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What to say, what to say?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Today has been perfect... I went nowhere! I was up at 4 a.m., but snoozed in the afternoon. I puttered around the house, did laundry, sorted through papers, etc. and in general am just readjusting to being home. Last weekend was so busy, and extended into Monday due to the travel issues. It seems to me as though I haven't had a weekend for two weeks.

The trip was enjoyable and very worth-while, but it required energy, and it disrupted routine. And the rest of life kept charging forward when I got back. On Wednesday, the stitches came out of my arm where the doctor had removed that spot the week before. "Good catch" was the pathologist's comment: this is a type most often missed before it turns into cancer (the odd words they added were "with pigmentation incontinence"). But he got it all, so that was good news.

Coming back to the reality of SparkPeople and some self-awareness: because NO ONE can do it all, I had given myself a break from tracking on line. And due to the stitches and doctor's orders, I had avoided strength training for a week and a half.

So, now it's time to get back to things, being careful to avoid the pitfalls of "is that all there is" and "I got through that, now I can relax" thinking. Maintenance of a changed lifestyle differs from the mind-set of "diet to achieve a number on the scale." Maintenance is all about healthy habits, healthy behaviors, and balance.

Today has served for me as a buffer zone to re-adjust my grip on life, kind of like when you walk on a balance beam and pause to re-balance yourself... in some very important ways, every day is emoticon. I'm glad to have had a chance to slow down and give this particular Day One its space.

emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALKINGANNIE 5/23/2010 4:11AM

    Glad you're back and that your vigilance saved you from worse health consequences.

There might even be message in there about looking out for danger signs and risks to health and dealing with them early. I suppose that it's all part of the Day 1 philosophy.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.


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KASEYCOFF 5/23/2010 4:10AM

    Glad that you're back, Barb, and really good news about your arm. 'Good catch' indeed - sounds like the kind of doctor worth keeping! And I hear you re 'healthy maintenance.' You know what Marenamoo says - 'Be ever vigilant!' :-)

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KALIGIRL 5/22/2010 9:50PM

    So glad you had a successful Day 1!
"Maintenance is all about healthy habits, healthy behaviors, and balance." - so true.
emoticon for putting a complex concept so simply.

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MSLZZY 5/22/2010 8:01PM

    Every day is day one-how true! I know I can't be complacent, even for one day. It is too easy to string those days together.
Glad you are home and adjusting! Have a great weekend! emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 5/22/2010 7:45PM

    I like that: Every day is Day #1! I fell off the SP wagon two days ago and I'm not getting back on yet. Mom is still with us through tomorrow and my sister is being a blankety-blank. Then, next week we have our 3-week vacation and I'll have little to no access to SP. I guess I'm in vacation mindset already. Not being a pig, but not being "good" either.

Sorry, I kinda made this about me. I'm glad you had a good trip and that you got good news at the doctor. And now you're ready to get back onboard with SP. Good for you!

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THIAGRAM 5/22/2010 7:34PM

  Nice to see you back on SP! You have a good attitude going here! Congratulations on the "good catch"!! I like your background picture. Is it something special?

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NELLIEC 5/22/2010 7:08PM

    I'm guessing that "pigmentation incontinence" may mean that some of the coloration of the mole (or whatever it was) had appeared nearby so the doc thought that cells were multiplying.

It is definitely good that it was a "good catch." Mine was the same way!!!

May God bless you!!!

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CONCHA77 5/22/2010 7:06PM

    You sound great, Barb. Glad life is treating you so good. Enjoy.

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And adventures on the way back, too

Monday, May 17, 2010

I just got home, about half an hour ago, salad in bag. Stuck overnight in Denver! After the diversion to Austin on Friday that makes two side trips on the main trip. It was a great hotel both in San Antonio (right on the Riverwalk, walking distance to the Alamo, all the touristy stuff to do on the side) and in Denver. Great workout rooms both places, and I'm glad to report I made use of them.

The one in San Antonio was on the 22nd floor, and I was doing my treadmill stuff at 5 a.m. so it was still dark and you were gazing out at the lights of the city. The one in Denver... well, let us say they had "free disposable headsets" for the guests to wear while tuning in to the personal TV screens attached to the treadmills.

Two things I noticed in Denver: snow on the mountains in May is more than I've seen in my past visits in September and in August. And Prairie dogs! I had forgotten that the prairie dogs build thriving communities between the lanes of the interstates... and there they sit, perched on the lips, poking their heads up as the vehicles whiz by.

San Antonio: What's to say, a gorgeous town. I got museum'd out. Lots of steps on the pedometer. And I was proud of my food choices, although I did get over-peopled, too. I'm ready to cave, only I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Meantime, kept spreading the word about the Yellow Ribbon family programs for the Army Reserve... it's a different challenge for reservists than it is for active duty folk. Events like the one I just attended in San Antonio hopefully will start addressing our geographical dispersion. We had people fly in from as far away as Maine and California, Wisconsin and Nebraska, to come together because our loved ones are serving together. Hopefully we've formed some lasting bonds and can keep in touch to support one another!

Kind of like... Spark... People? (Speaking of which, I was out there promoting Spark, just a bit... because people asked.)

emoticon emoticon Turtles, I promise to get to the moon miles... sometime!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 5/18/2010 1:14PM

    Glad the trip was eventful and fun – thanks for letting us know about the ‘yellow ribbon’ for reservists. I’m amazed @ their dedication and sacrifice.

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MSLZZY 5/18/2010 7:22AM

    Look at all the fun you would have missed!

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SUNNY332 5/17/2010 7:37PM

    What a great and very productive trip.

Thanks for sharing with us and I will definitely check into the Yellow Ribbon Family Program.

Take care and do have an AWESOME week.


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WALKINGANNIE 5/17/2010 5:18PM

    Thanks for your travelogue Barb. It's interesting to hear about prairie dogs.

Sounds as if you had quite an adventure. Glad you found another support group - and pleased to have you back in this one,


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THIAGRAM 5/17/2010 3:19PM

  Sounds like a good support group for you! Trips are fun, but it's always so nice to come home!
emoticon emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 5/17/2010 3:14PM

    Good for you for sticking to your exercise plan while on the road. It's easy to slack off. It takes dedication to stick to it. Very impressive, Barb! -Marsha

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KASEYCOFF 5/17/2010 3:06PM

    Don't worry about the stats, Barb - they will wait till you get to them! I'm glad you had a good trip, even with the 'adventures' on the side, lol... And it's good to have you back, too. :-)

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CONCHA77 5/17/2010 3:05PM

    Wow, Very nice to know what you have been up to! I had no idea where or why you went!
Bless your Heart and Thank You,

Hugs, Connie emoticon

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Travel can be an adventure

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Add thunderstorms to airplanes and mix well. For the first time in all my years of flying, I was on a plane that got diverted to a different destination than its originally intended one. I'd had lots of other adventures in flying over the years but this was a first for me.

But, despite that little 4 hour side-trip, I did end up in a beautiful place at the event I was fretty about last weekend. And as I knew it would, it is turning out to be "just what I need". Anybody else have that trait? Resist doing something, do it anyway, and be glad?

Pretty much the same with our healthy living efforts. I'll be brief as I'm writing from the hotel, but I'm thinking of my spark friends, and the turtles headed moonward... I may not get our totals posted 'til Monday, but we WILL all get credit for our efforts!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 5/16/2010 9:55PM

    Glad you arrived safely (even with a detour) but sorry I haven't kept up enough to know what wonderful adventure you are on...
Hope I will catch up with you soon!

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SUNNY332 5/16/2010 1:53PM

    Glad that the event was OK after the fretting.

No - thunderstorms and airplanes do not mix.

I drove to Kansas last Monday and got caught in a line of storms from Kansas City
to Wichita. When we arrived in Wichita, the tornado warning was sounding. There was a funnel just west of the airport. Tuesday, the day left no remnants of the storms the night before. It was a beautiful day and a perfect spring day on the prairie.

Take care - Sunny

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WATERMELLEN 5/16/2010 9:36AM

    Recalling a "plane in the storm" incident of my own: and so glad you're safe! Bit of a metaphor, ya think? You were expecting more of a storm where you were going and so far it's been sunny!! Generally I regret more what I didn't do than what I did; and after the event, never wish that I had worried more!!

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MSLZZY 5/16/2010 7:40AM

    Quite an adventure! Glad it turned out well!

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WALKINGANNIE 5/16/2010 6:54AM

    Hope that you are healing well after your recent treatment Barb.

I'm pleased that your event went well and yes, I have dreaded events that I have been fine when they have happened!

This is a not a good time in the UK for estimating whether airports will be open or closed because a volcanic ash cloud from Iceland is affecting our skies. Nature does rule!

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KASEYCOFF 5/16/2010 3:59AM

    I've never been on a flight that was diverted for any reason, just had a couple lengthy delays, one which ended up being overnight - and which ultimately involved a couple of serendipitous moments, at that. Kind of makes me wonder, if you could have ended up choosing to stay at your 'diversion destination,' instead of resuming your flight and going where you planned - would you? Would you have said 'Well, what the hey, I'm here for two days, I'll see what's here to explore and investigate, then just go home when I originally intended'? I don't think I've ever done anything like that - spontaneously changing plans to that extent. Now, tho, I might keep an eye out for such an opportunity. :-)

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DEBRITA01 5/15/2010 8:37PM

    emoticon Guilty...Always trying to resist change and sometimes I over-analyze things, trying to anticipate what will happen. Usually I am pleasantly surprised by the outcome, which is not at all as I had anticipated. I think we spend too much time worrying and wondering (at least I do) and should just let things happen...Glad you are having a good weekend in a beautiful place...hope it's everything that you need it to be.

Comment edited on: 5/15/2010 8:38:03 PM

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 5/15/2010 8:01PM

    I'm glad things went well and you arrived safely. Also happy to hear you're glad you decided to "do this." Enjoy your time away and safe travels back home.

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Stitches and scars and such

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Today was the day the doctor excised the spot on my arm, the one that had been biopsied to find Actinic Keratosis. I also pointed out another spot behind my ear on the same side (right hand side). He froze that one and said he'll check it again to see if it needs to be treated a second time when I go back to get the stitches out, a week from Friday.

Thanks to all for the encouraging words on Sunday's entry... the event I was stressing over? Hasn't happened yet! I stress far in advance of these things... at least now I know that's what I'm doing and have a chance to take out the feelings and examine them and come up with strategies for dealing with them.

The "no weigh" challenge? I'm down to the three times a week I agreed to. And I didn't die from it. I am indeed maintaining, as I am aiming to do. I plan on continuing this effort... it's really good for me!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNY332 5/12/2010 7:41PM

    Glad that is over for you. Do keep us posted.

I have been in Kansas visiting our Son/his family.

Take care and have a Terrific Thursday.


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WALKINGANNIE 5/12/2010 4:35PM

    I'm so glad that you've got this bit of treatment over with. You were very wise to get yourself checked out. Hope the rest of the treatment goes well.

As for 'no weigh', I'm very surprised indeed that I've taken to this - and not in the spirit of denial that explained my avoidance of scales when I was in the gaining phases of my former yo-yo cycle.

I think that I'll weigh at least monthly and try not to obsess or to become too lax. I will be vigilant about how I feel and how my clothes fit.

This feels like true progress. I'm interested that you're doing something similar.


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KATIE33MAHALA 5/12/2010 4:34PM

    Nice with the wt. loss, but please keep going to doctors to keep an eye on those spots, Actinic Keratosis Always get them checked and removed. Thank you again for your help to me. Hope you had a good day today, Katie

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KALIGIRL 5/12/2010 1:10PM

    Congrats on the no weigh program – what a great ‘weigh’ to wean ourselves from the scale. I am still checking daily, but went below goal and am still experimenting with food plans (as exercise is fairly constant) to maintain. (I’ve added an ounce of walnuts a day and am reveling in the treat…)

I’m with you on learning to wait to deal with feelings/issues/thoughts until they occur. (Easier said than done…)

Good luck on biopsy!

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KASEYCOFF 5/12/2010 5:45AM

    Barb, I know that it doesn't help to borrow trouble by worrying over what 'might' happen, but I also think it's better to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best. So if nothing else, you can consider yourself 'on alert' and ready just-in-case, lol...

No Weigh: YOU are doing GREAT! Slow but sure, you are decreasing the number of checks. emoticon

p.s. It occurs to me I nearly missed a great opportunity to pun about 'forewarned is forearmed' - stitches 'n' all? :-D

Comment edited on: 5/12/2010 5:46:29 AM

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MSLZZY 5/11/2010 11:22PM

    Glad you worried and had it checked out. Great victory over the scale. It will still be there in a few days.

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 5/11/2010 10:15PM

    I do the same thing when it comes to worrying in advance. Yet another one of my bad habits. There's nothing I can do, but by worrying I somehow think I'm able to figure out every different outcome and therefore plan on how I'll react. I wish you the best of luck.

And good job on the "no weigh" challenge.

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NELLIEC 5/11/2010 10:12PM

    Sounds like you have gotten over several hurdles!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Feelings don't follow rules

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Free floating emotions and free time are not a good combination for me. They tend to lead to "false" signals of hunger. What I have learned over the years, and hopefully address in better ways, is that feelings don't happen when they "should" according to logic or plan. They just happen. Feelings are legitimate whenever they happen, and must be addressed, acknowledged and hopefully at that point one can move on.

Sometimes I have problems allowing for the legitimacy of my own feelings when I perceive that someone else has had to deal with much worse. Say I have to work overtime, and feel sorry for myself, then I find someone else has lost their job. Job loss is something that I may fear far more than a little overtime. But if I don't acknowledge the two things at work here - self-pity and fear / anxiety, chances are good I'll "feel" hungry.

Today is Mother's Day. Which of course dredges up feelings attached to the mother-daughter relationship with my own mom, mother-son relationship with my child, and of course by extension the relationship with my daughter in law. What were we thinking when we invented holidays celebrating relationships? Well, obviously we were thinking of counting our blessings, of which we all have many. But it can also bring up regrets or comparisons, so being aware that this can happen is a good thing!

The alignment of dates can trigger emotions, too. I got married in May. Last night I called my ex for the first time in many months. This may sound weird, but I hadn't seen his green light on IM in several weeks, and my threshold of worry was exceeded. He lives alone, as do I, so a check-up call is not necessarily a bad thing every so often. We ended up chatting for about an hour and a half, which is about my limit... but of course, talking with him always dredges up feelings, good and bad, associated with a 22 year marriage than ended sadly. 'Nuff said.

I'm preparing to go to an event where I will see family members of others who are deployed with my son. I will be going alone, as my daughter in law has opted not to go. I am acknowledging a little social anxiety about the whole deal. Some of these folks I have met only once, at a similar event last September. Others I have never met. And... a lot of things have happened to our loved ones in the past several months.

This blog today is a periodic reminder to myself to not attach any judgment to feelings. They just are. They do not have to have reason or justification to appear. Here's to acknowledging feelings, and having a healthy response ready.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DHENDLER 5/10/2010 5:03PM

    More Hugs emoticon

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KALIGIRL 5/10/2010 1:50PM

    Hope the event provided a good ending to what sounds like a conflicted day.
Glad you are recognizing your feelings and going with the flow.
All the best and a belated Happy Mother's Day.

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MSLZZY 5/9/2010 9:21PM

    Hope your event was not too stressful. Addressing feelings and dealig with them in a positive manner is the best you can do. Have a great evening!

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WATERMELLEN 5/9/2010 5:14PM

    Hope your potentially difficult event exceeded your expectations. I like what you say about acknowledging feelings: it's when I do so candidly (to myself) that I am best able to control my impulse to (sometimes inappropriate) responses to those feelings!!

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WALKINGANNIE 5/9/2010 4:41PM

    Feelings just are. That's true. We can't control them but we can control how we respond to them . You've put into words what a lot of others struggle with, Barb. Did blogging about it help? I find it helps me to work through quite a lot of things, even if, like you, my blogs don't always make it to the printed page.

Sometimes it helps just to acknowledge feelings so they don't build up and lead to too much concentrated emotional pressure.

You're sensible and grounded. You have led a rounded life. All the things that have happened to you have made you who you are - a strong, intelligent, thoughtful woman who isn't afraid to acknowledge her emotions.

Thanks for your honesty. Hope the event went well for you and that you continue to find the healthy responses that you're working on.


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CONCHA77 5/9/2010 1:56PM

    Happy Mother's Day to you Barb. You do have a wonderful way of putting feelings into words and they do make me think when I read your posts. Thank You. Enjoy your day, Hugs, Connie

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KASEYCOFF 5/9/2010 11:49AM

    That's really perceptive, Barb - not to attach any judgment to feelings. I suspect you wouldn't define someone else's feelings as 'good' or 'bad' or 'worthwhile' or whatever. Yet it is easy to denigrate our own, ain't? Good reminder for that! :-)

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SUNNY332 5/9/2010 11:26AM

    I do hope you have a very Happy Mother's Day.

Feelings are important as they belong to us.

Hugs, Sunny

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