Sunday, January 31, 2010
You might want to think about trying it. I am blown away. I have never much gone in for the before and after pictures thing.
But, there is photographic evidence that my efforts in January, loosely following the boot camp (not exactly), had an effect. Check out the front of the spark page... after is in the top left corner, taken this morning. Before is below it. I can actually see a difference in my mid-section... and I really did not expect to! It's only been one month. And I've not felt I was doing "that much".
I am going to try to do this as a maintenance step: take such a photo once a month, as I go forward, and move them onto the spark page.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Well, at least this time it did!
I had been in a foul mood since Wednesday. You can tell from my most recent blog entries. The kind of thing I never would have shared when I was in my 20's... when I could never write anything negative because it wasn't what I wanted to project. In the family of my birth and upbringing it was unacceptable to have a negative emotion.
It's been a lot of work to learn to recognize them for what they are (they are not hunger!) and even more, allow myself to acknowledge and sit with them. Sometimes I still eat over them. Sometimes I successfully navigate back to a balanced view. Right now, this morning, I am rejoicing over that balanced view.
By the way, I want to thank everybody who left me supportive comments throughout my little 3-day episode with self-doubt, irritation, and talking back to books! A good night's sleep and supportive positive people around one is amazing in getting past the bumps in the road of life. Sometimes it takes me a while to get to here, but here is good.
Isn't SparkPeople a great place to be?
Friday, January 29, 2010
What's going on in my psyche? No, I haven't fallen off the program. But I'm having this odd emotional crossroads. It happens about this point in the process for me. I'm only about 4 pounds away from my "new" goal, five pounds under the original. I'll probably reach that goal by the end of February, as long as I don't stop doing what I've been doing.
But there is this sense of "is that all there is?" that kicks in about now for me. I know I need to have new goals. I even wrote some of them down at the beginning of the year, and went through the motions of evaluating them against what I said my beliefs and values are... and still am having this emotion. "Is that all there is?"
For me, losing pounds and driving for a goal that's recognizable, getting applause, or virtual applause of watching a ticker tick towards the goal... is relatively easy. OK, not sit on the couch and eat ice cream easy, but root for your team, go out there and play easy. It's a project. I do well with projects.
But when the project appears to be "finished"... I lose interest. It's time to find another project. I've tried putting out things like an athletic event to train for as my next project, but I've kind of "been there done that". I have put nice rewards up for myself in 2010... and I am doing some of them.
Clearly, losing weight is not a silver bullet. It doesn't solve LIFE. I'm envious of people who have a mission in life. A clear, identified mission. I feel like I lack that. I love my work, enjoy being with the people there, but you don't work 24 x 7.
At the same time, work takes about all the energy I've got beyond just taking care of me. When people start suggesting "do more for others", it sounds like just more work to me. And when I start trying, it turns into a second career, without quitting the first. I stop taking care of me, and the whole cycle of regain / have to do it again begins. Somewhere there HAS to be a fulfilling balance.
What do I want out of LIFE? Who am I, and how can I really be the best ME, when I don't even know who that is, beyond what I do, day to day?
I have not started the 28 day program in the book because at this point, it feels like too much. Yes, those three little "fast start" goals feel like too much... time pressure to do something in the next 28 days. It smacks of things that have led me back to downward spirals in the past.
So, yeah, this is a whine and work it out post. My plan: be a little kind and gentle with myself. No program is one size fits all. Spark People is flexible in that regard... I just have to get a grip on my "I want to be a super star" thing. I am who I am, I have my limits, and THAT'S OK!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
OK, this one I am going to have to either argue with or grow into.
This was the first chapter I felt like talking back to. I mean, seriously talking back to. Yes, for many people, just being a positive influence in someone's life is a huge motivator. Chris has a painfully shy childhood, but I'm convinced he was an extrovert yearning to be let out.
I am no extrovert. I am an introvert with a job that requires a certain degree of courage and mimicking of extroversion! I'm close enough to the dividing line that I can pull this off. But I need some serious alone time to recover. If I add "volunteering" and "community service" on top of the peopling I already do to earn my living, I'm in deep doo-doo.
Building Block: COACHING
Despite my statement above, I do engage in a certain amount of coaching and encouraging. People nowadays come up to me and ask. And I share. I encourage here on SparkPeople, on a community on Live Journal, and in person in the work place and among my family. This helps keep me motivated... BUT...
I have to be careful of my own character flaw of wanting to do it FOR someone else, feeling responsible for "fixing" others. As with oxygen masks on airplanes, I have to be careful to put my own recovery first. If I don't, what kind of role model could I possibly be?
Building Block: PUBLIC LEADERSHIP
Toddler Barbie is sitting on the floor screaming "I don't wanna" and scuffing up her little patent leather shoes. Teen-aged Barbie is abdicating her throne as empress of the sim-soc country in her 8th grade class. I have never wanted to be a leader... because I'm too selfish... people (especially 8th graders) don't appreciate their "leaders". I wanted everybody to like me, and not everybody likes "leaders".
Flash forward... but it's what I do for a living. I have a team of people who I depend on and who depend on me. I think I'm reluctant to overload myself with the vocabulary of "leadership" more than the actuality of working as a leader of a team. I prefer to think of myself as a peer, although I've come to accept the title and responsibility.
Interestingly enough, as I have worked on my own fitness, so have others on the work team. We may have used alternate "plans", but we encourage one another. They know I'm on Spark People. They are aware (because of my yellow post-it) of my 32 day streak without soda. And three of the five of us take walking breaks, sometimes turning the walk into a work meeting, sometimes just social.
Building Block: COMMUNITY SERVICE
Sorry, gotta wait 'til I retire for this one. Maybe. I have my hands full with my life and work.
So, the important lesson for me, in this chapter is patience... don't expect too much of me too fast. Someday I may get there. Right now... well, what's the old phrase? Two out of three isn't bad?
Get An Email Alert Each Time ONEKIDSMOM Posts