Friday, December 24, 2010
Andi571 included this phrase in her blog: "I am always so afraid of hurting someone's feelings and I do things I don't want to do because of it. " www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
Insert bell ringing in my head! The holiday blues can sometimes be brought on by exactly that: doing things we don't want to do. Overeating can be brought on by that, as well. At least for me, it can.
For ten years or so, Christmas eve was held at my sister's home. It was our parents' tradition, and she continued it. She wanted to. It meant a lot to her. And then, last year it changed. She had a new grandson. It made more sense for her to fly to spend the holiday with her daughter's family. She announced to the sibling group that this would be the case...
and then, one of another sister's children lamented, "but where shall we go for Christmas eve?"
You see, the remaining two sisters in town are not Christian. Not even nominally (like me). But, I let myself get roped into hosting the traditional chili supper on Christmas eve last year, and this year, it's expected. I'm preparing it... but it dawns on me I've never really asked myself if it's something I WANT to do, or if I'm doing it because I don't want to hurt the feelings of others.
I am NOT my older sister. I am NOT my parents. I am me. If I'm going to do this at all, I have to do it my own way. Maybe it's time to let this particular family tradition go. Maybe this is the last year.
Pondering required. Must be wary of the toddler Barbie syndrome of resisting and then really enjoying once I overcome the resistance, too. To be continued.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Christmas is a joyous time of year... and yet many people struggle with depression and the blues. I was pondering this on the way home from work and in the grocery store last night.
As I wished my co-workers who will be off today and through the holiday a Merry Christmas and walked to my car, I didn't feel very Christmas-y. In fact, I felt kind of detached from the entire holiday. As I purchased the roast for Christmas dinner, again, I wasn't feeling it. I asked myself why. Why is it troubling me this year, as opposed to any other year?
I couldn't come up with good answers. Then it dawned on me that I've been worrying about a lot of things lately... worry is a horrid time-waster, unless it is just a brief warning worry that leads to corrective action.
And this one hit, like a hammer : "What if that Christmas feeling doesn't show up? At all?" Perhaps that is the biggest worry of all. I love that Christmas feeling... that hope, that "everything will be all right... you're not in charge" feeling. That blessing of truly feeling in a state of grace.
Christmas has always come through for me before... even through years when the blues led up to it. Always. Why would it fail me now? And that's where the faith comes in. Faith to be quiet and let Christmas take over my heart.
And then this one: "Go look at your blogs from the past few weeks... you HAVE had that feeling... spread throughout the season, brought on by song, brought on by lights, and visits with people. Go forth and embrace it!"
So, through moments of "down"... hope points "up". There is a spark to faith, too, you know.
May your Christmas be blessed with the balance that recognizes the blues for what they are, acknowledges them, and moves right on to the hope and joy!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Today is my son's fourth Wedding Anniversary. On anniversaries and "special" dates, I tend to look back... this morning I looked back to find my diary entry from his wedding day.
Oh, yes, I do keep a paper journal. Things I wouldn't write in a blog. Weird little things: what book I started or finished reading that day... where we went out to dinner (Grisanti's in the case of the Wedding Day)... what I was doing (cleaning, and later out of my mind inviting my ex to Christmas eve and church after - we'd been divorced three years at the time). It dawns on me today that that wedding visit is the last time I saw his father.
One thing leads to another... I looked at a year ago's entry... and discovered I had just found out my son's deployment APO address. It's been a year. Things that happen in a year can be monumental... this year has been longer than many years in the past, because of that deployment. I've traveled more in the past year than I had in about five years prior. Again because of his deployment.
I've also been better at the determination to deal with stress in a healthier way. Now, he's home. Readjustment to being home can be as big a challenge as adjusting to being gone. As a mom, I'm at a distance... granted, a short distance, across town... but I have to adjust ME to his being an adult. Maybe not "needing" mom as much, but needing instead to be in charge of his own life and decisions. And needing his mom to respect his right to and responsibility for his own life.
So, today, I pray that prayer for wisdom... and to gratefully (and gracefully) let God work in the lives of my son and daughter in law... Happy Anniversary.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I'm grateful for the weather being moderate compared to last year. But the darkest day of the year snuck up on me this year. I've been doing the "this isn't so bad" number all season, and then... this morning... I recognized the date on the calendar.
And I realized that for the past few weeks I've been doing the bulk of even my break walks at work indoors. And that I've been feeling the holiday "blues" more than usual. A little "not me", if you know what I mean.
And then I remembered the vitamin D capsules. I suspended taking them over the sunny Spring and Summer, and delayed restarting them through all of Autumn. I carefully counted how many I have left before I would have to go back to the doctor to get more. And I monitored my mood.
Today I decided it was time to start them up again. We'll see how this goes. I've always debated with myself over how much they really help. And I've seen things in the news questioning it, too. One more thing to try. One every ten to fourteen days.
Monday, December 20, 2010
I wrote a blog ten days ago about how goal weight NOT being a holiday. www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
Thinking about it again this morning, as I'm fighting a "bah, humbug" attitude four days before Christmas, I'm thinking maybe in some ways Goal Weight is LIKE a holiday. Specifically in my cultural tradition it's a little like Christmas. At least there is a temptation for many of us make it so.
1. We make a BIG deal about reaching it. The DAY of Christmas is so big on our calendar, as is the reaching of that number on the scale.
2. We work for months preparing for it.
3. We put high expectations on it and how it will feel and be.
4. We go through mood swings leading up to it as we fear and anticipate whether those expectations will be met. (Eating sugary treats leading up to Christmas can contribute to mood swings, too.)
5. We can experience huge disappointment if our expectations are not met. Or if we compare gifts and think somebody else's (given or received) is "better"!
6. We may experience a slump in mood AFTER the big day, whether it met our expectations as a day or not. If it was a great day, the slump that it's over... no more excitement (and taking ourselves back off all that sugar, too). If it was not such a great day... disappointment may turn into a downward spiral of "what's the use"?
Now that I'm at "home" weight range, and have worked hard to take the holiday out of goal weight... it dawns on me that I might need to work at taking the cycle of expectations and mood swings out of Christmas, too (again... I have to work at this every year)!
It's easy to get caught up in the holiday commercials... and not everybody's life matches them. For myself and my friends and family: Here's to a real Christmas for all... the quiet entering of the Love of God into each heart... meek and simple and recognized for the great gift that this Love is.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ONEKIDSMOM Posts