Tuesday, December 10, 2013
A father buys a lie detector robot; it slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper.
"Where were you last night?"
"I was at the library."
robot slaps son
"OK, OK," the boy says, rubbing his arm. "I was at Jerry's house."
"Doing what?" asks the mother.
"Watching a movie. Toy Story."
robot slaps son
"OK, it was porn!" cried the son.
Father yells: "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!"
robot slaps the father
The mother laughs and says, "He certainly is your son!"
robot slaps the mother
Monday, December 09, 2013
Girls Night Out,
Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
She replied.... "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up and running.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... Oh I miss him so much !
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "But, why?"
"You work for the Internal Revenue Service... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
Thursday, October 24, 2013
A little long, but somewhat funny. I don't understand the rose references.
Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one.
Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?
No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one.
Why do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty good?
Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.
Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
No, you must get a new one.
I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
Sorry, you must get a new one.
Sorry you must use more letters.
OK, pretty roses
No good, you must use at least one numerical character.
OK, 1 pretty rose
Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.
Sorry, you must use additional characters.
Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.
Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters.
OK, 1FREAKINGprettyroseshovedupyourbehindifyou don'tgivemeaccessrightfreakingnow
Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used.
Get An Email Alert Each Time PT.JEFFGIRL Posts