Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Although I have made the appointment to go have that conversation with my doctor, it is a couple of weeks out. Yesterday, between shoveling snow, and forcing myself to walk on the treadmill to get my 10,000 steps in... my body reminded me I'm still not the athlete I was a few short months ago. Or even a couple of weeks ago.
Whatever is going on here... physical, psychological... I am in a process of recovery. And that means taking it easy, not comparing to what was but doing what I can TODAY.
So... this particular day that means: drink your water, eat what's in the bag, not what's in the vending machine or on the food table. That's why you packed it. It's yours.
Change your project mantra: you made a vital error when you scheduled those meetings over your normal walk break times - you put the project ahead of your personal health. You told yourself you would adapt... make sure you do! Cancel what you need to cancel. Remember to say "no" in appropriate circumstances... and pray for the wisdom to know when that is!
Barb, you have little control over so much about this project... but you DO have control over how you choose to respond to unreasonable demands. Your body has spoken... it needs you to pay attention. Right now, your health HAS to come first. And if that means moving a little slower or stopping the mental wheels at times, that's what it means.
To our health, ladies and gents... because LIFE is good. Healthy life even better. And we are worth it!
Monday, March 11, 2013
Remember storm Q? The storm that wasn't (here, much, that is)?
Well, yesterday, we got hit with the storm that wasn't predicted, just kinda showed up at the last minute. It started out with that little dusting when I got up on Spring Forward morning, but kept on coming down. It looked as though it was quitting about 3 p.m. so I went out and shoveled a path down the driveway to the street. Then it started snowing some more, and the wind kept blowing it around, so I gave up attempting to clear yesterday. It was still white out conditions when I toddled off to bed.
This morning, it didn't look that deep, but being the time of year it is, and being heavy and wet, it was nasty slick, and I weather wimped out of work. I finished clearing my half of the drive and the sidewalks about half an hour ago.
Then I checked my e-mail and found the first of the 21 day meditation challenge links in my inbox. Yes! Just what I needed: with a centering thought of "I commit to living perfect health". So I made myself comfy and started the audio guided meditation. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing... and within seconds I had a lap full of furry purry... but he behaved and let me continue the meditation. Before I knew it, the soft bell calling an end to the meditation rang... ahhhh.
This is the third 21 day meditation challenge I have participated in, and all have been very much worth the few minutes a day devoted to them. In case anyone else is interested and hasn't signed up yet, here's the link (and it's a freebie): https://www.chopracentermeditation.c
I also made that appointment I mentioned in yesterday's blog... it's a couple of weeks away yet, so I have some living to do between now and then.
Hope you're all adjusting to the time change. Honestly? I would rather be crocus hunting than snow shoveling... but regardless, life is good. Spark on!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
but I just have been.
Some of my Spark buds were worried. I did comment on a few of your blogs and updated status... so some of y'all know I'd been under the weather. But it has been more than that. It's been fatigue, and discouragement, and fear, and many roiling emotions (grief among them), and just landing after having been so tightly wound for so long.
The problem with having decades of experience in the battle of the roller coaster pounds is that you remember the drops from the heights of success to abject failure... sometimes very rapid drops. It was the fear of that starting a couple of years back that got me started on my streak of near-daily blogging. If you have a fear of heights (as I do)... yep, this teetering on the brink (or slipping over, as I have several times since the first of the year) is scary.
Now let's mix in the illness side of things. The major fear that accompanies not too specific symptoms "at my age" is the most basic fear of all: mortality. Sprinkle in recent deaths of folks you care about or anniversaries of such deaths in your calendar with symptoms like "dizziness, fatigue" and the solid knowledge that you are within a few years of the age at which a parent passed... and you come up with a soup you just don't want to write about... even if you had the energy.
Yet, here I am, typing this. Sorry for the potential downer, folks. Yesterday would have been both my paternal grandmother's and my nephew's birthdays. Both are now gone from the plane. Reality is, one day I will be gone from it, too. So will you. We may not want to think about it, but our time in these bodies is "boxed".
The essential question is: what do we want the quality of that time to be like? I want to feel as good as I can for as long as I can. I know at this point in time (even if I don't always act like it) that it is the behavior: good solid nutrition, hydration, activity, stress management, and sleep... that support feeling good.
Now that I'm about back to feeling human, I have a few "to do" items for the week: schedule a chat with my doctor and get my thyroid levels checked again. Climb back on the nutrition wagon and apply some of that infamous "mental toughness" / "kindness" to helping me feel better. Add back in gentle amounts of activity, as I can handle them. Oh, and allow myself to cry over the loved ones who no longer share space on the planet.
Spark friends, thanks so much for being there, for being consistent, for accepting wherever each of us is on the journey... for knowing we're in this together is part of what keeps me going!
Saturday, March 02, 2013
Today started out with sleeping in... all the way 'til after 7 a.m. Felt good.
Then my JCC consultation... my attitude has been a whole lot better this week, and while I'm still angst-y and venting, at least I'm more verbal about it than stuffing over it... and I'm looking Polly Perfectionist and Precious People Pleaser in the eye and challenging their opinions of me!
So, this morning? After my appointment and my healthy breakfast, I popped one of the DVD's son brought over last weekend into the player... Batman: The Dark Knight Rises. And resolved to treadmill the entire movie or until I hit 12 miles, whichever came first. Guess what? I hit 12 miles first. Action / fight movies are great running material for me... not a whole lot of meaningful dialog I need to slow down to hear... but a whole lot of "run" motivation. I did those 12 miles in 2:23:45, which is on track for my half marathon pace last November and last May. And I probably could have gone longer, but I called a stop at that point.
Now I'm showered and in my warm fuzzy sweats on a cold day, and there is bright sunshine out there. Still need to go do my grocery shopping. And my laundry... but life is good, and believe me, those endorphins? Really help chase those stressors away.
Not that this isn't preaching to the choir... LOL! Spark on, my friends.
Friday, March 01, 2013
Figured THAT title would pull a few folks in. I pulled it, in fact, from a phrase the weatherman used back when I lived in New York State one year when we were under an icy freeze one day, then melt-induced flooding the next, rinse and repeat. He reference that as a "high amplitude weather pattern", wild swings in temperatures.
This week has my philosophical side stepping back and watching the variation in my image of myself as things change around me and as I respond wisely or unwisely. As I recognize the things I can control and the things I cannot control. And as I mentally, sanely process the factors, and re-discover what I really, really want, and keep working toward it.
Eat badly? Beat up on yourself? Or nurture yourself? Get anxious that you can't please everyone? Eat over it? Or step back and reason it through?
People pleasing is a habit from childhood, when one's survival depended on it. Even in adulthood, one has to practice a certain level of social / professional conduct for survival. It is a skill. A very necessary one. What gets out of hand is when one feels crushed by not being able to make everyone happy... i.e. when people pleasing and Polly Perfectionist start sitting in the same room and giving your self-image a going over!
So... here's to a balanced practice of people pleasing... yes, striving for excellence... yes, recognizing the position I am in... and communicating honestly with those who need to hear the message: i.e. speaking the truth to power? Ladies and Gentlemen, whatever you expect, this is what in my professional opinion you can get.
Life is good. And it continues. Spark on!
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