Saturday, November 06, 2010
Since I'm an early riser, here I sit with a couple of hours to rub together before race time. Yesterday throughout the day I was checking FaceBook for updates from my friends who were actually at Ft. Hood for the medal ceremony and memorial unveiling of the monument. And I was out building the brush pile in the yard... physical activity helps deal with emotions.
In the afternoon, I walked a mile and a half to a local party store, and bought not one, but it turned out four gold star-shaped balloons, and wrote the names of the fallen on them, three to a balloon, with a fourth one added to the fourth balloon. I have decided to release at the end of our run this morning, as it will be lighter then. Hope to catch their picture as they fly away, but even if not, I have them as the background shot for today, and maybe the next week or so.
I've said it before... we cannot change what happened in the past. No matter how good or how bad. It happened. What we can do is live our lives into the future, preserving, protecting, nurturing, and thereby honoring the sacrifice of those who have gone before.
This morning's run, as it happens in disparate locations, is a part of that honoring. Today I think especially of these 13 people, but I broaden my prayer to include all those who put their own lives at risk for a cause greater than themselves. And further, to include their families, who live with the knowledge that their loved one has made such a choice.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Just wanted to give you a visual in the title. Seriously, though, what I did with my "recovery" day involved a small electric-powered chain saw I've had for a couple of years... but only this year started to use. Yes, remember my overgrown yard? My yard that's essentially been neglected for two years?
A year ago I was doing the parathyroid surgery thing. I didn't do Fall yard clean up before the surgery because I was concerned about allergies and getting sick and messing up the time-table. And of course, post-surgery you don't press your luck. Then during the warm months this year, I "pieced" at the yard work... there was so much of it. Add in the factor of not wanting to be too far away from my life-line communication to my son overseas (the computer); I never spent too long away from it.
With this unstructured time, this is one of the things I wanted to tackle. And yesterday I spent about three hours out there in the wind doing just that. The brush pile at the foot of the driveway is growing. I have four more days during which to add to it before the trash folks come to haul it away.
Totally different topic: Today is the actual anniversary of the shootings at Fort Hood. I touched base with my son last night, he seems to be doing OK. I will go get my balloon late this afternoon, and I have my permanent marker ready to add the names before I let it drift up to the heavens tomorrow. Yes, this is the right way for me... and for my son.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
I think a day like this had been building up for some time. The looming deadline of the Run to Remember and the disappointment of not actually making the drive and seeing people who have said they will miss me there... add that to the long stretch of time off... unstructured time... and my own high expectations of myself for "getting things done" with that unstructured time. Buried boulders on the path, waiting to stub toes and trip me up. Add that to waking up at 2:50 a.m. and not being able to go back to sleep and you have something brewing.
Intelligence is not a defense against this sort of thing. It's going to happen every once in while. And... the perfect storm led to an attack of the devilish "I don't wannas". And I remembered the Good N Plenty package I bought as a Halloween treat and had not opened... and it started the flood gates opening. It was the smallest package I could find in the store (I had planned to get Halloween snack sized boxes and hand them out, reserving one for me... but the store was out... and I bought this "movie treat" sized package. And I ate the whole thing, all 4 1/2 servings its nutrition (or lack thereof) label claimed was in it. I went on to eat other treats, but since I don't keep chips in the house was protected from the urge for those salty treats... believe me, had they been here, they would have been history. Had chocolate or peanut butter or cheese been in the house... yep, I know I would have eaten it.
This speaks to the wisdom of not even buying it: because when the weak moments come, there is not a 100% guaranteed protection. Best protection, I have found, for ME, anyway, is just not to have it in the house.
So, yeah, second time within a week where I blew the calories and didn't burn them off. The plus side? I slept really, really well last night! I stopped eating around supper time, not being hungry any more.
BUT, it has to now! The deal with maintenance is that there will be days like this. Just as there were days like this throughout the long months of losing. But maintenance does not mean your body can take this kind of abuse every day or even for a week.
I rather suspect that the Halloween treats I allowed myself on Sunday helped set this up (sugar, folks, is a drug for some of us)... and the unstructured time... and the anniversary that the run is marking... and concern even about all of this.
So, today, of binge recovery. Nurture. Big picture. Take care of me! Don't beat up on me. Follow my own advice! Because, as I tell others that each of them is worth it... so am I.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Yesterday evening I checked in on Facebook and discovered I'm not the only one who will be "running remote" for the run to remember. One of the gals I met at Yellow Ribbons will be jogging the trails in Maine, with her husband. Another in Wisconsin. I wonder if any of the Kansas crowd will be doing the same... haven't seen a post saying so (yet).
This only increases my enthusiasm and sense of unity with others impacted by the events of that day. The women who started the movement for the run to remember are a sister who lost her brother, and a fiance whose intended was seriously wounded but has recovered: their wedding day next Summer will be a source of great joy! The purpose of the run is to have a positive event marking the anniversary of the tragedy.
In a wave around the Nation centered at Fort Hood, we will be Running to Remember... at 8 a.m. Central time, on Saturday, November 6th. I cordially invite you all to participate, virtually... wherever you are, by dedicating your workout that morning to positive memories of these thirteen people:
Francheska (and her unborn child),
My personal thanks for all the encouragement I've received from Spark friends in my preparations for this day! Anybody local? We'll be on the MoPac trail... I'm plotting on a single balloon with the 13 names on it, to release at the start of our run (because I don't want to manhandle 13 balloons). Low key, but with feeling.
Monday, November 01, 2010
I said I would be cogitating on goals for the days of growing darkness... which would now be the next 51 days (to December 21st, the shortest daylight hours of the year in this hemisphere, anyway). Here's what I came up with.
1. After the Run to Remember (November 6th), I want to start shifting my focus from running to strength training. I still want to get my 30 minutes of walking in each day (and maybe jog once or twice a week), but I want to start getting those lower body, upper body, and core workouts in more regularly than I have been lately. So, 3 days a week of strength training for November.
2. I will get enough sleep!
3. I will give myself regular pep talks, and do a reality check on the holiday indulgences... to make sure I'm being reasonable and balanced, neither depriving nor enabling!
4. I will take those stress-busting breaks at work, if necessary walking in the basement. This is more than physical exercise, it is an essential to balance and stress management.
5. I will live in the moment, and be aware of what's going on around me and in the world. I will feel, not numb.
I know not all easily measurable goals, as weight loss ones are. At least the exercise ones are - 3 days a week, etc. But the emotional living in the moment isn't. So... to give myself accountability: I shall continue the blogging goal! For November, I will write a blog entry, six out of seven days.
How about you? What are your goals for November?
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