Sunday, March 17, 2013
The past few weeks I've been noticing dreams more. Dreaming is good for us. Gives the mind a chance to work things out. This morning, as I deliberately slept in, I noticed three distinct dreams, all of which I can see are related to the current work project and relationships in the work place.
In one, I am heatedly arguing with my boss, just trying to get her to tell me what she really wanted when she wasn't pleased with what I did. Can we spell performance anxiety? While we haven't had such an argument in real life, there HAVE been instances in the past few months when I made a calming statement about we can only do what we can in a day... only to be countered by the threat of mandatory (unpaid) overtime in the future.
At the moment I can't remember the specifics of the other two, but they are in similar vein... you know the ones where you forget you had a test in school... and wake up to find not only do you have one, but you're late for it? (In fact, I actually lived that dream on a German oral exam, back in the day.)
The deal with dreams like this is that they are seldom the reality. They are our minds working out the anxieties... you wake up, say "whew! Glad that was a dream!" and move on refreshed with your day. What I have observed in the waking life is that of the anxieties I imagine, few really come to pass... because they spur me to adjust, make plans, and get moving.
That's the sedentary job "get things done" kind of moving, though. And I started to ponder: every time I have been successful in taking good care of myself physically, nutrition, exercise, etc., it has been because I made it my TOP priority.
Sometimes it is easier than others to MAKE it the top priority. When things are going smoothly at work, it's easier to make the healthy habits tops. When a bigger issue (like a deployed son) makes work seem like a minor stress... well, then it is ALSO easier to make the healthy habits a top priority. After all, I'm taking care of me so he can do what he needs to do and not worry about his mu-ther.
But now work IS the top stresser. I am having to re-program my personality all over again... to remind myself that I don't have to do it all, or sacrifice self care.
Show of hands... how many of you out there struggling to find time to take care of yourselves hated group work in school? Of those of you holding your hands up, how many of you used to hog all the work of the group, just to make sure your group would get an A? Yeah? Really? How many of you took work away from someone else because they weren't doing it (or weren't doing it fast enough to please you)? If you did, did you do that work yourself?
Now let's move on to parenthood: how many of you "helped" with your kids' homework to the extent of almost doing it for them? How many of you let them take on their own responsibility, and live with the consequences? How many of you cleaned their rooms, rather than making them live with the mess they created?
So... back to my current pep talk. If we, as a group, fail to reach our goal... it's NOT my job to try to plug every gap. It *is* my job to take good care of my health so I can do my part, not the entire project.
Laughing at my dreams, but learning from them... this is going to be a great day! Spark a great one yourselves, people. For you are worth it. And LIFE is good!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
This morning's meditation had as its centering thought that "I am perfection. I am healthy. I am strong." MOBYCARP will get the echoes of our youthful religious training in this one. This has a slightly different cast, recognizing the reality of aches and pains, disease and disability, but accepting, and loving ourselves and our bodies, washing the positive thoughts over ourselves... rather than escaping into an abstract ideal denying the existence of matter.
It got me thinking about my joking references to "Polly Perfectionist" and how that relates to both my upbringing ("God's Perfect Child") and to what I am learning in my current days.
Being "perfect" in the sense of the meditation is NOT about meeting some impossible standard, or someone's concept of what "perfect" is. It is about being just as God made us, right now, in this moment. And that is enough!
Polly, you see, is a fraud. I do not need her to sit in judgment over whether I am perfect. And she needs to butt out.
Today, as every day should be, is about nurturing me: body, mind and spirit. And accepting and loving that me, and getting out of her way, so she can go out and take on the challenges of the day!
Make it a good one, fellow Sparklers! Because LIFE itself is good. And we are worth it.
Friday, March 15, 2013
We pray first for the willingness. The ability follows.
What willingness is that? Steve Siebold talks about it in his Mental Toughness training. I've heard it in "the rooms" (OA folks know which ones I'm talking about). The willingness to do "whatever it takes" to get healthy.
And I might add, to stay healthy. Healthy being a relative term, always, as healthy as healthy behavior can get each of us to.
The past four days have been somewhat effortless in terms of staying the course. Why? Because the willingness has been with me. And it has me pondering, then... "Is willingness the whole ball game?"
Well, no, not really. Willingness has to be combined with action. Road blocks that paralyze us, mental or physical, must be removed. There are steps to take. But the willingness to take those steps is the beginning... the Spark?
So, for today: drink the water, eat what's in the bag you packed, it's full of healthy... take the break walks. Breathe, think for yourself, and do what you can! And reward yourself with kindly thoughts. For you are worth it!
Life is good. Spark on.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Despite my peaceful meditation yesterday morning, and my making good decisions at work and also getting some things done that needed doing, by the end of the work day the sinus head was in full swing. So I bailed early, and hit the sack before 8 p.m.
Good choice! When the alarm went off this morning, I felt a good deal better than when I went to bed. The allergy season seems to have begun at my place. So... I'm popping what pills I can (headache, antihistamine), and making one decision at a time.
True to my recovery week pep talk, I have been sticking to the plan, not giving myself a hard time, and staying within the limits of what's reasonable! In short, I've successfully gagged Polly Perfectionist for three days! This is my reminder to myself to keep her roped off in that chair over there in the corner.
Gentle, successful recovery, one day at a time! Spark on.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
The cat is much more mature than the first time I did a 21 day challenge with feline in the house. Now, as I sit quietly, he joins me on the lap, and may paw at me curiously for a bit before settling down to purr while I close my eyes and give attention to my breathing. Yesterday after work, when he got up and left the lap on cue was amusing, and my thoughts wandered / wondered to the thoughts of animals, and how in tune they are with their furry bodies (or scaly ones for that matter).
Pets in particular, seem to nap when napping is called for, and make demands for attention when they need to be fed or the litter box changed. As adults we are so often "in control" that we suppress our natural needs... this taking time to meditate and listen is just what it needs to be... enlightening, re-focusing. Glad it came along just now.
I had a touch of insomnia middle of the night, but I kept the eyes closed and rested, eventually dropping off again. And I have a strategy for work today, for the next steps. Divide and conquer: different bits for different circumstances.
And I shall continue to recover. Lunch is packed. Oats are simmering. Life is good, and I shall take care of ME today... because I'm worth it... mind, body, and spirit.
Spark on, and namaste... the whimsey? Do those go together?
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