Monday, June 29, 2009
So, here I am, Sunday supper time, doing great on my plan. My plan has some yummy spaghetti and meatballs as supper. There is mozarella cheese as part of this dish.
All of a sudden, I remember that there is a package of shredded mozarella left in my fridge. It has been sitting there for a month, mind you. Untouched by me, as I dutifully, and for the most part with a good deal of satisfaction and pride, follow my plan.
But something on Sunday evening took me into the first bite of a binge. I opened that package and reasoned with myself that I could have just a quarter of a cup, since after all I had worked out well that morning. Before I knew it, that whole package was gone.
Probably would have been OK if I'd stopped there, ruminated on why, and moved on. But no! I get a phone call from my sister (one of the skinny sisters) who has a free coupon for dessert at Applebee's, and it expires in a couple of days. You'd think this next part would be good: I said "no", and did not go with her.
I thought about calling my ex, which I had sort of kind of promised to start doing weekly, just to make sure he's still breathing. I was dragging my feet, because when I did call him last week we stayed on the phone for an hour and a half while he mostly complained of his troubles, and I bit my tongue.
So instead of calling him, I resumed eating. I took two of my JC snacks from later in the week since I don't keep much "bad" stuff in the house, and ate them. Then I had two bowls of Special K with milk, and one of them also with Hershey's syrup. Somehow at that point I stopped.
And started thinking. Anxiety over upcoming family events and the eating surrounding them. For some reason I don't want to tell my skinny sisters that I'm on JC. I don't even want to tell my diabetic sister that I am. Something about me is still somewhat skeptical and judgmental about pre-packaged food weight loss programs. Despite my success with it so far.
I am concerned about how much sugar is in the foods. So today I'm having a day sort of on my own. I substituted my own steel-cut oats for the blueberry muffin at breakfast. And since I already ate the salty afternoon snack, I'll be having carrots and celery then.
Wish me luck, it's binge recovery day. Something I'm very familiar with, as someone who lives "one bite away from a binge", one day at a time.