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Time to reflect

Monday, January 18, 2010

My personal new initiatives rarely coincide with the calendar. Or maybe they do, just not in the standard way. I eagerly awaited the arrival of The Spark, along with everyone else who pre-ordered it. But when I got it, I waited until I finished my last book before starting it.

That happened yesterday. The calendar coincidence is with a 3-day weekend, so I suppose that these things happen when I have some time to ponder.

What I am finding in the first chapter is fairly standard of motivational literature: you need goals, and those goals need to be in harmony with your own deepest held values and beliefs. You can find this in the day planner kinds of literature, in self-assessment things, even (gasp) in commercial weight loss programs like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. It's there, but you have to spot it, determine it's important to your success, and use it.

I have to admit I'm a bit of a junkie when it comes to self-help and motivational literature and programs. I love them all, they juice me up; it lasts for a while. It's also why I keep changing programs over my lifetime, I'm still searching for something that will last "the rest of my life." It's guaranteed that eventually this will happen, because I won't stop searching before I die. emoticon

Examining my own deeply held beliefs and values can be a sticking point. You see, I'm a bit of a chameleon around others. I know those deeply held beliefs and values are there, but I have a hard time articulating them. I'm almost afraid to put them out in front of others without robing them in a vocabulary I think my audience will "like". Yes, I'm a people-pleaser.

I wonder how many of us who struggle with self-care are indeed people-pleasers? We say what we think the audience will best accept. Our hallmark is tolerance and acceptance. We get nervous or anxious when people don't take things "right". And we get really anxious when we address multiple audiences that sometimes conflict with one another in their vocabularies!

What do we really want to accomplish with our words and actions? I think we deeply crave that tolerance and acceptance in return, and are deeply fearful it will not be forthcoming. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a sham, using other people's terms for things that for me don't even have words!

So, today is a day of reflection... finding within me those values that I most prize. Hunting for a new future vision that I'm afraid to put down in a collage. My son is an adult, married, on his own. My ex lives half way across the country. I'm only ten years away from retirement. I had a sea-change in religious beliefs in the last decade.

Do I even have an identity, beyond serving the needs of others, and if so, what is that identity? Who am I?

Too big a task for a single day, but too important not to start.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMARTIEBEE 1/19/2010 11:52PM

    Wow! Very well put! And It gave me lots to think about!


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PATRISNA 1/19/2010 8:14PM

    I have to agree with you about the book. I am only up to chapter 2. I haven't been burning to finish reading it. I think possibly because feel a lot of it is a review of things I have learned. We can always use positive reinforcement, but all in good time. Where is the shiny new stuff?

I love this website, but as you say the book is fairly standard self help stuff. You and I know we have been around the block a few times so even though we embrace SP we have life experience that has shaped our views.

I loved this blog. We all need to reflect and decide what we need to imporve our selves. We are not chameleons or sheep. We decide our path. Thanks for making me use my brain. Love ya kiddo!

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MSLZZY 1/19/2010 6:24PM

    Reflection is necessary during many phases of our lives and not just at the beginning of a new year. But it causes us to look deep within ourelves to understand ourselves and our goals. What do I want? Or more importantly,
what do I need?
My goals, my wants and my needs may chamge daily or weekly but I know in
my heart that I am searching for answers that only I can provide.
You put some lengthly thought into your blog and made me think I need to
reflect more deeply. My wants and needs are waiting to be addressed.
Thanks for the reminder that I need to spend time reflecting.
Have a great day!

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KALIGIRL 1/18/2010 8:58PM

    Wow - with so many changes behind and ahead of you, I can understand searching for your identity. I can only attest that you do indeed help others, keeping the Lincoln Spark alive. I hope you find what you're looking for.

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NELLIEC 1/18/2010 3:36PM

    I, too, have been a chameleon. That is, until I figured out I needed to really know who I was and what I believed. Now, rather than being a people pleaser, I strive to be a God-pleaser because I know that in doing so, I am being true to my best self.

I managed to get more distance between my ex and myself -- the whole country. Yet, now 3000 + miles apart, we get along better than when we were married. I send him Bible verses (with his permission) everyday, and he comments relatively frequently.

May God bless you!!!

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GINABUG 1/18/2010 2:08PM

    I could have written this Blog myself! As a fellow chameleon, I will say that I am not totally ashamed of myself for this. I used to think I was just "wishy washy" allowing others to make decisions for me. That may have been true at one time, but now I think I really do care about others in a way that I want to be "gentle" with them. This sometimes means not being too forceful with what I think. It also means I respect their perspective and before I blurt out mine, I really want to understand them.

I actually found myself in a meeting last week listening to two colleagues adamantly disagreeing with each other. I was having a hard time separating what I really thought about the issue with how my opinion would affect the dynamics of the exchange and the two individuals (both of whom I respect and care about). It was an odd position to be in but quite insightful to sit and observe myself being there. In the end, I expressed myself by saying that I thought there were far more than "two sides" to the issue. Had I not taken the time to listen to both sides that were being expressed, I might not have come to that conclusion.

So, to my fellow chameleon, I say, take your time. Be gentle with yourself. And never forget that you are who you are because you care. Perhaps not coincidentally, one of my all time favorite MLK quotes is:

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

In my book, this includes love for others AND yourself!

Blessings,


GinaBug
emoticon

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DEBRA_T 1/18/2010 9:43AM

    That blog entry is more awesome than something that is awesome -- it just blew me away. Yes, it is important to find something outside of yourself that resonates with inside yourself; yes, it's hard to do that when you have an eye on whether the people around you are nodding in agreement; yes, after a while it's hard to know who you are because you've become addicted to those nodding heads; and, yes, it's still very important to know the answer to the question: what do I value? I'm with you all the way on each and every word you wrote today including the sea change in religious understanding, the constant searching for the next uplifting idea and the need to finally be quiet within myself and see what's there. I Love This!

emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY332 1/18/2010 9:16AM

    Knowing God created us all for purpose is what propels me forward each day. I know he has a plan - just wish he would tell me.

In the meantime, I will take what I can from each day to give me motivation for today. I think it is the "stuff" we find along the way each day that is really the
Serendipity of Life! If we found something that would last the rest of our lives, would we get bored? I am thinking so...

I like the change that each day brings.

Hugs, Sunny

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ARMYGIRL67 1/18/2010 9:05AM

    I feel the same way. I need to find something and stick with it. I have not opened the Spark yet. We have been to busy at work and at home. Good luck.

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MAVY135 1/18/2010 9:03AM

  Today, is the first day, start on you and do a little at a time. Good luck

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Definitely... no more endocrinologist!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Got the blood test results in the mail today... NORMAL! Yes! So, no need to head back to that dude any more.

Also, today was weigh-in, and I was only 0.7 pounds above my original goal. I talked it over with my consultant, and decided to take my goal weight down another five pounds, to 145. This is not an unrealistic goal. Healthy BMI for me is about 140, add five pounds for time of day and clothing at my normal weigh-in time, and there we have it.

So, another month or six weeks to goal, provided I keep working at it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMARTIEBEE 1/19/2010 11:49PM

    It must have felt very good to learn you don't have to go back to that doc any more! And to be so close to your goal, WOO HOO!!! God for you!


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GINA7249 1/18/2010 9:05AM

    winner lose one doctor. good job.
gina

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MSLZZY 1/16/2010 7:08PM

    emoticon One less doctor!
emoticon So close to goal!
You are a winner!

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SUNNY332 1/16/2010 7:02PM

    Way to go! I am impressed.

Congrats on the blood work being NORMAL!

Hugs, Sunny

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NELLIEC 1/16/2010 6:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CONCHA77 1/16/2010 6:12PM

    emoticonSounds like all is well in your world!!!! emoticon

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Hopefully... no more endocrinologist!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I kept my appointment, he asked a couple of questions, had his nurse draw blood to test the vitamin D and calcium levels, and said if the tests come back at acceptable levels, no need to followup with him any more, just have my family doc do the calcium / vitamin D level checks with my annual checkups. Which he was doing anyway. That makes me HAPPY! emoticon One less doctor in the rotation!

Work was particularly stressful yesterday, and I found myself craving soda... but I didn't cave then. Nor did I cave today when my luncheon appointment was canceled and I had to catch a meal out because I didn't have my packed lunch with me. I'm proud of me. It is now 18 days since my last fizzy drink! emoticon

Speaking of the canceled luncheon, it was in a good cause: the lady who had originally scheduled it "dumped" us for her Air Force son, fresh home from Iraq! No one can be upset with that happy occasion! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JGOLFER 1/15/2010 8:28AM

    Woo Hoo - one less doctor! Kudos on not drinking soda - you should be proud. That was definitely a good cause for cancelling a luncheon - how wonderful. Have a great day!


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GINABUG 1/14/2010 10:12PM

    Congrats on a very successful day! I salute you for healthy eating, and a compassionate heart!

Yea for one less doctor!

Blessings,

Gi
naBug
emoticon

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MSLZZY 1/14/2010 9:25PM

    One less doctor-what a relief! Stay focused and give the sodas the old heave-ho!
That was probably one very happy mom!Have a great weekend.

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DJ4HEALTH 1/14/2010 8:36PM

    Glad that you don't have to see anymore doctors. Congrats on giving up soda.

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SUNNY332 1/14/2010 8:24PM

    No - no one can blame your friend for dumping you to have lunch with her Hero!

I hope that all is well and the test come back with acceptable levels.

Have a Fabulous Friday, my friend.

Sunny

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Pre-appointment jitters

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I called my endocrinologist's office today. He had said to come back and see him 3-4 months post-surgery. It was three months just last week and I figured I'd call and make the appointment. I wasn't quite prepared for them to have a cancellation and the appointment is tomorrow morning. I'll just go in to work late. But this evening I'm noticing in myself a little bit of "I don't know what to expect" jitters. What can he tell without blood tests, anyway?

I've been following his directions about calcium and vitamin D supplements since the surgery, and I imagine I'll go in only to be sent out for tests before another followup. Hope to see lower numbers on the blood calcium level and good levels of parathyroid hormone.

I've been doing the SP "Spark your body" boot camp challenge, only not... the past two days I have done a different lower body and upper body workout than the little videos. I'm pleased with myself, though, because every day of the challenge I have done something in line with it.

Those of you who are following my giving up soda thing? My last diet soda was on December 27th. I'm hoping for a bubble-free January, for starters.

And... weather... tomorrow we are supposed to top the freezing mark. And the next day. And the next day. emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JGOLFER 1/13/2010 8:53AM

    I wish you the best of luck on your appointment today. I am loving the Spark Your Body Bootcamp! Some of the moves are very different and I can definitely feel it the next day. You need to check out a video blog from MYRTLY about her experiences with Bootcamp - she is hilarious. Congratulations on giving up diet soda. I love diet coke and limit myself to one a day and eventually I hope to get it down to 0. Glad the weather is improving. Have a great day!
emoticon

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CONCHA77 1/13/2010 8:51AM

    I am sending along my prayers and positive thoughts for a great result from the Dr. Keep us posted.
Hugs.

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SUNNY332 1/13/2010 6:48AM

    Hang in there and don't "awfulize" the appointment outcome. I will be thinking of you as you go.

emoticon on being emoticonfree. That is an accomplishment.

Sunny

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MSLZZY 1/12/2010 11:13PM

    Take a deep breath and stay calm. The appointment just came sooner than you expected. At least he didn't put you off for a month.
I'm glad the weather is getting nicer. It kinda tried to melt on Sunday and Monday but today the sun had enough power to put a crust on the snow and there were trickles of water seeping out of the snow banks! Woohoo! January thaw!
Have a good day tomorrow! I want to hear all about it. emoticon

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NELLIEC 1/12/2010 10:16PM

    emoticon for giving up soda!

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TEACHINMOM 1/12/2010 9:55PM

    Way to go giving up soda!! That's is awesome. Do you notice any differences, like in how you feel or how your body feels?? Just wondering because I did when I quit soda. So glad the temps are looking better for awhile. Have a great day tomorrow and best wishes on that appointment!
emoticonCindy

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Going the distance - progress toward a goal

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Reminder of my short term goal: by the end of January, I want to be going 5K on the treadmill in 45 minutes or less, twice in a week.

Today, I did it for the first time. And, oh, my goodness, I even broke into a slow jog for part of it. 5K in 44 minutes and 20 seconds. One time this week. I have three more weeks in the month to accomplish getting it done twice in a week!

Other than that, it's been an excellent day. My son called on the video software and the connection was decent. The blankets I'd shipped to him arrived yesterday. He has the calendar of rescued German Shorthaired Pointers hanging in his office. And with the addition of the Husker blanket, he now has some defense against the Texas Longhorns that surround him over there! He has found a fellow Nebraskan, too, which is just plain cool.

My daughter in law and I went to our weigh-ins, and rather than the slight gain I expected, I registered a "loss" of two tenths of a pound. That's a maintain in my book, and considering the week I had, I'm ecstatic.

Last but far from least, I got to play with my grand-kitties. They are growing so fast! Or maybe time is just flying so fast. The little girl kitten crosses her eyes when she plays with her kitty toys, and purrs like a champ. The little boy kitten is his mistress' own favorite. The two of them together... purr-fect!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRISNA 1/12/2010 8:51PM

    You are doing great! I can't jog on the treadmill. I took my hands off the bars yesterday for about two seconds. LOL I am getting more comfortable with it machine everyday.

I'll be thinking of your son and praying he comes home safe. I am glad you can keep in good contact with him.





Comment edited on: 1/12/2010 8:55:52 PM

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SKIPPER21550 1/12/2010 8:11PM

  Good for you, on your loss. Please say Thank You to your son we appreciate our service men and women.

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NELLIEC 1/9/2010 8:25PM

    Ahhhh, kittens!

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SUNNY332 1/9/2010 6:54PM

    Grandkittens??? Now I am totally jealous.

Good luck on your goals.

Hugs, Sunny



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MSLZZY 1/9/2010 6:50PM

    emoticon High fives to you! In another week or so, you 'll be doing 2 5K's! emoticon
Glad your son has some defense against those Longhorns LOL!

Comment edited on: 1/9/2010 6:55:35 PM

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SMARTIEBEE 1/9/2010 6:01PM

    WOO HOO!!! Look at you! You will be jogging on a regular basis before you know it! Good for you!



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