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Don't you love it?

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Love that feeling you get when you've done something a little different? Changed up your exercises? Doesn't it feel like a reward in itself when you find yourself all sweaty and stretching to feel... wonderfully released?

Does it always feel like this? Heck, no. There are times when it's just slogging through the workout... but there are days... when it starts out that way... and ends up this way...

and that will keep me coming back. Through thick and thin!

  


Emotions drive urges to binge, but they are NOT reality

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The weekend when I was busily beating myself up... that was the internal thing that I do to myself. It is all about the insides... and what I do to attempt to feel better.

I could have binged the whole weekend, but I didn't. I did manage to keep the demons at bay on Friday night with exercise. And I got through Saturday with similar resolve. Sunday they ganged up and got back at me, but not as badly as they have some years in the past.

Progress, not perfection, right? I know that I may never completely overcome the tendency to eat to comfort myself. What I hope to do is progressively learn to make such choices first conscious, and second fewer and further apart... the exception, rather than the rule.

Naturally, as most folks would expect, I went back to work on Monday and survived. Perfection is not demanded there, either.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TCHOZET 8/6/2009 6:16AM

    Progress ... not perfection. I like that!

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CAREWREN 8/4/2009 9:14PM

    Good for you! You made it through Friday and Saturday. That IS far better than before you started this particular effort. It is true: progress, not perfection. If you attained perfection, perhaps you would no longer need the human experience and would ascend! LOL!

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Being

Monday, August 03, 2009

"Being is my touchstone to worthiness"

Yesterday the "binge" that I had felt looming over me since Friday happened. It happened one little extra thing at a time. I'd had a good workout in the morning. I'd had a nice breakfast (and a healthy one) with my son, as is our Sunday morning "thing".

But there was this work shadow of having done something that caused someone else extra work and being chided by my boss about it that was hanging over my head since Friday. Ever since then I'd been trying to hold a sense of unworthiness at bay. There was no way of ignoring that massive sense of unworthiness. I tried to exercise it away. Didn't work. I tried to justify / self-defiend it away. No dice.

Sunday afternoon, it was almost a relief to have a mini-food binge begin and end. See, there, it's done, I'm not perfect, and I don't deserve to have a good self-care program. I've administered punishment... I only deserve to be a fat old lady because then I'll somehow escape the expectations of more from others. I made the powerful person angry... I'd better hide... I've always hidden behind my layer of fat... it's safe there... my friend, food, is there.

Those of you who read this far and are shaking your heads in dismay: "What is she thinking?" may recognize these as warped thoughts... and they are. But it's a mental / emotional trap that keeps many of us in the overweight / obese range: feelings of unworthiness, based on disappointments, failures, or critique in other areas of our lives.

It's hard to give myself permission to take better care of myself when I feel I've been thoughtless of others.

Today, I deserve to treat myself gently, because I am human, and I am alive. I deserve to have balance in my life. I deserve to be able to make amends and be at peace.

Why is feeling worthy of this so hard?

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAREWREN 8/5/2009 2:25PM

    Why is feeling worthy of this so hard? Very good question! And very hard to answer. I blame everything on my lousy childhood--I didn't get told I was wanted and loved. Nobody had any energy to take care of my needs. All the energy in the house was sucked up by dealing with alcoholism and sickness.

As true as that might be, am I going to never let myself have anything because my needs weren't met when I was a kid? They weren't met then and they're not being met now. Is it my parents' fault that my needs aren't being met now? Who has the power now?

We are worthy. We are here--that's how we know we are worthy.

A bad experience at work or from some dummy on the road or wherever does not make us unworthy. In fact, it makes us more worthy because we are not the one dishing out the crap.

We are worthy. We have the power to take care of ourselves, to give ourselves A-one treatment and that's what we are doing TODAY! Okay?

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Two months "on program"

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Less than five pounds from my "halfway" point, I crossed the 20-pound mark with today's weigh-in. So emoticon!

I'm happy about that, of course, but the quality of life things are what's got me especially pleased: finding it easier to heft things, finding joints complain less, feeling generally good.

For today, I will celebrate feeling good, and that feeling good is the norm now.

  


One excuse to not work out strenuously...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Every eight weeks, I donate blood. Today was the day. I took my Jenny lunch with me, and ate it rather than the cookies and juice, or the sandwiches they have brought in. This worked well the last time I donated, which was the first week I was on this program. It was kind of fortunate that my lunch happened to be a salad kit on my donate day. That doesn't require zapping.

The dog is home, seems to be doing well. It's been a week since her trip to the emergency place, and so far, no more seizures.

  


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