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Feeling Down (SP related)

Monday, April 29, 2013

First, since I haven't written a blog since my last one, I want to give my greatest thanks to everyone who commented then. It seems a silly thing sometimes to be so upset over a simple inability to exercise the way I want to or as much as I want to, for a while. It's just such a blow to who I am trying to be and my hopes for the future, and so it's hard to take. Thank you to everyone who understands that, and who took the time out of their day to say so, and to offer e-hugs and other things. I appreciate it. You're the best thing about Sparkpeople.

The worst thing about Sparkpeople, I'm finding (at least for me) is that I have a very low tolerance for certain points of view on issues of good nutrition, disease prevention, and so on. It's often not the points of view themselves. It's no skin off my back, for instance, if someone in the forums is enthusiastic about the paleo diet and is eager to say how well it worked for her and suggest it to other people as an option for them as well. But it gets under my skin in the worst way when it is suggested (as I have seen many times) that that (or something similarly low-carbohydrate/no wheat or whatever) is the only way to lose weight, because I know its' not true. I see statements that wheat is bad for you, grains are bad for you, legumes are bad for you, and so on, trotted out daily as if they are simple fact, when they are no more than the unscientific (if scientifically-dressed) opinions of currently trendy authors and nutritional pundits. As someone who is in all practical terms (if not ethical or strict ones) a vegetarian and who therefore MUST eat both grains and legumes every day, this gets under my skin like you wouldn't believe. I should not take it so personally, but I cant' help but feel insulted and sneered at ('what an idiot, she still thinks Big Agriculture's Food Pyramid is healthy, hurdurdur') every time I see things like that. And they just keep coming.

Just now I read a blog by a spark friend of mine that should have been innocent enough, it was all about disease prevention through good nutrition, something I actually believe in myself in a general sense. But the specifics got to me, because the suggestion seemed to be that if you just eat right (according to the touted author's strict set of rules, that is) at the right times (when seeing certain common symptoms) you can prevent cancer, and as someone who has seen both of the most important women in my life -- neither of whom has ever been a bad eater -- fight cancer that they never saw coming, that is exactly the type of thing that just infuriates me.

And it seems to be everywhere I turn on SP, just eat this way and you'll be healthy, just do that and you'll be skinny, just listen to me and you'll never die! It doesn't work that way! Life is not that fair. And those who lose the dice rolls didn't always do anything wrong.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I defriended the person I mentioned, after an email response to me that only made me feel worse, and now I feel like crap for having done that. It's not worth it. I'm just feeling down.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALLMECARRIE 6/12/2014 4:25PM

    Some people truly seem to believe that if they eat purely enough, they will never die. It takes a staggering amount of immaturity and magical thinking to believe it, but it seems to be true.

A friend's sister got a diagnosis of ALS disease and tried desperately to meditate, eat certain special foods, not eat certain special foods, take herbs, and everything else. She died anyway. Another acquaintance's father was diagnosed with prostate cancer and she wanted to fly him to Mexico for "alternative" medicines, have him eat special foods, everything gluten-free and organic, and so on - anything except actually submit to cancer treatment in the United States. He died too. Is it possible people don't really know death always wins? Apparently so. And it has nothing to do with wheat.

You have my sympathy. Hope you're feeling better.

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MARTHROID 5/24/2014 2:03PM

    I don't read a lot of blogs. I know what I believe and I have reason to believe it (personal). I read the things that will help me...maybe give me a different point of view, but when it gets preachy, it gets removed from my screen. You already know what you are doing, as you are in maintenance, I think your page says. Good luck.

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MTN_KITTEN 4/21/2014 3:46PM

    WOW ... Everyone needs to do what is best for them ... and sharing information helps make those decisions for what is best for them.

None of us have all the answers. After reading some of the information you shared, you have a lot of them. I hope you come back!!!

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HONEYBEA 3/6/2014 6:23PM

    All grains, beans and legumes have naturally occurring toxins in them. That is not opinion, but fact. it's part of their natural defence against predators. Some people can eat them without an issue, some cannot. If I did not HAVE to eat the paleo way, I would NOT.
One thing we all need to do is leave each other alone when it comes to people making their own nutritional choices. I have faced the same reactions when people find out I eat mostly meat. That's why I don't usually volunteer the information. For some reason, our society has made it socially acceptable to butt our noses into each other's business when it comes to what each other eat. I've even seen people write that now, because of Obamacare, they feel entitled to dictate to people they deem as unhealthy, how to eat and live, in order to keep healthcare costs down.
It's getting crazy out there! On behalf of some of my less polite, paleo brethren, I offer to you an apology. If it works for you, it works! And that's all that matters.

Comment edited on: 3/6/2014 6:27:08 PM

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AZULVIOLETA6 12/10/2013 12:54PM

    I think that we have a deeply-rooted idea in our culture that if we behave "correctly," good things will happen to us, and that if something bad happens, we must deserve it. Maybe this has religious roots, but of course it is nonsense. Sometimes people confuse food with virtue and take all of this a little too far.

Diet can be a powerful thing (I was able to cure myself of diabetes by giving up my vegetarian diet and changing to a moderate-carb approach) but it is not EVERYTHING and certainly one size does not fit all.

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BEECHNUT13 4/30/2013 8:50AM

    Preach it, sistah!

I know I'm pretty self-righteous, and not just about nutrition and exercise. Pretty much everything. I think I got the PhD to back up my self-righteousness... hahaha...

But in general, as long as people don't eat crap very often, they're fine. And as long as they are strong enough to do the things they like to do, they're fine.

And you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself!

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STAY39 4/29/2013 11:54PM

    You are right! People are entitled to their own thoughts, beliefs, opinions, etc... But everyone needs to keep in mind that what works for them may not be the answer for others. We all need to find our own path. There is no 1 right answer or we wouldn't be struggling. I am sorry you had to defriend someone but don't beat yourself up about it. I've thought about doing it more than once. The way I see it- I come here to SP for positivity and support- not to argue with others or defend myself, etc... People who make you feel bad should be defriended. I have deleted more than one negative comment on my blog- and I don't regret it one bit. Don't give up on Spark! The majority is positive! emoticon

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AKATHLEEN54 4/29/2013 10:55PM

    I'm sorry you are feeling so down. To keep it simple and unscientific I think it is important for everyone to understand this process, although community involved, is very individualized. Each person has to try different things in order to find out what works best for them. What has proven to help someone lose a lot of weight may not work at all for another. It is certainly acceptable to offer suggestions for support and encouragement, but for one person to insist that their way is the only way and suggest that certain nutrition can prevent cancer is impractical and inappropriate. We can do what we can to help us avoid disease and to keep our bodies healthy, but only God decides who gets cancer and who doesn't
Don't feel bad about de-friending that person. Some people are just insensitive. You know what works for you and you don't force that opinion on anyone because it's just that... your opinion and your "diet" of choice. I'm sure you are also sensitive to their words because two women that you loved were taken by cancer even though they took care of themselves. Honor them by continuing to do what is best for you. emoticon

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BUNNYKICKS 4/29/2013 7:06PM

    I totally hear you. I get very frustrated whenever I hear people imply or outright say that "Paleo cured my (insert disease here)"... or that "gluten causes inflammation" (only in people with gluten sensitivitiy!)

I mean sure, "a healthy diet" is good preventative medicine... just like exercise is, just like being a non-smoker is... but it's sure no *guarantee*!

I really hate the "demonizing" of good healthy foods.Or the insinuation that All Has Been Revealed And We Now Know The One True Way To Eat.

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ICEDEMETER 4/29/2013 6:09PM

    emoticon

THANK YOU for being infuriated at idiocy, especially idiocy about what causes cancer. I wonder if those who spout the nonsense have the intelligence to understand that what they are doing is blaming the disease on the one who has it. I don't see the point in that, myself, and can only speculate that this is their way of believing themselves safe - that if they do x, and y, and z they will be healthy and happy forever. It's like they don't dare to believe that there is an immense amount of apparent randomness to who gets certain cancers, because that would mean that it could happen to them.

We all have access to the current science and information about the things that may increase or decrease the odds of getting certain diseases, but since science can't definitively state that "x will always cause y", we have to accept that every individual is different and so "x" will sometimes cause "y", but sometimes "a", "b", or "c". Sometimes (most times) we don't know what causes "y" at all, so just have to accept that it might happen to anyone at any time.

Many don't truly understand the science and the current limitations of science, so will accept the claims of anyone who proclaims themselves "expert", and completely believe in whatever that "expert" is touting. I would guess that this is another way of making themselves feel safer.

All we can do is research the data and experiment on ourselves to see what makes the most sense for our own bodies and lives. If what we are eating and doing makes us feel good and brings joy to our lives, well, isn't that the point? Is living a perhaps longer life in a cage built of fear really a better option? I guess for some it is, but not for me.

I have immense respect for the many folks on Spark who go a slightly-different-than-normal route (vegetarian / vegan / raw vegan / paleo / etc), and will speak knowledgably about how it works for them, while still being open to others who chose a different path. The ones who try to state that their way is the only way --- well, if they're well-written enough I can find it humourous, and if not, well, it's easy enough to ignore. There are a few subjects where idiocy hits me personally, which will prompt a long-winded response (like this one!).

Please don't let anyone make you feel down - you know that you are doing the right things for you, and are intelligent enough to know that nobody else's opinion about it matters at all.

THANKS again (from someone who has also gotten really tired of people blaming me for the cancer).

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CHRISTINASP 4/29/2013 5:11PM

    I'm very sorry you're so upset. Of course a person who gets ill does not do anything wrong. I think no one is out to hurt him- or herself or get him/her ill.
Stating that there are ways to prevent an illness is not the same though, as I see it, as saying that the one who gets ill did something wrong.

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PEZMOM1 4/29/2013 5:10PM

    Everyone is going to have there own opinion. You only have to do what is right for you.
Try not to let it bother you. Have a great day.
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I don't know how to deal with this.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

My leg is injured again, every bit as bad as the first time. I can't put any weight on it at all without serious pain.

The worst is I didn't even DO anything to it. I went for a freaking half hour walk last night during my son's baseball game, and started feeling the pain after that. But nothing at all while I was walking. Nothing during the previous day's run. Nothing while running in Sunday's race. Nothing while just doing my normal daily things, chasing the kid around the backyard, jogging up the steps, or whatever. Nothing! No warning signs, no way to back off and minimize the damage and one stupid walk and I'm flat on my butt again for who knows how long.

I really thought it was pretty much better. This is just killing me.

I couldn't sleep last night, and I'm sitting here this morning doing absolutely nothing, can't think, can't move, can't do ANYTHING. It seems like every time I'm feeling great about my body, I get sabotaged again, and I'm so scared about winding up back at square one with my fitness. I have worked so hard for it, and it doesn't even matter. Right now I can't even swim -- couldn't get myself the hundred yards from the parking lot to the pool. Can't walk, can't run, can't ride my bike, can't even do the squats I hate so much, and I have no idea when that will change. Ice and aspirin aren't doing anything.

I'm feeling terrible and completely at a loss here. I have a doctor appointment at 2, but don't expect any answers.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMI-SAM 2/11/2014 8:23PM

    emoticon

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RONDLEW 4/26/2013 9:42AM

    Hang in there. Let us know what dr says. You can do other exercises after you get feeling better. But do take care.

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BEECHNUT13 4/25/2013 9:20PM

    I know how you feel - my back was out last summer, and I could not understand why. I woke up one day, and couldn't move. It turns out my core muscles were incredibly week, which was putting strain on my movement muscles in my back, and they were spasming. I went to physical therapy and that helped, and then I just kept exercising. It's still not perfect, but it's better than it was.

I hope that it's something easily fixable for you.

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1DERLAND14 4/25/2013 5:19PM

    emoticon

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STAY39 4/25/2013 1:11PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this! I can relate. I have a back muscle issue that I have to be very careful about because if it spasms I can not walk for a week and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. It is so awful when your body can't do what you need it to. Such a vulnerable and scary feeling! All I can say is definitely talk to your doctor about treatment options, rest and focus on your nutrition for now. I wish you a very speedy recovery! emoticon emoticon

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RUN-GIRL71 4/25/2013 12:49PM

    I am sorry that has happened to you... theres nothing worse than losing your mobility.... I was training for a half marathon and ran in the cold, windy, snowy winter in -25 degrees weather...ended up with a stress fracture and have 4 more weeks non weight bearing activiites. ...

What has worked for me is reminding myself that I cannot control my injury or rate of healing; however I can control my food and portion control... This may help you as well?

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AKATHLEEN54 4/25/2013 11:14AM

    I'm so sorry. That is not only frustrating but devastating to you if your fitness has to come to a screeching halt. You will be in my thoughts. Please let us know how you make out at the MD emoticon

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CHRISTINASP 4/25/2013 9:54AM

    I know that feeling. Of being unable to do anything and feeling so trapped not knowing where it will go.
But. It's a feeling. Wait for a while. Maybe things will be better than you expect them to be right now. Maybe you'll heal fast. Maybe you will find ways to still exercise.
I hope the doctor can tell you more.

Comment edited on: 4/25/2013 9:55:27 AM

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PRETTYPITHY 4/25/2013 9:42AM

    Good luck with the appointment. Maybe they will discover something previously overlooked. Did you do PT for the injury the first time? My sister joined a running clinic and they recommended PT that really helped her. Sorry you're in pain. Take care! emoticon

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LADYJ6942 4/25/2013 9:41AM

    Hope the Dr can shed some light on the issue. Try some heat or a warm epsom salt bath and some stretching. You can do plenty of upper body and mid/core body exercises while your leg is out of commission to keep yourself moving.

Good luck

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I DID IT! (Hook Mountain 5K, April 21, 2013)

Sunday, April 21, 2013

31:55. I can't stop smiling. I seriously wasn't even daring to hope that I'd break 35 minutes -- to break 32? That's crazy-sauce, people! And it feels SO good.

It is a gorgeous April day today. A little chilly, and a whole lot windy, but beautiful sunshine, not a cloud in the sky. We haven't seen a lot of that lately, so it was welcome.

I arrived at the race course (at a local state park) rather late, after a hectic morning. My husband is away, so I had to get up at 6 in order to get my son to my friend's house by 7:30. (I made it in and out by 7:35. This is good for me.) I hadn't pre-registered due to uncertainty over my leg and the baby-sitting thing, but the park is less than 10 miles from there, and check-in was supposed to be open until 8:15, so I figured I was good. Not so. First, this is a classic case of "you can't get there from here" -- all back roads, lots of stop lights, and so on. Second, the race (which shared a start time and most of its course with a half-marathon) was a LOT bigger than I thought it was, at least 1000 people. By the time I got there, the state park was collecting parking fees for the day, and there was a string of cars lined up at the entrance that must have been at least 15 minutes long. I didn't have 15 minutes! I wound up driving around to another lot and jogging the half mile or so to the start.

Then when I got there (around 8:10), they told me registration was already closed! I don't think I could have convinced them to just take my money and give me a number if another late-comer who arrived just behind me hadn't quoted the 8:15 time on the website and held up his cell phone with a big honkin' "8:12" flashing on the front of it. I don't know if I'll make it into the computer list as it is; it doesn't much matter. But I got in!

The course was WAY congested. As I mentioned, it turns out that it was a pretty big race, and for almost all of the 5K and the first 2.75 miles of the half marathon, it's on a ten foot wide path around a lake. I'd put myself way near the back for the start, and so things moved slowly at first (probably took me 10-15 seconds just to cross the start line). This suited me to a T, as I was worried about going out too fast and running out of gas later -- especially since I knew that the course, although dead flat, was going to run into a strong headwind on the more-exposed second half of the race.

I hit the first mile mark at 10:50 (time since start line maybe 10:35-10:40), a bit faster than I thought I would go -- or WAS going, for that matter. It didn't feel fast, though I assumed I wouldn't be able to keep it up the whole way. I'd timed myself for a few shorter runs on roads and trails near my house, and I really thought that 35 minutes might be too ambitious of a goal for the 5K. 10:50 (much less 10:35) is a lot faster pace than that. But I felt fine, so I just kept going.

The second mile time was 20:57 (10:07 since mile 1) -- um, OK? I don't think I've run a 10 minute mile in ten years, but I'm not arguing! I really thought I'd need to do a few serious slow-downs in the last mile, but it didn't turn out that way. I did back off a bit two or three times, but it was more in the nature of "take it easy here" than "I'm gonna die if I don't slow down". My legs just kept wanting to move faster, I guess.

The headwind was pretty brutal in spots, and between that and the slowdowns I assumed the last mile would be a lot slower again, but once I approached the finish line and saw the time was under 32 still I was just amazed. It turns out the last 1.1 miles I ran at a 9:54 pace!

My kind of aspirational goal all along has been to run a 5K under 30 minutes -- to me, and FOR me, personally, that's sort of my definition of "reasonably fit", and it's something I have not been in probably 20 years. About ten years ago, after a period of running 1 or 2 miles at a time for a few months, I managed a 5K in 30:54 (it about killed me), and so beating that is my immediate goal, but for the first time I can really believe I'll beat the big one too some time. That makes me feel good.

About a half mile into today's race, I took a look around me. The runners were all strung out on the path ahead of me and behind me. I was surrounded by people. The sky was blue and the lake was blue and the gone-wild forsythia was bright yellow, and the trees were just beginning to shade green. I felt like I belonged, like I was revisiting my self again after a long time away. I'm very happy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSTALGARY 11/13/2013 3:34PM

  emoticon

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RONDLEW 4/26/2013 9:40AM

    emoticon emoticon
That is just SUPER!! How Exciting!!

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PRETTYPITHY 4/22/2013 2:21PM

    Super awesome time! I bet it feels emoticon so good!

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AKATHLEEN54 4/21/2013 10:41PM

    I'm so proud of you.... you did so great!! That was an amazingly good time and the best part is that you didn't seem to be affected by your let at all. It's remarkable considering the rough start you had with lateness, traffic, parking and almost not even being able to register. You're awesome. You should be very proud and very accomplished today. Now you can look forward to working on achieving your ultimate goal! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STAY39 4/21/2013 10:28PM

    Great job! emoticon emoticon so glad you were able to get reacquainted with your inner- athlete! emoticon

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BROOKLYN_BORN 4/21/2013 6:55PM

    Congratulations! You deserve to be very proud of yourself.
There's definitely a sub 30 5K in your future.

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MJREIMERS 4/21/2013 3:12PM

    emoticon job! I'm just starting to run so you give me something to work towards. emoticon You should be so proud of yourself!!!! I can only hope that it will be me someday! Keep at it!

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PAMLICO-DAZE 4/21/2013 11:15AM

    Wow! Great time too. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Injury and Illness, yay

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Ugh. Never take good health for granted.

The last few days have been lousy for me. First, I injured my lower left leg. I'm not sure what's wrong with it, but it's conceivable it's a stress fracture. If it is, that means no walking or running for perhaps upwards of two months. Guess what I've been doing for exercise? *cries* I see the doctor on Monday; hopefully I'm just being hypochondriac.

Walking around awkwardly not trying to put weight on it has also drawn notice to the on-and-off soreness behind my knee on the other leg, so I guess I'll get that checked out, too.

Then there's the IBS attack I'm just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on today after 2-3 days of yuck -- I'll spare you all the details on that one.

I've been eating fine (when I can eat at all), but haven't exercised in days. The tentative plan is that if it does turn out to be something that means I can't exercise as I have been for an extended period of time, I'll pony up the cash and join the local gym that has a pool. I'd rather be outside by a long shot, but I do like to swim. If it's a shorter time, I'm hitting up a friend of mine and her stash of workout videos (lots of arm and core stuff, probably a few more things I can do without impact on my legs) starting Tuesday. That kind of exercise doesn't come naturally to me, so if I'm stuck relying on it as the only thing I can do for a while, I need a friend. :)

But oh man, this is all so yuck. I don't see myself doing the 5K I'd planned on April 21 (and still have on my ticker) regardless of the diagnosis, and that makes me very sad.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STAY39 3/31/2013 12:52AM

    That is yuck! I am sorry! I know how awful it is to not feel 100%! So frustrating and scary! I hope that it is nothing too serious and that you feel better very quickly! In the meantime I am sure you will find a way to adapt your workout! It just takes a little extra determinations. And drive! You've got it!! emoticon

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AKATHLEEN54 3/30/2013 10:55PM

    Oh no..... You have been working so hard, and you were doing so well (OK I can see I'm not doing much for the mood here). Anyway if you have an injury you are smart to get it checked out and be sure to follow doctors orders no matter how tempting it may be to continue. You might injure yourself further and/or prolong your recovery. Like you said, there are a lot of other options you can do.... if you can swing the pool, that would be a great all around fitness activity. Hang tough, I hope you get good news and it's something that won't take along time to heal. Keep us up to date emoticon emoticon

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CHRISTINASP 3/30/2013 12:04PM

    I'm sorry to hear of it!
And yes, very good idea to check out other things you can do for exercise. Who knows if you keep moving you will heal faster.
Could you ride a bike, I wonder? Swimming sounds good, also.

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Ladies and gentlemen, my mother.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

"Just be careful you don't go the other way and become anorexic."

Sigh. I love you too, Mom.

I like to think she means well...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RASPBERRY56 3/27/2013 4:26PM

    I've been told that myself........and I've pretty much shrugged those kinds of comments off......

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STAY39 3/26/2013 10:25PM

    Lol! So typical! Moms always find a way to worry!

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BEECHNUT13 3/26/2013 10:12PM

    Well... she's inappropriate, but she's right! ;-p

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PRETTYPITHY 3/26/2013 7:45PM

    Funny! My family was making such a fuss over my weight loss last night, it was actually kind of awkward. emoticon

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DEE1221 3/26/2013 7:30PM

    A mother's love! Even when my Mom knows that I am trying to lose weight, as soon as I walk in her door she asks me what I want to eat. Gotta Love Them!

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GINNABOOTS 3/26/2013 4:31PM

    Same thing from my mom. "I think you are getting too skinny" Still says it to this day and I lost my weight almost 4 years ago. Yes I think they mean well too!

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