Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Kids are counting down the days until Christmas, and so am I. Haven't finished remodeling the house next door, so we won't be in until probably a month minimum after Christmas which is disappointing to say the least. But we are making progress, 4 out of 5 rooms downstairs are now drywalled, and 2 are fully mudded and sanded, and a third is on it's way. Just wish we had more people to help or at least more time. We are not carpenters or contractors but we do know how to fix a house, which comes in handy. But a few hours a day about 4 days a week or more if were lucky isn't enough. Anyways, getting there. Can't wait to be finished.
Still searching for my motivation, searching for ways to stay focused, and have yet to be there. But still trying, still want it, and still refuse to give up on myself. It's been a long tough year, but every step counts. Been thinking about my goals for the new year, and have yet to finalize them to wear they are manageable and also broken down into time frames as well to make it more doable. One thing I remembered I used to do is blog with motivational quotes, or funny photos and how I used to look forward to that. So I am going to start that again. I miss those dearly. And it helped me to stay focused. Also I miss the challenges that would last about 8 weeks, need to find a new one to keep me focused again as well. So I am searching. I did not do any formal exercise this weekend, but I did get my butt outside and shovel snow about 3 separate times, we have about a 12 foot wide driveway and it is about 200 feet long, which I normally only shovel about 125 feet of it because we don't use back half. But I shovel it, no snowblower, no plow, I use a shovel. So I know during the winter I am guaranteed some exercise there. Now if the temperatures would level out and not be too windy, I could get out and go for walks again. I would go out anyways now, but I have a 2 1/2 year old in tow, and I do not like being out when it is too cold or windy with her. I don't want her sick, so I stay in and play with her lately. She makes me smile as do the rest of my children. So soon, I will have a modified New Year's Resolution list I guess, or goal list broken down. And will continue to post quotes and funny pictures for a while to bring back my old motivation. Wishing everyone a sparking week, and a happy holiday season.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Trying to stay focused, need to come up with more ideas and more ways to carve out time for myself to be healthy. Most of my food choices are getting better and better again. So that is a start. But I've either had a day full of errands, sick, or helping others I forget to help myself. This time of year is especially hard to not help people, even if you don't get a lot in return, it just makes you and that person feel better. Not a lot of snow on the ground yet either, suppose to get 2-4 inches tomorrow. Haven't gotten out in fresh air except running around because of the temperatures which is bumming me out. My kids are already counting down the days until Christmas, and forgot about my birthday again. So hopefully come next Friday, maybe I'll get lucky and they won't forget me after all.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wondering if I'm losing sight of my goals. My goals from when I very first started this journey was to be at about 150 pounds by Christmas 2013, right now I'm hoping to be 180 pounds by Christmas 2013. Over the summer a lot had happened that only kept me from gaining weight, but I wasn't losing any really either. Which frustrated me. I've lost some weight since then, but not much. My lists and lists of things to do, it's hard to find time for me again without feeling guilty about not getting things done whether with the house remodel, making sure kids have clean clothes or food on their plates or helping them with their school work. During the day, I have to keep up with my 2 year old since she is in early headstart due to language and a lot of my exercises I added I cannot do with her up. And I've become an addict all over again to be doing chores during her nap. I need to refocus. It's frustrating. I don't want to feel like a failure, and I'm starting to feel that way again. I keep my family Christmas photo up on the wall from Christmas 2011 when I was at my biggest just as a reminder I have come a long ways, and I'm making sure no matter what my clothes do not get tighter, I got rid of the bigger ones for a reason. I'm not going back there. But I haven't gone down a size in months in jeans, I was hoping to be a size 8 by now. Still in a 12/14.
I don't even have the time I wish I had to log on here everyday to stay accountable. Fast food as crept back into my diet, and I went from exercising 6 days a week to 2 days a week. I don't know what to do. My husband said he is proud of how far I've come but I told him, I still have a lot to go yet, and I'm still not happy with myself. Guess I also need to add in my self esteem, and work on that too. My mom moved down to Detroit around the time my weight plateaued as well and I miss her dearly. But she is less stressed down there away from my siblings who caused her extreme stress for so long. My dad moved out in September finally to his own place, but I find I'm missing him quite a bit. I see him only when he needs me right now because he is in a happy place with friends and girlfriends. Which makes me happy to see him happy. We are still not moved into the house next door, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I really wanted to see our tree up in the new house. But it's not going to happen. We have 3 1/2 rooms out of the 5 downstairs drywalled, but only 1 half way mudded and sanded. The upstairs we plan on doing after we move in, because we will be saving all that money to do so. And living there, we can just walk upstairs and get it done easier. But it's disappointing.
I just try and remember in whatever I am doing "progress is progress no matter how small". But I don't know.
On a good note, I have 99.9% of Christmas shopping completed. So more time for me hopefully. Spent the last 2 weekends with my sister, brother in law and my nephews. Which was nice, but they only eat healthy part time. Eating small meals is fine I suppose but when you go out to eat a few hours later on your way home, it doesn't really count. And I can't say no because I would feel bad, not to mention smelling the food makes me hungry. LOL! But I stick with smaller portions and plain to help with that. Oh I long for a fruit salad, a caesar salad, and some corn on the cob right now. So tired of the junk food, yesterday I went out to eat with my 2 year old to McDonalds. Not the wisest of choices but she did so good, we were gone all morning long running errands and she was a patient little girl so I treated her. Then my husband and I decide since the kids been bugging us to go out for dinner as well. So yesterday got all messed up. Although I did put in about 18,000 steps from my errands at least.
So, maybe I will try and make a calendar for fitness and put it on my wall instead of folded up in a drawer. And highlight or put a star next to each thing I accomplish. Reset my step goals, and try to aim for those each day, but also factor in household chores, remodeling work, and kids school work. Maybe if I plan my day more diligently I can make sure I have time for me.
Oh, and the birthday party went well for my 2 oldest. They were spoiled as usual. And had a great time. Here's their cupcakes I attempted, I find cakes much easier to work with. LOL!
This next month's goal: FOCUS, FAITH, JUST DO IT!
Have a Happy Healthy Thanksgiving week!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
This is what we got yesterday afternoon. Not a lot, but still too much. Would much prefer it to only snow one day a year and that's Christmas. I mean I love snow, but right now my husband isn't too thrilled with me because I'm colder than the freezer at work. He means well, but he doesn't realize that no matter how hard I try I am either freezing anyways, or get overheated which makes me want to stay cold.
On another note, been bouncing my weight between 182 and 185, not too happy with it. But with my body temp being so cold no matter what I do, it's zapping my energy like crazy. And I've been just too tired, too cold, and too queasy to exercise. This time last year it wasn't as bad, husband says it gets worse every year. I think last year was one of my good years with it. I have yet to find a cause, and I am skeptical about going to the doctor about it. I have read that this could also cause heart issues, or similar things going on. Wish I knew, and wish I could fix it. When I do exercise right now, I start burning up, like when you put an ice cube or dry ice in a hot pan. My husband layers me with blankets at night plus the heater, and doesn't understand why I usually only wake up with one blanket on in the morning, I overheat. Not sure how I could overheat trying to reach what is considered normal body temp. My average temperature in the morning is 95-96.5 and in the afternoon 96-97. Trying to get the energy up everyday to do something anything. So I spend the mornings and afternoons cleaning for an hour, and playing with my 2 year old to help me stay awake. And when my husband gets home if it's not too late in the day, we go next door and continue to remodel the house to try and keep me awake and moving. Uh....it's driving me nuts.
I miss my motivation, my drive, my energy, and it's taking it all away. How can being cold all the time do this to someone? If we could afford it, my husband would probably keep the thermostat on 80 degrees and me still in a sweatshirt and mittens and stuff. What to do, what to do. Sorry everyone just needed to vent. This is only 1 of the hundreds of things on my lists that bother's me the most. I have more to do than I can even keep track of.
Just trying to keep my head up, and not letting eat make me turn back my progress. I'm still almost always eating healthy or minimal of the non healthy. Trying to stay optimistic. And to keep my goals in mind. I have a goal to be in my healthy weight range by the time I renew my vows early next year in July instead of waiting until October for our anniversary because I want the nice photos that I didn't get the first time around, and right now I'm almost thinking it might not happen.
This is how I feel or want to do all day rather:
and with everything that I have to do, and being pulled in all directions. I think this one says it all.
Wishing everyone a sparking week, and hoping my week and weeks get better. *hugs* to all my wonderful sparkfriends.
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