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Wednesday was a train wreck for my program

Thursday, November 04, 2010

I think a day like this had been building up for some time. The looming deadline of the Run to Remember and the disappointment of not actually making the drive and seeing people who have said they will miss me there... add that to the long stretch of time off... unstructured time... and my own high expectations of myself for "getting things done" with that unstructured time. Buried boulders on the path, waiting to stub toes and trip me up. Add that to waking up at 2:50 a.m. and not being able to go back to sleep and you have something brewing.

Intelligence is not a defense against this sort of thing. It's going to happen every once in while. And... the perfect storm led to an attack of the devilish "I don't wannas". emoticon And I remembered the Good N Plenty package I bought as a Halloween treat and had not opened... and it started the flood gates opening. It was the smallest package I could find in the store (I had planned to get Halloween snack sized boxes and hand them out, reserving one for me... but the store was out... and I bought this "movie treat" sized package. And I ate the whole thing, all 4 1/2 servings its nutrition (or lack thereof) label claimed was in it. I went on to eat other treats, but since I don't keep chips in the house was protected from the urge for those salty treats... believe me, had they been here, they would have been history. Had chocolate or peanut butter or cheese been in the house... yep, I know I would have eaten it.

This speaks to the wisdom of not even buying it: because when the weak moments come, there is not a 100% guaranteed protection. Best protection, I have found, for ME, anyway, is just not to have it in the house.

So, yeah, second time within a week where I blew the calories and didn't burn them off. The plus side? I slept really, really well last night! I stopped eating around supper time, not being hungry any more. emoticon

BUT, it has to emoticon now! The deal with maintenance is that there will be days like this. Just as there were days like this throughout the long months of losing. But maintenance does not mean your body can take this kind of abuse every day or even for a week.

I rather suspect that the Halloween treats I allowed myself on Sunday helped set this up (sugar, folks, is a drug for some of us)... and the unstructured time... and the anniversary that the run is marking... and concern even about all of this.

So, today, emoticon of binge recovery. Nurture. Big picture. Take care of me! Don't beat up on me. Follow my own advice! Because, as I tell others that each of them is worth it... so am I.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MNTWINSGAL 11/4/2010 11:54PM

    We all have days like this....and that's ok, as long as we don't lose sight of the reasons we got in the position we were in before the start of our weight loss journeys. We don't ever want to go back there! (Well, I'm still kinda there, but you know what I mean!) I'm glad you are back on track now though.

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PENNYAN45 11/4/2010 8:22PM

    Sugar can do the same to me - and did earlier this week.

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REJ7777 11/4/2010 3:10PM

    It's great that you were able to avoid a bigger binge by not having those other addictive foods in the house. You had already won the battle at the grocery store. Sugar and fat are addictive. If I have pastries or chips, etc. in the house, I'll eat them! And I will NOT be reasonable about it! I HAVE to keep that junk out of the house. Then if I absolutely must have some, I have to go out and buy it. That alone has enabled me to avert many a binge!

You're doing well! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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WALKINGANNIE 11/4/2010 2:20PM

    We all have to take this a day at a time Barb and many people recognise where you have just been - and you have analysed why you went there. We're all learning with you and from you.

Couldn't agree more on the wisdom of not having food in the house. It's one of the things that work for me.

The main thing is that you acknowledge the blip and move on. When I go over calories I try to remember that I would need to eat 3,500 calories more than I use to gain a pound. Not even your 4.5 servings would add up to that.

Take care of yourself as you prepare for your run. That will burn off some calories and perhaps you can release some of the pent up emotion as you run your course.

Take care my friend.

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KALIGIRL 11/4/2010 1:10PM

    Glad you're on day 1 of forward steps after your Halloween tricks.
Autumn is a time of change and it's often difficult to stay grounded, particularly with new life changes.
I know emoticon

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CONCHA77 11/4/2010 12:47PM

    Hi Barb,
Hope your back on track today-We all have those times....
Treat yourself to a nice walk today, you are worth it.

Hugs.

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ANDI571 11/4/2010 10:58AM

    I did so well while we were gone on eating sugar, then on the trip home, I started. And it's like once you get the taste, that's all you think about. Today is a new day, and like you said, "Take care of me! Don't beat up on me! I am worth it!"

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BUGGYS 11/4/2010 10:18AM

    Sugar is always one of those demons I have to deal with also...I know that I cannot have just one piece becasue it just leads to a binge or just forgetting this healthy journey. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and begin again...don't ever beat yourself up because you have come so far to fall back to old habits! emoticon

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SUNNY332 11/4/2010 8:49AM

    I have a hard time putting on the breaks on sugar too. Once I start, I am into it for a while. I have learned that I can not "flirt" with sweets as it always gets me into a relationship that is hard to get out of.

Good job to make today Day 1 of binge recovery. You are so right - worth the effort.

Take care and have a good day. I know your friends will miss you. That is the sad part of not being able to be there with them.

You still, in my humble opinion, made a wise choice.

Hugs, Sunny

Comment edited on: 11/4/2010 8:50:11 AM

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SHAWFAN 11/4/2010 8:37AM

    You are worth it! We all have to remind ourselves of this. You CAN get back on track to healthy maintenance and not feel guilty any more about the set back. It's over and done with and today is a new day! emoticon emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 11/4/2010 8:31AM

    I agree with you about 'sugar is a drug' - and having any really sets up the addiction-style cravings, at least, it does with me. No such thing as 'just a little' - for an ex-smoker or an alcoholic, no such thing as 'just one.' And as for the 3 AM kitchen raid... goes to show no road is entirely smooth, ain't? emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/4/2010 8:30AM

    So much wisdom and honesty in your blog! Put it behind you and focus on getting back on track. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Run to Remember minus four days and counting

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Yesterday evening I checked in on Facebook and discovered I'm not the only one who will be "running remote" for the run to remember. One of the gals I met at Yellow Ribbons will be jogging the trails in Maine, with her husband. Another in Wisconsin. I wonder if any of the Kansas crowd will be doing the same... haven't seen a post saying so (yet).

This only increases my enthusiasm and sense of unity with others impacted by the events of that day. The women who started the movement for the run to remember are a sister who lost her brother, and a fiance whose intended was seriously wounded but has recovered: their wedding day next Summer will be a source of great joy! The purpose of the run is to have a positive event marking the anniversary of the tragedy.

In a wave around the Nation centered at Fort Hood, we will be Running to Remember... at 8 a.m. Central time, on Saturday, November 6th. I cordially invite you all to participate, virtually... wherever you are, by dedicating your workout that morning to positive memories of these thirteen people:

Michael C,
John,
Justin,
Aaron,
Francheska (and her unborn child),
Frederick,
Juanita,
Eduardo,
Russell,
Amy,
Michael P,
Kham and
Jason

My personal thanks for all the encouragement I've received from Spark friends in my preparations for this day! Anybody local? We'll be on the MoPac trail... I'm plotting on a single balloon with the 13 names on it, to release at the start of our run (because I don't want to manhandle 13 balloons). Low key, but with feeling.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNYAN45 11/3/2010 9:28AM

    I will think of those 13 on Saturday - and will dedicate my exercise to them.

Thanks for passing this on to us.

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KALIGIRL 11/2/2010 9:55PM

    Marvelous - can't be there with you in person, but will be in spirit!

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WILMASOTO 11/2/2010 8:25PM

    Barb what an awesome thing to do!! I would love to join you virtually. Can it be any distance? What a great way to honor them!!

Best of luck and thanks for sharing and letting others paricipate as well!!

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WALKINGANNIE 11/2/2010 5:44PM

    Very moving Barb. You have found a wonderful way to honour the people and to support those who lost their loved ones.

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REJ7777 11/2/2010 1:51PM

    emoticon

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SUNNY332 11/2/2010 10:17AM

    Sounds like a great plan coming together for you. Hope you have someone to take photos.

Take care!

Sunny

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WISEONE68 11/2/2010 8:43AM

    Sounds perfectly wonderful!! You are taking something people normally do for themselves---run--to stay fit, and honoring the memories of others. This is very meaningful and I am proud of you, girl.
You are looking GREAT...and, I am sure, feeling great!! You are a source of inspiration and I know your run will mean a lot to you and those you "run to remember".
Bless you!! emoticon

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CONCHA77 11/2/2010 8:05AM

    I think what you are doing is wonderful. I will dedicate that day to those whom you listed and keep them in mind and prayers.
God Bless,
Have a great vacation!

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WENDYSPARKS 11/2/2010 7:37AM

    emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/2/2010 7:27AM

    A perfect way to remember them! Thanks for sharing their names. HUGS!

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November begins - maintenance goals

Monday, November 01, 2010

I said I would be cogitating on goals for the days of growing darkness... which would now be the next 51 days (to December 21st, the shortest daylight hours of the year in this hemisphere, anyway). Here's what I came up with.

Physical:

1. After the Run to Remember (November 6th), I want to start shifting my focus from running to strength training. I still want to get my 30 minutes of walking in each day (and maybe jog once or twice a week), but I want to start getting those lower body, upper body, and core workouts in more regularly than I have been lately. So, 3 days a week of strength training for November.

2. I will get enough sleep!

Mental/emotional/spiritual:
3. I will give myself regular pep talks, and do a reality check on the holiday indulgences... to make sure I'm being reasonable and balanced, neither depriving nor enabling!

4. I will take those stress-busting breaks at work, if necessary walking in the basement. This is more than physical exercise, it is an essential to balance and stress management.

5. I will live in the moment, and be aware of what's going on around me and in the world. I will feel, not numb.

I know not all easily measurable goals, as weight loss ones are. At least the exercise ones are - 3 days a week, etc. But the emotional living in the moment isn't. So... to give myself accountability: I shall continue the blogging goal! For November, I will write a blog entry, six out of seven days.

How about you? What are your goals for November?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 11/1/2010 6:22PM

    That looks like a very workable plan. emoticon I need to work on my November goals. I have some thoughts, but have to take the time to assemble them.

I smiled when I read: "I will take those stress-busting breaks at work, if necessary walking in the basement." emoticon I thought I was the only one who did that. emoticon When I need to breathe, I go downstairs and walk back and forth a few times. I feel like I've "snuck in" some "me" time, and go back to work refreshed and ready for the next challenge. emoticon

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WALKINGANNIE 11/1/2010 4:15PM

    Great goals Barb, with a lot of thought about balancing different aspects of your overall wellbeing.

Love your new profile pic!

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KALIGIRL 11/1/2010 9:42AM

    Superb goals (as usual). Like the shift to strength training and the concentration on balance in your life.

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WISEONE68 11/1/2010 8:48AM

    I am praying about my goals now. One of them is to do another Daniel Fast, which I began today and will run through the 21st.
You are looking GREAT!!! Keep up the excellent work and good luck on your goals!! emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/1/2010 7:39AM

    My goals are to walk at least 30 minutes. and ST for 10 minutes. I will strive to do this daily but I already know there will be days when this is compromised.
Here's to a new month of possibilities to succeed! HUGS!


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Halloween and What was I Thinking?

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Yesterday I was hacking at the weeds and brush again, and I stacked a whole bunch of small branches at the foot of the driveway. This morning I woke up with a "It's Halloween, dummy... what were you THINKING!?" patter running in my brain. So, today's exercise (or at least part of it) will be to haul that brush pile somewhere less accessible to hooligans (and less dangerous to little trick or treaters)!

You might ask how a compulsive eater could forget it was Halloween weekend? I'm kind of wondering that, too... just put up the Halloween background this morning, in fact. I've been so into preparing for the 5K and working through other stuff that Halloween, while recognized as existing, hasn't been big on my mind. I've blissfully skipped the candy aisles (until yesterday morning, when I felt compelled to stock something for the kids who will undoubtedly make their way to my door).

It is the end of the month, so that means updated progress photo... since it's maintenance and I haven't bought any new outfits, you might not recognize it as "new". And that goal-assessment for the Holiday season is an on-going project, too. Maintenance goals are subtle, tricky things. I still owe you!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 10/31/2010 6:48PM

    I find that maintenance is even trickier than losing, because you don't get the same kind of feedback. emoticon Congratulations on your success! Love your new photo! emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 10/31/2010 5:24PM

    All little things add up and removing brush to make a safe place to walk is a must, even if it is Halloweeen! HUGS!
The kids will appreciate the candy!

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KALIGIRL 10/31/2010 7:54AM

    Moving your 'lawn maintenance' pile will be plenty of exercise. Isn't it wonderful when there are more important things than worrying about candy in the house?
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SUNNY332 10/31/2010 7:29AM

    Can't wait to see the progress photo.

It is good to be busy.

Enjoy the day.

Sunny

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NUTRON3 10/31/2010 7:19AM

    Have a Happy Halloween!

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Perspective versus Perfectionsim

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I was reading blogs this morning, and the particular one that struck my fancy was ChrisTurtle's. It was a reverie along the lines of "I did some things I wish I'd done better... I had some disappointments... then I read some other Spark blogs... and got my motivation back!"

Her blog reminded me of something I'm so grateful for, something that has been growing in importance in my life, and that is: perspective. And it suddenly strikes me: "Perspective battles perfectionism... "

Perfectionism has been a life-long nemesis. One screw up and it's toss in the towel time... or rather, it used to be. Somewhere along the way, some time in the last 15 or 20 years... this sense of perspective started growing. Is it a function of age? Experience? Coming into harmony with life?

Whatever, it's the sense of "majority rules". It's the sense of "I don't HAVE to be perfect to be worthy!" I know some folks learn this early in life, but some of us learn slowly. A decision is just a decision. It has a consequence. But there's no need to add to the consequence with additional self-punishment.

What's needed is a sense of perspective: who was hurt? Are amends appropriate? Sometimes, who was hurt is... yourself! In this case, the amends that need to be made are to yourself.

Here's to nurturing ourselves... one day at a time... and to keeping our perspective! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 10/31/2010 8:40AM

    Big picture presentation once again...
Right on Sister!

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PENNYAN45 10/30/2010 11:11PM

    I can so relate to this blog! Perfectionism has led me into an all or nothing approach to many aspects of my life.

Perspective is when experience tempers that perfectionism.

Doing something in a less than perfect way is what I am doing right here and now on Spark People. This is probably THE big lesson SP has taught me.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

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DEBRITA01 10/30/2010 8:59PM

    Another good blog...and I'm a slow learner, too! emoticon

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WALKINGANNIE 10/30/2010 4:32PM

    You hit the nail on the head again.

I'm not sure whether I would ever have grasped this concept without SP and wise friends like you. One slip in a 'diet' so often led to an 'oh-well-that's-it-I've-blown-it- now' binge in the past. How silly is that? But I know I'm far from alone in having felt like that.

SP and learning together is indeed giving me a sense of perspective.

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REJ7777 10/30/2010 1:26PM

    emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 10/30/2010 10:28AM

    This sentence stood out to me the most: "I don't HAVE to be perfect to be worthy!" I need to keep telling myself that over and over until I believe it. I'm one of those "slow learners," but I think I'm making progress. Have a great weekend!

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LIBRATAH 10/30/2010 9:29AM

    This is so true!

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BUGGYS 10/30/2010 9:19AM

    Barb, your blog is right on!!!

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SUNNY332 10/30/2010 8:24AM

    Amen!

What a great blog today. I do believe when I put what I can do in front of me rather than "what I can not do", I can not fail. Failure always rears it ugly head when I am trying to be someone I am not.

This entry ROCKS! Have a GREAT day.

Sunny

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CONCHA77 10/30/2010 8:24AM

    Another really good blog, Barb. Harmony in life-excellent!
Have a great weekend. Happy Halloween.

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