Wednesday, August 18, 2010
It's hard when you are anticipating some joyous event, or even when you are dreading some unpleasant one, to stay anchored in "right now". I noticed this in myself this morning. It's been going on for a while now. It's the whole son coming home from overseas thing. Anticipation: good and not so good.
He could be in transit even as I type. Or not. It's hard to tell, and of course they can't tell you: security! And uncertainty, for that matter. Haven't seen his presence on line since Sunday, and have not heard from my daughter in law either (when she gets the phone call, she usually passes that kind of news along)!
The problem, emotionally, is that I so deeply desire a particular outcome: safe arrival, obviously. And at the same time, there are unknowns: how will he have been changed by his experience? We've been in this situation with him gone for close to a year... how will re-integration turn out?
So, hovering around with this anticipation uppermost, I'm up early. I'll pamper myself with a veggie omelet for breakfast, since I have the time. Maybe head to work a little early and get an extra walk around the block in the cool of the morning. Whatever it takes to anchor me in the present... because part of me wants to get to the future already!
On the note of time passing: it's the first day of school here! Remember to drive carefully!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
This is inspired by a blog this morning by JUST_TRI_IT, where she observed her own goal-orientation.
Goals are a slippery thing for me... I'm not sure HOW I feel about them at this point in my life! Goals can become obsessions with me. And once met, an emptiness... what do I do now?
One problem: I'm a competitor at heart - I want the A, I want the applause, I want to be first... but the reality is, I am NOT gifted in every area of life. I learned in childhood that I would rather "not try" than come in second! I could lie to myself "If I really wanted to, I would win".
Also, from youth I'd been taught that it was WRONG to brag or put oneself above others. So there is this internal conflict between wanting recognition and achievement and NOT wanting it, if you know what I mean.
Consequently, I have issues when people begin to compliment my successes, and I will tend to self-sabotage. At the same time, I love to encourage others in the common struggle... because we really CAN do this, and it's important for our collective health and well-being.
Human beings are complex things. A huge win for me was learning to compete not with others but with myself. That works great when you are young and fit... as I get older, I fear that even competing with myself might become a problem! After all, my personal best 5K time is getting close to 20 years ago. I haven't competed in one in many years.
When I said I wanted to do this one in November, because it is a meaningful cause... I had to be very careful to NOT set up expectations in myself of beating that 20 years ago time! So... my goal at this point is to just DO it. Old ad campaigns rule.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Fessing up: I got cocky with how well I'd done with the cheesecake on Saturday, and on Sunday succumbed to nervous nibbling. I was craving salty things. And I had made the mistake of purchasing some of those "100 calorie" packets of things like cheese curls and baked chips.
Got news... I'm sure NOBODY knows this... but 100 calories is still 100 calories and one little packet nibbled after another can add up in a hurry. I was well over my limit by the end of the day and am paying the price this morning for the excess sodium with swollen sinus passages. Funny how the consequences show up so much faster these days.
So, halo slipped there. Time to take my own advice and treat myself gently and get back on track starting right now. With my steel cut oats breakfast and a gentle but firm attitude toward that inner toddler who was pressing her limits yesterday!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
First off, thanks to all the Spark friends who dropped by and had comments / suggestions about going "car-free" yesterday.
I enjoyed reading the suggestions and I'm adding them to my ponderings. I already do several of them (like walking to the pharmacy, or the bank, or the doctor's office). The big ones that scotch the plan: work related. So, I probably will replace this vehicle. I hope that it's the last time before I retire!
On to today's topics - real life challenges:
My daughter in law had a recent birthday... and yesterday we went to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate. Sounds decadent, no? IS decadent, yes!
It was not planned ahead, so there I was looking at a menu the size of a small town telephone directory. My choices: I had a BLT salad skipping the bleu cheese crumbles and the dressing. I haven't had bacon in several months, and this was a great flavor treat. I left about a quarter of it behind (I swear there was a half a head of lettuce on the plate, at least two hard-boiled eggs crumbled, two slices of bacon and a medium sized tomato diced)... this was an "appetizer" salad. Then we split a slice of Kalua Cocoa Coffee Cheesecake with whipped cream.
Sounds horrible by old good/bad food diet thinking, but here's the part I'm proud of: I savored each bite, the sight, the smell, the texture, the taste, and got to a point of satisfied, not stuffed. There was an inch of cheesecake left on the plate. I 'ed! Yes, stopped... put down the fork and let the server clear those last three bites away.
I didn't feel I had to chase after it, or eat the whole thing. I didn't feel I had to clean my plate. That's the personal triumph here. I adjusted my eating the rest of the day, and I'm moving on to my regular nutritious plan today. I blew my fat and cholesterol counts for the day, but balanced over the week, I'm still OK. I don't feel like a failure.
Intellectually I know it's OK to splurge and treat yourself with special foods ONCE IN A WHILE. If I know I can do this again sometime, and I don't tell myself "I'll never have cheesecake again"... I am free to stop with a satisfying portion.
Yesterday, the intellectual knowledge turned into emotional fact. I found a way to feel good about my choices while still feeling treated. I wish I could bottle the emotions surrounding this celebration meal. I'm putting it on paper to remind myself for the future times when this may once again seem hard.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
It's the budget crunch that's got me thinking about this, but what if you could combine fitness with regular life activity? You know, like grandma used to live.
I blogged last month about taking the bus while my son's car was in the shop. It was truly an expedient thing at the time; I can, after all, only drive one vehicle at a time! BUT, yesterday when I took my car in for an oil change and they identified an additional $$$$ amount of maintenance work that it needs... I got to day-dreaming.
What if I gave up my car? Seriously, if it costs me $$$$ in maintenance every time I bring it in to change the oil (I opted out this time, I already spent more than that fixing up son's car)... I should be either replacing it (it's 12 years old) or looking at giving it up completely.
So here's the daydream: give up the car! Walk where I can walk: the doctor's office, the dentist, the grocery store. OK, there are some transporting "stuff" issues with the grocery store, but I used to have a little pull-cart to handle that... I could do it again. The haircut place is within walking distance. And there is my bicycle that's been gathering cobwebs for a while in the garage... it could be pressed into service for "medium" length trips.
Work is a stretch, but there are buses. It would take a little more time. I could combine a morning walk to the farther bus stop to get some exercise in. The buses don't run on weekends, and I would not be able to drive to work in the middle of the night to support stuff if the remote connection went down. OK, that's a bit of a problem.
I would look a little weird to my neighbors... oh, wait... I already do!
What would I NOT be able to do? I wouldn't be able to drop in on the kids unannounced (not that I would, or do - so no loss). I wouldn't be able to provide airport taxi service to them (unless they lent me their vehicle to do so). I wouldn't be able to do those "pick up and go" kinds of errands... kind of a pain where the kids are concerned.
I wouldn't be able to just pick up and run to Wal-Mart or the mall... so, I wouldn't be spending money! If I really need something, I can order it online and have it delivered to my door! Speaking of money, just think what I'll save on gas and parking! Probably replace that with the occasional cab fare and of course my bus pass (which is about the same as my monthly parking).
Anyway, if I DO replace this car, it will probably be my last pre-retirement vehicle. And in the meantime, I can dream of a car-free life!
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