Sunday, March 09, 2014
I went to bed Thursday night, thinking how nice it would be to be able to wear jeans to work on Friday. I thought about the tasks I needed to complete the next day and dozed off to sleep.
Ahh, but life can change in an instant and sometimes the things we think are going to happen don't happen for us.
For me it was that 2am phone call that my daughter was going to the hospital via ambulance with abdominal pain. In a daze I got out of my bed, threw on some clothes and drove to the hospital. Of course I was challenged by construction and closed roads due to the expansion of the hospital. None of this was in my plan. But as the John Lennon quote goes "Life is what happens when you are making other plans."
I parked my car, found my way to her room and was relieved to see her in good spirits. She filled me in on what happened in the hours leading up to her trip to the hospital. After hours, iv's, tests we finally got the diagnosis of a gallstone being caught in a duct - which worked its way back out during all the chaos. She was sent home with instructions to follow up with a surgeon.
After hugs, she went home with her husband and I drove home. The sun was shining. I should be at work. It was jean day. I had things to do. I was exhausted. I went home to take a nap.
When I woke up I called to check to see how she was feeling. She was feeling good and helping her kids with their homework.
I was overcome with a feeling of gratitude. Gratitude for the people in my life, my family, my friends, my employer. Gratitude for another day with my daughter. Gratitude for the ability to tell her one more time that I love her and I am blessed to have her in my life. Yes, I am truly blessed with so much - and I am thankful!
Thursday, March 06, 2014
Honesty with self and others is so important on this path. I had a rough weekend with a late night meal on Saturday that I know was not the smartest thing to do - eating late, excess carbs & fats = bigger number on the scale - you get the idea.
This week I have been back on track working away doing all those right things. Eating balanced meals, working out (maybe a bit excessively for me) and drinking ALL my water. I feel pretty good - other than my knees complaining a bit.
I am no longer going walking backwards in the wrong direction on this path but headed towards my monthly goal. Yippee! The problem?
Next week. Monday I am going with friends to a concert in Ann Arbor. We will be eating out. I do miserably eating out. I always go for my old unhealthy favorites - that little voice in my head says if I am going to pay for it I should get what I like, not to mention I have digestive issues with salads so I won't be eating one of those! I need to quiet that voice down! Wednesday I am having dinner with an old friend - so again eating out - probably more calories than I would normally eat for dinner. Friday we are heading to Chicago for the weekend. More eating out. I am sure deep dish pizza will be in there somewhere and probably some Irish food for St Paddy's day.
To make it all worse - Monday, Wednesday & Friday are my workout buddy days - so I will be missing that completely. No working out those three days. Monday and Friday will be lots of driving with little walking. Ditto for Sunday.
I am really frustrated, scared and worried about this whole week coming up. My silly little head is telling me I am not going to reach my goal this month (it is only the 6th) and that I should just throw in the towel and go hog wild next week. A little part of me is listening to that voice. Right now a bigger part of me is staying focused on where I want to be and how I am going to get there.
OK Barb, stay focused on today, on right now. Just do those next right things right now. Just keep focusing on today and you will be ok. When those choices come up next week, make the best choice you can at the moment and move on. See where you want to go? One foot in front of the other in the direction of where you want to be. Come on! Besides, you can work out on Tuesday and Thursday AND you will be doing walking in Chicago. I bet there may even be a workout room in the hotel. Or get up early and take a walk along the river! You CAN get some exercise in. Challenge yourself - I bet you could end up with more steps on your fitbit than if you stayed home.
PS If you fall and lose direction, follow those others on the path who are headed your way. Ask them for help. I bet they may even hold your hand along the way if you need them to!
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
Soooo today is FAT Tuesday. When I was little I always wondered why they called Tuesday fat - after all that wasn't very nice. My polish Busha smiled and laughed when she heard me ask this question.
She explained it to me like this. Fat Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, which in the Catholic church (which we were members of) is the beginning of the lenten season. During the lenten season, Catholics were to fast. So the week before Ash Wednesday, they would haul out the lard, the sugar, flour and fruit on hand to make paczki so it wouldn't go bad during the 40 days of Lent. I remember her making the dough with lard, cooking them in lard - we couldn't wait to sample them! Of course Tuesday was the last day to eat the paczki because on Wednesday it would be considered forbidden and a temptation. No one wanted to be wasteful so they ate it all instead of just throwing it away - therefore the paczki on Fat Tuesday. My friend's busha said that they also had to drink all the beer - but my busha never told me that story! Maybe that is why we have Mardi Gras! Busha said everyone got fat the week before Easter and then got lean during the 40 days of Lent.
Well, today there were paczki in our kitchen. They weren't like my busha's paczki made with lard and prune filling, but store bought with fillings like apple and berry. It was not hard for me to pass on them! But for some silly reason I feel like I need to eat everything else that is fattening - as if it were going to disappear from the face of the earth during Lent. I know better than that. The Easter Bunny brings it all back in the basket on Easter!
Reality - had my normal breakfast & lunch, heading to the gym tonight and will probably have a veggie egg scramble for supper. I have enough fat on my body to sustain me through the 40 days of Lent - and it's not like I am not going to eat during those 40 days! Good Grief!
Everyone keeps asking me what I am giving up for Lent - well I guess I could say sweets, but I pretty much already gave them up. I think this year instead of giving up - I am going to give of. I am going to give of myself and do some volunteering.
Gee, I miss my polish Busha, the old customs and traditions, and her stories. I wonder what memories my grandkids will have to pass on to the future generations. Probably no stories of Fat Tuesday or paczki!
Monday, March 03, 2014
Did I ever tell you about the negative crowd I hang with? What? Me? Hang with a negative crowd? Yep, I do. I try to leave them behind, but every once in a while - usually when I am about to feel good about something, they show up and try to put a damper on things.
I went to visit Mr Scale. I have a sick relationship with Mr Scale so I only visit him once a month. Mr. Scale told me I lost 5 lbs this month! Yippee!!! A smile broke out on my face! Yes!!! Mr. Scale gave me a nod of approval!
I was good with that. I turned him off and walked away. Cool! 5 lbs closer to a healthy weight. I am making progress!
Then they showed up - that negative bunch. You know they hang in a group and feed off each others negativity. "What? only 5 lbs? All that work you did? Only 5 lbs?" "Geez, at this rate you will never be a healthy weight"
"Too bad it wasn't 8 lbs then you would be in the 80's instead of the 90's" "Ya, 3 lbs short - you shouldn't have had that coffee cake. It will be like this the rest of your life. Every time you eat one bad thing you will pay for it." "Ya, all that work and you still can't fit into the cool clothes in the stores." "Yep better go shopping for a swimsuit cover up, because you won't be taking it off at the beach." "Why are you doing this anyhow?" "Skip the gym, stay home, eat some ice cream and watch a movie - you deserve it." The smile was gone. I was feeling battered and defeated before I even got up the stairs. I think I almost felt tears coming to my eyes!
STOP!!! I think I said that outloud! I should have screamed it. Maybe that would have scared them away. Where does this crowd come from? Why are they so brutal and relentless? Really?
This was my moment to shine, not rain on my own parade.
5 lbs is a wonderful number. All that hard work? I think I remember a few nights that staying home and relaxing in a chair beat out the gym, the treadmill or any other form of exercise - and then there was the cold which wore me down. I think I remember a few meals that were over the calorie limits, late at night AND not exactly healthy - like a french dip at 10pm with a group of friends, or the pizza while watching the big game. Oh ya, and then there was THAT - that cinnamon coffee cake - I ate almost the WHOLE thing. You know what - that is life. It's ok to not eat perfectly every meal. It's ok to not work out every day. BUT - It's NOT ok to make a daily habit of those things.
I am completely content with my 5 lbs. I am right where I am supposed to be. 5 lbs, 10 lbs, 2 lbs it is just a number. It does not reflect who I am or the amount of effort I put in. I made many healthy, positive choices this month. There WAS improvement. There was NOT perfection. It's ok. In fact it is better than ok - it is WONDERFUL!
So, putting on some upbeat tunes and hitting the gym after work! I don't have time for that negativity. OK Barb, quit listening to those complainers and whiners who hold you back and DO something positive to get yourself where you want to be. You are awesome. You are fierce. You are determined. Besides that, maybe you will see the rower with the awesome back muscles and maybe she will give you some pointers on that machine. Maybe someday YOU will LIKE that machine! Even better, I think you are getting closer to that day when you will like you and leave that negative bunch behind for good.
OK - gotta run now! Work to finish before I hit the gym!!!
Friday, February 28, 2014
Yesterday after work I went to see my friend and hairdresser. She colored and trimmed my hair. I don't know why, but I love it when someone shampoo's my hair - and of course the feeling of looking good when I leave is wonderful. For some reason we finished up a little earlier than normal.
On my ride home I thought - hmmmm maybe I should go to the Y today. It was NOT in my plans. I thought I'd go home, get on my treadmill for a couple miles and call it good. My workout buddy and I go to the Y on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Nah, it's cold. Go home, get on the treadmill, eat some dinner and settle in for the night. I had every reason NOT to go and was completely fine with each of them. I was NOT being a slacker, I WAS going to get on the treadmill.
Then for some reason, I changed my mind. Kind of like I did in Costco with the coffee cake! I put on my workout clothes, got in my car and headed to the Y. Sometimes you just THINK you don't want to, but inside you really do. Sometimes those impulse things you do are positive things (in contrast to my impulse on Sunday to by the coffee cake).
I walked a couple miles on the track and got on a bike. While on the bike I was watching this woman I see there frequently on a rowing machine. She has this whole intense workout she does where she twists the rowing rope to one side and draws it up to her shoulder. She is a beast on that machine and it responds to her every pull. You can see her muscles glistening as she rows. She is probably all of 4 foot ten, but she is so powerful on that machine. You can't help but notice her because she is totally in this zone - her and the machine.....
About two minutes into my ride I found myself looking at the clock on the bike thinking it HAD to be at least 5 minutes in - I really wanted to be done already! I wanted to quit and go home. I just wasn't feeling it. I was tired already. My knees were a little achy already. I didn't WANT to - then I focused on the rower. I tried to put as much effort into my ride as she did on the rowing machine. I tried to challenge myself and sprint a few more times. I wondered how many times she didn't want to. I bet there were a few. From the looks of her - she did it anyway, even if she didn't want to. Sometimes you just DO it! I continued to pedal. Sweat was dripping from my elbows and ears.
I left the gym after my ride. My shirt was soaked with sweat. Instead of being embarrassed that I was sweating like a pig, I was proud. I wore my sweaty shirt like my badge of courage. I left it on the bike. WooHoo! Look at me! This girl gave it all on that bike!
By the time I got off the bike the rower was gone. I think if I see her again I will have to tell her that she inspires me. Maybe she can give me some hints on that rowing machine! I find it incredibly boring! I wish I could find her zone when on there!
So - no regrets. The TV shows are waiting on the DVR for another time and I feel great!
Back to the Y tonight to get in some more time on the track and in the pool with my workout buddy. Yep, Life is good.
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