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Anatomy of a binge episode

Monday, June 29, 2009

So, here I am, Sunday supper time, doing great on my plan. My plan has some yummy spaghetti and meatballs as supper. There is mozarella cheese as part of this dish.

All of a sudden, I remember that there is a package of shredded mozarella left in my fridge. It has been sitting there for a month, mind you. Untouched by me, as I dutifully, and for the most part with a good deal of satisfaction and pride, follow my plan.

But something on Sunday evening took me into the first bite of a binge. I opened that package and reasoned with myself that I could have just a quarter of a cup, since after all I had worked out well that morning. Before I knew it, that whole package was gone.

Probably would have been OK if I'd stopped there, ruminated on why, and moved on. But no! I get a phone call from my sister (one of the skinny sisters) who has a free coupon for dessert at Applebee's, and it expires in a couple of days. You'd think this next part would be good: I said "no", and did not go with her.

I thought about calling my ex, which I had sort of kind of promised to start doing weekly, just to make sure he's still breathing. I was dragging my feet, because when I did call him last week we stayed on the phone for an hour and a half while he mostly complained of his troubles, and I bit my tongue.

So instead of calling him, I resumed eating. I took two of my JC snacks from later in the week since I don't keep much "bad" stuff in the house, and ate them. Then I had two bowls of Special K with milk, and one of them also with Hershey's syrup. Somehow at that point I stopped.

And started thinking. Anxiety over upcoming family events and the eating surrounding them. For some reason I don't want to tell my skinny sisters that I'm on JC. I don't even want to tell my diabetic sister that I am. Something about me is still somewhat skeptical and judgmental about pre-packaged food weight loss programs. Despite my success with it so far.

I am concerned about how much sugar is in the foods. So today I'm having a day sort of on my own. I substituted my own steel-cut oats for the blueberry muffin at breakfast. And since I already ate the salty afternoon snack, I'll be having carrots and celery then.

Wish me luck, it's binge recovery day. Something I'm very familiar with, as someone who lives "one bite away from a binge", one day at a time.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DTIBBS 6/29/2009 3:13PM

    Acknowledging the binge is the first step in controlling them. You can't be too hard on yourself, you have to give yourself a little credit for the progress you made...I bet a while back you never would have considered two JC snacks and cereal as much of a binge! So even in tough times some the healthy eating habits are sticking.

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MISSDIANE 6/29/2009 10:03AM

    I'm sorry, hon *hugs* I'm proud of you for acknowledging it for what it is and you know that'll help keep it from happening so often. Stay strong today and don't beat yourself up since what's done is done and it's behind you now.

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SYCOBABE 6/29/2009 8:56AM

    Its happens to everyone!! Your not alone. Tomorrows another day remember. Also remember thats why they are called X' ..I do wish you Luck. the best of Luck!!

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Milestone - end of 4th week

Saturday, June 27, 2009

I've dropped a total of 9 and a half pounds in those four weeks. And about 7 inches, adding bust, waist, abdomen & hips.

The odd thing is that I can't really bring myself to care about the pounds or the inches. You see, they are side effects of the actions of eating less and doing more, and that was the real health goal to begin with.


Preparing the Mind!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Oh, if anybody reads these every day... I got over my mini-wall for the week yesterday. It seems to help to vent a bit. I've never been much of one for venting, but it really is good for me to scream into the universe, silently, via a blog like this one that "I'm having a hard day!" So thanks for bearing with me.

Today *is* better, already!

The topic line I put there was stimulated by reading a fellow community member's blog about an upcoming family reunion. My brother is coming to town next week, and he hasn't been out in two years. Not since the great family "featherweight" triathlon in August 2007.

Many of us who struggle with weight and fitness long-term have family contributors to the issue. In my family, for example, there are two "fat" sisters (I'm one of them), and two "skinny" sisters. No matter what our weights at any given family event, we have those labels left over from childhood. When I managed to lose enough and get fit enough to weigh less than my older sister (the gorgeous one?)... it was commented on.

Now, by rights, and health standards, I should weigh less than she does. She tops me in height by two inches. Did I stay there? No! It was almost as though I could not, because it did not fit my family definition.

Anybody else with family issues that play into your efforts? What do you do about those issues?

*hugs* & have a great day

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DTIBBS 6/25/2009 7:57PM

    I have three younger sisters and have experienced the same thing. It doesn't matter what happens in our lives, the minute we get together it is just like being back at home with everyone following their role. I was always the serious, type a workaholic and no matter how hard I work on my diet or exercise they all just kind of laugh it off as a passing fancy. You have to focus on getting healthy for yourself and not let all those stereotypes drag you down and discourage you (certainly easier said than done!!) Good blog (someone is actually reading it!) emoticon

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Mid-week mini-wall... got ... to ... climb ... over it!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Today's whine:

I don't really like blueberries. They were fresh at the store, so I bought them, and I've had them for breakfast (as part of breakfast) two days in a row, and I still don't really like them. Sorry, those of you who are fans of this wonderfully healthy food, but there's no accounting for taste.

I'm not crazy about the mixed greens I bought to substitute for my "spinach salad" this week either. Could barely choke it down on Monday. So, today I'm substituting baby carrots, celery and broccoli florets for the noon time salad.


On line things can rob you of real life self-care. I had it happen with the dragons last year, and I've had it happen this week with a LiveJournal community that hit the spotlight and grew like my backyard weed patch.

Not that I wish anyone *not* be successful in their efforts, but there is this obsessive guilt about not responding to everyone. Yesterday I kept writing comments to people and didn't get my lunch ready so felt rushed getting to work.

Responding to everyone WILL kill my own healthy living efforts. You have to be selective. For instance, how many Spark Teams should one join?

Final thought: Today I will take care of my own needs first. This is NOT selfish, this is necessary before I can do anything for anyone else!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDIANE 6/24/2009 8:54AM

    Last night I decided to do the exact same thing. Since I'm screening the LJ posts, I do read every one, but there's no way I could comment on every one or I'd be in the same boat - missing meals, not getting exercise.

You silly thing - why did you buy blueberries if you don't like them? There are plenty of other nummy fresh fruits you could eat!

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The dog's happy!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

She got a nice walk this morning, saw both an adult bunny (which made her point), and later a baby in the bushes, which excited her no end. And on the way home a young male of her breed jumped the fence in his back yard to come exchange sniffs. You should have seen the grin on her face.

Oh, yeah, I got a nice dose of outdoors, too, and met some neighbors when I rang their bell to ask if they'd like their dog back...



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