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Emotional/Verbal abuse against me blog #3

Thursday, November 06, 2014

Writing these blogs is a way for me to get out my husband's odd and unusual behavior against me, which has resulted in me, just plain not being good to my self in a healthy way. I need to eat a healthier diet, more balanced and get back into my regular exercise program. I know I should not play a victim role, but I did let him, my husband make me feel this way, I am getting over it everyday.

Saw my counselor today, good session, I didn't feel bad at all. Sometimes I do feel she defends Hubby, as he has never gone, she'll say things like, well he is a sinner too and isn't he a child of God, I let it roll off me. We laughed today when I told her a few weeks ago he was screaming at me saying God gave me cancer, whatever.

Hard for me to type today, another of my problems is neuropathy.

My husband leaves the house around 7 am and gets home after 9, maybe 10 or even after 11, he works way to much and takes everything out on me. He acts like an emoticon Adversary emoticon to me on EVERYTHING, it can be exhausting emoticon he is so unsupportive, unreasonable, very difficult, has to always be right. Type A personality, he has stated he is Sexist, it makes me shutter, I mean who does he think he is emoticon

I did tell my counselor if I get divorced I want it under mental cruelty, not irreconcilable differences, but she does not know if they would do that.

He is not here and won't be for many hours, God gave me this time and I must use it wisely. I am trying a little exercise and will make a nutritious dinner, I will be ok, I just need to get this out.

emoticon Inga

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADIRONDACKMOM 11/10/2014 1:07PM

    TRY A DIFFERENT COUNSELOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR TRY SOMETHING ELSE!!! THAT ONE ISN'T WORKING FOR YOU!!!!

emoticon

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HEISTHEANSWER 11/10/2014 11:30AM

    Trying to be positive with all of this going all has to be a challenge. Always, remember that you are as good as anyone. You have been created by a loving God who cares, and yes, even when you do not understand all that is happening and why, just lean on Him. Do you stay at home a lot during the day? If so, it would be good to find some volunteer work to do; it brings good feelings reaching out to others. Take care and whatever you do, don't give up.
Here for you,
Lois

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SHORTSTORY2 11/9/2014 7:13AM

    Have you thought of seeing a secular counselor? I went to one and she was wonderful!!! As a Christian I know God is in control and we have power to get through anything, but sometimes we need to stand back and look at the situation without the rose tinted glasses. Too bad your counselor doesn't leave out the faith slant and just address the problem front on. Hopefully she does. I guess I shouldn't say anything since I'm not there. Do hope you get good help just the same. Praying for you. Eileen

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JUST_BREATHE08 11/7/2014 11:51PM

    Love you Inga!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/7/2014 11:52:06 PM

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MOM2ACAT 11/7/2014 5:56PM

    emoticon I am glad that this session went better for you. You are in my prayers, and I hope you can get out of this as soon as possible. I know that is often easier said than done though.

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CLASSYKAREN27 11/7/2014 12:37PM

  Thank you prettyeyes. I don't like the counselor either. A secular one might be alot better.

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NISSANGIRL 11/7/2014 7:10AM

    Praying for u to find happiness inga, u should have to live with what he says and does to you, not Healthy for one, and just degrading and uncalled for. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PURPLEPEONY 11/7/2014 12:02AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BUDDYTHEBOSTON 11/6/2014 10:52PM

    Please take care of yourself. Make yourself healthy!


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GARDENCHRIS 11/6/2014 7:54PM

    tough situation..... I also was seeing a Christian counselor before my divorce..... I prayed that I would not be the one to break covenant.... and he answered that prayer by my ex serving me the papers.... and by that time I was soooo done with it all. God did see me through the whole mess.

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PRETTYEYES668 11/6/2014 7:43PM

    Praying for you.You are never to old to find happiness.Every state has a department of human services yours may even have a womans shelter or domestic violence shelter.They can house you,help you find employment or apply for disability and teach you how to live on your own.They also offer free legal.The options and help are there and only you can make the decision to use them.

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Emotional/Verbal abuse against me Blog#2

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

emoticon to everyone who commented on my last blog. This is going to be a daily event for me until I get this out of my system. I have been so isolated and letting it out is a good thing. I am not an unforgiving person, it is not about that, it is about helping me, and maybe helping you or someone you know who is going through this. Living in an abusive situation can lead to anything I suppose, to escape the pain, one might indulge in food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, probably other things which I don't know of. Well I fall into the category of the over indulgent, night time over eater, it comforts me, gives me that feel good feeling, it's a type of addiction, it's hard to overcome. I am stuck in my marriage. why you may ask, well I turned 50 this year, been married over 20 years and really have never worked. I don't have any money, sounds silly, but I don't. My husband writes me 2 checks a month, one of my counselors says he keeps me on a shoe-string budget, whatever you want to call it, it has caused me to sometime resort to using my own credit cards for things, ya, I have a little debt along with my spar tire around my middle, they both weigh me down a bit. I am trying to get my bills down, but I cannot ask my husband for help, he would not be supportive, so I have been whittling away those accounts, I stay out of stores like Kohls, JCP, Target and only buy what I need, I only have one pair of jeans that fit tightly, but have many clothes in many sizes so I will have a wardrobe if I work hard.

I saw my dr. today, I have terrible arm/nerve/chest wall pain and also got my flu shot. I also have a double curve in my spine Lordosis and Kyphosis which was a side effect of my surgeries and losing alot of my front/ my chest, it make me have a little bit of bad posture, but I am trying some exercise to help this, and losing my stomach, Dr. said after Breast cancer you get more belly fat, nice.

So as you can see I am not totally well and need medical care, but I truly hope in a few years this changes. I pray for deliverance everyday. I also study my Bible.

To get back to the dr., he said a low-carb diet may be helpful to me, so I am going to try that.

Today I want to purge some of the evil and unkind things my husband said recently.

No one cares about your crappy church or crappy religion.

Christianity is not relevant.

You are not a Christian.

You are a Hypocrite.

Hates Susan G. Koman

Hates the song, I'm gonna love you through it, by Martina McBride, it's about breast cancer

A few years back I bought him a pink sweatshirt and he said take it back emoticon

There's much more, I don't sit around and cry, but I have developed a night time binge eating disorder.

I know I will need to get more off my chest.

I know it is sad, some of us don't get a man to love, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, it all just gets destroyed and then you are middle age, heavy, lonely, but still breathing .

emoticon Inga

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUDDYTHEBOSTON 11/6/2014 10:47PM

    I hope this writing helps you - that is the main thing. Take care.

emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 11/5/2014 4:04PM

    Ditto to all the previous comments. emoticon

I'm glad you feel comfortable letting this all out, and I'm sure your story will touch others who are going through something similar, and like the song says, WE are going to "love you through it"!

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NISSANGIRL 11/5/2014 7:09AM

    So sorry u have to deal with such a heartless man Inga, no one should be talked to like that. I can't believe that is all the money he gives u. I would ask for a separation , or divorce, and ps u will be given money (by the court from him) u also will be the one to stay in the house and he will have to find an apartment. You have rights u have been married to that scum bag (sorry) for a long time . meanwhile I would advice u to talk to your priest or anyone that can help u. Maybe pay a visit to a lawyer who will let u know where u stand. U deserve so much better! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PURPLE0906 11/5/2014 5:47AM

    Inga, you do not deserve to be talked to like he does. He is a miserable person who is taking it out on you. Please look into some way to get away from him, he will never change and probably get worse. I know, I was in a verbally abusive relationship. When he started pouching the walls, I got my daughter and myself out of there. You are a survivor, you can do it.

Praying for you

emoticon

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DJ4HEALTH 11/5/2014 2:45AM

    Can you get help from the church to get you out of that situation? I hope that they can help and get you out of it. emoticon

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ELYSIAN_DREAMS 11/4/2014 10:43PM

    He can't keep you from filing for a divorce. Your choice is either to make changes in your life that will lead to happiness, and possibly a new start. Or just keep doing what you've always done and continue to be miserable. It's your life. Not his. You have the ovarian fortitude to change. You can't change him, but you can decide to quit being around people that don't appreciate you and make you miserable.

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SUCCESSN2014 11/4/2014 9:15PM

    ((Hugs)) I hope you are able to someday find a way to get out of the toxic relationship you are in. NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. You are WORTH MORE than that! Good luck...

My mother was in an abusive (physical, emotional, verbal, mental) relationship with my father for almost 15 years. FInally one day she hit her breaking point, said enough was enough, filed for divorce, and never let him have that control over her ever again.



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JUST_BREATHE08 11/4/2014 9:15PM

    Inga my friend you will be in my daily prayers. emoticon

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LINDA! 11/4/2014 9:12PM

    Inga, I just cannot understand why he says such cruel things to you. My guess is that he is a miserable person. Everything that he is saying to you is incorrect. I know that you deserve so much better. While it is true that you may not have money of your own - or employed. However, if you and he go to divorce court that will change. I don't know the laws in Illinois however, I know that you will also have be awarded quite a lot of the the household income. While you did not work outside the home, you have provided a home for he and your family. You cooked, cleaned, raised children and more. emoticon I am continuing to pray for you.

Comment edited on: 11/4/2014 9:13:51 PM

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New Series of Blogs on emotional/verbal abuse against me. #1

Monday, November 03, 2014

Day after day I spend a lot of time alone, and at night the same pattern continues...eating myself to sleep. It's time for me to get distressing events, situations out of me, my mind, my spirit, for I have a wounded spirit, I am a broken hearted lady. emoticon

Over the years I have talked to about 5 different Pastors, seen counselors, still seeing these people, but one fundamental thing does not change., how my husband treats me, it's awful..

Some of these blogs may contain only a few wounding words, but I must purge them and possibly receive support, I do ask that of you my Spark Friends.

A couple of his angry attacks against me that seem especially troubling are:

I don't care if you have cancer (I had it 3 times)

You were selfish to get implants

Don't show me how ugly you are. ( I have had many breast surgeries)

I like playing tennis, I like it better than having sex with you.

So many more, I live with a hurtful man.

I appreciate your help and support. I think this makes me eat, I know it makes me eat. And suddenly I have 40 pounds to lose.

emoticon Inga

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINKTHINTAMI 11/18/2014 4:12PM

    Thinkin ng of you Inga! Join groups ...get out! Leave him! Praying you will cuz he hasnt changed and prolly wont! Live & Love this beautiful life .....

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ADIRONDACKMOM 11/10/2014 1:01PM

    Ummm, wow! Everyone has an opinion..... but, some have said it is up to you and God! I agree with them. Counseling is nice, been there, done that, "I" find it a waste of time.... support groups are the best, cause they understand first hand what you are going through! I hope you are going to a 'breast cancer' support group! God bless you on your weight loss journey--- and don't give up on yourself!!!

emoticon FORWARD!

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IGNITEME101 11/8/2014 6:09AM

    emoticon with Relisa and many other comments made here.

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RELISA4HEALTH 11/7/2014 11:10PM

    Dear Inga,
I came to read your blog as you asked. I read that you spend a lot of time alone in your house. Are you able to go outside your home and fellowship with other women. I know that being able to have an outlet, can help .
I do not know if he is controlling. I have worked with women in the past who sound a lot like your husband. These are men who have issues and sadly take it out on their wives.
These are men who out of their mouths flow cruelty. The issue many times is bitterness and unforgiveness and until this root is dealt with they will remain the same.
I will be praying for you. I will be praying for God to get a hold of your husband's heart.



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FLUFFYWONKENOBE 11/6/2014 8:15PM

    Praying for you, that you will know God's perfect will for you. With our human eyes we can't see how anything could ever change, how he could ever be any different than he is now. But God sees what we cannot. I don't know what the right answer is for you, only you & God can figure that one out. But please know that I am praying for you, for him, for your son ... that God will work in this situation in ways that we can't even begin to fathom. Praying for peace and protection for you. God bless you my sister.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINK-SOLDIER 11/6/2014 7:07PM

    I don't have to leave, husband is gone close to 15 hours most days. I do work with the correct professionals on all of this. Saw my counselor today, I am moving forward. My safety is fine, mentally I am not letting him destroy me, it hurts, but I will overcome. I also have my youngest son at home, it may be hard to comprehend, but I won't let him push me out of my home. I plan to keep posting to let all of this go.


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BRAVEONE92 11/5/2014 3:22AM

    Dear Inga, I cannot add much more than has been written.
but as I have stated to you before, I have encouraged you
to leave him. He will never change, but the abuse will
eventually make you a very sick woman physically/mentally.
Even if you leave him tomorrow, it will take you the rest
of your life to get these words out of your head. I know you
fear how you will survive financially. You have to leave this
man, go to a shelter for abused women. He can not find you.
They protect you and will show you a way to survive on your
own. Don't worry about how things will be, just know that
you must do this to survive! Please remember, that I was
abused by my DH for years. Even with my youngest DD
only age almost 5, I did get away! Yes, I panicked
because of finances, but I left! A shelter will help you &
advise you about getting a divorce & steer you to a lawyer
that works with you and doesn't charge much or none at all.
As long as you stay because you are afraid of your future,
I can't imagine your future alone, would be near as bad as
what you're going through now. Please find a shelter,
and start a new life for yourself. You will get money
from the divorce. STOP being paralyzed in fear of the
unknown, when you go out on your own. Praying for you
that you will pay attention to all of your friends advice.
Now, take the advice and prepare for a better life for
yourself. It will be better than what you are now. I love
you Inga & as you prepare to take steps to leave,
very soon, you will gain strength & belief in yourself.
Right now, you are beaten down and defeated. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/5/2014 3:44:58 AM

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BUDDYTHEBOSTON 11/4/2014 11:19PM

    Nothing else to say that hasn't been said in previous post. Emotional eating is very common when stressed from an abusive relationship. He has no rights on you...



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BEESTILLANDKNOW 11/4/2014 7:59PM

   
I'm so sorry for your pain.

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TRUNKJUNK 11/4/2014 3:31PM

    I don't your financial situation but he's not worth the abuse you have to endure. I'd stay in a shelter and find a minimum paying job and save like crazy until I could fend for myself. You have got to make yourself the priority. Leave him he doesn't deserve you. He may also be the cause of your stress and stress causes illnesses such as cancer. I wish you well and that God will deliver you from him like he delivered the Israelites when their situation seemed hopeless.

emoticon emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 11/4/2014 12:16PM

    emoticon That breaks my heart that anyone would say any of those things to you!

I put with verbal and emotional abuse all through school from bullies, so even though our situations are different, I know how it leaves scars, and no matter what I've been through, it hurts more to see others have to go through it, and I know that what you went through was considerably worse than what I had to put up with, as it hurts so much more coming from someone who is suppose to love you.

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SMITHKRISTI 11/4/2014 7:53AM

    I agree with all of the above. Work on you!!!!!!! You cannot change him but you can change you.All men are created equal. No one is any better than anyone else.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAM2DREW 11/4/2014 7:10AM

    Inga, you know that you need to leave him because it will never change. You need to take what he says and use it to make yourself better. Use it as ammunition. We are always here for you. I am glad that you are taking positive steps.

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NISSANGIRL 11/4/2014 6:40AM

    I a m so sorry Inga, u should not have to live with a man that puts u down all the time, U deserve better. I would advise you to leave him. He is emotionally abusing u and that really messes u up. Sending prayers to u girl. I am dealing with my dads cancer. he was just given 3-6 months to live , he now has it in his stomach, liver and his last lung collapsed , so we r all in shock and very emotional right now. Praying for u Love Ann emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUST_BREATHE08 11/4/2014 4:35AM

    Oh Inga, I am so sorry. My prayers are with you!!
I lived 22 years with my first husband who was the same way. Finally after 22 years I had to leave. I had, had enough!
Please, emoticon letting him do this to you!! You are a wonderful and beautiful woman.
I love you, my dear friend. emoticon

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FORZACHANDMATT 11/4/2014 3:29AM

    I'm so sorry you go thru this - that is so awful. Please be good to yourself - you deserve it

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LINDA! 11/3/2014 9:39PM

    Oh, Inga, I hate to hear this. The words that he uses are so abusive and so painful. I just do not how this man, that married you, can be so hurtful. He has definite problems. You are not the one with problems - he is. But you are the victim and are living this nightmare. I am not in your situation. I wish there was a way that you could leave this situation. At least until (IF) he went for treatment for his anger. I know that this will continue - because he knows that you have stayed with him through all of this abuse. I wish I had the answer for you. I am praying for you. Thank you for reaching out. Continue to do so. emoticon

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PRETTYEYES668 11/3/2014 8:51PM

    Do you know your beautiful and that words are just that- words.You can lose those 40 pounds and you can rise above any situation because your strong,beautiful and deserve the happiness that you can only provide for yourself. emoticon


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Blog #1 New Beginnings to stop sweets

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

For the stop your sweet craving team, you need to write 3 blogs a week, Here is my first one.

How will I emoticon eating at night emoticon

Going to try some new things, tonight is the first try, I am in the experimental stages.

Changes during the day include adding more water. I have always had trouble drinking water.

My new rule, make sure to have drank at least 2 glasses of water by 2 pm. and hopefully 4 or more as the day goes by. emoticon emoticon

I have been on Spark People a long time. I find no reason to make any huge change, I think slow changes are emoticon

emoticon

emoticon Inga emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IGNITEME101 9/3/2014 5:02PM

    I'm guilty of the same thing since this weekend. Thank you for posting this blog!

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GRATEFUL_DAWN 8/6/2014 9:26AM

    Small changes ARE best. Congrats on your commitment to drink more water.

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MEMARE 6/20/2014 9:48PM

    One thing that helps me with sweets is the knowledge that cancer feeds on sugar.
I want to STARVE cancer. So I cut back on sugar.

I just made the tartest peach pie in history! LOL

For water intake, I take a glass of water and put it by my bedside. First thing in the morning upon waking, I drink that glass of water.
That's one down before I'm even really awake! emoticon
Same goes for evening snacking... I have my water bottle always close at hand.
emoticon



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SEDONACAT 6/12/2014 7:40AM

    I know you can do anything you decide to do. Will it be easy? Probably not but you've done harder things.

emoticon emoticon

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RJFERRARO315 6/4/2014 12:11AM

    I think you have a great plan for step 1. emoticon

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LUVS2EXERCISE 6/1/2014 11:37AM

    I know you can defeat this "speed bump" and conquer the sweets, as hard as they are to put down. Water truly is a good thing, and if you get a craving for them late at night, try a handful of grapes, or drink a glass or two of water to curb that want. This is just one small "road block" on your path to healthy success. emoticon emoticon

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JUST_BREATHE08 5/27/2014 10:31PM

    emoticon Inga!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDA! 5/7/2014 10:32PM

    Sweets are my biggest problem. You can do it, Inga.

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BARBANAL 5/7/2014 5:48PM

    It is so difficult to stop eating sweets. It seems as tho I crave them more now than before I started Sparks. I have stopped eating chips and other foods that are similar, its been 2 years since a chip. Instead I have taken to sweets. Am I the only one this has been effected or is it my imagination ???????

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PINK-SOLDIER 5/7/2014 5:30PM

    emoticon I will try to make it a commitment, that is a good point. all along I decided I was not important enough to make this work. emoticon decisions don't work.

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MJRVIC2000 5/7/2014 5:27PM

    Remember that there is a BIG difference between making a DECISION and making a COMMITMENT! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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Making a Change for the Better and Leaving the Baggage Behind.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Joined the Sweets Team again emoticon emoticon emoticon

I have quit it a few times before, never accomplishing anything. emoticon emoticon

No time like the present to really give it my all again.

One of the real problems that keeps me from losing weight is Peanut Butter M & M's, it has become a severe addiction and source of comfort, what an awful thing to do to me. emoticon I have really been out of control for years.

If I eat a Jumbo bag of M & M's, like a grazing cow, I could consume 1760 calories as I drift off to sleep. I checked what a 12.70 oz bag would add up too, it is a life threatening problem that I am starting to realize, like an alcoholic.

What could bring such eating on, marriage problems, BIG time, issues w/family, health, a lot. emoticon

I just chose today for no particular reason, I just feel strong enough to finally give the candy up.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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I seem to have slowly made some positive changes this week, here's to the New Beginnings I face and emoticon to that terrible baggage of sweets. emoticon emoticon I leave behind.


emoticon Inga emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDA! 4/18/2014 9:38PM

    I have such a problem with sweets. emoticon Keep up the great work, Inga.

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JUST_BREATHE08 4/15/2014 12:16AM

    emoticon Inga! I know you can. I have faith in you my friend! emoticon emoticon

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144AUTUMN 4/10/2014 8:23PM

  You can do it!!

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JAM2DREW 4/10/2014 7:35PM

    I'm here for you Inga. You can do it.

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