Saturday, October 16, 2010
Going to be heading out in a little bit to pick up my "road trip" buddies, a younger sis and her daughter... to go to another sister's daughter's wedding. I haven't been to a family wedding in many years, and it feels great to be going to see people on a joyous day!
Many of these folks I last saw at some funeral or other (Dad's, my great-aunt's, etc.) Yes, the "weddings and funerals" syndrome lives in our family, too. Armed with my reveries of the week before, I'm firmly holding that this is about the bride and groom and their joyful day! Everything else is gravy.
(Yeah, I know you all knew this... just didn't want to break the blog streak!)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Last night I was in the middle of my Couch to 5K workout when the phone rang. It said "Cell Phone NE" on the caller ID, and I hopped off the treadmill to answer it. There are three or four people who come up that way on the caller ID, and all of them are worth picking up for. It was my son, so definitely worth it... BUT! It did change my training plan for the day. I swapped to the cordless phone and dropped the speed on the treadmill to a walk, and finished the time of the workout, but not the distance. I stretched after with the phone still in hand.
There was a time in my perfectionist history when having an interruption like this would have thrown me off my stride. I might have flopped on the couch, failed to stretch, and possibly given myself an excuse to eat a "treat". Not this time, though. I view that as a positive sign.
I have promised myself to do a full Week 9 workout 2, either tonight or early tomorrow before the wedding trip. Since week 9 is the last of this training plan, from here on, it is a matter of maintaining that ability to run the distance, and possibly work at improving speed a tad.
The time is coming... here's to rolling with modifications and not losing sight of the goals!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I've always wanted to say that, flippantly to some guy, like in the movies.
But seriously, while on the topic of the sleep challenge, there is the natural segue into the world of dreams. Dreams can be crazy... all the events of your day, your anxieties, general thoughts... come out in images while you sleep. Sometimes I remember them and wake up with them. Sometimes they make me laugh. Sometimes they give me insight into what's bugging me.
Well, this morning I woke from a dream that involved a Wedding, a messy house that I was frantically trying to tidy up while... hiding from those relatives I mentioned a couple of blogs back! Oh, what dreams do tell!
Speaking of those relatives... every family dynamic is its own thing. Kaligirl identified with my thin well-to-do relatives (if you only consider that as the description, which is about all I gave). That brought to mind a class I took a few years back.
It was work thing, really about workplace relationships, but there was a thought-exercise that was very worthwhile: in it we were asked to think about people who made us feel "less than". What did they do to "make" us feel that way? (Focus on the actions.)
Then turn it around: had WE ever done any of those things to someone else?
Well, you wouldn't be honest if you said "NEVER". Some pretty small actions can be taken ill at any given moment... we're talking emotional response. I didn't say you ever MEANT to make them feel "less than", just that you have DONE some of the things that irritated you when someone else did them.
Yep, the point of the exercise is that even the "nicest" of us can be a jerk to someone at some point! So cut one another some slack.
Anyhow, all of this is helping to strengthen me for the weekend ahead. To relax, let "those relatives" be human. Allow myself to be human, too, and not so defensive. My life is my life. Their lives are theirs. I don't choose who I'm related to... but I also don't have to have their approval or understanding to be who I am and to be content to be so!
Inside my skull? My responsibility. Outside? I have no control... it is what it is. I'm working on the inside now!
May you all have a peaceful day, content to be the best YOU that you can be... just for today.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I may have mentioned I started the better sleep challenge, following in the footsteps of WalkingAnnie and Slenderella61.
I started my sleep journal and found some variations in my sleep patterns, but not a whole lot. I do go to bed on time. I fall asleep pretty easily, most of the time. I wake up during the night for a couple of reasons: bathroom, and canine. When I do, MOST of the time, I fall back asleep easily. On occasion mind-spinning keeps me awake, when I'm concerned about something going on in my life.
This week I started looking at the tips. I already do several of them: I have my bedtime routine. I try to adhere to a regular schedule (my sleep gets really messed up when I stay up too late!)
I'm on the hook to have a plan by end of the week - two things to incorporate. I picked these:
"Take control of your worries" - in fact, since moving my Couch to 5K run to evening... the stretch and shower leading up to bedtime are great worry-reducers.
"Know when and how to nap" - and, I started using this one over the weekend. The 20-minute power nap is a cool tool.
I already feel pretty good about my exercise and nutrition habits related to time of day and sleep. Which leaves the fourth element: reflect.
My reflections indicate that pretty much, at this point, I'm complacent about my sleep: except when I'm not. Right now, after a good night's sleep, I'm feeling pretty complacent. When I do something like the pinochle night with the neighbors and mess up my sleep for the whole next day, not so much!
So, my big picture plan is to simply stick to my routine, and cut myself a break when things don't go as I'd like: for example that Wedding trip, when I'll have to adjust to having other people along for the ride, and may not have as much control over my schedule.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Now I've blogged my ABC's. Someone else can take up the theme and blog their own alphabet... or not.
But that leaves me with a feeling of a finish line... which is one of my danger signals.
This weekend and next weekend, the furnace / hot water heater, some work issues... too much peopling, the changing season... and lots of externals leading to the temptation to compare my life with the lives of others. Another of my danger signals.
In my head was the usual replay of things said, not said, social mistakes made on Sunday. I don't know WHY I do this to myself, but I should be prepared for the fact that I DO do this to myself. Then a succession of service people came trooping through my house. The bug spray guy complimented my house, the kind of social thing that people do (I do it myself): "You have a nice place here". And the plumbers did, too. And what does the dark side of my brain do with that?
Get this: the same thing the dark side of my brain does with compliments about my weight loss! Response, "I don't keep it up like I should!" Can you believe it? And this leads to the internal thought (NEVER said out loud, of course): "I don't deserve to live in a place like this, I don't take care of it."
And then my brain goes to the people I'm going to be seeing next weekend. Yes, THAT side of the family. You know the ones? Oh, you DON'T have people like that in YOUR family? These are the ones who have always been thin... who don't "get" that you struggle, even when you ARE physically thin? The ones that have money, and don't "get" that you have to budget carefully? The ones that talk / seem to brag about what's going on in their life. The ones you sit on the knife edge between envying and loving to hate, even though they are family and you know you "should" love them?
If you have healthy boundaries, you separate yourself from people in a healthy way: they are them, I am me, we each have our own lives and challenges... they are just choosing to talk about the positives, not the negatives! And that's OK, I don't have to be the star!
But what does the dark side of the brain do with people like this? The dark side of the brain wants to compare and compete. In this competition, there are two choices - to enter the lists, or avoid the joust. In entering the list, you end up in a "can you top this" thing, and end up doing things that socially you hate yourself for later (i.e. bragging, talking too much). In avoidance, you reject the good and the bad both, tell yourself you don't care and then overindulge (usually in private, before or after). All or nothing thinking, right?
I can't win with that kind of thinking, so it behooves me to start working at strengthening my boundaries NOW! Of course all of this is in retrospect. In the Monday that really happened, I allowed myself to be totally set up for overindulgence. It was like watching myself in slow motion as the pressures built over the day... and I succumbed. Confession good for the soul? I went after the leftover lasagna. And other things as well.
The good news: I tracked it all.
The better news: I've taken time to think about it and plan for the weekend ahead, seeing this as my "sign".
The best news: I am learning to accept even this "spinning" as a part of my personality... just something I have to adapt to - like a disability that puts a person in a wheel chair or requires a screen reader! I can see it. I can write about it... and I can make changes in my thinking. I don't have to stay stuck there. And I don't have to keep eating over it. Even if I started. My stay in the land of health is not over because of this one day.
And if you managed to read all the way through this self-indulgent rant... bless you, you probably identified on some level. We CAN overcome these things... one decision at a time. One day at a time. And this is a new day.
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