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Snow Day - Meditation Day 1 - and miscellaneous

Monday, March 11, 2013

Remember storm Q? The storm that wasn't (here, much, that is)?

Well, yesterday, we got hit with the storm that wasn't predicted, just kinda showed up at the last minute. It started out with that little dusting when I got up on Spring Forward morning, but kept on coming down. It looked as though it was quitting about 3 p.m. so I went out and shoveled a path down the driveway to the street. Then it started snowing some more, and the wind kept blowing it around, so I gave up attempting to clear yesterday. It was still white out conditions when I toddled off to bed.

This morning, it didn't look that deep, but being the time of year it is, and being heavy and wet, it was nasty slick, and I weather wimped out of work. I finished clearing my half of the drive and the sidewalks about half an hour ago.

Then I checked my e-mail and found the first of the 21 day meditation challenge links in my inbox. Yes! Just what I needed: with a centering thought of "I commit to living perfect health". So I made myself comfy and started the audio guided meditation. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing... and within seconds I had a lap full of furry purry... but he behaved and let me continue the meditation. Before I knew it, the soft bell calling an end to the meditation rang... ahhhh.

This is the third 21 day meditation challenge I have participated in, and all have been very much worth the few minutes a day devoted to them. In case anyone else is interested and hasn't signed up yet, here's the link (and it's a freebie): https://www.chopracentermeditation.c

I also made that appointment I mentioned in yesterday's blog... it's a couple of weeks away yet, so I have some living to do between now and then.

Hope you're all adjusting to the time change. Honestly? I would rather be crocus hunting than snow shoveling... but regardless, life is good. Spark on!

emoticon Namaste.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRISKECK 3/15/2013 9:36PM

    You really made a difference in my day today and I wanted to thank you. I mentioned you in my blog, and the meditation challenge too. Thanks for being there!


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DOGLADY13 3/12/2013 7:12AM

    I have't come close to seeing crocus yet. I need to get out there! The snow should melt in the rain today. emoticon

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_LINDA 3/12/2013 1:50AM

    We had some blowing snow today too, off and on, only good for hiding the icy parts on the sidewalks and streets, wish I could stay home sometimes too. But the bridge club is always open no matter what the weather, closes only on X-Mas day :P. They have had games in white out conditions when people were stranded all over the city (fortunately, my partner was smart enough to cancel and I got to stay home and watch the white curtain of snow swirling around my window).
That was great you stayed home and got some relaxation and meditation in.
Glad to hear you have made the Dr. appointment.
Hope the driving conditions are safer tomorrow for you, surely they will have gotten around to cleaning it up/and or sanding it by then.

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MSLZZY 3/11/2013 11:04PM

    Soon the crocuses will bloom and the snow will be gone. Spring is almost here. So glad the meditaion soothed your soul. HUGS!

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PATRICIAAK 3/11/2013 8:49PM

    I find meditation rejuvinating.

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WATERMELLEN 3/11/2013 8:11PM

    Saw my first snowdrop today, from the 60 I planted at the back door . . . it's raining hard here, yesterday may have been the last xc ski day.

Glad you've made that doctor's appt . . . and the mediation project sounds great too.

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EBEAMS 3/11/2013 8:05PM

    I always say in my next career, I'm gonna be a weather girl. I don't have to be right, I don't have to be perfect .... Glad you found some time to center and relax today as well as won your fight with the snow! Be safe, my friend!

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MOBYCARP 3/11/2013 7:53PM

    It's a good year to be in Rochester, NY. The nasty major March snowstorm missed us to the south, and most of the piled up snow finished melting yesterday and today. We're supposed to get snow showers later this week, but if the temps come through as predicted it won't accumulate.

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LJCANNON 3/11/2013 5:57PM

    emoticon It is so funny how our Animals react when we try to Focus or Meditate on ANYTHING!
emoticon Hopefully the Meditation and Dr will add up to a Much Better Spring & Summer.
emoticon Stupid Time Change!! I really can not see any Useful Purpose for the mess it causes! But, No One Asked Me before they Did It!!

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DALID414 3/11/2013 3:48PM

    emoticon namaste.

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DLDMIL 3/11/2013 2:36PM

    Ah, spring snow storms, hate them. I am glad that you are starting to feel better and glad that you made the appt. Spark on, have a good day.

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1CRAZYDOG 3/11/2013 2:20PM

    Meditation. Love it. Dr. appt. -- glad you did it!!! Snow . . . right now, hate it! Check back with me in the heat of August! LOL

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LESLIELENORE 3/11/2013 2:15PM

    My dog doesn't like it when I meditate. He starts barking. I went crocus hunting yesterday and found a lot of them.

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ANDI571 3/11/2013 2:12PM

    We had one of those surprise snow storms last week. Luckily with this time of year, it melted pretty quickly. Hope yours does the same.

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GABY1948 3/11/2013 1:44PM

    I also dislike the time change transition. It seems like my day is gone already but I do like the light in the evening better. Glad you are improving daily.

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CONCHA77 3/11/2013 12:58PM

    I just might have to check into that meditation link you provided. Thanks. Just got called into work so maybe in the morning.
Stay safe.

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I don't think I've been blog silent for a week in two or three years...

Sunday, March 10, 2013

but I just have been.

Some of my Spark buds were worried. I did comment on a few of your blogs and updated status... so some of y'all know I'd been under the weather. But it has been more than that. It's been fatigue, and discouragement, and fear, and many roiling emotions (grief among them), and just landing after having been so tightly wound for so long.

The problem with having decades of experience in the battle of the roller coaster pounds is that you remember the drops from the heights of success to abject failure... sometimes very rapid drops. It was the fear of that starting a couple of years back that got me started on my streak of near-daily blogging. If you have a fear of heights (as I do)... yep, this teetering on the brink (or slipping over, as I have several times since the first of the year) is scary.

Now let's mix in the illness side of things. The major fear that accompanies not too specific symptoms "at my age" is the most basic fear of all: mortality. Sprinkle in recent deaths of folks you care about or anniversaries of such deaths in your calendar with symptoms like "dizziness, fatigue" and the solid knowledge that you are within a few years of the age at which a parent passed... and you come up with a soup you just don't want to write about... even if you had the energy.

Yet, here I am, typing this. Sorry for the potential downer, folks. Yesterday would have been both my paternal grandmother's and my nephew's birthdays. Both are now gone from the plane. Reality is, one day I will be gone from it, too. So will you. We may not want to think about it, but our time in these bodies is "boxed".

The essential question is: what do we want the quality of that time to be like? I want to feel as good as I can for as long as I can. I know at this point in time (even if I don't always act like it) that it is the behavior: good solid nutrition, hydration, activity, stress management, and sleep... that support feeling good.

Now that I'm about back to feeling human, I have a few "to do" items for the week: schedule a chat with my doctor and get my thyroid levels checked again. Climb back on the nutrition wagon and apply some of that infamous "mental toughness" / "kindness" to helping me feel better. Add back in gentle amounts of activity, as I can handle them. Oh, and allow myself to cry over the loved ones who no longer share space on the planet.

Spark friends, thanks so much for being there, for being consistent, for accepting wherever each of us is on the journey... for knowing we're in this together is part of what keeps me going! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 3/16/2013 7:32AM


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ANDI571 3/11/2013 2:11PM

    Barb, your blogs always speaks to me and lets me know I am human with my feelings. I had melanoma skin cancer 26 years ago and have always been faithful in getting my checkups. Two years ago, my doctor retired three days before my checkup and they cancelled on me. I have yet to get a checkup. I know that fear you are talking about and have been feeling it myself, and the eating wrong has come right along with it. I searched my insurances in network dermatologists and made an appt with one this morning. The actually got me in tomorrow morning. Glad you made your appt too. We are worth the effort.

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GABY1948 3/11/2013 1:40PM

    So glad that yo are feeling nearly human again...praying this upward slant keeps on to the top of the mountain again.

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LINDAKAY228 3/11/2013 12:26PM

    Glad you're feeling better now. You have a good plan for the week ahead of you. I know so well that our time is uncertain as in my job I deal with it a lot. Like you, I want to live it to the fullest while I have it. I work with senior citizens mostly, but also with younger people who are disabled and I've seen the full spectrum of again. I've seen those who are old and frail and sick at 50, or even younger. I've seen people in their 80's and 90's going strong, running races or competing in other activities that are active, and living life fully. That's how I want to be. We don't totally control that, but we do have a lot we can do to help us reach that goal. You are one who is doing everything you can to be as healthy as possible as long as possible. Great job!!

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MEXGAL1 3/11/2013 10:35AM

    emotions have such an effect on our well being.
Peace be with you.
Have a good week.

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MSLZZY 3/11/2013 9:58AM

    Those klind of anniversaries are hard. Hope you are feeling better. HUGS!

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MIZCATHI 3/11/2013 8:51AM

    Oh I know what you mean. The waves of sadness can grip like the undercurrent of the ocean. If it weren't for the tough spots, perhaps the good times wouldn't be so relevant. When I watched my children grow, it fascinated me that the leaps in learning were followed by a few cranky days, sniffles and self pitying cries. Or before my babies could take a step, they experienced more accidents and tumbles as they stretched to take those first steps. The point is, you're thinking about it and what steps to take next. This is you taking care of yourself even now. Big Hugs.

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    Sounds like life and your not in it alone!

Grab some tissues, let it go and get on with it. You don't need to motivate up keep upbeat for me every day.

I will still live vicariously through you for running...

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_LINDA 3/10/2013 11:32PM

    So very sorry for your losses and the feelings they are bombarding you with. I hope your feeling down and out of sorts is due to the thyroid and they quickly get some meds working for you (although I know from my sister-in-law sometimes it takes a while to get the dosing correct) We never know when our number will be up and its really better not to dwell on it. Better to take each day you are on Earth and wring every last minute out of it. A little known fact is that my disease can be fatal (it can affect the heart) and at the rate its been attacking me and the new places its getting in could be a warning sign. But I just live for the day and not concern myself with the future. Each day is now a battle to get out of bed and get at it. It just means I have to get on my travel plans before I get too incapacitated to go anywhere. Mom is impatient and not getting any younger. There is longevity on the female side of our family (all lived into their 90's)but no one has had RA either, I am a pioneer in my family with it.
Just know I am here with you, sending soothing thoughts, comforting hugs and some of my legendary energy. Makes me sad to hear when my Spark friends are suffering..
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KANOE10 3/10/2013 10:36PM

    Yes, life is difficult and painful. I miss my loved ones also. I am with you about trying to
make life as healthy as possible.

Your words: I want to feel as good as I can...very true.

Hugs to you. Take care of yourself. You are a wonderful person.

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PATRICIAAK 3/10/2013 10:04PM

    A time to be born and a time to die. What matters is the dash in between.
Continue to make the best of the dash.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/10/2013 8:06PM

    emoticon emoticon

(There isn't a "keep on typing" emoticon. LOL)


Hang in there!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/10/2013 8:03PM

    Oh, Barb, I've missed your blogs even after I knew you were still around and recovering. Do appreciate the comments on my blogs -- as always, astute. Glad you are going to check on your thyroid. Hope you are feeling great by now!

Mortal?? Who me?? Yeah, I am. We are. No, I don't usually like to think about it, but I guess I am thinking about it more and more. I notice in my dad's writings (he's been gone since 2003) that in his last years he thought about it a lot, but not all sad or scared; a lot of acceptance and even willingness and some curiosity about when the time would come. Yes, I miss him and think of him every day. But not with sadness, at least not much. Life well lived. What an accomplishment: life well lived. That I could be more like him!!

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WATERMELLEN 3/10/2013 7:36PM

    Sorry for your illness and discouragement and worry. Thanks as always for your candour and willingness to be vulnerable. We're all so happy to have you back among us. Please get all the help you need to move forward. You'll catch up with joy and confidence again, just when you least expect it.

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CEHALLA 3/10/2013 7:16PM

    The thing that helps me most when I'm sad and missing my dad, is to remember the promise that we'll be together again. I know many people don't share that belief, but it gives me comfort to know the purpose of our life here, and that death isn't the end of love and family.

Hugs to you, Barb, and thanks for sharing something so personal with all of your Spark friends. emoticon

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DLDMIL 3/10/2013 7:15PM

    I have also been there with the memories of lost loved ones, and it is hard sometimes to remember to keep moving forward because of the pain that we hold in. We have the right to let them out once in a while. I hope you feel better soon and that your Dr. will be able to help you get the right diagnosis. Hugs and prayers sent your way.

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MARTHAWILL 3/10/2013 6:47PM

    This past week, a funeral for a young mom (daughter of a dear friend) and a reminder of the anniversary of the death of my brother's young son also put me through similar trains of thought. Hills and valleys are a part of life. They become easier to travel with supportive friends and family. Sounds like you are ready to take hold again and move forward. Wish you healing and peace.

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-SHOREIDO- 3/10/2013 6:47PM

    Whats everybody got thyroid stuff going on?? They changed mine a few months back. Its a new color (kinda blue) and since then I feel different.
I'm on 75mg whats the standard??
Hummm Thanks for sharing.

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-SHOREIDO- 3/10/2013 6:42PM

    I hear ya! No words of wisdom, just that and a hand to help you back up again. Your okay. You are! Just brush off your pants,chin up and start walking again holding todays gift(today).

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LEANJEAN6 3/10/2013 6:42PM

    Oh Barb!! I didn't know that you have thyroid disease--Me too----!!! I know when it goes out of whack, it takes me months to recognize it---Best to get it checked---And I feel bad about your ""down-ness""---- That must be difficult to shake----I too, tho, have funny feelings about ""mortality""----but--there is nothing we can change--and besides, I will be "'there"" before you--so--I'll welcome you with a big hug--LOL-----We can't change it Barb-----I don't talk about this to many people, but before I had the thyroid diagnosed, I had a very near death experience-----I didn't want to come back--I remember that much about it--but I was told I had to-----I was diagnosed within a few days of that---Crazy stuff which I don't understand----I do look up to yu so much---so-----you must look ""up"" too--LOL--Love yu girl--Keep on trucking here!-Lynda

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1CRAZYDOG 3/10/2013 6:24PM

    Sorry you've had a rough time of it. I can tell you, as one with thyroid issues (hypo), it is difficult! I can tell you, when my thyroid is out of whack, it can lead to feeling down, and then you add into the mix all the losses your remembering or experiencing . . . not a happy thing! Definitely get your thyroid checked out!

HUGS and glad you're back, my dear. You were missed!

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CELIAMINER 3/10/2013 6:14PM

    Glad you are back. I believe we need times of introspection, even if painful, to maintain balance and perspective. Even so, I find I dislike being alone with my own thoughts when squashed down pain bubbles to the surface. Thanks for writing today so I know I'm not alone.

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DALID414 3/10/2013 5:08PM

    I missed your blogs, but knew you'd be back at it once the smoke cleared. emoticon emoticon

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STRIVERONE 3/10/2013 4:38PM

    I understand those feeling about your mortality. My father died at 66 and at some level I link that to my own expiration date. When I was morbidly obese I thought about it a lot more than I do now but I can't completely free myself of that shadow.

I'm glad you're getting better and sorry for the losses you speak of.

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ANOTHERMOMOF2 3/10/2013 4:37PM

    Hoping tomorrow goes even better than today!

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LESLIELENORE 3/10/2013 4:19PM


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DEBRITA01 3/10/2013 4:17PM

    Sometimes an illness forces us to slow down and experience all the thoughts and emotions we push aside with our busy lives. It's beneficial to be silent at times and just be. emoticon

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DOGLADY13 3/10/2013 3:45PM

    It's breathtakingly painful when you re-experience a loss that you thought you were long over. I re-experienced the loss of an infant nephew a few weeks ago. The sweet boy died almost 38 years ago, but that day last week, it was like it was the day he died and I was a young girl who just didn't understand. Go easy on yourself. Find comfort in the people who love you and are with you now. Find comfort in the memories of those who are gone. It is all a continuum. And you know that good, healthy habits go a long, long way to improving mood and outlook. I'm glad you blogged. I was beginning to wonder what was going on.

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BLUENOSE63 3/10/2013 3:20PM

  Please know that you are missed when don't blog but everyone needs down time! Happy to know you are feeling better!

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MIRAGE727 3/10/2013 3:20PM

    I'd be lying for I didn't share that I also have moments of contemplating mortality! Yes, it can send a little shiver through me. But, I'm just gonna work stronger on being the best that I can be, enjoy DSSECRETS & Gianna, and keep on finding challenges in life! I love the term, "going down in a blaze of glory!" But I interpret it as simply embracing life to the fullest! I waste minimal time on acknowledging the alternative!
And when it's time to cross the finish line one last time, I want an old fashion N'awlins funeral with a lot of celebration, music, and trashing calories for one day! I might just create a 5K with that theme!
And I know you have the fire in you to do the same, Barb! Until then, we rock on!

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SANDYL54 3/10/2013 2:58PM

  Warm thoughts to you as you deal with your losses. Be kind to yourself. You know what to do to help yourself and you will begin doing it, as your energy allows. We all struggle and lose our way at times. But now you have a strong foundation to draw on as you steer yourself back on your journey of healthful living. You will spark on, I am sure!!! Thanks for sharing the hard bits as well as your succeses!

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MNTWINSGAL 3/10/2013 2:46PM

    I'm hearing your words and feeling your pain, having come back from my dear BIL's funeral just yesterday. But the tides rise and fall....the world turns even when we wonder how it possibly can....time marches on. We can only make the most of every single day on this planet that we are awarded.

Sorry for your losses too, and hope you are feeling better soon! As a very wise woman I know is fond of saying....Life's Good. Spark On!

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KLMEIRING 3/10/2013 2:44PM

    I am glad that you are back and blogging once again. You were missed.

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    OK, we have been down memory lane and stand at the start of a new beginning.

Make Today a Great Day!

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Looks like Saturday is going to be a GOOD day...

Saturday, March 02, 2013

Today started out with sleeping in... all the way 'til after 7 a.m. Felt good.

Then my JCC consultation... my attitude has been a whole lot better this week, and while I'm still angst-y and venting, at least I'm more verbal about it than stuffing over it... and I'm looking Polly Perfectionist and Precious People Pleaser in the eye and challenging their opinions of me!

So, this morning? After my appointment and my healthy breakfast, I popped one of the DVD's son brought over last weekend into the player... Batman: The Dark Knight Rises. And resolved to treadmill the entire movie or until I hit 12 miles, whichever came first. Guess what? I hit 12 miles first. Action / fight movies are great running material for me... not a whole lot of meaningful dialog I need to slow down to hear... but a whole lot of "run" motivation. I did those 12 miles in 2:23:45, which is on track for my half marathon pace last November and last May. And I probably could have gone longer, but I called a stop at that point.

Now I'm showered and in my warm fuzzy sweats on a cold day, and there is bright sunshine out there. Still need to go do my grocery shopping. And my laundry... but life is good, and believe me, those endorphins? Really help chase those stressors away.

Not that this isn't preaching to the choir... LOL! Spark on, my friends. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEANJEAN6 3/7/2013 9:01PM

    OMG Barb!!--You are so good!~--12 miles is a lot! Happy that yu are happier. We were shovelling snow whicg fell from the steel roof---- a sure sign of Spring!----Lynda

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DLDMIL 3/3/2013 10:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PATRICIAAK 3/3/2013 6:03PM


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WATERMELLEN 3/3/2013 4:49PM

    Self medicating with endorphins instead of potato chips? I'm totally with ya on that . . .

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LINDAKAY228 3/3/2013 2:52PM

    Glad your day went so well!!! That is awesome!

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DOGLADY13 3/3/2013 2:37PM

    Sounds like an excellent Saturday. Life is very good.

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HEALTHY4ME 3/3/2013 10:37AM

    Yay sounds like a great day! I am going to do the bike today hoping for 10 mins I do more but always end up hurting myself too soon. So today only 10. and of course all the puppy walks lol

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MEXGAL1 3/3/2013 10:07AM

    Sounds like a great way to get your work out in. cool
Have a terrific Sunday!

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LEANJEAN6 3/3/2013 9:34AM

    Oh Barb!!!!--Stressers everywhere--but---you try to keep on top-----so good!!!!--And yes, exercise really does combat stress!---Hugs on a wonderful Sunday!-Lynda emoticon

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KALIGIRL 3/3/2013 7:24AM

    So glad to hear it! The sun really made a difference for me yesterday and hope it will today too!

Life IS good - here's to living it!

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_LINDA 3/3/2013 12:00AM

    So glad to hear things are settling down for you emotionally and you are handling your demons and putting them back into their cages where they belong. Nothing beats the feel good endorphins of exercise, far better than any drug!! For me, I could go for miles and miles on my elliptical listening to good pulse pounding music! Good for you knowing when to stop. Looks like you are right on track for that
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DANGBLONDE 3/2/2013 11:34PM

  Sounds like a good day! Keep up the good work!!! emoticon

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MOBYCARP 3/2/2013 9:04PM

    Stopping at the planned distance or time was one of the harder things for me to learn about training. Good for you, holding to that! It's important for training and avoiding injury. You knew that, and you acted on that knowledge. Good job!

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1CRAZYDOG 3/2/2013 8:20PM

    good for you for giving Polly and Precious the boot! Not easy. And I never thought about that! I think my next treadmill DVD is going to be Batman: The Dark Knight Rises. It definitely would keep me going because I don't have to stop so much to listen to the dialogue. Love it!

Yahoo for endorphins!

HUGS and hope you have a great evening.

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SLENDERELLA61 3/2/2013 8:03PM

    So glad you could sleep in. Every day is better when you get enough sleep and best of all is when you get enough sleep and get to wake up on your own. The movie and 12 mile run -- well, just great!! Bet your next HM time will be a PR -- and probably a whole lot faster. If you are training that fast, well, impressive!! Love the endorphins. This good living is setting you up to successfully cope with whatever the work week brings as well as strengthening your healthy living lifestyle. You are doing it for sure!!! Appreciate all your support on my blogs, too! -Marsha

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LESLIELENORE 3/2/2013 7:40PM

    Sounds like a great day!

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DALID414 3/2/2013 7:27PM

    I call it a good day.

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GABY1948 3/2/2013 6:41PM

    So glad you are having a GOOD day! Have a GREAT night too!

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MIZCATHI 3/2/2013 6:39PM

    Wow, 12 miles! You are awesome! That's quite an accomplishment, and at the very least, you are pleasing your inner athlete!

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ROXYZMOM 3/2/2013 5:56PM

    Very good! I never thought of watching an action/thriller while on the treadmill! Great idea!

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MSLZZY 3/2/2013 4:56PM

    I do so love when you preach LOL! Enjoy the weekend!

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MIRAGE727 3/2/2013 4:44PM

    Very nice, Barb! Healthy attitude!

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PEZMOM1 3/2/2013 4:15PM


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High amplitude swings in self esteem

Friday, March 01, 2013

Figured THAT title would pull a few folks in. I pulled it, in fact, from a phrase the weatherman used back when I lived in New York State one year when we were under an icy freeze one day, then melt-induced flooding the next, rinse and repeat. He reference that as a "high amplitude weather pattern", wild swings in temperatures.

This week has my philosophical side stepping back and watching the variation in my image of myself as things change around me and as I respond wisely or unwisely. As I recognize the things I can control and the things I cannot control. And as I mentally, sanely process the factors, and re-discover what I really, really want, and keep working toward it.

Eat badly? Beat up on yourself? Or nurture yourself? Get anxious that you can't please everyone? Eat over it? Or step back and reason it through?

People pleasing is a habit from childhood, when one's survival depended on it. Even in adulthood, one has to practice a certain level of social / professional conduct for survival. It is a skill. A very necessary one. What gets out of hand is when one feels crushed by not being able to make everyone happy... i.e. when people pleasing and Polly Perfectionist start sitting in the same room and giving your self-image a going over!

So... here's to a balanced practice of people pleasing... yes, striving for excellence... yes, recognizing the position I am in... and communicating honestly with those who need to hear the message: i.e. speaking the truth to power? Ladies and Gentlemen, whatever you expect, this is what in my professional opinion you can get.

Life is good. And it continues. Spark on! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILPAT3 3/4/2013 1:38PM

    Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, must be in moderation.

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WATERMELLEN 3/3/2013 4:52PM

    If fat is a feminist issue, so too is people-pleasing (I think) disproportionately socialized in women.

We gotta eat -- but not to excess.

We gotta people please -- it IS an essential skill -- but not to excess.

And we can't eat to excess to console ourselves for failing to people please perfectly!!

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ANDI571 3/2/2013 3:59PM

    People pleasing. Everytime you talk on that subject I hear you loud and clear. I can say I do much better with saying no, but can't always get the guilt that follows to stay away. Thanks again for such wisdom.

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_LINDA 3/2/2013 1:09AM

    Another very thoughtful blog. May you be able to reign in PP and think of pleasing yourself, by doing a job you know is good and can live with, no matter what anyone else may say or think. Its your opinion that matters!
Hope you can have a restful, re energizing weekend!

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PATRICIAAK 3/1/2013 11:47PM

    Love others AS yourself. This blog reminded me of how Biblical and necessary to love yourself/

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CASEYTALK 3/1/2013 11:15PM

    Balance in all things.

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-SHOREIDO- 3/1/2013 8:49PM

    emoticon I'm worried and wondering what's behind all this. Spring fever?winter blah,blah? Left over "flu blues" ?
Keep it coming because I know this is just the tip of the iceberg of your flowing wisdom.
Have a great week-end emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 3/1/2013 8:03PM

    Yeah, great title. "Amplitude swings"captures something I suspect many of us who have battled obesity have experienced in regard to self esteem.

That philosophical observer side of you sounds very mature and very helpful. Perhaps I should try to find that side in me. People pleasing as a skill - essential especially for the child - I'd never thought of it that way, but yes, you are right.

What a great, respectful, self-respectful statement when in the midst of an impossible situation, a statement to power: "Ladies and Gentlemen, whatever you expect, this is what in my professional opinion you can get." Much better way to handle it than resorting to tears, resignation, or eating -- all of which I have done.

Another brillliant blog, Barb, with lots to think about. Wishing your difficult situation resolves.

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MIZCATHI 3/1/2013 3:15PM

    In the end, I have found that "truth" is not as important as being an authentic person who treats everyone with respect and dignity. Truth is in there somewhere, but can be spoken with sublime messages of action and kindness. Cat

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KALIGIRL 3/1/2013 1:27PM

    Not a people pleaser by nature, so can't relate to your struggle, but can (I think) understand it. We all have drivers, mine just happens to be internal. Internal or external - drivers can 'get out of control' - Here's to Balance!

Life indeed is GOOD - here's to LIVING it!

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DLDMIL 3/1/2013 11:36AM

    Thank you for another great blog. You are doing an awesome job, keep up the great work mentally and physically. Spark on. Have a great weekend and hopefully the weather will cooperate for you to run outside in the sunshine.

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    Hooray for people like us who share our "insides" and insights.

I swear it's the end-of-winter blues for me. I'm ready to cry one minute and all gung ho the next. I've recognized this and manage to take some kind of vacation, even a weekend, that involves bringing sunshine in some form to my life...even artifiical will do!
Here's to getting back, staying on or even walking next to track! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 3/1/2013 10:03AM

    Perfectionism . . . a progress killer! Excellent blog.

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MEXGAL1 3/1/2013 9:50AM

    finding balance is so important. A lesson I must continue to revisit.
Thanks for sharing.
Have a terrific day!

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DEBRITA01 3/1/2013 9:05AM

    It can be hard to find the balance when those self-esteem swings start...taming the old self-messages and behaviors that rear their ugly heads in times of stress, conflict, or change when Polly and PP come out to play. We just have to take it a day (or minute) at a time while doing the best we can with the given situation. Better days are ahead... emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 3/1/2013 8:06AM

    PP is here too but I took a lonnnnng time to recognize her even though hubby and councelor said oh she is here. LOL But I don't find I have a problme with it cos dont see perfectionism as others do.

Hope you have a great friday and weekend!

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MSLZZY 3/1/2013 7:50AM

    PP can go outside and play in the snow.Then I won't hear what she has to say LOL!

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MAGGIE101857 3/1/2013 7:28AM

    Some days I want to kick Polly Perfectionist to the curb! But then I feel bad and let her stay; and the vicious circle continues!! I'm still working on trying to find the balance; speaking the truth can be tricky, especially when the ones you are addressing don't want to hear it!

But yes, LIFE IS GOOD!!!

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1935MARY 3/1/2013 7:07AM

    Awesome! Gives me something to think about. All my life I have put everyone above me and tried to please everyone, except myself. Now I think about myself too. Have a great day.

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ELRIDDICK 3/1/2013 7:05AM

  Thanks for sharing

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Feel like I should defend my ex

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Because of course locking me away from my coat was just ONE argument. I stayed married to that man for 14 more years. And he really, really *did* like the end result of my getting healthier. He was proud of my running and was at the finish line of my first 5K, all the way through the last race I ran in that section of the country... which if I recall rightly, was an 8K in 1992.

Marriages are complex things, but the story does illustrate the need to put that oxygen mask on first before helping others. I never have been able to "help" him... and I still care deeply about him, while recognizing that the relationship in the end was not only not helping him, it was killing me, one pint of Ben & Jerry's or one bag of Lay's at a time.

Actually, this work project has made me feel a lot like that marriage made me feel: a paralysis, and as though everything I try to do is going to be slapped down by someone or another. Some folks are a lot tougher than me in the workplace.

I am a self-admitted people-pleaser: I want everyone to be happy. This project has a lot of nuances and strong personalities and missing decisions that aren't mine to make. In short, no control... responsibility without authority? You get the general idea. I won't do specifics, because face it, we all can relate to the generalities and fill in our own details.

So my mantra is to breathe, acknowledge the nasty ugly emotions that it all stirs up, and release them... let them fade... and get on that treadmill in judicious amounts, hopefully paying attention should a knee or an ankle require extra rest.

Draw that old line in the sand, and don't let my people-pleasing tendencies make me feel like a failure when not everybody is happy. Because when folks are diametrically opposed in their desires, chances are good that nobody is going to be thrilled with the end product. Hopefully, some compromise is possible, and I can stop myself from going to the extremes of being either crushed or apathetic... keep my resilience, keep up hope, a positive attitude, and keep my balance! Ah, yes! That's the ticket.

Keep my balance, remember that I am worth taking care of, whether people around me are happy with me or not. I'll never stop caring what folks think, in all likelihood... but I can stop beating up on myself if I am truly in an impossible position and have given it my best shot. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 3/3/2013 4:00AM

    The wisdom the experience has brought you has been - even if it hasn't felt like it at times - well worth the journey, hon. We haven't any true ability to "make" people happy... or sad, or angry, or drive them to whatever behavioral excesses they may care to take up, or whatever.

Those are (thinks me) reactions to circumstances, and reactions can be vented in chosen methods - such as engaging in exercise and self-awareness and reflection.

By the same token, other people don't "make" us overeat - but our reactions to circumstances, whether those circumstances be relationships or the workplace or whathaveyou, might well result in some unhealthy choices.

Gah, Barb, you get me to thinking too early in the day!

Wonder if that means - you "make" me think? lol...

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_LINDA 3/2/2013 1:03AM

    So very sorry you have to deal with such workplace stress, that is the worst kind, having no authority :(( You sure are dealing with it in a healthy way, venting with exercise and blogging with great self analysis. The main thing is coming out with your skin and waistline intact, and from this peanut gallery, looks like you have all the tools lined up to do so..
Give it your best, its all we can do, and you sure can't be faulted for that!!

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LESLIELENORE 3/1/2013 4:31PM


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DEBRITA01 3/1/2013 9:30AM

    Great blog, Barb. As much as we'd like to, often there are situations where we can't "help" or "please". Healthy for us to identify those times and accept that... emoticon

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SPARKLISE 3/1/2013 9:29AM

    Such wisdom. emoticon

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GABY1948 3/1/2013 8:09AM

    I think this was an outstanding blog, Barb! I also am a people-pleaser so can totally relate.

Hope you get past this project at work unscathed emoticon emoticon

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BLUENOSE63 3/1/2013 7:18AM

  Great blog

This is a huge life lesson that many women, in particular, need to learn...As natural caregivers we tend to put others first all the time which tends to lead to us being forgotten in the picture.

One of the best things we as women can do for ourselves is to put ourselves first when it involves our health no matter what

Sounds like you have it cased Barb!

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LEANJEAN6 3/1/2013 6:44AM

    Oh Barb---no--you can't please everyone--nor should yu try----People should accept youy the way you are--love yer comment about how yer "Ex"" was killing yu one bag of chips at a time---pretty true !--Somehow I missed your blog yesterday so didn't get the jest of your work being difficult----guess you can't please people there either---all in a day's work----Lynda emoticon

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MNTWINSGAL 2/28/2013 10:58PM

    We people-pleasers need to stick together....isn't Spark People a wonderful tool for doing just that?

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MIZCATHI 2/28/2013 10:30PM

    I hope the situation works out. The problem with you being a people pleaser (and trust me, I can relate to that one) are the diametrically opposed people who could give a rat's ... about YOU.

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MSLZZY 2/28/2013 9:39PM

    You found a perfect outlet for the stress at work
by coming home and working out. I am sorry that
work is wearing on you. But as one people-pleaser
to another, you can't please everyone so you got
to please yourself. Find that happy place. HUGS!

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SAMI199 2/28/2013 9:03PM

    emoticon People-pleasing is a hard habit to break..but gets easier with practice.-sometimes...


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1CRAZYDOG 2/28/2013 8:54PM

    You are soooooo right! You cannot please everyone, so you have to please yourself! First, foremost and always we have to be true to ourselves and be happy with ourselves.

Wishing that things would be less stressful for you! HUGS

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DLDMIL 2/28/2013 8:52PM

    emoticon Keep up the attitude and remember you need to take care of yourself first before you can help someone else. Draw the line in the sand and do what you need to do for yourself first.

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DALID414 2/28/2013 8:45PM

    Responsibility without authority, sounds like my previous job. It's no fun.

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MJREIMERS 2/28/2013 8:38PM

    All you can do is your best and sometimes you just need to ignore those that aren't happy! I've learned not to sweat things that I have no control over!! You can't "make" someone happy, if they chose not to be. You can't "make" someone eater healthier if they don't want to. You can't "make" someone workout if they want to sit.

I like your new mantra! Do things that make you happy in all aspect of your, your ex, etc. You are WORTH being happy and yes, emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 2/28/2013 8:32PM

    I totally agree with PatricaAK reply ... we all see something or we wouldnt be married in the first place, and believe me there have been times in this marriage I have wondered LOl today for a while being one LOL

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PATRICIAAK 2/28/2013 8:22PM

    As I say about my ex, if he didn'f have good points, I wouldn't have married him.

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ANDI571 2/28/2013 8:01PM

    I am a people pleaser, and even though it isn't affecting my marriage it has my friendships and other family relationships. In the past few years I have lost friendships because I learned the word NO! It's sad, but it had to be done for me.

Good work, you are doing awesome!

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JANEMARIE77 2/28/2013 7:54PM

    emoticon You are worth it and don't forget it

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SLENDERELLA61 2/28/2013 7:54PM

    Hoping that impossible situation calms -- that the decisions you need to go forward come -- and that your responsibility and authority match. I love your analysis, self knowledge, and plan. Yes, yes, yes. Take care of yourself. You can do it!! And yeah, a husband that comes to your races has his good points, for sure.

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PARKERB2 2/28/2013 7:44PM

    Remember to please yourself first and then you can please others.

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LIGHTHOUSE0403 2/28/2013 7:41PM


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