Saturday, August 07, 2010
It's Saturday, and it's a lazy weekend. My attitude has continued to be one of dissatisfaction and rebellion. Not good blogging material if you're trying to be positive.
I had my maintenance weigh-in consultation this morning. This should have put me in a good mood, as I have continued to lose slowly, even during maintenance. I fessed up to my insecurities, and all the craziness going on in my life, thought I had a good plan, and then came home to the blahs.
I was hoping to see my son on line. But he wasn't there. Frustration.
Held it together until after lunch, then fell apart with food. It started innocently enough... all healthy stuff. But then my son did show up on line with the message that I should not count on him necessarily coming home early as we'd been thinking he would. I was just adapting to that plan and like a yo-yo... it might not happen.
Napped in front of the TV, but not before continuing my little binge. In the end, I consumed about double my calorie range on the day, and did stop before it got as bad as it COULD get. And strange as it may sound, felt kind of OK about the entire episode. OK about a minor binge?
Yeah... kind of like: "I knew it was going to happen. It's happened. I can put it behind me."
And the major element of the binge? Lean ground beef! I was low on iron anyway, per the blood bank, on Monday. So, maybe I'm just responding to the urging of my body? And then again, maybe the little devil in my head got its way.
Friday, August 06, 2010
We talk a lot about comfort foods, the ones that make us feel good, take us back to childhood memories… but do we also have “comfort clothes”? Maybe it’s a particular style or fit, rather than a specific piece of clothing, but I'm thinking I do!
As a “large” person, I often had to buy things that did not fit me through the shoulders, simply to get the length and girth to cover my torso. Once I lost the weight, I still love several of these shirts and sweaters, but let’s be honest, they don’t really fit me.
While it’s wonderful to see my thinner self in clothes that fit, I have to admit that it is comforting to wrap myself up in an article of clothing that is “too big” for my new frame. It was cold at work earlier this week. I put on a sweater that I have hanging there because of the unpredictable nature of office air conditioning and heating. The sweater is now too big for me… even the smaller sweater that I bought a few years ago wraps amply around my tinier self.
I wrapped in around me like a blanket and felt… comforted. It made me feel protected, somehow. Like a little kid wrapped up in mom or dad’s shirt. Then when I took it off, and found myself in clothes that fit, I was OK with that, too.
I want to wear things that fit. I really don’t need to buy the bigger size any more. I want to trust myself to stay this smaller size. I find myself a little more willing to get rid of things that are bigger, too.
But I will keep a few “comfort clothes” around, despite the advice to discard it all. Because sometimes I need to feel like a child again.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Yes, slumps: where do they come from?
I don't know. They just show up sometimes. Those times when I just say, "Why am I DOING this? I'm tired of all this effort! Can I just stop?"
I've never been particularly good at monitoring my feelings, but I currently believe that a slump starts in the emotional part of me. They start with a feeling. If I don't pay attention to that feeling and "do something" about it, it can escalate into a slump.
Yesterday was such a day. Out of the blue, it seemed. But if I think back, it's part of a bigger picture. Hot weather. Fatigue. Irritation... yeah, I was feeling irritated at work. A few physical discomforts... I won't call them "pain"... didn't really rise to that level, but nagging little things like a not-quite headache and those silly tingles that I've been dealing with of late.
I came home bushed. I went through the motions of my exercise. I didn't overeat. But I was conscious of this "why try" attitude. This could easily become a slump if I let it!
So: how do they end?
Ever notice that sports stars go through slumps? How do theirs end? Well, they keep on playing, game after game. They might get some extra coaching, or take some extra practice. And eventually, their slump ends and they are back!
How do Sparkers get extra coaching? We come here! I did... I was reading the blogs of a few of my spark friends... and they resonated. Reminders of why we're on this journey in the first place. Reminders that we only live one day at a time. Reminders that each of us is worth taking care of. And that the only one who is going to take care of me is me! THANK YOU, fellow Sparkers!
So, in the interest of self-care... figure out what is really bugging me... what do I need? I needed a good night's sleep for one thing. Let's address the fatigue. Went to bed early. Got up on time. As I'm fond of saying, there's not much in life that isn't helped by a good night's sleep.
And I'm contemplating rewards, too... often the feelings that lead to a slump are the result of feeling unrewarded! I foresee a browse in the office supplies, looking at gel pens might be in my near future. It's one of my favorite inexpensive non-food rewards. I buy my own pens and take them to the office where I can take my notes in colors that please me! It's kind of the office joke.
But to get out of an attitude slump... it's the little things that count! Here's to a very short slump... a smiley in color... and keeping on keeping on!
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
I posted some of my downtown work-break walk photos a couple of weeks ago... now I'm going to walk the other direction and find a few treasures. Heading the other way, I walk by a public venue that even today has the temporary sculpture out front from the Special Olympics National Games that were held here in town in July. I expect the sand sculpture will come down before too long, but it was still there yesterday.
Go down the block and you can peek into a garden, tucked in the middle of downtown, where they play live concerts every Wednesday noon during the Summer.
As I keep walking, I am in the midst of the old and new architecture... notice we are a bicycle friendly city!
Turn a corner and you can see the "new" Cornhusker Hotel. It became the "new" hotel in 1981 or 82... when they imploded the old one and built from the ground up. They televised the old one coming down, and from our tiny first house in the outlying neighborhood my husband and I watched it on TV and had the door open to listen to the boom through the air, lagged by a few seconds... the difference between the speed of light and the speed of sound. Maybe that's a metaphor... the speed with which your body adapts, followed by the mind adapting to your healthy lifestyle changes?
Out front of the hotel, part of a community art project from a few years back. Told you we like bicycles in this town:
Speaking of art, if you stroll a few more blocks, you can find the next community art project, celebrating our being a "Star City":
This concludes the second half of my little break-walk tours. Being aware of the beauty around us is a good and healthy thing! Here's to your awareness, and to your health!
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
There are so many metaphors...
* A blog is like a personal journal, where you can celebrate or vent, remind yourself where you came from, or dream of your goals!
* Because it is public, a blog might be a little like a "share" in a group session! You're talking from your own experience, strength and hope. You put it out there and it blesses whoever it happens to bless... you have no idea who might be helped by it, you're just moved to write it!
In some ways a blog is the ultimate narcissistic exercise: it's all about me, me, me... how I feel, what I did, what I think or care about... what's happening around me, but mainly how that affects ME! Nobody really has to read it, not everybody may like it! If I write with the thought of getting applause, I may not write what I need to write today!
That said, is it cool to get supportive comments? You bet! But that can't be why I write, or I'll self-edit too much. I self-edit enough without that thought!
That said, yesterday's adventure was at the blood bank. For the first time EVER in my time of being a donor... I got "deferred" for not having enough iron in my blood (hemoglobin). They have fancier machines to measure now, and while not anemic, I didn't meet their standards.
My brother tells me he has to go longer between donations to get his built up. My one sister had the blood bank tell her "go see your doctor" this summer, because she was so low. But I've never had a problem. Of course, I haven't been in to donate since before my surgery last October! So, something has changed. Time to reassess what I'm doing with nutrition... again!
I read their list of iron-rich foods... I eat them, folks... my food journal will prove it! They mentioned calcium interfering with iron absorption. Hmmm.
Perhaps my change in vitamins and supplements (which was made pre-surgery) needs to be reassessed. They took me off almost everything, and I never resumed a lot it. Of course, it COULD just be that last week's one-day illness took its toll! In any case, it has me thinking, and I think I'll be re-introducing my multivitamin, and phasing out the "Anytime Bars" I have been using as a vitamin substitute.
I can do this. Give me a couple of weeks, and we'll try again.
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