! You did great!!

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BESTSUSIEYET 2/27/2013 10:56PM

    24 years!! Praising God for all He has enabled you to achieve! Keep it up! Thanks for encouraging us in so many ways!

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SANDYL54 2/27/2013 10:43PM

  You have a wonderful way of seeing the positive! Congrats on your success in caring for yourself and treating yourself with kindness and caring. You are an inspiration! Thanks for sharing, it is so helpful.


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JANEMARIE77 2/27/2013 10:32PM

    woohoo love the attitude

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DALID414 2/27/2013 9:59PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 2/27/2013 9:54PM

    That is so wonderful that you had the courage to do what you needed to do for yourself! And you STILL do. HUGS

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KIMBERLY19732 2/27/2013 9:35PM

    emoticon

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Celebrating streaks ONE day long

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Seriously, sometimes that's the bootstrap level one is at. Where making it through ONE day is celebration worthy. This morning, I updated my weight on Spark. That was my way of recognizing the reality of what's been happening in my world for the past month to six weeks.

I've had some serious attitude issues. Rebellion, anger, sadness, grouchies, guilt... oh, yeah... the self-sabotage was present.

Over this past weekend I managed to pull off a total of 7.88 miles, in little segments on the treadmill on Sunday... then I ate well over my range the tail of the day AND on Monday. Today, I looked at the number on the scale. And remembered that my "skinny" jeans were feeling snug on jeans day last week.

There are many keys to maintenance, but among them has to be recognition of a slip and actually DOING something about it. So I reset my Spark goal to re-lose this re-gain in the next 10 weeks, leading up to the Lincoln Marathon. Whether I do it as a half emoticon or not.

I pulled up my running shorts and signed on for the State Farm 10 mile. I will NOT sabotage beyond dropping back to the emoticon half marathon distance. And I will NOT injure myself. Allowing myself to continue eating junk is the path to injury... because extra pounds on the knees and ankles... NOT GOOD.

So... that's my pep talk for tonight... fed by the endorphins of ONE good day... today. May this fuel another, tomorrow!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 3/1/2013 2:03AM

    That is a very powerful tool, to be able to recognize you are in a slide and have the mental capacity to put the breaks on.
You are so mentally strong. You have got this!
Way to go signing up for the State Farm emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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CASEYTALK 2/27/2013 8:33PM

    Every streak begins as a streak of one. You can't get where you are going if you don't take that first step.

Congratulations!!!

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ANDI571 2/27/2013 7:25PM

    I'm 9 pounds up from this time last year. I've slipped, now to do something about it. I have finally gotten exercise in my head, now to get the good eating habits to join in.

We can do it, one day at a time! emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 2/27/2013 5:17PM

    I know what you mean. One day at a time is sometimes all I can pull together too.

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BBECKER1955 2/27/2013 5:16PM

    A streak is just one day after another. And you just got the first one!
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LESLIELENORE 2/27/2013 5:14PM

    One day at a time is an important concept!

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MOBYCARP 2/27/2013 5:07PM

    That's good for today. And tomorrow is another day to get through, one day at a time.



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KARIDIAN1 2/27/2013 4:35PM

    Sounds like a great day and good plan.

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1CRAZYDOG 2/27/2013 12:11PM

    Good job, Barb!!! No matter how many times we fall, the most important thing is getting back up! You're doing it. HUGS HUGS HUGS

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MEXGAL1 2/27/2013 10:40AM

    hope the fuel continues to help you have a terrific day today!

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MIZCATHI 2/27/2013 9:18AM

    We are human, no? And we can all do something about improving our situation if we are awake for it.

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KALIGIRL 2/27/2013 8:33AM

    Here's to your GOOD day!

So sorry for the stress the work project is adding + I can't imagine the disruption to your life with your SIL's passing and DS home.

I was commenting on CL's blog that life is full of serendipity and the snow (or lack thereof) has 'made' me change so many plans that I may finally be getting the message...

One GOOD day @ a time...
emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/27/2013 8:33:58 AM

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WATERMELLEN 2/27/2013 8:25AM

    Junk food in celebration. Junk food in sorrow. Junk food in boredom. Junk food in joy. Basically in sickness and in health and so long as we both shall live (yup: shortened life span for junk food consumers and thus reduced profits for junk food manufacturers might be the only motivation they'll have to reduce the addictive power of junk foods).

But: you are strong and determined. You have dealt, can deal, will deal.

I'm all for celebrating those short streaks: sometimes 10 minutes is a significant streak, actually!

Comment edited on: 2/27/2013 8:26:46 AM

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LEANJEAN6 2/27/2013 8:11AM

    You can do this------Blame it on yer son returning home--LOL--But---I know you will get back on track--You are trooper!----Lynda emoticon

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CELIAMINER 2/27/2013 8:10AM

    Great determination! I need to learn from your example and keep reminding myself "one day at a time." Sometimes it's even "one hour at a time."

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MIRAGE727 2/27/2013 8:07AM

    Strong, Barb, very strong!
emoticon
I feed on positive thinking! Thanks for sharing and keeping it real!
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ROXYZMOM 2/27/2013 7:44AM

    Nice pep talk! Thanks!

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JANEMARIE77 2/27/2013 7:34AM

    woohoo way to go
http://www.sparkpeople.com/assets/q
uote_images/asetbackiswhen.jpg
this phrase says it all great job moving forward

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OVERWORKEDJANET 2/27/2013 6:28AM

    Yep, sometime the bear eats you.
Get a good noghts sleep and ponder a new day.

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DEBRITA01 2/27/2013 6:28AM

    Cheers to one good day and a continued streak. I'm right there with you! emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 2/27/2013 4:00AM

    CONGRATS on one great day!! May it be followed by many, many more! The first day back on track is often the hardest. You are doing it now; keep it up!! I'm with you. Been experiencing a little rebellion and fatigue myself. Time to redouble efforts!! We can do it. Signing up for the 10 mile is great!! Dropping back to the half marathon sounds like a smart, smart idea to me. Hope that is challenging enough to keep your competitive juices flowing!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LJCANNON 2/27/2013 12:32AM

    emoticon "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." I think maybe Dr Phil said that? Well, you have acknowledged it, put a Plan in place, and Addressed the Possible Attempted Interference by the Spoiled 2 Year Old that lives in your Sub Conscious (at least I have one! I assume all of us have the Little Voice/Brat in our Heads?)
emoticon You have this!!

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KARRENLYNN 2/26/2013 11:49PM

    I think we all stumble. I think you're on the right track.

Have a great week,

Karen

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DALID414 2/26/2013 11:42PM

    emoticon Barb. I've been struggling with myself too (serious attitude issues). Thanks for your honesty, I feel a bit more human.

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DLDMIL 2/26/2013 11:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MNTWINSGAL 2/26/2013 11:20PM

    You are human too, Barb. But you are now back on track, and with very little damage done. Think of the "old Barb," and what she would let a little backslide do to her. Then congratulate yourself on kicking her and her attitude to the curb!

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PATRICIAAK 2/26/2013 10:57PM

    Recognition is the first step to success.

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MSLZZY 2/26/2013 10:53PM

    If anyone can get it done, it is you! Keep pushing! HUGS!

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LANAHAUTH21 2/26/2013 10:49PM

  Good luck for tomorrow. A day at a time.

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Made it through today!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

I was starting down a dangerous path (with food) around mid-morning when my son called and suggested a visit. He brought over the Batman trilogy and the first season of Game of Thrones on DVD and the last tome of the Wheel of Time series book (hardcover). Oh, and some decaffeinated coffee he bought "by accident" not realizing it was decaf. LOL.

We have entered the phase of kids giving mom stuff! In any case, having a visit with son, going for a walk "to see how well the walks in the neighborhood have been cleared", as well as just getting through the week... set me up to finish the day well. Walked about an hour on the treadmill... OK, I maybe jogged about ten minutes off and on in that hour. But the important thing is I *did it*.

One decision at a time, folks. Remembering what is truly important - health. Gotta take care of the body so it's the great place to live it has become... and the habits I've been working so hard to establish... stay "normal".

Here's to the new normal. The Spark normal. Supported by logic and supported by Spark! Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DETERMINEDLOSER 2/24/2013 9:40PM

    Good choice-Health!

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BOOKAPHILE 2/24/2013 9:38PM

    One decision at a time is all any of us can move forward. Here's to your "Spark normal." I can hardly wait to figure out mine in the coming weeks after I reach my goal.

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DOGLADY13 2/24/2013 9:14PM

    Sounds like today was a victory, even if it included decaf coffee.



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LESLIELENORE 2/24/2013 7:17PM

    Glad you had a good day with your son!

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MJZHERE 2/24/2013 4:02PM

  How nice to have this time with your son. Glad the day turned out well for you.

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WATERMELLEN 2/24/2013 3:40PM

    So nice to be on the receiving end from our adult kids isn't it. Nurturing up: it's especially sweet!

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LINDAKAY228 2/24/2013 2:30PM

    Oh how sweet of him! Glad the day turned out so well!

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OVERWORKEDJANET 2/24/2013 1:35PM

    Have a great walk

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MEXGAL1 2/24/2013 9:21AM

    Kinda nice when the tables turn a bit and the "children" start giving us things or even pick up the tab occaisionally.
Have a terrific Sunday!

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KANOE10 2/24/2013 9:14AM

    Good for you making it through the day and even exercising. Your son sounds like a wonderful support. I love Game of Thrones.

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LEANJEAN6 2/24/2013 8:50AM

    It sounds like you are enjoying yer son#1----and that you are in charge of the healthy stuff in yer life Barb!!! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 2/24/2013 8:48AM

    emoticon NEW normal!

We went to the basketball game and jumped up and down so much the last half, I got my exercise for the day...
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So glad to hear of your success!

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GABY1948 2/24/2013 8:24AM

    I love this...one decision at a time...and the Spark Normal! THANKS emoticon

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MAGGIE101857 2/24/2013 8:22AM

    Funny I'm reading some organizing books that say give stuff to your kids NOW! Your som must be reading a different book!

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COMPUCATHY 2/24/2013 7:52AM

    emoticon Sounds like a nice visit. And I like this phase of motherhood...don't you...when our kids become our friends, and want to share things. It's nice. Glad you had a nice walk and did some time on the treadmill. It's those good decisions...one by one that make the difference of where we go from here. Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

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DEBRITA01 2/24/2013 7:50AM

    Your son must have sensed you needed some Mom & Son time....and don't you love when the kids bring us things (nice role reversal). Remaining Spark Normal will make this challenging time more manageable....hang in there. emoticon

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MOBYCARP 2/24/2013 7:45AM

    Hurray for the new normal! And hurray for a good relationship with an adult child, that's a gift!

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KELLIEBEAN 2/24/2013 7:29AM

    I like that, the Spark Normal! I'm going to keep that in mind... I'm living spark normal now. emoticon

I'm glad you had a nice time wtih your son.

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DEBRA0818 2/24/2013 5:54AM

    I missed your last blog about being in a rebellious frame of mind, but I thought when I went back and read it that your struggle may be an expression of your ambivalence about the marathon. It's hard to know if losing this pressure would free you to live your life in the new normal, but it's worth thinking about it. We're so used to "telling" ourselves things with our behavior it's sometimes difficult to give it a voice. Could your body be asking you to train for less miles?

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LJCANNON 2/24/2013 12:54AM

    emoticon Very Well Done, Barb!!

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DLDMIL 2/24/2013 12:18AM

    Glad that you and your son are spending time together and that he is there for you during this busy work schedule. Stay safe and warm.

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MNTWINSGAL 2/23/2013 10:47PM

    What a great day! I somehow feel that your son and Jeff would be great friends if thrown together -- I can totally see us in your day, if you know what I mean!

I've been missing your blogs, but I know how busy you've been at work, not to mention all the snow clearing that went on in your area these past few days. Glad you're back!

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SLENDERELLA61 2/23/2013 10:45PM

    That is great that you and your son walked together. And that he gave you decaf -- by accident or not! And he brought things for the two of you to enjoy together. That's just great, Barb!! Love your new normal. Take care.

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PATRICIAAK 2/23/2013 10:38PM

    great choice - health

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SUNNY1432 2/23/2013 10:25PM

    You got more done then I did today, so Way to Go! Have a good rest of your weekend.

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MSLZZY 2/23/2013 10:18PM

    DS knew you needed a little something. Sounds
like the Spark Normal is the way to go. HUGS!

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_LINDA 2/23/2013 10:08PM

    That is awesome your son stopped by bearing gifts -he must have a sixth senth for when he is needed -just the perk you needed :)))
Glad a bad start finished out beautifully :))


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1CRAZYDOG 2/23/2013 10:01PM

    So glad your son visited! HUGS You're right . . . one step-at-a-time, one day-at-a-time.

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DALID414 2/23/2013 9:53PM

    emoticon A girls' gotta do what a girls' gotta do.

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EBEAMS 2/23/2013 9:49PM

    Your blog made me smile cuz I have a son who is pushing things on me too! LOL ... It is so humbling and sweet! I keep telling him to not do it but he doesn't listen! Thank goodness for the rewards that come back around! Hang in there on the job front ... you can do this!

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OPTIMIST1948 2/23/2013 9:22PM

    Sounds terriffic. Made some "lemonade" instead of sucking lemons.

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What you really, really want...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

If discipline is remembering what you want, motivation is partly figuring out what it is you really, really want badly enough to get you moving.

I have been kind of quiet here on Spark over the long weekend. Part of that time was spent walking on the treadmill, part of it was spent sleeping and trying to get me straightened back to my normal rotation of wake/sleep (a more trying job than it was 40 years back), part of it was spent feeling physically lousy, and part, well, to be honest, misbehaving with my old buddy food.

And since I was not feeling like sharing my completely jumbled up thoughts yet again on doubting my goals... I kept my mouth / keyboard shut. We won't go into the tablet versus old slow desktop, mainly I was silent because I had no clue what I wanted to say.

Still not sure I *do* know what I want to say, even now, but it is a fresh new work week, I'm starting the day with the routine of packing the healthy lunch and simmering the steel cut oats. And ahead is a stressful workday, and a snowstorm slated to slide in here on Thursday... and survival is the major goal.

A part of me is contemplating what 2013 would look like if I bailed on the race schedule. Completely. As in: pull in your horns and try to just live a life. Without putting pressure to train for distance on yourself. I ponder what that would do to my motivation. Would it help, or hinder? Would I feel like an embarrassed failure because I told everyone I was going after full marathon in May? Or would I feel relieved because now I could focus on one thing: work, and just deal with my line in the sand stay with the program to stay healthy until this passes?

So, with that thought, of Barb pondering where I go from here, and meditating on what I really, really want... I commend to each of you a fine Spark Day. Because with or without athletic events, LIFE is good, and each of us, even *me* is worth taking care of. Oxygen masks to the fore! Spark on! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLISE 2/23/2013 6:16PM

    I find that we put so much pressure on ourselves sometimes.
Doing a marathon is great,if you have the time, but if it can't fit in your life without keeping your balance and your sanity, it might be time to reassess.

You are doing emoticon
Keep up the good work! emoticon

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KLMEIRING 2/22/2013 11:20PM

    Thanks for sharing! I wish you well as you continue this journey... whatever you decide concerning the racing and training schedule. emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 2/22/2013 5:10PM

    WELL, I CAN'T FIND YER BLOG=--HAVE BEEN SEARCHING-----hope all is good there!-------It's Friday------YEAH!!!--The weekend is here!---ZOWY! emoticon

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LILPAT3 2/21/2013 12:25PM

    I am sure whatever choice(s) you make will be the correct ones. Hard to know what to do until you try it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 2/20/2013 3:49PM

    I suspect that if you spend a day or 3 taking good care of yourself and getting fully rested, then what you really, really want will become clear. At this point I do not aspire to do a full marathon, because I think I will be healthier doing a half marathon once or twice a year, lots of 5Ks, lots of cross training, and strength training. I do have running friends really twisting my arm, wanting me to go for the full. I am resisting.

With your son home now, you may have less time to run if you are cooking for him or otherwise spending time with him. Or you may have more time to run if he is running with you.

Trying to balance this big work demand with training and family life and all you do isn't easy. Of course, only you can figure out what you really, really want. But when you do, I'll bet on you to succeed in your endeavor!!

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_LINDA 2/20/2013 1:21AM

    Lots of great answers here! Just a thought -you came so far so fast, advanced from one amazing athletic feat to another. Did I blink and miss the recovery time you gave yourself for the next big challenge? Because this choice is a biggie. It sure doesn't help work is also a major biggie going on and perhaps now is not the time to be thinking of a two fer. Maybe a recovery and rejuvenation period is called for. The rest and recovery we are all supposed to get after a strenous event..
For sure no one would think any less of you were you to decide it was the wrong time for a full marathon..
Do whats best for you, search in your heart and you will really know...

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MSLZZY 2/19/2013 10:36PM

    I think I need that oxygen now. Just breathe!
That's better. So many decisions that only you
can make.
Send a little of that snow our way but don't tell
the GC it is coming. I want it to be a surprise.
HUGS!

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RUN4FOOD 2/19/2013 9:34PM

    A marathon is difficult. Not just the run itself, but all the training that goes into it. You've really got to want to run a marathon to stay motivated to do all the necessary training. My concern would be your getting injured, you almost wishing you had an injury so you could stop all the training runs.
My vote would be 'yes' if you really want to run the marathon, but 'no' if you feel anything less.

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PATRICIAAK 2/19/2013 9:02PM

    There is only x amount of energy in the energy bank. Overspending leads to negative
repercussion. Choose wisely.

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WATERMELLEN 2/19/2013 8:36PM

    Terrific blog as always . . . you really put it out there.

When circumstances change then what motivates changes too. Former goals may not be doable or realistic.

It never hurts to be kind: including, kind to yourself.

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MOBYCARP 2/19/2013 7:58PM

    It is a puzzlement, discerning what project is a good motivator and what project is simply biting off more than we can chew. In 20-20 hindsight, it would have been better for me to forego the half marathon idea in 2012, in favor of just running through the winter and getting used to how that went. This year, I *think* I understand things better; but it still could turn out that I've bitten off more than I can chew during tax season.

Whatever you decide, I hope you will be at peace with the decision and make appropriate adjustments to your lifestyle to remain healthy. You're worth it.

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OVERWORKEDJANET 2/19/2013 6:31PM

    Ah, my vicarious life is resting...so what?
Maybe you are resting so my foot can feel better emoticon

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DLDMIL 2/19/2013 2:33PM

    You are not a failure if you do not do the full marthon. You have accomplished so much during this journey. You are allowed to take a break, have a different life exeperience. Take care and do what is best for you, not any one else. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/19/2013 2:33:24 PM

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WARDMIC78 2/19/2013 12:45PM

    It's honorable that you can use this platform to be honest and clear your head. I recently used my blog to do the same and just the act of verbalizing how I felt made a huge difference. You must do what is right for you and what makes you happy. No one puts more pressure on you than YOU. This race doesn't define you and you only owe happiness to yourself.

emoticon

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DALID414 2/19/2013 10:46AM

    If you choose to pull out of the race you shouldn't feel like an embarrassed failure. Anyone can say I want to do this race or that, but only YOU live your life and only YOU know what time and effort you need to prepare for it. You owe us nothing Barb.

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1CRAZYDOG 2/19/2013 10:18AM

    sometimes things that motivated us initially turn into a stressor. When that happens time to step back and re-evaluate. That's not failure! That's taking care of YOU! I have a feeling that all the changes that have happened in your life recently . . . good and bad . . . are coming home to roost a little.

So, before making a decision take the time to relaly reel it in your head AND your heart. I know you will because you always have.

HUGS and sending you calming vibes.

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LESLIELENORE 2/19/2013 9:52AM

    emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 2/19/2013 9:44AM

    Sending you hugs and good vibes as you struggle to decide what it is that you need/want to do for yourself. A decision only you can make. It doesn't matter what you told everyone about the marathon. Don't do something just because of pressure from others. If you want to do, then go for it. If you feel this isn't the time to think about it, then it's okay to revise your goals and give that up to focus on a work related goal or whatever you need to do right now. Good luck as you choose what is the best plan for Barb!

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BARBARAJ73 2/19/2013 9:16AM

    New day... new week... spring is around the corner. Do not ( or at least try not to) stress over something which should bring you joy. Your decision will come to you. Wishing you a fine Spark Day too!

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ANDI571 2/19/2013 9:09AM

    I am in the sme mind set Barb. I even told DH the other day that I seem to want a life style right now more than I want to eat healthy. I am on a dangerous path right now, but have been fighting to get back on the right path. We will do it. We know what we need to do and we have the tools to do it. emoticon

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KALIGIRL 2/19/2013 9:06AM

    It's easier for me to focus on one thing @ a time and with the huge work project vying for your time, I can understand your quandary. Work is now the center - it wasn't when you were planning the marathon - that eliminates the 'failure' fear in my mind.

The question now is what will keep you healthy and happy.

Daily Good asked what we'd do if money was no object and quoted Norman Vincent Peale - "Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that."

Neither your head nor your hands are empty - but only you can decide if the 'big' goal is what you need or the 'little' daily Life is GOOD goals work.

Namaste my friend


emoticon

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EBEAMS 2/19/2013 8:23AM

    Having knowledge of what the training will entail and the wisdom to know what you are mentally capable of handling will lead you to the right answer for YOU! I don't know what type of project your work is involved in but it sounds intense and life absorbing. We only have so much time and energy to commit to each part of our lives. Balance is the key ... but knowing when the balance has to be shifted is part of staying mentally healthy and sane. When I'm sitting around in Dispatch with nothing going on, it's easy for me to stay on track. Let the chaos move in and it's batten down the hatches and don't talk to me til we're done! Life is truly a series of adjustments ... every day, no matter what. Let us know how can help ... we're all cheering you on to victory, marathon or not!!!

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AMSPARKER 2/19/2013 8:14AM

    *even me*??? Especially YOU! One of the worst feelings is being overwhelmed and doing something just so you can cross it off your list...better to wait until you can enjoy both the journey and the result...just my unwanted or unasked for opinion!

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JANEMARIE77 2/19/2013 8:07AM

    Marathons are hard and a lot of work I personally have never trained for one. But my thought was always "there not much in life I want to do for 4 + hours" straight nothing else just run could i do it maybe (i do have some foot issues and am kind of afraid over training would cause a side line) do I need to know if I can do it NO 4 + hours of anything the same thing would drive me crazy I love 1/2s and a weekly 10 or so miles. So do you need to know you can do it? will you enjoy the journey to find out? list your pros and cons its all about you not us

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ROXYZMOM 2/19/2013 7:48AM

    I am going to play devil's advocate here ... Imagine if you were told you couldn't run (due to an injury). I was getting into the lull you are in now when I was told I had to give it a break and go to PT. the first week or two was nice but then I started feeling out of shape more and more and really missed running! Every time I hear one of my running songs on the radio or see a nice weather day out I am tempted but can't do it! It's plain awful!

Also: maybe you need to break your routine and train differently. Run with someone else, add something new to the mix (yoga, swimming, ST)? Or add new running music?

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GABY1948 2/19/2013 7:38AM

    Now that you have it out in the open, Barb, you can honestly decide what Barb wants for Barb. Not what WE want Barb to do, but what Barb really wants. Ultimately it is about you. I just don't want you to look back when you make that decision (you see, I am a lot like you) and let it throw you in a tizzy and back to food...I always realize now that in order to accomplish something (like NOT eating over a situation) I have to go THROUGH that situation and NOT eat in order to eradicate my before reaction of eating and replace that with a new reaction of not eating....and we are the only ones that can do that and then eventually it will become a habit and the only reaction we think of!
Best to you, Barb. Do it for YOU...whatever you do! emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 2/19/2013 7:38AM

    Coming from someone that can't get her ducks in a row right now this is sort of presumptuous. I think I would want to enjoy running the race, enjoy training and perhaps just enjoy lief without the added pressure. Why do you have to do that race, certainly not to impress anyone ( other than yourself) and if you are embarrassed HA dont' be cos wow girl you run more than a lot do and you don't have to say anything but can say I just decided with my life schedule as it is now, I wanted to enjoy what I am doing and how I am doing it.

Just my two cents worth which I see is similar to the other that responded, who I now am going to go see if she is from NS as of her Bluenose name! LOL
HUGS and have a good day.

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BLUENOSE63 2/19/2013 7:30AM

  My best unwanted advice is you need sometime off. The worst thing you can do is train for a race you aren't sure you want to run. It makes it worse mentally and physically (only my experience). If you look back on 2012 and all the running accomplishments you attained; taking some time to let your body repair itself, smell the flowers etc. sounds like a really good idea. Remember Barb, there is always another marathon around the corner should you change your mind.

Be proud of what you have accomplished and take the time to bask in the glow of accomplishment....not always a bad thing to slow down before you burn out!



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LEANJEAN6 2/19/2013 7:22AM

    I think you need to see SPRING--to rejuvinate you Barb!--But---You know---there i8s luife--even without a ""run for a cause"" You are my hero anyway-----I too had a bad ""overeating"" weekend--but--it's a new day---and I shall get back on track---We can remain healthy-----Lynda emoticon

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MARTYJOE 2/19/2013 7:22AM

    You have to figure out if a marathon is what you really want and not worry about what other people with think. Maybe your mind is telling you that you are not ready mentally or physically to run that far yet.Listen to your inner voice and good luck.

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