PATTYKLAVER   206,863
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New Mantra

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I have to keep saying my new mantra: It is what it is.

I can't change circumstances. I can deal with them better.
I can't change others. I can change myself.

The purpose of starting on Spark People was to improve myself, mentally and physically. I have to get back to the basics of that.

I had been in the habit of taking quiet time to read, pray, and meditate. Life got in the way. It's time to get it out of the way.

My baby and my Baby Z come in today. emoticon This will definitely help me look at the positive. Take it and run.

IT IS WHAT IT IS!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BERGBA7 4/17/2014 3:51PM

    Very wise decision! Great! enjoy the time with your daughter!
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YELLOW09RED 4/17/2014 1:18PM

    Good afternoon,
Hugs for your day together.
Enjoy your time.
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NPA4LOSS 4/16/2014 9:02PM

    Enjoy your special time! emoticon

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FITMARY 4/16/2014 6:03PM

    emoticon Go for it!

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DIDMIS 4/16/2014 5:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JANTHEBLONDE 4/16/2014 5:04PM

    Thanks for sharing! I hope you have a wonderful time with your family! Sending you lots of hugs!
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STRONGERLEANER 4/16/2014 2:11PM

    Challenges, especially, complicated ones, can throw us off-course sometimes. Glad to see you are always finding your way back to taking care of yourself.

Hope you enjoy the time with your "babies!"
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IGNITEME101 4/16/2014 12:47PM

    amen! Enjoy your daughter and the g baby! I had to Lay down all expectations where my new g baby was concerned! Now it's better than I could have imagined. :)

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STEVEN2GO2 4/16/2014 12:35PM

    Enjoy the time with your loved ones!

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MARICUZA 4/16/2014 11:44AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Have a bless day!

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SLIMMERJESSE 4/16/2014 9:12AM

    In times like this, I have to force myself to just focus on today. Period. If I look at the big picture, it's too overwhelming. Try to take quiet time for yourself, even if in 10 minute increments. It's crucial.

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I_WILL_ROCK_125 4/16/2014 9:10AM

    emoticon

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MSLZZY 4/16/2014 9:09AM

    Sounds like a habit I should cultivate right about now.

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Challenged

Monday, April 14, 2014

I will admit it: I am over-extended, exhausted, and in dire need of a refill. Going and doing for Mom since September has caught up with me. I realize I need a break, some me time, a vacation. BUT...I can't see it happening.

Mom has 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 8 great-grandchildren and a great-great-grandchild. Or so I was told. Oldest sister is MIA: she's mad that I have come back from Alabama and truly believes that I have "taken over". I just thought I was spending time with and helping Mom. She has the attitude that because I am on disability, I am not working and doing anything and I can do everything for mom. She's retired. I am to the point where I don't even want to talk to her. She just tells me I'm wrong or very obviously just ignores me. I don't want to waste the energy anymore.

Other sister wants to help. She works full time. Brother lives two doors down from mom. He wants to help, but he works, his allergies are acting up, he needs some time for himself... Grandchildren are busy working and trying to take care of their kids.

I don't know what to do anymore. Family meetings have gotten me nowhere. Outside help is too expensive. I want to do for mom. But I know I have to do for me. And my children. And my significant other. How do I do this?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITMARY 4/15/2014 9:47AM

    My heart goes out to you! Please try to take a little time for yourself because otherwise you won't be there to help your mom as you want.
I'm sure your sister is driving you crazy, but I would advise trying to broker peace there. The situation is stressful and must be bringing out the worst in her, but she is still your sister and another daughter to your mom.
If you just keep trying to include her and treat her with love, maybe she will eventually respond? And even if she doesn't, you will at least be at peace with yourself because you tried....
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JANTHEBLONDE 4/15/2014 9:33AM

    Thanks for sharing! I hope you have a wonderful day! Sending you lots of hugs!
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NPA4LOSS 4/14/2014 11:42PM

    Use the word NO when appropriate. emoticon

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STRONGERLEANER 4/14/2014 9:49PM

    I'm so sorry that so much has come on your shoulders. Maybe someone can help, even in little ways. Who's the most diplomatic of all of them? Maybe that person can help be an advocate for getting you some help within the family. Maybe your one aunt that wants to help can talk to the other aunt to get her to do a few things for you.

Hoping for the best!

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IGNITEME101 4/14/2014 3:35PM

    Have you tried to call your sisters and let them know you're not going to be there for mom for 2-3 days? Hopefully they will pick up the slack.
Wow, honestly? Some people can't handle watching a loved one suffer or die. We all deal with it differently. I passed out lying in the hallway when my mom moaned in the room next to me. My little sisters had to step over me to get to her. Talk about wimping out! I was 22, but my sisters were even younger!
We all react differently. I am praying for you. We must take care of our self to take care of anyone else.

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BERGBA7 4/14/2014 12:12PM

    hmmm... difficult to deal with indeed!
Is there any way that you could cancel one or the other appointment to just take 2-3 hours for yourself. Sometimes that's already enough for me to not feel overwhelmed anymore. Leave the cleaning for once and read a book?
I wish you lots of force!
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YELLOW09RED 4/14/2014 11:49AM

    I am from a family of 7. My family members do help our dad who is 88.
I hope your siblings will start to help you. I like what JAMIRBLAZE has written.
God bless you Patty,
I'm keeping you in my daily thoughts and prayers.
Debbie
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JAMIRBLAZE 4/14/2014 10:25AM

  Do you have any senior support agencies in your area? Many of them may have some respite care, can walk you through the craziness of social services and/or do outside assessments of what mom's needs are and the kind of care that she needs. A social worker may be available to help with the family division of care taking. If she needs help with meals, a service like Meals on Wheels may be able to provide some of what she needs and take the burden off of you. If one of your family members objects, state that you could not handle the burden on your own and that they failed to step in, so you arranged for assistance.

Good luck! I've been through similar with family, and I know how tough it is.

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SLIMMERJESSE 4/14/2014 9:58AM

    I have been through this scenario in a number of way and situations. It is not easy, fair, or describable. It is beyond exhausting. I have nothing to suggest as it has always been a day-by-day struggle and hope to make it through. Wish I could offer more advice or support. Some lives are just too too hard.

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DIDMIS 4/14/2014 9:13AM

    I know what it is like. I was caregiver for my husband for years and did not take care of me. He had 3 children who mainly ignored him. They did live a long way off though.

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MSLZZY 4/14/2014 8:52AM

    I'm right there with you. All the time in the world for everyone else and none for me. It is totally exhausting and I can't see it changing either. HUGS!

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Uh-Oh

Monday, April 07, 2014

I realize I've been complacent lately. I looked at my goals and had to be honest with myself. I'm not working on them like I should. So...TODAY I WILL SET NEW GOALS. I WILL WORK ON THEM. I have a reason to work on them: the baby will be her at the end of June. I want this baby to have the best Grandma possible. I can do this!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMAVISION 4/13/2014 9:16PM

    Wishing you success upon success with your new goals!

What a blessing --- a new Grandchild to love & cherish!

God bless!

Ima


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JOANNS4 4/9/2014 8:13AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JAZZYGF 4/8/2014 2:14PM

    Me too new goals

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RUBYROOTS4YOU 4/8/2014 11:24AM

    emoticon C'mon, Patty!! emoticon

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JACKIE542 4/8/2014 10:16AM

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LIGHTNING572 4/7/2014 11:46PM

    Wishing you a wonderful day!

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NPA4LOSS 4/7/2014 11:20PM

    emoticon emoticon

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IGNITEME101 4/7/2014 2:31PM

    Yes, u sure can. How is your mom's situation? Is she still in the hospital?

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STRONGERLEANER 4/7/2014 2:20PM

    You've had a lot of things happening. It would be easy for anyone to become distracted.

You can DEFINITELY do this!

Wishing you a great rest of April!!!
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YELLOW09RED 4/7/2014 1:44PM

    Irene is right.
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Take your time.
Hugs & smiles,
Debbie
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DIDMIS 4/7/2014 1:36PM

    You are a beautiful, intelligent woman Patty with a lot on your plate. I admire you.
When you finish you can say emoticon because I took time for me emoticon
In advance here is a trophy for you.
Enjoy the baby.
Irene

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JANTHEBLONDE 4/7/2014 10:50AM

    You can do it! I know you can! Sending you lots of hugs!
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MSLZZY 4/7/2014 10:15AM

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April 1, 1982

Tuesday, April 01, 2014



I told everyone that my due date was April 1. Do you think they believed me? NOOO!!!
First, I had to convince the husband that my water really did break. Then, I had to convince the nurses that this baby wanted to be born. 'Twas hard, but true. A beautiful 8 pound 1 ounce 20 1/2 inch baby girl joined us at 9:27 am.

Sherry Alison doesn't look like me or her dad. She doesn't look like big sister, Sarah Lynn, who turned 2 years old 17 days after she was born. I see all four of her grandparents when I look at her. I think it's great - they will live on forever.

I always told my girls that if anyone asked what they wanted for their birthdays, tell them to get their birthstone for them: diamond. This is so fitting for them. They are truly my gems, my miracles. They helped me grow. They give me such joy! They will do anything for each other. I can't ask for anything better. I can sit forever and just listen to them talk to each other.

I look back at our lives together often. So many good memories! So many things to smile about and to laugh about when I think of them! Things to be so proud of!

And now we will be adding Baby Z to the mix. Fifteen more weeks! I realize that this baby will come when this baby wants to - just like Momma. I'm ready, though. To think I have my next big vacation to plan for: Disney World in 4-5 years. If Momma and Aunty Sarah want to come, fine! If not, oh well!

This saga will continue...hallelujah!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUBYROOTS4YOU 4/8/2014 11:33AM

    Aww, an April Fool's baby!! emoticon

Growing up, everyone always asked me if my birthstone was a ruby, b/c that's my name. I'd get mad and say, "No! It's a garnet!" hahaha

Disney World is gonna be a blast! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YELLOW09RED 4/7/2014 1:42PM

    Patty I really like the picture of your 2 girls.
Your blog is so loving.
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SLIMLILA 4/6/2014 7:16PM

    April 1, for real!!!!! that's too funny.

Did I ever tell you that my dd had her first boy on his great grandmother's 65th birthday and before that she was also born her her g.grandmother's 65th birthday too. But she was born in Mb. so she was actually born at 10:29pm, so with your dd in Halifax, you know that changes the time zone, so my dd's b.day was April 30, but she was born on her great grandmother's May 1 birthday....

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NPA4LOSS 4/3/2014 12:43AM

    emoticon

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STRONGERLEANER 4/2/2014 4:14PM

    Beautiful photo and family!


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BERGBA7 4/2/2014 3:51PM

    emoticon emoticon Enjoy every moment before the baby comes and after it too
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IGNITEME101 4/1/2014 11:32PM

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DIDMIS 4/1/2014 10:22PM

    I have a brother who is 2 years and 2 days younger than I. He and I are the only ones left of 7 siblings.

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DLYNCH86 4/1/2014 9:39PM

    Wonderful emoticon

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MSLZZY 4/1/2014 8:53PM

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JANTHEBLONDE 4/1/2014 8:50PM

    I'm so happy for you! Sending you lots of hugs!
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MJRVIC2000 4/1/2014 7:26PM

    Way to go! Thank and praise God! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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Under the Gun...Again!

Monday, March 31, 2014

My daughter will be back here in 18 days... emoticon

But...wait...is the condo ready? Have I even started? Unless you count getting the carpets cleaned last Friday, heck no! Does this surprise me? Heck no! I swear that I am getting organized and on a schedule ALL THE TIME. I just can't get it together. I have spurts where I do better, I will admit that. But I can't get consistent.

This time may be different. This time, a new baby will be involved. I actually was pretty organized and in a schedule of sorts when my girls were little. Guess it's easy to always have high hopes!

So...Patty...I MUST DO A LITTLE EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT 18 DAYS TO BE READY. NO IFS...NO ANDS...NO BUTS....PERIOD.

Yea! It's getting close to the time when I will be able to see my adorable grand-baby! Ask any person I know. They will all tell you that I have been waiting for this for a long time. Granted, if it never happened, I still find babies to coo over and spoil. But, I am so glad I get one of my own.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 4/6/2014 7:12PM

    Ok, I've been off the computer a lot lately, so catching up. How many days is it down to now? Babies are so fun... At our knitting club, a mom brought her baby in and stayed the whole meeting, so I had more than my share. I forgot how much I love holding babies....
Pace yourself, and "try' not to get too stressed out over this, with Mom too, you have your plate full, as usual.. take care of you. emoticon

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DIDMIS 3/31/2014 11:34PM

    Patty you have a lot on your plate. Don't be too hard on yourself.
You rock girl.
Irene

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SUMMARAH 3/31/2014 7:04PM

    CONGRATULATIONS, PATTY! That's so wonderful that you have a new grandbaby. You know I can relate to your scheduling and organizational issues. Looking back, I can't even begin to imagine how I got all the stuff done that I did while still having time to rest and relax. The truth is, after reading my blog posts from way back when, it appears that my life was just as chaotic then as it is now. It's all a matter of prioritizing and perspective. You're doing a fantastic job, lady, whether you realize it or not at this moment. At the end of the day, everything you got done is what's most important. You survived. (And thank you for making me type that, because as the song goes, as I minister to you, I minister to myself.)
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IGNITEME101 3/31/2014 6:40PM

    I'm so excited for you, Patty!
Your daughter will understand if it's not all 'perfect'. We must leave 'perfect' behind!
You've been so busy with your mom!
Prioritize whats most important about the house, and begin from there.

That way when your daughter arrives, no matter what happens, the important stuff will be done.
My daughter is very picky about her new baby. Still, if it's prioritized, she will be content, too.

Praying for you! Enjoy this time of preparation. When they arrive, you will remember all of the 'fun' stuff about babies! :))

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STRONGERLEANER 3/31/2014 3:32PM

    Don't kick yourself. You are doing A LOT!

Do what you can and take care of YOU!
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NPA4LOSS 3/31/2014 2:09PM

    Congratulations! I know that you are excited! emoticon

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JANTHEBLONDE 3/31/2014 11:40AM

    Awwww.... How exciting your daughter and your grandbaby coming! Sending you lots of hugs!
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LIGHTNING572 3/31/2014 11:37AM

    Grandbabies are the greatest blessing in the world.
Enjoy your day!

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MSLZZY 3/31/2014 9:46AM

    emoticon You will find the time or make the time to make it happen. Have faith in yourself! HUGS!

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SPACEYKP 3/31/2014 9:32AM

    So exciting!! Congratulations on the grand-baby!!

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-BLESSINGS- 3/31/2014 8:53AM

    AWE... how exciting....

~Wishing you an AWEsome day~

~BLESSings ~ ALLways ~ Deby



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MOMMA48 3/31/2014 8:45AM

    I'm so excited for you, Patty!

emoticon A new little one in the family--what a true blessing!

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