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Friday mish-mash

Friday, February 25, 2011

Well, I finished reading "Passing for Thin" by Frances Kuffel in honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness week. It was both disturbingly similar and disturbingly alien... if you know what I mean. My reading experience was colored by the fact that I already knew there is a sequel: "Angry Fat Girls" about her relapse while the book was being published, and her subsequent re-recovery again. I've started that one now. If you classify yourself as a compulsive eater, these are worth the read, even if your life experience doesn't quite match that of the featured people in them.

In some ways, these books validate what SparkPeople does: in recovery, we need support. Learning to take better care of ourselves, for that matter peeling back the layers of why we aren't doing so especially if we truly do know how... and recovery... is not usually a solo activity! Even being able to come on here, write a blog to vent about a tough day (or week, or trip, or whatever), come clean and move on is part of a "one step back, two steps forward" healthy attitude toward recovery.

I'm writing from a world of white this morning. White, slick, heavy, wet. I only cleared enough to get the car out because I'm a little short on time... dental appointment before work. I am a weather wimp, but I will make the trip to work unless I hit something really nasty out there, because I have things I really need to get done (meetings with other people) today.

Have a great Friday, all!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTURTLE 3/1/2011 11:24PM

    I failed at Spark People the first time around, because I tried to do it alone - no Spark Teams, no Spark Friends, not even a Spark Page. I learned the lesson that we can go so far by ourselves, but need help and support of others taking this journey to continue. Its thanks to all the wonderful Sparkers who offer so much encouragement and support that I am still headed in the right direction. emoticon

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MSLZZY 2/25/2011 9:44PM

    Light dusting of snow today but very cold.
Those books sound very interesting and you have a great perspective on this issue.
Take care-hugs!

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REJ7777 2/25/2011 12:58PM

    I really enjoy books that expand my awareness about things, and increase my understanding. I learn a lot from blogs on SP too, as people share their experiences and how they cope with challenges. And the support on here has been a vital part of my success. emoticon

I think we're all pretty sick of the snow. A snowstorm is just starting up here, and may I be truthful... Yuck!!!

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BUGGYS 2/25/2011 11:55AM

    We need support in every aspect of our lives, in everything we do...living is not a solo experience! The support on SP is invaluable and the support of my family and friends is tremendous...I truly feel blessed!!!

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ANDI571 2/25/2011 11:08AM

    The support on SP is priceless. I know I would have given up months ago if it wasn't for all of you cheering me on.

Can I consider the up 2, down 2, up 2, down 2 as push ups? emoticon

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SUNNY332 2/25/2011 9:15AM

    We woke up to a winter wonderland too. Do have a safe day.

I did not know about the sequel to the book but agree that it does sound like it just reinforces what we have learned through Spark People. We need each other for this journey.

Hugs, Sunny

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DAISY443 2/25/2011 9:02AM

    Stay safe and thanks for the Goodie!

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WISEONE68 2/25/2011 8:57AM

    Here's to supporting one another and moving along in our own personal journeys!!
Be safe and have a great day! (I have SO many books to read during my 6-week recovery from surgery...but, I will add these to the list, in case I get through all the ones I have now!!)

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HOT4FITNESS 2/25/2011 8:02AM

    Sparkpeople is a great part of our journeys. We meet so many people that have been where we are, and ones going through the same issues. It has been a very valuable tool to me as well. This site has helped me getto the healthy point in my life to walk, let alone walk a half marathon. Are we crazy!! Have a great day today.

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DEBRITA01 2/25/2011 7:43AM

    You are so right, SP is an invaluable support tool and resource, as we continue on this journey of self-discovery.

Sorry to hear you're getting a wintry mix...have a great Friday in spite of it all! emoticon

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DWYER1952 2/25/2011 7:39AM

  Hope you have a great day

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National eating disorders awareness week

Sunday, February 20, 2011

My Spark calendar proclaimed this at me yesterday morning as I turned the page: National Eating Disorders Awareness Week begins Sunday (today).

As normal as my body size may look (right now), I do suffer from an Eating Disorder. I am a compulsive over-eater. I have accepted this, it's a fact about me.

Some days I get stronger reminders than others of my condition. Turning the calendar page yesterday was one such reminder. Reading a blog by PonyFarmer yesterday was the beginning of another. She mentioned a book in her entry, "Passing for Thin" by Frances Kuffel.

The title alone spoke to me: "Passing for Thin" evokes some inner feelings, because despite my body size, despite having been "in maintenance" for over a year... there are times when I feel I am just pretending to be this fit, active, slim person.

One incident from about 1994 or 1995 comes to mind. I had dropped the weight then, too. I was in a new-to-me city, working, and at a work event. A dinner, no less. I was sitting with other normal sized people and treated (if you can call it that) to some conversation about another person in the room, who was a size I used to be.

These people did not know my history, and clearly did not INTEND to be cruel. They honestly did not "get" what it is like to live with addiction, or for that matter, that food could be a substance of addiction. That evening, I made them uncomfortable by enlightening them.

That, in turn, made ME uncomfortable, and within a year of that dinner... I had regained about 50 of those pounds I had worked so hard to shed. At that time, it was very important to me to be understood, and it was as though a switch was thrown: "these people" would never understand.

What's different today? I no longer care whether normal people understand. It is more important that I understand it. I know I have this disease. I know that eating certain things will make me want more of them. And that's OK. It is within my power to decide how to act, based on that knowledge.

This disease has several faces: over-eating and carrying the excessive weight, over-restriction and over-exercising, and binging and purging. That is its practice. But its roots are in the mind, as well: when food is at the center of one's universe... and all things revolve around it, to the exclusion of the enjoyment of the rest of life, that's a danger sign.

Here's to recovery: It's the best thing that has ever happened to me... one day, one decision at a time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNYAN45 2/23/2011 1:06PM

    This blog really got me thinking. (Your blogs usually do!)

Anyway, I wrote a blog of my own as a result of reading yours.

Thank you once again for stirring up the thought processes.

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MSLZZY 2/21/2011 9:07PM

    So glad your have recognized the inner demons and acknowledged their influence on your life. Would that we all were so intuitive. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY332 2/20/2011 6:29PM

    I need to do the best I can and If I help someone along the way, then that is terrific. I never thought of myself as having an eating disorder but it does make sense. People don't understand the struggles if they have never been there.

Thanks for a great post.

Hugs, Sunny

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BUGGYS 2/20/2011 5:57PM

    I'm with Deb in the fact that I don't really care what people think...I just want to be the best that I can be a to be a good role model to my grandkids. I know my trigger foods and know that I cannot trust myself with them and that's ok...it's only taken me almost 60 years to figure that out.I am still learning every day about nutrition and wellness and know that every day is a gift and to treat it with health!

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SUNNYWBL 2/20/2011 1:37PM

    I had no idea!

For me, the issues are simpler- eat less and exercise more, Thankfully!

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REJ7777 2/20/2011 12:42PM

    I can relate to what you wrote. Sometimes I realize that there's something *wrong* with me. Why do I binge? Why is food so important to me? I have to be extremely careful about trigger foods, or I can lose control. I don't relate to food in the way *normal* people do. Sometimes I feel like a phony-baloney when I talk about fitness and hiking. And yet, that's where I am. That's my reality. It's where I have to begin. And what I'm hoping is that, in time, it will begin to feel authentic. As I've read, "Fake it 'til you make it."

You're becoming an athlete. I hope that in time, you will truly see yourself as that. I think that we'll always have to be more on guard than normal people, as far as food is concerned. But as we develop new interests, I hope that our identity and self-perception will change to reflect who we are truly becoming.

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KASEYCOFF 2/20/2011 11:33AM

    Yes, I think all too often people hear the words 'eating disorder' and immediately jump to anorexia or bulimia. There have been famous people who've publicly acknowledged they suffer from those; there have been shocking pictures of people who are practically skeletons, and even well-known deaths. But you don't tend to hear that 'eating disorder' is an umbrella category for ANY addictive food behaviors, whether it's eating one Cheerio for breakfast, binging and purging, or hiding 'caches' of chocolate so you can indulge in secret. I can appreciate the fact that you tried to enlighten the people you'd been with at that dinner - and I can understand that they didn't get it. But sometimes it breaks my heart that overeating (as opposed to undereating) is so little understood that it's not even recognized as a problem.
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CHRYS13 2/20/2011 11:28AM

    What a powerful blog. I thank you so much for sharing your journey with its ups and downs.
Way to take it one day at a time! emoticon

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MNTWINSGAL 2/20/2011 10:43AM

    Awesome job you've done, Barb. Thanks for sharing.

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SWELL10 2/20/2011 9:09AM

    Thank you for sharing. We must each learn how we react to food and what our triggers are. I am an "all or nothing" kind of girl and know I can't eat or drink certain things. As you said, they are a gateway, eating them would open a door. I know many preach moderation in all things, but we must do what works for each of us and for me, I must leave certain things alone.

Good blog!

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DEBRITA01 2/20/2011 8:21AM

    It's hard to make others understand when they have no idea...the great thing is, YOU understand and have made great progress in working through this addiction. Another great thing is, we have people here at SP that DO understand and are living it...such a wonderful support when we need it.

Something I've learned recently (I'm a slow learner...lol) ... it's not my job to teach others. It's my job to be the best role-model I can be and be a good example if others are so inclined to follow (or learn)

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HOT4FITNESS 2/20/2011 8:18AM

    Thanks for sharing this blog and a little about yourself, your strength and your success, It is definitly one step at a time in these journeys of ours.

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Blogger's block

Friday, February 18, 2011

I haven't blogged since Tuesday. Each day, I've got to this point and found that like one of my favorite pastors preached... "today I got nothin'". I've said a lot of it over the course of the last year. Most recently, I even blogged through the "hold it together" week following my nephew's passing. But now... I don't know... my thoughts are feeling a bit hollow. Perhaps it is the magnitude of that last set, and everything else pales in comparison and seems a trifle flippant.

I may spend a few days reading others, hopefully catch up on some commenting, rather than writing new material. Call it a battery recharge in progress. One of these days something worth saying will bubble to the top again... and I'll be back.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALKINGANNIE 2/19/2011 3:41PM

    I'm sure that you'll soon 'unblock' Barb, knowing your creative brain.

I have really missed dropping by to catch up on your news and look forward to easing back into SP again soon.

Take care my friend!

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DEBBIESTY 2/19/2011 9:17AM

    Barb, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I'm sure your block will disappear soon. And I will get a chance to know you better.

Peace out. emoticon

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ANDI571 2/18/2011 3:58PM

    We all need to step back and recharge sometimes. Just step back and be kind to yourself and take care of you. emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 2/18/2011 3:44PM

    Yep, I know what you mean. And even when you don't have anything to say, I will still listen.
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SUNNYWBL 2/18/2011 1:55PM

    We all need a time of recharging - now and then! Just keep on, keeping on!

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WENDYSPARKS 2/18/2011 1:45PM

    God Bless You!! We are patient!

Wendy emoticon

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MSLZZY 2/18/2011 1:39PM

    When the time is right, dear friend! HUGS!

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REJ7777 2/18/2011 12:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAMOOAUG 2/18/2011 10:15AM

    We all need to recharge at times. You have been through a lot lately. You deserve to take some time just for you.

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DAISY443 2/18/2011 10:10AM

    Waiting.......

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SUNNY332 2/18/2011 9:52AM

    I definitely understand. Hang in there - you will receive the inspiration you need to write again.

Hugs, Sunny

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CONCHA77 2/18/2011 9:10AM

    I understand but do look forward to your next blog, always enjoy them. Enjoy your weekend.

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DEBRITA01 2/18/2011 9:00AM

    Sometimes it's good to be still and listen...You've been through a lot lately and may need time to process it all. Take care... emoticon

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Checkmark

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The original "goal" post, when I was inspired to try this: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=3767570


I put the check mark on New Year's Day (although I did it New Year's eve), getting 100 on the pushups and the run, but failing the situps by 3, at 24.

Last night, drugged with Benedryl and Advil against my sinus that acts up when the weather gets nice? (Yes, I know, excuses!) And without targeted training since New Years (more excuses)... here's how I did.

Push ups: 28 (score of 100, but a couple less than I pushed out New Year's Eve)
Sit ups: 24 FAIL by 3! Again... exactly the same!
Run: 20:33, score of 93... a little slower than last time.

All in all, I'm fairly satisfied with the results. Next test: Mother's Day... by which time I'll have that Half Marathon under my belt. The Half Marathon speed walking is my primary goal, but one of these days, I want to pass that sit up test!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 2/16/2011 11:25AM

    Determination WILL get you there--!!!
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GRYPHONQUEST 2/16/2011 9:54AM

    Wow... well, you're a great example/inspiration for your newbie followers, that's for sure! (I'm another person who is *very* glad Benadryl exists. Allergy season is already starting here in DC!)

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KALIGIRL 2/16/2011 8:57AM

    Half a marathon - and I'm just starting the virtual 5K...
Here's to you!

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LJCANNON 2/15/2011 10:40PM

    emoticon emoticonI will be watching for the Blog when you pass that test. It is just a matter of time.

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REJ7777 2/15/2011 9:28PM

    emoticon

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BONNEVIE 2/15/2011 7:32PM

    Sounds like you kicked butt to me!!!!!

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MSLZZY 2/15/2011 5:48PM

    You did the best you could and you tried! That counts too! HUGS!

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BUGGYS 2/15/2011 10:39AM

    You did great even tho' you were dealing with drugs in your system!!!

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HOT4FITNESS 2/15/2011 10:07AM

    Hey, thats great!! You will be passing those situps in no time. Have a great day and Happy training!!!

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SUNNY332 2/15/2011 9:00AM

    You did GREAT! Thanks for posting your results. You are an inspiration.

Sunny

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DAISY443 2/15/2011 7:38AM

    You did amazingly well considering the sinus thing! Congratulate yourself!

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Valentine's Day thoughts

Monday, February 14, 2011

As a gal who would pick "not looking" on any of the relationship status checks, Valentine's day kind of becomes like the kids version. I don't send 'em out, and I don't really expect to get any. However, I've found a bunch in my Spark Goodies! So, thank you... hope to get you back in a bit... if I miss you, I *did* think of you!

But that is a digression: today is one of the days I designated for my Army Physical Fitness Test. I will take this after work tonight and let y'all know how I did. Here's what I'm aiming for, the levels for females 57 - 61 years old. Yes, there are women this old in the Army! ETA: I'm not one of them, mind you, but they exist! I just have a son in the reserves and challenged myself to this little test.

Push-ups: as many as you can do in 2 minutes. You may rest in the plank position, but you can't stop at the lowered position. Passing: 8. Score of 100 at 28.

Rest 10 minutes - 20 minutes (max), then Sit-ups: as many as you can do in 2 minutes. Passing: 27. Score of 100 at 64. This is my weak area. Sigh.

Rest 10 minutes - 20 minutes (max), the run 2 miles, fast as you can. Passing: 24:48. Score of 100 at 19:42.

I last took this test on New Year's eve, I did 30 push ups, 24 sit ups, and ran the two miles in 19:16. Wish me luck this evening... I have not been training for this, as I've been focused on the half marathon and training speed walking instead of jogging. But I'm curious to see how I'll do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 2/14/2011 9:23PM

    You'll do fabulous!
Happy V-day.

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HOT4FITNESS 2/14/2011 5:15PM

    what a great way to spend your Valentines evening. Good luck will be anxious to hear how you do.

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KASEYCOFF 2/14/2011 12:28PM

    Wow, love it! Great way of keeping tabs on your progress - and much more meaningful (thinks me) than just the number on a scales.
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SUNNY332 2/14/2011 10:00AM

    Best wishes on the test. Do have a Happy emoticon day and good job taking care of your emoticon!!

Hugs, Sunny

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MSLZZY 2/14/2011 9:51AM

    Good luck and Happy Valentine's Day! HUGS!

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BUGGYS 2/14/2011 7:35AM

    Good luck on your teast today...Happy commercial day! :)

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REJ7777 2/14/2011 7:27AM

    I too would be one to write *not looking* on a relationship status check. I used to ignore Valentine's Day. But now, I use it to let my friends know I care.

Happy Valentine's Day! emoticon

I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll do on your fitness test! emoticon

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ANGELOO29 2/14/2011 7:23AM

    Good luck to you!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

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