PEACHELLE   8,408
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depressed

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I have majorly fallen off the bandwagon. With finishing up my bachelor's of social work, everything fell to the wayside-eating right, working out, and taking time for myself. Now, I am at the highest weight I have ever been and I feel like complete and total crap. If I was discouraged before, I am even more so. I can't continue on like this. I am acutely aware of how my body feels with the weight and how I look with all this extra weight. Sometimes I feel so powerless to do anything about it. I have adopted the mindset of "I'll always have been fat and will be, so why bother?" I know that is not good for me, but that is how I am feeling right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGER_LILY_613 6/30/2013 6:15PM

    I think we all know what it feels like to fall off the bandwagon, so I think you will meet with understanding rather than judgement.

You did a great thing by reaching out to the supportive community that is SparkPeople, because it is filled people who have been where you are, and understand what your challenges are and who will encourage you when you feel low. Like any good friend, they remind you of what you want in those times when you can't see it.

For me, getting back on track is about motivators, Everyone has different triggers - revisiting their list of goals, talking to family or friends, seeing a dress in the shop window, a doctor's visit, a stranger's smile .... the list goes on...

So my advice is to keep reaching out and sharing your struggles till you reach someone or something that ignites your spark again.

Don't beat yourself up. Don't hide yourself. We all need help and encouragement sometimes. Asking for help ( which you have done ! ) is the best way to get it :)


Spark on ! emoticon emoticon emoticon



Comment edited on: 6/30/2013 6:17:20 PM

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LADYBUGHOME 6/26/2013 5:26PM

    I am sorry that you are feeling the way you are right now. It is not easy to be overweight, and I can relate to how distressing it is when reaching a low point in health. Try to simply accept where you are, and do small things to improve your heath. I had to take a year off of dieting, because (coupled with some serious life challenges) it was just too emotionally upsetting when I wasn't successful. I have spent the last 6 months focusing on simply not GAINING weight, and have actually lost a couple pounds in the process, but better than that have learned to be kinder to myself and be realistic about the rate I can expect to lose. I guess I just know that it has to be slow and steady for some people. So good luck as you are setting out again, and don't be too harsh on yourself.. you don't have to be fast about losing weight, and each pound you lose makes you that much healthier! :)

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RUNNERRACHEL 6/26/2013 4:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You can do it! I know when you are not on track you feel bad and think in a negative way. Do something good for yourself and you will start to feel better and think more positively. Something small--it could be drinking water or going for a walk. It could be getting your goals written out.

Anything you can do for yourself will help. Small changes add up. You can do this!

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IMELECTRIC 6/26/2013 12:47PM

    I know how you feel. I started last year in April and was all gun-ho. Even lost 30 lbs, ran a few 5k's and was looking forward to being my goal weight this summer as well as training for 10k's. Well winter hit and I got sick. That stopped the working out. With the winter holidays I started eating all the good food. Spring came and with it being my daughter's senior year there was all kinds of awards ceremonies and banquets to go to. Finally now that school was out I decided I need to get back on the band wangon. I know my clothes are tighter and some don't fit. I stepped back on the scale and have put on 15 lbs. So depressing!

I am back on the wagon and trying again.

Good Luck. Always remember "Take care of yourself and your health"

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Will I be judged?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

So, I have found a local place that offers Zumba. I would like to go, but I am worried about being judged for my weight. The studio has pictures of their instructors on their website and I feel like they will be wondering why there is a fat girl at their Zumba class. What if other students make fun of me? It happened in gym class quite often. Okay, so I know that this is not junior high and high school, but those negative experiences really stick with one's psyche (if you know what I mean).

Maybe I will get up the courage to go.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDQ1203 11/20/2012 10:12AM

    yes you'll be judged

for going - OR - for not going

i like the nike approach.... JUST DO IT
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PEACHELLE 11/18/2012 9:32AM

    So, I did go to Zumba and it was pretty fun. I even made a new friend! I was going to go again today, but I am way sore and may not be able to walk tomorrow. So, I plan on going Monday. Thanks to all for reading my rant.

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RUNNERRACHEL 11/17/2012 5:18AM

    Zumba is great for all shapes, sizes, and fitness abilities.

You work at your intensity level and you have FUN!

Go for it! You will have a blast. emoticon

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WINNINGBATTLE 11/15/2012 7:16PM

    maybe you could try and talk to the instructor about your concerns about joining, i bet she is helpful and willing to teach you too.

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__IZZA__ 11/15/2012 5:39PM

    If you saw someone overweight exercise would you think negative thoughts about that person or would you admire them for doing something to improve their health?
There are a few mean people out there but maybe we should give everyone a shot of thinking that they are as nice as we are. I think part of the journey is to realise that you deserve to do whatever everyone else are doing, no matter what size you are.

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MUPP1970 11/15/2012 4:43PM

    I say go! I have the same fears about swimming at the gym and having people see me in my bathing suit. I just think.. HEY.. at least I am here exercising! Have fun!

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SQUIRRELLYONE 11/15/2012 3:05PM

    Zumba is wonderful, because you can be totally fit and get a great workout, but the exercises were DESIGNED to be easily modified for anyone.

Zumba is a great place to get started with exercise. No one will laugh at you for not knowing the moves (everyone starts off looking a bit foolish), and everywhere I have gone, you get great encouragement to come back. A lot of classes turn into friends: friends who always want new people to join them!

Go! Have fun! People on the websites look like that because it is their job to do so. Zumba is literally for everyone (I've seen someone in a wheelchair do it!).

*nope, not a zumba instructor: but I did it for about a year at the studio where I now teach other dance classes*

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ANDYLIN90 11/15/2012 3:05PM

    Just do it. Zumba is fun and if anyone would dare to judge you, it's their problem. Put your blinders on, pretend like you are the thinnest person in the room and have fun.

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A Woman Obsessed...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Ok, so I have a very strange problem. When I discover something, I become obsessed with reading all I can find about it, to see how effective it is. Case in point- I found a Kettlebell set on clearance at Target for $18.00 (normally $60.00). I almost did not buy it, but my hubby said that it was a good deal and to get it. I purchased it. Since buying it, it has sat in my kitchen. In the meantime, I have been researching to find out how effective Kettlebell workouts are. This is not the first time I have done this- Zumba, elliptical, and belly dance have all suffered the same level of research obsession.

I don't know why I do this! I am obsessed with something enough to research it, but when it comes time to act, I fizzle out. Frustrating!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNERRACHEL 11/17/2012 5:41AM

    I understand the desire to investigate and know about it. Wanting to thoroughly investigate it can lead to inaction, as you are seeing.

Try Coach Nicole's intro to kettle bell workout I think she has a short video on Spark.

Don't over-think it. Just do it. With kettle bells, it is a good idea to do it properly but with other things--Just go for it! Even a small workout adds up. 10 min

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ADZY86 11/15/2012 9:27AM

    I do this ALL the time! Trying to learn to take that next step to put it into action. The research is a good thing though, at least you'll have all the knowledge to use one day.

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KATIBUG49 11/14/2012 2:44PM

    Sounds like most of us - good intentions but don't follow through. I have things still in the package - never used as well.

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 11/14/2012 11:37AM

    Off the top of my head here are things I have purchased (many impulsively, a few were researched):

Round Yoga Mat (used mostly in the summer outdoors)
Weighted Hula Hoop (occasionally used while watching TV)
Weighted 20 lb vest (used occasionally while walking)
Elliptical Machine (never used - kids use it mostly. I go to the gym)
Various hand weights (never used anymore - i go to the gym)
Punching/kicking stand (rarely used)
Several size of exercise balls (rarely used)
Floor lever balancing beam and gymnastics mat (used by my daughter when she did gymnastics - no more)
Zumba DVDs (rarely used anymore)
Husband's inline skates (I used to use occasionally, but have not used them in years (decades maybe!)

I'm sure there is more. This is just off the top of my head.

Sigh...Maybe I need to have a garage sale...




Comment edited on: 11/14/2012 11:37:49 AM

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Even if you are not having fun... time still flies.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Yesterday was my mom's eight month anniversary. I still can't believe that my mom has been gone for eight months. It is unreal not to be able to call her or get cards in the mail from her. She used to send me cards and stick stickers and write stuff all over the outside of the envelope. That would make me laugh. I miss getting post dated birthday and Christmas checks from her. She had to post date them because Christmas and my birthday both fell before she received her monthly Social Security check. A couple of weeks ago I wanted to make a family recipe and burst into tears when I realized that in my haste, I threw a folder with a bunch of recipes in the recycling bin. I called one of my aunts, who thankfully had the recipe. I had to find a new proofreader for my research papers- she did that. I lost my sounding board for when things were bad or when I just needed some guidance.

People say that time heals all wounds. I don't know about that. I am still trying to process and work through my loss. I have good days...I have bad days. Some days I miss my mom tremendously, other days I can function without feeling the sting of my loss. There are days when I can look at her pictures on the wall with just sadness, other days I burst into tears and wonder why she was taken at only 62 years old.

I would rather have my mom when our relationship was at our worst (teen angst), than to not have her at all.

I miss you mom!
Love,
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

3016DEBRA 10/12/2012 3:28PM

  I'm sorry... emoticon

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RISINGBLUESTAR 10/11/2012 10:43AM

    emoticon I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't believe time heals all wounds but I do believe memories can help with the pain.

I am happy you were able to get the recipe from your aunt. :)



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Strengths Perspective

Monday, October 01, 2012

I am currently a student at the University of Kansas (and very proud to be a Jayhawk) and was offered the chance to attend a workshop through my Social Welfare practicum (student social work) site. The workshop was on the Strengths Perspective. Basically, the Strengths Perspective has a Social Worker focus on their client's strengths in order to help facilitate change in the client's life. During the workshop, we spoke about giving a client a label and how damaging labels are, be it by the client, acquaintances, family, or even strangers . These labels, can cause a client to assume the label, thus making the label an identifier for them and living up to the label. Then the light bulb went off in my head. For years I, as well as other people, have referred to me as fat. What if, I thought, I reframed that label? Instead of saying or thinking "I'm Michelle and I'm fat", I said "I'm Michelle and I have a weight problem?" This way of thinking lifts the fat label off me and reframes it as a person with a weight problem.

I am going to give this perspective a try. Years of having the fat label have taken its toll on me, but I am going to apply the Strengths Perspective to me and affect change in my own life. Stay tuned!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MLKDUD 10/10/2012 10:30AM

    I never thought of using the strengths perspective on myself!!!

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SHRINK_U 10/5/2012 12:07AM

    Thanks for the thought provoking blog :) Let us get rid of our labels!

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RUNNERRACHEL 10/1/2012 9:24AM

    Good way to look at it. You are strong. Use your strengths. Throw off the labels and deal with the issue head on! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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