RACHELKILLEBREW   7,663
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The weekend and other ramblings

Monday, March 03, 2014

I am reviewing the weekend today.

My big goal for the week was to dump some of the processed foods and work in more fruits and veggies. I also wanted to limit food options. Instead of having lunch with 3 sides and a dessert, I had small lunches like a sandwich and a piece of fruit, or a sandwich and some veggies. (I did give myself one fortune cookie for lunch each day, but they are low calorie and they make me smile). I also worked in some walking each day. I think I did a great job overall.

Friday night was a win. I made Mexican food for dinner with tons of veggies. I love Mexican food. I didn't have a beer or any dessert.

Saturday- was a big party day for me in terms of mini wins. I did get my Saturday cheeseburger but it was a smaller cheeseburger in terms of restaurant cheeseburgers I got no fries with it and I didn't have dessert. I didn't really snack Saturday. I baked cookies for the group Saturday, but they were cookies I wasn't crazy about. I had a small one to make sure I wasn't poisoning them and left it at that. I walked a ton and did quite a bit of cleaning on the house, as well as some relaxing. Saturday night we cancelled our plans. Cancelling was a good thing. It took a lot of stress off me. So, I made dinner for just the two of us and we stayed in and watched reruns of Castle and went to bed early. Honestly, it was a great Saturday night.

Europe- my husband and I are going to Europe in the late summer. I'm excited! I now have a big goal to work towards! We are officially buying our tickets tomorrow for Dublin, London, and Paris. I would like to feel comfortable over there and worry about having fun, not my weight. I don't expect to be a size 4 when I go over, but I would like to be healthy and somewhat slimmer. The overall goal would be in the 40-50 lb range eventually, but 5 months seems way short for that, so I'll do what I can do to be healthy and be happy with any successes. Healthy is number 1, weight will follow.

I'm still avoiding scales though. I don't want to know. As soon as I put numbers to it, I fail. I want to feel confident based on how my clothes feel and how I look, not what numbers show up. My friend tried on my old "middle-range clothes" when she was without access to her wardrobe. She was so tiny. She made a couple of comments about how much larger I was....but then I realized, her waist is only 6 inches smaller than mine. I also realize I felt HUGE when I wore those clothes. I think scale numbers largely attributed to that. I'm heavy muscle, so when I weigh 150, I can wear the same clothes my friend was wearing at 120. I remembered another friend telling me not to drop any more weight last time I wore those clothes, even though it is the very top of the BMI range for me and I remember being puzzled because I felt huge. After seeing Sara in my clothes, I realized why. I don't want the scale to make me feel bad about myself again. I'm using other marker's this time. This needs to be about healthy- weight loss will follow and numbers don't mean a thing.

My mom is officially in rehab now for weakness. She's been in the hospital since Christmas. She saw my fitbit and got excited. She bought one too and when she gets out and can walk again, we are going to walk together. It's good motivation for both of us. She lives next door to me so it will be easy to meet up and go.

We bought small silverware last week to hopefully help us eat slower. The last week I've been pretty happy with my eating. I did eat a lot yesterday, but it was 85% healthy and frankly, PMS eating. I consider that a miracle.

Overall, it hasn't been a bad return to Sparkpeople. I hope I can maintain the motivation to be healthy and keep my husband healthy. Blogging helps. I use it more as a personal monitor than a public one (i.e. it is highly beneficial for review, even if it doesn't get read by other people). It makes me focus on it for part of the day and it reflects progress to me over time.

Semi deep thought for the afternoon- Why is the world big on 100 calorie packs, but my emergency desk prunes for work are in 60 calorie packs? weird...tasty, but weird.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEORGE815 3/3/2014 4:05PM

    Congrats on your planned trip to Europe.

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Trying it again

Monday, February 24, 2014

When I quit smoking, I didn't quit once and stay quit. No, it couldn't have been that easy. I quit time and time again until it finally took. I think weight loss is like that. I change my lifestyle time and time again, and hopefully it will stick.

I've made a lot of excuses the last 6 months. I can't do it anymore. There is always going to be something bigger and scarier out there to distract me and that is exactly why I have to try harder, to be healthier, so when that stuff hits, I'm good. I will come out of this rough patch. I also need to expect less of myself. I know that sounds counter-productive, but I can't be mad at myself for the little things.

Last year I used caloriecount for a while. Calorie count is too rough. I want to get A's every day, but for something as little as eating mayo on a sandwich, I feel like a criminal for getting an F, or a B for the overall day score. I can't do that. Instead, I need to look for the improvements and be happy with them.

At lunch today I had a chicken sandwich with mayo and a super thin slice of cheddar on wheat. I also had an apple and a glass of water. I did have a *gasp* fortune cookie at the end. I find them to be lower calorie individually wrapped desserts. In the grand scale of things, that's not too bad. I know I could put a ton of veggies on the sandwich or mustard instead of mayo, but right now, I did better. Maybe veggies or mustard next week. A year ago I would have had a sandwich with doritos, sour cream (dip), cottage cheese, and a diet coke, plus some sort of crazy dessert.

I know I've slacked on exercise, I'm to a point where I can start again. My mom has been in the icu for two months and only recently has regained the ability to make her own decisions. With that leap and a better facility, I don't have to stay at the hospital and do interpretive dance of a sort.


I have to do this. I have a disease that can kill me if I don't manage it. That being said, I don't have to be miserable doing it. Some areas I am not going to budge. If I forget to log dinner once in a while, I won't cry. I will still have my mcdonald's double cheeseburger (440 calories) on Saturday, as well as a breakfast burrito (300 calories + plenty of hot sauce). Each are ok in calories, though not the healthiest thing ever. They keep me happy and are something to look forward to each week. If I do well the rest of the week, it should be good. I'm not going to be miserable.

I do love my fitbit. I'm excited to start walking again. The weather should warm up in the next month or so too. Until then, I chase my kittens around my house. We have two new purrbabies that are young and they like the extra attention. Our older cats both died last year of cancer. I'm learning the new rhythm of our little Christmas angels.

As always, I have my husband on this adventure. I'm so grateful for such a supporting man. He'll eat what I put in front of him and never complain. He's even backed off on the ice cream for me. I'm blessed. It is going to be ok. I can do this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELKILLEBREW 2/24/2014 5:22PM

  Thank you!

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SKYLARGREY 2/24/2014 4:40PM

    Good luck on getting back into Spark! x

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The return to food tracking

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I'm still waiting to hear from the doc, but I've switched to eating the rainbow, cut out most fried foods (I'll admit to having a small fry after my last doc appt- but I had biopsies and didn't pass out!). The rest of the time I've been focusing on health. I've started using veggies as sides and fruit as dessert. My husband and friends have even started cutting out pop. Yes, I'm a diet coke addict. August 12th was my last diet coke. Actually, I haven't even craved it, which is awesome! Exercise has been great. I'm walking over 10,000 steps a day plus weights or aerobics depending on the day of the week. I LOVE my fitbit flex. It makes tracking so easy and really motivates me.

I am quitting my birth control as I read the list of side effects and I had most of them. I've had many health ailments miraculously heal in the last two months, I just need one big one to heal now. Getting healthy is the goal. Now it is back to tracking so I can get healthier.

Weight is the last big thing to tackle. I just need to get the food portions right. Fall is going to help a lot. Last night we had incredible healthy fall dinners because it was cool enough to have them. I think we are ready to get back to soups and roasted veggies.

I am able to fit in my size 11's. Last month 13's were tight. I haven't lost weight, but I think it has shifted to different areas. Weird, my capris are still tight, but my jeans fit WAY differently. I'll just keep on working out and eating right and see where it takes me.

I keep trying to tell myself this is about health and not weight. As such, I'm not getting on the scale (unless my doctor makes me!). I'm just going to keep working towards healthy and I know weight will work with it. I do have 40-50 lbs to lose, but I can't make it about that or it will never work for me. Balancing calories is a part of being healthy. If I balance the calories and eat right, the weight will follow.

Good luck to everyone else on their journeys, no matter how they travel.

  


Changing habits

Thursday, August 29, 2013

A few weeks ago, I got some news from my doctor that was pretty eye opening and a little scary, at this point, nothing death defying if it is taken care of (and it can be taken care of), but scary all the same. I have more docs appointments to find out exactly where I stand, but I HAVE to change what I eat as I have a condition that leaves me susceptible to some pretty bad and scary things, but it can be fixed and controlled in the future.

I noticed when I use Spark, I worry about calories, but I can eat junk and still hit calories. So, I have been taking a break from Spark long enough to focus on healthy habits. I know Spark encourages healthy habits, but for me it is a lot to worry about calories AND eating healthy. Over the next few weeks, I'll slowly rejoin Spark to focus on calories and become even better. For now, I've been worrying about incorporating brightly colored food at every meal. For now, its not about calories, it is about eating enough fruits and veggies. It's about avoiding Diet Coke and french fries. It's about avoiding processed foods and limiting meat- especially red and processed. It's about hitting that 10,000 steps a day, and maybe throwing in some weights or good cardio. It's about doing what I have the power to do, and praying a lot in faith that God will take care of the rest. I know that by doing these things, I'm becoming better for Spark and when I get back to the regular daily recordings, I'll be 10,000 times better. In the meantime- two weeks from today I'll be leaving the docs office and hopefully have a bit more info that will put me in a better place. If anyone has any spare well wishes, thoughts, prayers, good energy from the universe, whatever you do, I could use it as I travel on this journey. It will be ok, I have faith.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELKILLEBREW 9/17/2013 9:55AM

  Thanks IS1GAR and Princess. Your support and tips mean a lot.

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IS1GAR 8/30/2013 6:44PM

    My prayers are with you to overcome your ailment.
I feel the need to share this with you and the reason why: When I first started logging my meals onto Spark nutrition tracker, I thought I was cooking and eating healthy....then I started looking at my reports and found that I was not cooking or eating healthy at all, to me this was a big eye opener. Is true that you can add anything to the tracker and still meet your calories intake not matter what kind of junk you ate, I think you should concentrate in the important micro nutrients and use the range provided according to the profile you enter in the website and let them guy you to a better nutrition.
The things you need to be watchful for are Fat, Carbohydrates, Protein, Sodium and Fiber. Don't worry so much about calories because they can fluctuate according to your fitness tracking for the day, you mention the 10,000 steps and some cardio but don't forget he strength training...light weigh.
What is really important is the healthy fats, the whole grains, the lean protein, staying within 2300 mg of sodium in most days and eating fiber.
Try to eat at least one fruit and veggies with all your meals and use the color of the rainbow. I now eat veggies I never thought I will ever like them and as I incorporate them to my life I find them to be very amazing.
Good luck, track and print reports to take to your doctor....he will be amazed that your are being so pro active about improving your health.
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PRINCESS_SOFI 8/29/2013 2:46PM

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vacation time

Monday, July 15, 2013

I spent the last 4 days on a "staycation". As such, I unplugged and enjoyed life. It was my birthday, so I did fudge more than I should have. That being said, I actually did some things right, even without the threat of journaling looming over my head. (By the threat of journaling, I mean, seeing it written down). This morning, I feared putting on real pants. They were no tighter than Wednesday. I consider this a win. So here's the breakdown.

Things I did right:

Thursday: D and I went to the museum. It was a blast.

Thursday night- allergies got to me, I was too sick to eat dinner, but not at all hungry because lunch was massive and we won't talk about lunch Thursday. It worked out better this way.

Friday, my Uncle wanted to go to lunch. We went to BD's Mongolian. I got bowl of veggies, made 'em spicy and had them sautee it with1 egg. Accented with 1 tortilla. I think that's a win.

Friday night my Uncle wanted pizza. We ordered Papa John's. I ate one slice of veggie, 1 slice of hawaiian, and two buffalo wings. (Keep in mind, before it would have been 4 slices of pizza and 8 wings to myself.)

Saturday, D wanted Mexican for lunch. We went to a local place, I got a taco and some rice- not too bad.

Saturday night, homemade pizza party night. I did awesome making half a flatbread into a pizza and eating it with a leftover hot wing.

Sunday- pretty easy. homemade food again all day. I do a lot better on homemade food.

NOw the bad.

There were cupcakes (3.5). Big, voluptuous cupcakes.
There was virtually no exercise. No weights, limited walking, just good times.
Thursday lunch was a massive cheeseburger and fries. Big. Delicious. Tantalizing.
I didn't check in to spark people, I didn't do my sparkcoach activity.

Now the other good- things are back to normal and I feel great. Normal diet, exercise, etc. Let's give this a go again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELKILLEBREW 7/16/2013 12:17PM

  Thanks:)

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CATE195 7/15/2013 7:06PM

    Concentrate on the good, let the other stuff fade into the past. Move on from here.
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