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Sunshine and wind in your face

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Yesterday on one of my break walks from work I passed a group of kids, playing on the capitol lawn. Some were running down the gentle slope, just for the joy of the moving. One little girl was rolling down it, "log" style. She was grinning with sheer joy. I smiled and continued my walk with a lift in my spirit.

After work, I left the house in the warm late afternoon sunshine and hiked around a nearby park. Part of my walk was across the top of an earthen dam that forms a small lake. On that dam top the wind is at its strongest, and it was a breezy day, for sure. Any joking comments about "if you lose any more, you'll blow away" took on a near-literal meaning and I almost giggled thinking of them... except I was leaning into the wind to stay on the ground!

There is something so invigorating about facing the wind. And it occurred to me: this is why!

I keep moving so I can have moments like these. Here's to the moments of now!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 3/17/2011 10:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITFABJENN 3/17/2011 10:26AM

    I love your blog posts so much. Thanks for sharing your giggly moment with us.

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SUNNY332 3/17/2011 9:38AM

    Sounds like a great day...

I was raised in Kansas and being skinny, I also got teased about the possiblity of getting blown away on a windy day (which was every day).

Too funny!

Sunny

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CONCHA77 3/17/2011 9:09AM

    Sounds great. I can't wait til it's warm enough and not so muddy where I can enjoy a nice walk too. I am happy that you take advantage of that. Enjoy.

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DAISY443 3/17/2011 8:05AM

    These are the moments to remember. Thanks for sharing them so vividly!

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HOT4FITNESS 3/17/2011 7:58AM

    And here's to many more moments like these!!!

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Motivation: the battle of "why"

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Yes, the title says it - the battle of "why"!

I guess that's it: why maintenance can be so difficult. It is sometimes a struggle to even remember WHY I'm doing this. When self-pity, fear and anxiety creep in... when comparison to others and the competition factor blind sides me... and when I want to give more to other areas of my life and think I can steal it from taking care of the business of self-nurture... I am at risk of losing sight of why it's important.

So, let's review: WHY is it important to ME?

1. Because if I want to give more to those other areas of my life... I'd better be healthy enough to do so. Taking care of my health is not taking away from the rest of life's activities, it is supporting everything I do. "Put on your own oxygen mask first, THEN help others."

2. Nursing hurt feelings over comments made by others is not going to make them go away. Eating to mask them only lets me be in denial about the feelings, it doesn't heal the feelings. Work on real healing. That starts with honesty to myself. Forgiveness and communication follow.

3. Let's talk about performance anxiety, because that is an element in this most recent lapse. I had this lofty performance goal for the half marathon, not set by me, but I bought into it. It looks at this point in training like it won't be in my reach. I have to admit I'm afraid of letting someone else down. That's really what it is.

Be proud of being able to go the distance, let's not talk about speed... and let's not throw road blocks in the way of doing my best by self-sabotage!

This is who I am now. I am not that hide-in-a-cave slouch-on-the-couch person. I am strong. I am capable.

WHY? Because I can. Because I must. Because it is a part of me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAJOYWK 3/19/2011 7:56AM

    Barb-you have come so far & done so well-just hearing that you have questions
along the way helps the rest of us to continue the journey.Especially knowing
you find a way to make it through when the going is hard.Thank you for sharing.-Linda

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REJ7777 3/16/2011 9:15PM

    You seem to have a good handle on "why" you're doing this, and that's crucial! I learn a lot from your blogs. I think that after my heart attack, the "why" was very evident. Then there was my son's wedding. But the "why" just isn't as clear anymore. I need to re-evaluate my "why".

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SUNNYWBL 3/16/2011 7:07PM

    Just being willing to try the event is reason enough to do it! If you did the training and are willing to walk when you need to and run when you can! You will survive, you will finish! Finishing is a great achievement and who could be dissappointed with that?

Do it on your own and if someone is faster or slower let them move along at their own pace. If they make it all about them, they are are not being supportive to you.

That said, If you agreed to go along at someone's slower pace, then honor that. But, the reverse must be true also.

I hope this makes sense to you and good luck in the journey!

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BOBF15 3/16/2011 4:46PM

    First blog I read on this new team. Good job too, I have studied health for most of my life, and I break health into 3 tri-mesters. Each tri-mester is 25 years approximately. The first 25 is great, we are growing, improving and getting stronger. Then we hit our biological peak about 25, (yep, over the hill is 25 not 30) Then we slowly decline, but are in pretty good shape, then the 50's hit and all the minor problems can start to become major problems if not seriously dealt with.

Yes, there are people who do exceptional things in their later years, but they are the exception and make an extraordinary commitment. Each decade after 30 or so we lose about 10% of our hormones, muscle mass, etc. We basically are degenerating and it accelerates after 50.

So, what, you did not reach a goal, but the whole purpose is quality of life and that you seem to have a firm grasp on. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAISY443 3/16/2011 12:16PM

    Do I need to come over and kick some feeling hurting a**? Let me know!
You know the "Why". Good for you!

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DRB13_1 3/16/2011 12:03PM

    Release all expectations for the half marathon and allow yourself to enjoy the experience, the fact that you can, that you will finish, that it's more than you could have imagined in a previous time of your life... celebrate how far you have come! emoticon

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LJCANNON 3/16/2011 10:55AM

    emoticonYes You are worth it and the Turtles NEED you, that is another "Why" for your Journey.
emoticonIf anyone hurts your feelings or makes you feel that you let them down the Turtle Herd will DEAL with them!!
And it won't be purty!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 3/16/2011 9:54AM

    Ahh, the ultimate people-pleaser! The competitive edge-I know that feeling well. Do
I disappoint others or do I disappoint myself? I can so relate. If I am not healthy,
what good is it to any one but me? Time for me to focus again on what this journey is
to ME. Sounds like you and I are true sisters! Bless your heart for sharing the "why"
of the hourney! HUSG!

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 3/16/2011 9:38AM

    I think it all boils down to one important thing: take care of yourself. Whether it be physical, mental, social, religious -- if we take complete care of ourselves, everything else will fall into place or work itself out. Another good blog, Barb - thanks!

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BUGGYS 3/16/2011 9:34AM

    Being fit, and healthy and strong is about living your life to the fullest! emoticon

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FITFABJENN 3/16/2011 9:34AM

    I think it's fabulous that you reflected on the reasons you are on this journey and wrote them down. Thank you for sharing.

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SUNNY332 3/16/2011 9:31AM

    Why - Because you are so very worth all the efforts.

Hugs, Sunny

(Tell me who hurt your feelings and I will beat them silly.)

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DEBRITA01 3/16/2011 8:59AM

    emoticonStay strong! emoticon

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HOT4FITNESS 3/16/2011 8:53AM

    Yes, time to forgive yourself and push forward. We are out to finish the half marathon, not win it! The finish will great and rewarding. We are not out to prove we can do it any amount of time, but to prove to ourselves, we can do anything we putour minds too. Let's just walk and enjoy!!! You are so worth it!! Keep up the good work!!

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GRNBTL 3/16/2011 8:07AM

  Keep being strong!
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One day - the pep talk

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Today. emoticon Each day is really day one. I remind myself of this each time I have a rough patch.

emoticon "I can't do this forever, I'm so tired of it!"
emoticon "Can you do it today?"

Just today. No questions for tomorrow. Just today.

Yesterday I was back on track with the food. And after work last night, I tackled the second half of the back yard: cleaning up the winter remains of having had a dog. In some ways this is a sad chore. Knowing there won't be more piles to scoop. It's both a relief and a sadness. emoticon But, no, I'm not going to go out and acquire another pet just to reprise this chore! emoticon

Onward... a new work day. Chin up, Barbie!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEEDTOBE145 3/18/2011 9:53AM

    Love this blog. I have to remember. I can do this today! Don't need to worry about tomorrow!

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REJ7777 3/16/2011 9:21PM

    One day at a time, that's all we can work with anyway. And if we don't drag yesterday's baggage into it, or tomorrow's worries, it doesn't get overwhelming. Then we have the energy to deal with the one day we can actually do something with : today!

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SUNNYWBL 3/16/2011 12:45AM

    That's the way to get it done! Just one at a time.

About not wanting to get a young dog! There are many healthy older dogs looking for a forever home. At least you can think about it.

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CONCHA77 3/15/2011 2:59PM

    Hope you are having a wonderful day, Barb.

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JHADZHIA 3/15/2011 12:35PM

    I had missed your blog where you lost your precious Diamond! So sorry :(( That had to be one of the hardest things to do. Mom immediately gathered all of Bendix's things after he was given his final shot (at home) and put them in big trash bags and tossed them. With some frantic cleaning within hours it was like we never had a dog :(( She too, is not getting another one as she feels she and Angus are too old to look after one properly..
I have always had a dog in my life, and not having one has put a big hole in it..
I hope the rest of your Tuesday goes better..
Hugs,
Linda

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KALIGIRL 3/15/2011 10:59AM

    Love your one day @ a time attitude. Wish I could get into the 'present'.
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So sorry to hear about Diamond. I was 'fasting' from Spark @ the time. Rose had a sugar attack on Saturday, apparently not uncommon in hunting dogs (she doesn't ever want to quit), so we've added Karo syrup to the hunting gear. I have grown so fond of her these last 6 years, I would take her loss very hard.

I do have to admit however, I do not relish starting the chore you completed...
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GRYPHONQUEST 3/15/2011 10:59AM

    "One Day at a Time." There's a lot of truth in just taking things day by day - and it certainly makes it easier to get through the bad/tough times!

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SUNNY332 3/15/2011 9:49AM

    Life comes at us one day at a time and all we have to tackle is this One Day.

Great blog! Keep up the great work, one day at a time.

Sunny

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 3/15/2011 9:05AM

    Wishing you a great today!

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MSLZZY 3/15/2011 8:13AM

    Positive attitude! It's another day! Make the most of it! HUGS!

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Reprise: As good as it gets

Monday, March 14, 2011

I had a bad weekend with food. I had been holding it together pretty well for a while... but it really was a sheer effort of will. Time change, injury, change in routine, and cleaning on top of it all. You know I'm stressing when I start cleaning and organizing.

I believe that partly the news stories coming out of Japan triggered the stress cleaning. Not that it isn't "that time of year", too... but seeing that level of destruction, the stray thought occurred: what if something like that happened here? How would I feel about what would be exposed if someone had to come into my home following a disaster?

It started me thinking, this cleaning and organizing effort: it's not that different from my eating patterns. I binge eat. Less often than I used to. Granted, or rather self-justified. But... looking at how I'm going through this archeological dig of the piles of papers... I binge clean, too.

As I was going through this process yesterday, I recalled how when I last cleaned my desk at work, I felt at loose ends without my comforting piles of papers denoting projects in process. And I started to get anxious about how I would feel when my house was truly "in order". Would I feel lost? Without identity?

I have been working on affirmations related to household order for a while: "I am a person of dignity, I deserve to live in an orderly home." I visited FlyLady and polished my sink several months ago. But that initial effort has frayed around the edges. Maybe even in the middle, too.

Is this similar to the reaction "fear of success" related to weight loss? The "what do you do with it now that you've got it?" I think for me, it partly is. As with the weight and recognizing that there are going to be days that I will need to recover from... so with the orderliness - I need to learn to cut myself a break and find balance.

The journey to "as good as it gets" continues!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 3/14/2011 10:49PM

    Amazing insight! We must be sisters!

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SUNNY332 3/14/2011 4:27PM

    I would like to get to a point where I have" organized chaos". Not! I am trying for balance which seems to be an ongoing job in progress for me. Hang in there and hope we both find some balance.

I do know what you mean about something like this triggering the desire to get one's life/personal papers in order. I often think, if we had a "tornado", wonder where my bills would end up? Crazy, don't you think?

Sunny



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KALIGIRL 3/14/2011 1:50PM

    Interesting analogy.
I don't deal well with clutter and my desk @ work is just about as bad as I can stand. (Will tackle after sparking over lunch.)
I wonder if your 'piles' are really decisions unmade, or if they're symbols of parts of your life.
If they're symbols and the clutter annoys you, perhaps some filing tools would help?
There are darling colors and types @ Office Depot - a treat for the organizer?

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JHADZHIA 3/14/2011 12:44PM

    I have trouble with stacks of paper too. I have to use my bedroom as an office which leaves very little 'me' space left over, so all my business stuff stacks up and when I start having trouble finding things I need then my computer desk goes from not being able to see the glass under it to actually having space to put things on. Some of it is procrastination as I usually have lots of time to get things done. I always eat healthy meals, but lately I have been binge snacking on bad things. Part of the stressers for me is not recovering as fast as I expected, and not being as mentally fit as I once was. I notice a big difference when trying to remember things and trying to play bridge..If I ever am able to solve the insomnia problem, I am sure that would go a long way to help with this..
I may be on maintenance, but I still have a lot work to do as well. You are not in it alone..

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FITFABJENN 3/14/2011 12:35PM

    Yes, "what happens next" is a somewhat scary question. I've actually lost a significant amount of weight twice before in my life, but both times the sigh of relief of achieving my goal was quickly followed by a slip back into old habits, and subsequent weight gain.

I think having a supportive Spark community might just be the difference between then and now, though. Even DH said that I seem so much different this time. Perhaps what happens next is that we embrace an active, healthy lifestyle that allows us to take on new challenges we could not do before. That's a future I can get behind.

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DEBRITA01 3/14/2011 11:06AM

    It's interesting how those impulsive traits carry over into other areas of our lives...not just the eating. Good luck getting things in order...and maintaining (that is always the hardest for me).

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 3/14/2011 9:32AM

    The last paragraph spoke to me. It's the "what happens next" part that always scares me. Because almost always, it's maintenance. Whether it be related to weight loss, a clean desk/house, or whatever. Getting there is the interesting and sometimes challenging part. Staying there? Well, that's where the real challenge comes in for me.

Good job on getting your house in order.

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DRB13_1 3/14/2011 8:58AM

    keep making progress! emoticon Weight and the condition of our homes are definitely related. My professional organizer makes an important point: Clutter is the result of postponed decisions.
Remember the "handle ezch piece of paper once" mantra. Keep a trash can handy, and if you aren't using it or don't love it - toss it. Open mail over the trash can - dump all the junk so it doesn't have a chance to make it to "a pile."
To encourage you - (for me, at least) having some clean, cleared space is calming and sparks creativity. I hear you when you say clearing your desk produces anxiety, but look at it a different way - instead of "projects in progress" have that "inbox - outbox" system to show how much you have COMPLETED. Think of it as only getting paid once it is done. Maybe that will be motivating.
Whenever what we are doing is not working for us, time to make changes.
"It's not the strong or intelligent that survive, but the most adaptable." -Charles Darwin
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAISY443 3/14/2011 8:17AM

    I also binge clean. I think you may be on to something. This is a fight against being a perfectionist and being impelled to clean incessantly! Not going to happen to me again! Been there, done that! As long as it is clutter and not germy, I can deal. Good luck with your search for balance!

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REJ7777 3/14/2011 8:00AM

    I can relate. We've got so much in common in our struggles. Perfectionism among other things. I wonder if getting closer to goal is part of what's been causing my binging these last few days. I've gained 12 lbs. There's something going on, but I'm not sure what it is. I'm losing my focus. It's scary. I have to find balance too.

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HOT4FITNESS 3/14/2011 7:57AM

    Today is a new day in your journey, so you can move forward--in a clean house!! Woohoo!!!

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Procrastination, clutter, decision making, and identity

Sunday, March 13, 2011

My brother refers to the piles of clutter that begin building up almost at once after a thorough cleaning and organizing effort as "decisions not made". My home is full of such piles of "decisions not made". I'll go through the mail, not be ready to immediately reject something, or have the energy to "deal with it", and it goes into a pile. Or I'll pay bills, write the pertinent payment details on them, and needing to them in case of dispute... into another pile they go. And so on.

Oh, I've read the material about how to be organized: only handle each piece of paper once. File in time-boxed periods.

But knowing what to do and doing it are two different things. I don't particularly enjoy this kind of thing. My desk at work is only kept in half-way order about three or four times a year, in those slow bits between development cycles.

Periodically I make a big push at "The Paper Chase". Usually around this time of year. Yesterday I was dragging my feet about starting it. Today I'm working at it. Building consistency is something I need to work at in this area.

One day at a time, in this as in with other things, right? Don't try to take on the world all at once. But don't avoid it, either.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRENDA1995 3/14/2011 1:13PM

    Decisions not made, that is so true! Thank you for that point of view. I think it will help me with some of my clutter.

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REJ7777 3/13/2011 10:09PM

    I can sure relate to the challenge. Clutter is, and has always been, a big problem for me. emoticon

Congratulations on "working on it". emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 3/13/2011 5:51PM

    Paper work is awful---and its getting worse! ----But you are sorting it----- Life is full of paper work----- Lynda

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KALIGIRL 3/13/2011 3:43PM

    Love the "decisions not made;
My new year's resolution (for the last 5 years) has been to deal with mail as it comes in. Work (and home life) has been hectic until this weekend and I took Saturday morning as an opportunity to 'find' my piles.
(I was one of those kids who put her clothes under the bed instead of in the hamper - out of sight...so did the same before the family arrived for Christmas)
It was a little sad to see the opportunities I missed, but rewarding to write my Christmas thank-yous, respond to wedding invitations, and send checks for retreats and my girlfriend's reunion.
Moving my desk and favorite notecards to the (remodeled) kitchen is working (for me). Love being in the heart of the house.

Hope you find what works for you to make those decisions.
Namaste my friend.

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MNTWINSGAL 3/13/2011 2:57PM

    I'm extremely organized at work, and by the way my desk looks there one would assume my house was neat as a pin. Not so much though.....even though I have filing systems in place, the paper mess has taken over my writing desk, my computer desk, and my kitchen counter. A couple of months ago when I learned I was having company with only minutes to spare, I grabbed a box and put a ton of paper in there. Yep, still there....waiting for me to go through it.

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DAISY443 3/13/2011 2:20PM

    A clean desk is the sign of a messy mind! That's my tenet and I'm skickin' to it! But, good luck with your endeavors!

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MSLZZY 3/13/2011 2:14PM

    Excellent advice-sounds a lot like me!

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DEBRITA01 3/13/2011 1:43PM

    Did I write this blog? LOL This is SO me! "Decisions not made"...I like that...and, you have a wise brother. Another good post, Barb...

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SUNNY332 3/13/2011 1:18PM

    "decisions not made". Wow - I can identify with this one.

Thanks for a great post.

Sunny

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JANRTEACH 3/13/2011 12:42PM

    I'm with you!!! Thanks for the reminder.

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