Saturday, July 20, 2013
I start a new job on Monday. I'm hoping it will be less stressful, and the hours more regular, so I can find time to exercise and won't be too stressed to diet.
Years ago, while I was working as a cardiac cath lab tech and had just gotten accepted to medical school, a doctor I worked with said that time, between the acceptance and starting med school, would be the least stressful time of the entire rest of my life, and if I was ever going to lose weight, that would be a good time. I lost 45 lbs before med school started, only to put 30 back on during the first semester.
I'm in a weekend between jobs and this should be a wonderful three days: good job to go to but no responsibilities this weekend. But my younger (21 year old) daughter just bought a motor scooter, and I worry every time she goes out, and my 5 year old grandson is going back and forth between Mom (my older daughter) and Dad and I worry about him. He's starts kindergarten this year and I think that's especially hard for boys and his speech is sometimes hard to understand. My daughter and her husband (2nd) and my grandchildren (age 1 and the 5 year old) moved out of my house and into a nice rental house 3 months ago and now she's lost her job, which is putting a lot of stress on her husband and their marriage. I just seem to worry all the time, and it's wearing me out.
I've made this sort of job change before, from major administrative position back to hands on patient care. After a year or two of administration I get frustrated at what I can't accomplish. After a year or two of patient care, I get bored and look for a new challenge. I did patient care for 22 years, before I started getting restless like this. At my age, my mother had already been retired for 9 years. Since I started my family late, and since I don't have enough saved to retire, it will be at least 6 years before I can even cut working down to part time. And I worry about that. The anxiety level is just so high. And that makes it hard to do the things I need to do for me: eat right, get enough sleep, exercise, pray/meditate. Obviously, the new job is not going to fix all this.
I'm whining, I know. I have wonderful daughters and grandchildren and a roof over my head and food on the table and a good job to go to and a good income and I'm afraid all the time. Someone once said "Having children is having your heart outside your body for the rest of your life". But that should be a joy, not all this distress.
Well, enough whining. Time to try to get this day on the road. Besides, my daughter wants to use the laptop.
And life goes on.
Thursday, June 06, 2013
I have a really stressful job. Yesterday, someone I work with asked how I dealt with all the stress and I laughingly said "I say "Sh%!" a lot". And when she left and I thought about it, I realized it was true. That is how I deal with all the stress; I say "O sh%&!' and then try to put out that fire, fix that particular problem and move on. I also complain a lot more recently. I was annoyed by that and afraid I was annoying my friends with it, but I just realized today that it helps! Complaining to a friend somehow makes it more tolerable! Thanks to my best friends and my children who put up with my griping and make it possible for me to survive this job!
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Anxiety has been such a problem this year. Actually, it's been a major problem since I took my current job, which was a year ago in March. The major manifestation has been fear of mail, fear of all the bills and financial difficulties, even though my salary is higher than it ever has been.
But with the encouragment of Sparkpeople, I started a regular exercise program for the first time in years. I'm working up to 1/2 hour of cardio Mon, Wed, Fri and Sat, with 1/2 hour of strength training on Tuesday and Thursday. Got extra walking in the last 2 days since I got out of work early. I realized that the level of anxiety ha decreased markedly; apparently exercise really does work for anxiety!
Thursday, May 02, 2013
OK, I'm into my 4th week of this. I've lost 9 lbs, though none in the last week, but I figure that's just equilibrating the fairly rapid wt loss I had at the start.
But here it is: I'm now at the point where most of my diets have fallen apart. I ache all over and I have a cold. I'm not sure the aching is the cold. I started strenght training twice a week and found the Basic Strenght Workout on the workout generator. So Tues am I did 2 sets of 15 each: squats, modified push ups, back extensions, and rotating crunches. I was amazed and pleased that I coult do the exercises (well, all except the back extensions: I had to modify those. I never realized my back muscles were that week, but laying flat on my stomach I could barely raise my head!). So Wednesday I ached all over. I also had a cough and post nasal drip and sore throat.
I always seems that I develop a cold, or some sort of virus, a couple weeks into a new diet and exercise program, and that that usually derails the whole thing. Does anyone else experience that?
The other problem is, I was so hungry yesterday. I'm trying to follow the program. I eat breakfast around 7:30 and pack lunch and two snacks for work. I work a fairly long day: 9:30 to 6 or 7 or 8. It was 8 last night before I left. I was so hungry, I ate the lunch at 10:30 (which is early shift lunch and most people eat then), but I devoured the 1st snack before the noon meeting and the 2nd snack after it, and when I left at 8 pm I was so hungry I didn't make it home, but stopped at McAllister's deli ( did a "Choose 2" with a salad and 1/2 a potato; not the best choices but not the worst either). Then came home and ate sorbet and frozen yogurt.
So how do I stick it out with the cold and aches, with not wanting to exercise and wanting to eat so much? I wanted so much to feel full and not hungry. All of the aggravated too by my daughter leaving home. Daughter, son-in -law and 2 grandchildren have been living with me since my son in law got out of the service in November. They just rented a house and my daughter and granddaughter spent the night there last night for the first time. Looking forward in a way to going back to empty nesting. I had so much difficulty with it when my children first left three years ago. I had gone to counseling and was developing a life and things I liked to do, but then they came back, and that was wonderful too. Now the older daughter is leaving again but the younger is returning from college, having decided to stop at this point, after 3 years and 3 changes in major. So this weekend I babysit for my 2 grandchildren, 5 and 1, so my daughter can work and my son in law go to National Guard drill. And I love them, but I work long weeks and never get any "me" time, or for that matter, time to clean the house, hard to do while babysitting, or exhausted at the end of a ten hour workday. My job is very stressful too, which doesn't help. So now I'm whining, I guess, but some of the hunger and wanting to feel full is emotional. So this is crunch time. Just need to get through it, and not blow the whole diet, exercise, fitness thing in the process.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Again, my intentions were good. I took my grandchildren to McDonald's after church today. My daughter and son-in-law were moving out of my house and into their own, and I was to keep the kids occupied while they moved. McDonald's is the only fast food around here open on Sundays that has a play place (Chick fila being closed, of course), and for my 5 year old very active grandson, a play place is essential. So McDonalds has become the Sunday tradition.
But this time I was going to do it right! I looked up McDonald's on the Spark pages, check recommended low calorie choices and was ready to go. I walked in, and for myself, ordered a regular hamburger and the fruit and walnut salad, only to be told they weren't making the fruit and walnut salad even though it was still listed on the menu. At that point my cell phone rang, with my daughter asking me to keep the kids out of the house a feed them, 'cause they hadn't finished packing the truck, and by the way, the mattresses they had stored in my garage were water soaked. Meanwhile my 1 year old granddaughter was trying to make a break for it out the front door, and there were people behind me in line and the counter person was looking annoyed. So I hung up on my daughter, said, "OK, I'll take a grilled honey mustard snack wrap" thinking that was on the good choices list, and paid the man.
But my grandson's mighty kids meal double burger, requested absolutely plain, had cheese on it, so he decided to eat mine. So I ate his double burger with cheese, then my snack wrap. Then Haley, the one year old, decided that feeding Grandmom was more fun than eating. I ended up with more than half of her fries and 2 1/2 chicken nuggets. When I went back home and tracked all this, I ended up with an 860 calorie lunch! I wonder if it will ever be safe to eat there!
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