Monday, September 01, 2014
Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look- alike apologized, "Pardon me!"
"That's quite all right," the woman replied. "You look just like my fourth husband."
"Wow!" he said. "How many times have you been married?"
She winked at him and said, "Three."
Sunday, August 31, 2014
My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle. An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
Saturday, August 30, 2014
A Fairy Godmother told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife.
The Fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime.
So.....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me".
The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish. The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.....abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.
Reminder: Fairies are Female!
Friday, August 29, 2014
William's wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming. Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor. William was a little worried when the doctor came in. Sensing his patient's nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him.
"Well," William answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Revenge of A Woman's Random Thoughts
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health... when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
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