PT.JEFFGIRL   126,739
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PT.JEFFGIRL's Recent Blog Entries

Broken Engagement

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Dear Marty,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget?

I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job.

I am also very sure that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park, too. Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on full scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books.

I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.

Sincerely, Your future father-in-law.

P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery!

  
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DOROTHYBERO 12/16/2014 9:33AM

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Red Skeleton's Tips For A Happy Marriage (Remember Him?)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEE22 12/12/2014 7:45AM

    Love it!! emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 12/10/2014 8:21PM

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TREKPURRSON 12/10/2014 2:19PM

    emoticon for the emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I needed that emoticon today!

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1CRAZYDOG 12/10/2014 1:55PM

    What a talented and funny man!

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LUCYCAN7 12/10/2014 1:42PM

  Thanks for sharing Linda emoticon emoticon

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DOROTHYBERO 12/10/2014 8:59AM

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A Cat in Heaven

Monday, December 08, 2014

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a moment and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors... I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.

A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives... from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat... He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL... I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little "Meals-on-Wheels" that You have been sending over are delicious. "

  
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TREKPURRSON 12/10/2014 2:21PM

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DOROTHYBERO 12/9/2014 8:02AM

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BECKYSFRIEND 12/8/2014 10:19PM

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LUCYCAN7 12/8/2014 9:49PM

  Life of a pillow emoticon pretty good life I would say. emoticon
Thanks for sharing Linda,enjoy your night!

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1CRAZYDOG 12/8/2014 9:34PM

    That's adorable!

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MOONGLOWSNANA 12/8/2014 9:25PM

  So cute! emoticon

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Collect Call

Sunday, December 07, 2014

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect.

My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?"

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"

  
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1CRAZYDOG 12/8/2014 5:04PM

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2DAWN4 12/7/2014 11:20PM

    Cute! Thanks for posting!

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Men(!) and Football

Saturday, December 06, 2014

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else-a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".

The man shakes his head.

"No, they're all at the funeral."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 12/8/2014 10:20PM

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2DAWN4 12/7/2014 11:20PM

    I know some people that might consider doing this! LOL

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DOROTHYBERO 12/7/2014 7:56AM

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RICKHANN 12/6/2014 7:24PM

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JIMA64 12/6/2014 4:26PM

    That is so darn funny.

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SHOAPIE 12/6/2014 4:00PM

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1CRAZYDOG 12/6/2014 3:47PM

    Uh oh! IF she were alive, there'd be a fight!

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